"Shumi wa haido-san no shashin desu yo."
Yeap.... my hobby is well.... looking at Hyde pics. I probably got that sentence wrong but screw it. Anyways, i got some nice pics, but i also lost some nice pics. But i still have some nice pics. so they're all gonna be on there... Hyde overload? no i don't think so... Haido is soooo cute, there's no such thing as overload.... Plus, i can look at hyde's pic forever...... and still NOT get bored... he's REALLY REALLY REALLY cute DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehehehe...anyways, i'm surprised i didn't get too depressed looking at Hyde pics, considering that erm, i do rememeber erm, the guy that shall not be named, whenever i look at hyde... But hyde still makes me smile... i wish i could find more cute pics of him.... hehehehe... damn i am not in japan to buy all those magazines cause erm... hehe, i would have! HE IS SOOOOOOO DAMN CUTE. *ohhh my heart!* actually *oh my eyes!*
neways.... erm... hyde is cute... as a prove... lemme show u at least 1 pic for now as a prelude... hehehe.... *addicted to hyde pics*
cute??? no??? YESSSSSSSSSSS OF COURSE! i actually DON'T like Hyde in his bleached hair phase I think it was during ROENTGEN phase... which is really wasted cause that's a damn great album... so messed up all the PV's cause for the first time, i dun like how hyde looks there at all.. But this pic is real nice in his bleached hair phase.... he looks different... if it's EVEN possible, he actually looks younger, like a boy... hehehe... cute ^^
which brings me to the point of: shumi wa haido-san no shashin desu yo! cause seriously, i was bored and my hobby was going to look for cute haido-san no shashin! hehehehe.
Anyways... my point to this blog actually is that i'm running out of sympathies.... If anyone's read to this far... thank you... i actually have something to talk about besides hyde.
Been thinking about love, not even love, but being with someone and stuff... Da thing is that, i didn't even tell Paul how i feel out of a lack or anything... i mean i don't think i am at the point where i feel empty that i feel i need someone. no i don't feel taht anymore... that was back when i was 16... This time... I just feel like i want to experience something new you know... It's not even about needing someone to love me so that i can feel of worth... that was back when i was 18... It's not even cause i feel that being loved is a great feeling... not even that...mabbe abit but not entirely like i was back when i was 16-20...
These days i just feel like it'd just be a fun thing you know... to be with someone. And the thing is that , whatever i said to Paul i meant it you know... I want to make him happy. I want to make someone happy. It's like i don't care you know.... I mean... I don't know what's wrong with me but shite, i just feel like MOTHERING someone, crap.... I don't know... i'm just like that these days....
Like, i mean i don't like Yoshi, tho he is quite cute, and damn physically well built (hehehe let him NEVER find this blog) but u know, i don't mind doing stuff for him... Sure i'll take him to meet my american host family (neh, like bring a 'boyfriend' 'home' je... except, he wasn't my boyfriend and neither was it home)... And he wanted to learn english more and so he wanted to watch the last ep of friends so i BT it for him and burnt it into a disc for him. Or like for Hiro, whom i will NOT touch for the sake of his girlfriend who is a very nice person, i mean, like we went for lunch the other day but he got something that he didn't like cause it turned out nasty not like he expected, so i exchanged my food with him so he won't have to suffer........ I DUNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I just wanna MOTHER ppl!!!!!!!! why?! damnnnnnnnnnnn. I wish satoshi was around, then i'd mother him. I mean damn i did use satoshi back in summer, but i damn well did some stuff for him too ya know.
Sigh...... why why why... NAZE KA???????????? sighhhhhhh
I dunno.......... and if for any reason why i should want to want someone, it's because of that, you know...... my wanting to just TAKE CARE OF SOMEBODY....... oh God please help me....... *sigh*
Mabbe i shud take Hiro's advice and ask Yoshi to introduce me to some of his friends berlambak banyak....
Well.... I did say to Yoshi "anata ga suki desu" but wuahahahahaha..... of course erm, didn't quite mean it *sigh*.... Cause i was telling Yoshi and his friend Shuhwei (sounded more chinese than japanese to me) but they were there and i was telling them how i got rejected and I showed Yoshi the "script" i wrote for what i said to the guy that shall not be named. And he was smiling and laughing and was like "oh mannnnnn..." reading it. And i was like "dun laugh at me!!! i'm still heartbroken u know!! I GOT REJECTEDDDD!!!".... and then Shuhwei was like "just forget him..." and i was like "i kenot... i still like him!!" then he said "don't worry. you don't need him. I love you... we love you."
ahh i wish, man, i really wish it was true...
So yeah that's it... damn long post again. but shite, i can go on forever drolling over how cute hyde is ne!
Haido-san wa kawaii desu ne! Kakkoi mo!
anyway.... here's a last thing for all of you who want to sell yourself short just to feel belonged, accepted, just like everybody else. for all of you who are considering of neglecting yourself and feel bad about yourself or put yourself down and think other people are better than you just because they seemingly conform and make it in the world, who are more popular than you are.
i say becareful for what you wish for because sometimes it may come back to you and be more than what you wish for (that's actually keith's line). But it's true.
Aya, if you're reading this, it's too late for me to change your mind but you're also an adult and friends' advice usally only got THAT far for us.... I mean if i had listened to advice, then i would never have told the guy whom shall not be named, that i liked him.
But really.... becareful what you're choosing in your life. because sometimes you might be trading for something less and selling yourself short....
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they've paved paradise to put up a parking lot
so girls. don't go on sleeping with the next guy u see. don't go and just date that guy just cause you feel lonely. don't always think that this is as good as it gets because you really don't know. you might just be paving paradise to put up a parking lot.
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