Sunday, September 19, 2004
well.... Been listening to Pieces of Me.... It's actually a really nice song... I like the lyrics alot... "I am moody and messy I get restless and it's senseless how you never seem to care. When I'm angry you listen... Ohhhh It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real I like the way that feels."

Well.... ok... so to this posts now.... erm... That's Hyde on the side dish.... Erm.... why hyde besides that he's damn cute... is also because this post is about Paul... I said like a week or more ago that i was gonna post up some pics of Hyde where Paul looks really REALLY, if not 100% like hyde.... Well this is the pic... Except mabbe the hair was longer.... So yeah... This is how Paul 99.99% looks like.... So now u know why, i dun seem to wanna let go of another losing end??? But anyways i hope this will be a last post i am gonna have about me whining over Paul cause soon.... i am gonna go tell him how i feel.... And how i feel is this....

So ne i am gonna call him and say.... "hello hello.... so hi, how have you been? still busy? anyways are u busy now? cause there's something i wanted to talk to u abt.... You know that time we went out, i know u probably don't remember. but i said like I won't change my personality for anyone... But u know, i've been thinking about relationships lately... and how i felt before with guys i liked... and i realized that, u know that's not really true. I mean. i don't think i can change completely, and i am a demanding girl! hehee... but u know, i realized that if i like a guy... i really just want to make him happy. And even if that means i'd have to compromise. i would. cause i want him to be happy. Like if he don't like something, i won't force him to do it even if i like it. or if he likes something that i don't... i won't mind it... cause i really just want him to be happy... Anyways..... So yeah... waht i wanted to say also is that... I know this might be stupid or frivilous, but u know... Anata ga suki desu (I like you).... I know u might think it's crazy or stupid cause i don't even know you..But u know... there are some things that i do really like about you... Like how you're impulsive, you know, that i REALLY REALLY like... and how i do think that you are a really nice guy at heart, or try to be... and well, i think you are cute... But anyways... my point is that.... I know i may not be your type.... and i know that i'm not hot or fit or cute, bascially, i'm not a to die for material... but you know... I really wish i could make you happy... cause i really want to."


So there... i am gonna tell that to him. Suicidal but i won't kill myself because i have been assigned a news story to write about Suicide which is due on Monday.... So can't really kill myself yo. What do i hope to achive with this? I hope to erm.... I don't know... The thing is that i wanna say that to him and not listen to Desmond's more long term plan advice because i have had enough being hung up over Paul. And i want to unleash the ultimate in hopes of well, getting this whole thing over with....

I would be lying to you if i said i don't hope for something good in return... But the thing is that, the reason why i thought of doing this to begin with is because i had enough of guessing of what's going on.... Basically, i'm just sick and tired of playing the game, i just want to put my bet of everything i have on one last move so that i can get the hell out , check out of this casino and move on down the strip. That's why i am doing this, you know.

So well........... let's see how it goes...........

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