ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
eh btw

wun b stupid nemore says:
yes babe?

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
i got ur latest message

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
u ah

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
nige has dialup

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
always has

wun b stupid nemore says:
he never said!! bastard!

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
he hates his comp connection at home

wun b stupid nemore says:
ya ka?

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
also i'm surprisd he even went onlne seeing as he hasn't got a decent comp

wun b stupid nemore says:
ya ka??

wun b stupid nemore says:
ooo den i lucky to have gotten to chat wid him then huh??

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
yup

wun b stupid nemore says:
aiseh ok lah den i try to b happy wid dat... but he said he was going for breakfast.. den never came back

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
a so?

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
anyway

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
what u gonna do anyway?

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
talk to him until he relents?

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
i mean u gonna be gone for ages

THUNDERCATS! HOrientalD! says:
its like me and mint xcept we already have a relationship u get me?


Nuff said...

ELAINEEEEE pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *dies* *hopeless*

as u can see, me, d "wun be stupid nemore" is STILL quite stupid.

k, shall treat nige betta then. poor thing he. yea?

but really, what am i gonna do huh? I mean, i can't talk nigel into anything till he relents... hahahahha.. damn well phrased tho!

the shittiest part to this whole shit is know that i'm all wrong and it can't ever work out not just cause i am not white and blonde and not his type, but everything else is wrong, not rich enough for him, come from totally different backgrounds, have nothing in common except my cousin his best friend, even if he's malaysian he is essentially brit, and everything else that i am not that he wants that i can't be.

Ukrainian couple has 17th child, lays claim to largest US family
condoms my dear that's what they're called. geez. Abit of a marvelous invention (unless the rubber breaks) unless the word "family planning" has never occured to you. geez.


Death Penalty Sought in Pa. Slayings
LANCASTER, Pa. - A prosecutor said Friday he will seek the death penalty against a man already accused of shooting to death his 14-year-old girlfriend's parents, and announced he does not plan to charge the girl.
Prosecutors said Ludwig killed the Bordens after an argument over his relationship with their daughter. He was captured the next day following a high-speed chase that ended with him crashing his parents' car.
Police said Ludwig dropped off the girl at her house at about 5:30 a.m. on the morning of the killings, after the teens had spent the night together at Ludwig's house.
After Ludwig didn't receive a text-message that she had made it into her room undetected, he called the girl on her cell phone and learned she had been caught by her parents and needed him to come over, according to the court filing.
He returned to the house at her request � sticking a Glock pistol in his waistband and grabbing some other weapons, authorities said. He had two guns and a hunting knife when he showed up at about 7 a.m., police said.
Michael Borden told Ludwig during a 30- to 45-minute talk that he could no longer see his daughter. It was then, Ludwig allegedly told police, that he then decided to kill the couple. He shot Michael Borden from behind as he was going down the hallway to the front door, and then Cathryn Borden from six feet away as she was getting of out a chair, according to the court papers. Both were shot in the head.
Ludwig then started to drive away before turning back to look for the girl, who came running after him and got in the car, authorities said.
He told detectives that the girl wanted to "get as far away as possible, get married, and start a new life," according to court documents.

Suddenly life is no fucking fairy tale now is it? Dumbasses.


Sorry but i am running out of sympathies. It's called digging your own grave, nailing your own coffin, whatever the idiomatic pharses are to describe things that stupid people do to themselves.

For the first dude, u might as well just shoot all your 17 kids in the legs and cause them permanent disability cause isn't that what you're doing to them to begin with? If you like kids, for goodness sake, go run an orphanage or work as a school teacher or something. geez.

For the second dude. I have nothing to say. The stupidity of kids these days who grew up watching shit like the OC or what-have-you-not. Suddenly it's not like the fucking television now is it? dumbasses.

When I went to school in Olympia
Everyone's the same
What do you do with a revolution?
When I went to school in Olympia
And everyone's the same
We look the same
We talk the same
Well don't you please make me real- fuck you
Make me sick- fuck you
Make me real- fuck you
When I went to school in Olympia
Everyone's the same
And so are you, in Olympia
Everyone's the same
We look the same
We talk the same
We even fuck the same
When I went to school in Olympia
Don't you please make me real, come on
Make me sick- come on
Make me real- yeah yeah

Air Marshals Shoot Miami Passenger

MIAMI, Dec. 8, 2005
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(AP) Shortly after boarding an Orlando-bound plane, passengers say, they saw a man bolt from his seat and run down the aisle, with his screaming wife and man in a Hawaiian shirt behind.

"My husband! My husband!" one passenger said she heard the wife cry.

The chase ended moments later Wednesday in a Miami International Airport jetway, when authorities say Rigoberto Alpizar appeared to reach for his bag. He was shot to death by the man in the Hawaiian shirt and a second pursuer, both undercover air marshals.

Before he ran off the plane he "uttered threatening words that included a sentence to the effect that he had a bomb," said James E. Bauer, agent in charge of the Federal Air Marshal Service field office in Miami.

No bomb was found, and federal officials later concluded there was no link to terrorism. Witnesses said his wife, Anne, frantically tried to explain he was bipolar, a mental illness also known as manic-depression, and was off his medication.

It was the first time since the Sept. 11 attacks that an air marshal discharged a firearm at a passenger or suspect, Homeland Security Department spokesman Brian Doyle said.

The Bush administration hired thousands of additional air marshals after Sept. 11, when the nation had only 33. The exact number now is classified. Marshals fly undercover, and which planes they're on is a closely guarded secret.

Officials declined to say how many times Alpizar was shot, but passengers reported hearing between four to six shots. Authorities did not confirm he suffered from a mental illness.

"The man sitting next to me got on the floor," said passenger Olga Echeverrie, of Guatemala. "I threw myself on the floor to pray for God's mercy on us."

Investigators closed the concourse at the airport for half an hour and spread passengers' bags on the tarmac. Dogs sniffed them for explosives, and bomb squad members blew up at least two bags. No bombs were found.

The remaining passengers were kept on the plane for an hour, then police told them to leave with their hands behind their backs, said Lucy Argote, 15, of Codazi, Colombia. They had to leave their possessions behind.



I hate to say this but totally agree with the action of the US Air Marshalls and I don't think that the shooting was wrong. This is probably the only 9/11 measure that i totally support.

I can't stand these American being like babies, criticizing the actions of the US Marshalls. They want safety yet they want everything to be perfect, as if by a snap of the fingers there won't be any more threats from anyone. If you want to be protected, there has to be a measure of sacrifice and certain precautionary levels have to be raised. Stop whining about it.

The shooting was totally justified because i think this shooting DOES send out a clear signal to any wannabe hijackers that the authorities mean business and they'll take you down my any means necessary. And the "greatest" part of it is that, this is really a out-of-the-blue incident and no one had any heads up about it. It happened on a completely random airline. This is definitely a good thing because those wannabe hijackers and terrorist really can't tell and can't be too sure anymore. There ARE indeed eyes and ears out there hunting you down.

This IS a good thing.

If the guy who was shot was an Arab, had some measley link to anything Palestinian, Muslim, Pakistan, etc. etc, the two US Marshalls who shot the man would NOT be suspended from work today, they would have been hailed as heroes.

Americans who are criticizing this should all just grow up and accept that the world we live in today is not the same as the golden days of yesteryears. If you want a the comforts of a blanket of security, there are certain things you have to accept and expect to give and to lose in the process.

You want and demand for something and claim your entitement to it yet you bend back on your own words and you're not willing to give away a little, you babies. Don't whine about it if another plane gets hijacked or anything like that, you asked for it. Seeing the blacklash to this incident is like seeing a little baby cry and whine about wanting i don't know, chocolate milk and then whining and crying abt it again when they don't like the chocolate milk, or if it doesn't taste like what they want or they see someone else having something better. For goodness sake, if the next time, God forbid anything should happen of course, but if anything do happen, you guys asked for it, you babies.

The stupidiest thing that can happen now is that a lawsuit is brought against the US Marshalls, and that the program gets cut. And if any of these two things happen in the near future because of this incident then... it just goes to reflect the stupidity of the American mentality. AND, knowing how moronic and idiotic this country can be at times, it WILL probably happen: I can see the headlines already, families suing the US Marshalls or the program getting cut.

Just you wait and see, the stupidity of humans.


I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

so.....

i hate to say this but...

nigel really makes me happy...

Was abit okay liao... by Wednesday... Since been a few days since i had chatted with him... And also, all our chats been realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly short, coz he's damn busy... so... out of sight (sorta), my heart also came to terms wid him liao...

Then i saw the whole day tuesday his nick on MSN was always away or busy... Then on Wednesday (sorta his Dday (3 major assignments due)) his MSN was whole day Away... but at least he was online...

NEWAYS... so then in d evening i saw him log off then when he logged on, he was not away anymore....

and then... like less than 1 hour later... i got an email reply!!!!!

damnnnnnnnnnnnnn made me super happy!!!!!

D other day too... on that monday.... he wasn't online at all the whole day and he had not replied my msgs on MSN for a few times that weekend... so my heart broken...

Thennnnnnnnn despite ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL my friends' advice to NOTTTTTTT be so frank wid guys... i DID email him lor........ ask him where he was mahhh... THENNNNNN so happy he replied within 30 mins.... so niceeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~

damnnnnnnnnn happy in cloud nine again after that....

dude!!! YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE indeed!!!

but danggggggggggggggggggg... shud NOT be like that elaine!!! shite!

-

in d end it doesn't really matter what i do or say, to him for him whatever.

because ultimately the reality is that it doesn't really matter. It's not as if i'll ever get to be with him anyway and this is just a fleeting feeling, that should just be enjoyed for what it is, i say. to do all the crazy things for someone because your heart compells you to do it and you're too weak to do otherwise... because in the end and the truth really is that... this won't mean a thing come tomorrow.

so there was this emokid who went and killed himself after posting a suicide note on Myspace.com bulletin board.. All very close to home considering that back in California, most of the friends i have and the "social group" i was in are Emo kids. So scene i tell ya, so scene.

So this dude had Senses Fail posted on his Myspace profile- also very close to home and i must say Senses Fail ain't exactly the most inspiring uplifting songs to listen to when one feels depressed. But then again, music should never be blamed.

So we have entered a new era in this information collective world of ours where the online community feels more real than the real one. And friend 6000 miles away seems closer to us on the MSN list/Myspace list/Friendster page and what have you not than the people we meet each day.

I guess maybe that reality is not too real yet in Malaysia, but it certainly is in America and i can tell you that for sure. It's always great hanging out with Luis because aside from being Latino, he is purely as they say, as american as you can get. Armed with T-Mobile Sidekicks that allows 24/7 IMing friends, Myspace junkies, you name it, it's there. It's great to observe their lives because you get a first hand perspective into the american youth culture.

So that said, this emokid who killed himself.... Well, suicide is not painless. While i do feel bad for the guy, sympathetic, i'm not too sure. I'm sympathetic in the sense that i can understand all these feeling of isolation and loneliness one can feel when you're a teenager. But to kill yourself and to post a suicide note on Myspace? Hmm... And this is not a first too. There was the other guy (also from California geez) who posted messages on forums before going out to shoot his neighbors and himself.

I don't know... I understand the feeling because i have felt it before. And i understand even the feeling of wanting to kill yourself-- only to gain the attention. But really, I say it's all self pity BS. Those are the only two words that come to my head: self pitying bullshit (that will one day blow over) and MYOPIA. It's not that i am belitting their feelings, I'm just saying man.... "sit back and relax don't worry," The world is not a small little island, and there are alot more people out there who care for you than just simple one girl or guy who don't return your affection. If someone you love don't love you back then just say "fuck them"... You're better off anyway. It's not like you're gonna gain their love by killing yourself, even if you do gain their love by doing that, what's the point?! You'd be dead anyway to receive any of those affection and it's not like you're even gonna know if it worked or not cause dude man, YOU'RE DEAD. and that's permanent.

So neways, seems like my life is a constant strive towards that phrase "fuck you"-- to all the people i liked who never liked me back...

but meanwhile, nigel is still a lil too sweet for me to say that to him. shite. poor thing he swamped wid so much work *sigh* *hugs* damn i wish i could hug u. shite.


Ouh btw, there was this paragraph in the news story written about the emokid's suicide that i really liked cause i thought it was really really well phrased and i think it's captures the essense of american youths very well...

Kids type quicker than they think. They bleed words, don't contrive them, and, even if I disdain Net-speak, I have the luxury of never needing to type so frantically....With his suicide announced on an Internet bulletin, his life remembered in a series of hastily typed prose that comes in blurbs and missives, and his loved ones handling their grieving through instant messages and blogs, will forever words be left on his Web page rather than coins or roses on his grave? We'll have to visit every Nov. 29.

it's sad/pathetic to like someone so much (sorta) n not be able to have them, no? hm. should at least tell them, i will, i guess. but i should also watch abit wut i do, coz my character in d end mite sorta cast a bad look on my cousin and my brother. no?

just sad, datz all.

-

Elaine said, "shitz. i do like u lah! shitz." says:
ei i like dat

Elaine said, "shitz. i do like u lah! shitz." says:
hati bergegar

Elaine said, "shitz. i do like u lah! shitz." says:
damn good expression

-mun-waiting for you says:
ahahahaa

-mun-waiting for you says:
actually it is DIRECT translation..

-mun-waiting for you says:
coz kahhong went to Shen (which means hati) Zhen (bergegar)

-mun-waiting for you says:
n u know laaa..

-mun-waiting for you says:
shenzhen is well known for its prositution...

-mun-waiting for you says:
datz y my hati oso gegar

Elaine said, "shitz. i do like u lah! shitz." says:
wuahahahahhaha

-mun-waiting for you says:
ahahahahaa

Elaine said, "shitz. i do like u lah! shitz." says:
damn good lah u i gotta save that

SEEEEEEEEEEERIOUSLY.

I don't know a single girl who's EVER actually RATIONAL. when it comes to feelings anyway. We're all frigging IRRATIONAL! I don't know anyone, not even Ching Mun who has her bouts of irrationality sometimes.

GIRLS! I CANNOT STAND IT! I can't stand that we're soooooooooooooo stupid and damn irrational sometimes. SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL! I mean for goodness sake!! Stop hinting (THE GUY WON'T GET IT!!! JUST SAY IT!!!), STOPPPPPPPPPPPPP OVERANALYZING!!!!! (HE JUST MEANS WHAT HE MEANT! YES MEANS YES NO MEANS NO. AN APPLE IS AN APPLE IS AN APPLE. AN ORANGE IS AND ORANGE IS AN ORANGE) Stop fantasizing, stop dreaming!!! STOP ASSUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for goodness sake!!! sometimes it's REALLY stupid!!!

and sometimes.......................................... ALL OF THE TIME!!

I mean, sometimes, when i look at myself, or ELAINE, or Melissa, or Ching Mun or Aida, or any other girl and what we do and how we feel or what we're thinking and trying to figure out the guy, it really makes me go WTF?!!!!!!!

Seriously. I mean i didn't just come to this realization through just me. It's just that lately it's not just that i've been having a whole overload of Nigel shit that cause me to be SUPER high on cloud nine one day THEN in seventh level hell the next day over something SMALL but also from EVERYONE, wait lemme repeat that, EVERY GIRL i've been talking to who just simply exhibit these IRRATIONALITIES!

EXAMPLES! :-

I was in the train today, feeling like SHIT because of Nigel again and then i realize, it was fucking IRRATIONAL! I was upset/depressed/sad over one stupid little thing like how he didn't reply my message on MSN! That's just FUCKING STUPID! SERIOUSLY! i should be WHACKED IN THE HEAD FOR IT!

BUT don't you roll your eyes at me because pull yourself back and look at yourself, and you dare look me in the eye and tell me you have NEVER irrationally ASSUMED shit about some guy you liked.

And then i think about Elaine Teh, everyday with her Kimchi, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! STOP OVERANALYZING to DEATH every single action, word, BREATH he made!!! i TOTALLY mean every SINGLE LITTLE BIT AND PIECES and MINUTE DETAIL. Right down to him looking up the word "insult" on the dictionary she thinks it has something to do with her. I mean....... WTF?!!!!!!

Then there's Melissa. Melissa, Melissa my dear, JUST ASK. If the relationship is not going right. if you WANT THE DUDE TO ASK IF HE'D HANG OUT WITH YOU, just ASK IT. for goodness sake!! What's with all these "so, whatcha doing now." "oh nothing.". "whatcha gonna do tonight." "watch tv." "so gonna just watch tv?" "yeah." "bored?" "yeah, totally." "oh what time u gonna go to the airport?" "11". "Another two hours huh?" "yeah". "So you're gonna just watch tv till then?" "yeah"............ I MEAN!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and NO Melissa, when he said "nothing" he WAS NOT hinting that he wanted you to ask him out. NOTHING JUST MEANS NOTHING!!!

Sometimes A just means A and B just means B and C just means B. A doesn't mean B, or C or hellz! an unknown D for that matter knowing us girls! But if you think about it, girls are like that!! No wonder guys can't understand us! for goodness sake, do you even understand yourself???

It's so stupid!

I was thinking abt nigel the other day (DUH), and i came to the revelation that he is not weird. It's just that he's BASICALLY a very simple creature and it's people who are complicated and that's why we think he's weird.

SAME GOES FOR GIRLS! GIRL, if you think that the guy is complicated and you can't understand them..... it's cause YOU'RE the one who is complicating things that YOU make it hard to understand!!!

please!


So go do what you like
Make sure you do it wise
You may find out that your self doubt means nothing was ever there
You can't go forcing something if it's just not right

well... godma's godson called FIRST. was suppose to call him to try to get some sort of a job with Reuters.

it's abit sad but true... the newsroom is a very exciting place to be. And part of me do wish i could be in one and excell like hell in this field. It's not that i am a naturally curious person and gungho about social justice and all that which I saw burning within the breasts of my editors back in the Daily Sundial. But of all the professions, i feel that journalism offers a very exciting and challenging environment and job to be in on a daily basis. The one thing that i liked about reporting as much as it was such a pain, was the ability to learn and discover so many things in your world that you would never even bother to know and the reward of all the hardwork is when you actually manage to MEET THE DEADLINE and submit your story. That feeling is awesome. It's parallel to getting right a tough question in add math ;)

And i guess... as much as i hated it because it was so demanding, i really miss it... and i regret that i wasted half a semester not reporting when i should have just grabbed the chance to finish another 20 stories and accomplish writing more than 40 stories within 14 weeks... I really should have done that and not let that stupid Senior year bug affect me.

Well... as much as i hated it, i guess those Sundail classes were one of the best classes in uni.

pick me up in the inside
so next time i won't
fall down the stairs

when you're not there.

interviewer: how do you see love? you've both been through a lot of hardships as far as love goes.

maggie: i am still the same. i have never changed. if you want to love, then love. i won't worry about if we match or not. i will go after what i want.


Yeap!!! Maggie is RIGHT!!! YEAH!! GO MAGGIE! We should ALL listen to what she said!!

BUTTTTTTTTTTTT unfortunately, Elaine Loh is NO MAGGIE CHEUNG either! i don't exactly have the power that Maggie Cheung have to "control her own destiny" as Tony Leung puts it!!!

dang. and it was so well said and inspiring summore!! haihh~~~~

less we forget the Indians, or shall i say Native Americans to be politically correct.

Neways, i woke up NOT wanting to go newhere today, too damn lazy, day to sleep in no work and all. Plus, i'd have to find my way to Philadelphia tomorrow or get stuck in NYC, argh i hope not! Ahh... great LOOOOOOOOOONNNG weekend. Least i could just waste today away sleeping.

NEWAYS, woke up NOT wanting to go newhere today, but damn i regret cause all these talks and pics of turkey has made me wanna eat some... They're real good after all! With mash potatoes and cranberry sauce :D

damn!

Elaine said, "depressed" says:
ur a real nice dude actually... worrying over dez, not minding mom calling u over ur brothers, cooking for your brother... how thoughtful hm.

Nige says:
thanx. it just really doesnt seem 2 bother me... feel like if deres a chance i can help some1 without 2 much hinderance 2 my own life, den i will. n if dey ask 4 help, havent turn 2 many people away yet.

Elaine said, "depressed" says:
awww... that's really nice. cause not alot of ppl are like that. in dis world.

Nige says:
yea, i know... dats another reason i do it. Figured i may only b 1 of a few, but dats still another person. Losin battle, but some1s gotta do somethin in dis crappy hell hole..

Elaine said, "depressed" says:
awwww shite and ur the person huh!

Elaine said, "depressed" says:
i like u tho like ur attitude...


yeah ler, nige.... i like u.... just had to tag that "like ur attitude" thing there to buffer d shock and horror if u truly discovered d truth.





wish u wouldn't leave.... =)

gots into a small arguement with Karen again (Karen if ur reading dis, i didn't intend to offend u or nething)...

But i really wanna clarify one thing (YEAH CHING MUN LISTEN! hehehehe).... Well... i like nigel cause i like nigel. It's not a matter if he likes me back or not. That is not something i can control. And cause i like nigel cause i like Nigel, there is already feelings involved in the equation on my part, and whether or not d feelings are requitted is not relevant.

So when i do bitch abt "ouh gosh, why he didn't reply my email???" or when "oh goshhhhhhhhhhhhhh HE IS NOT ONLINE!!!!" and i get worried and bitchy or paranoid, or crazy or obsessed... I'm NOT doing it coz I EXPECT Nigel to be a certain way. I'm bitching cause my hopes we dashed hahaha, well i am bitching cause you know, you like someone, and when they give you the cold shoulder, you NATURALLY get hurt. It doesn't matter if that guy is your boyfriend or not, just when you DO like the guy, if he's not responding as you wish he would, you just get dissapointed, hurt, or worried... and that's how i am with Nigel.

While i do wish he would reply my emails all the time (he usually does tho), i know there are times that he doesn't. And i WILL and i mean WILL bitch and moan abt how he didn't... But it's not cause i am thinking "HE SHOULD, HE MUST REPLY MY EMAILS!!! why the hell is he not?!"... that's NOT what i feel and that's not what i think. The only part taht i DO think about is "WHY????" but only cause i AM a very overly sensitive girl.

I'm not trying to make him do anything. And i am NOT being sensitive and hurt about it cause he was suppose to do somethin and he didn't. He's not suppose to be doing anything! But the fact of the matter is that I like him, you know, and YOUR FEELINGS are already involved in it, and it WILL get affected by what the other person, regardless.

So when i do say shit like "come back k?" to Nigel when he leaves to get dinner, I say it because that is what my heart WISH he'd do but I'm NOT giving him a command to do or die. I certainly have NO RIGHTS to do so.

Plus, i know if i gave an order to nigel to do something, he's just gonna ask why. And well, unfortunately, i dun have the power to ground him like his mom does when i am unable to produce an answer ;)

so yeh... dat's it.

PARADISE a.k.a. CALIFORNIA



HELL a.k.a. BOSTON




Sometimes (ESPECIALLY TIMES LIKE THESE) i wonder why i ever EVER EVER left California.... Goshhhh, is that $1500 a month i make really THAT worth it.

Everytime i walk out of the house, my fingers are so numb from the cold, i can't even feel them anymore. And this is just by walking out of the house WEARING GLOVES even. (if you don't know how this feels like, just try melting a piece of ice in your hands, that's how NUMB FROM COLD feels like).
Everyday i am wearing AT LEAST four to five layers of clothing and STILL, i am PERPETUALLY cold. And when i say perpetually, i mean perpetually: at home, in the streets, walking around, sitting in the train, waiting at the train station, in the office, etc. Where there is no heater turned up full blast, i am ALWAYS COLD.

And can you believe this is NOT EVEN the BEGINING yet???

Ouh gosh..... God, help me.

btw, forcasted SNOW and RAIN and WIND on Wednesday and Thursday, gosh, i dread to even think abt it.

Screw this place mannnnn why the hell do people even LIVE in places like these???? Gosh, have they NOT heard abt a place called CALIFORNIA????


btw, i noticed that 90% of my posts lately are abt nigel, huh? well, here's a different one then hehe :-D

From: "Loh Elaine"
To: bowler35@hotmail.com
Subject: Nigel...?
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2005 13:05:32 +0000

hey, not seen you online at all for the past few days. *is a lil worried* Are you okay?


From : Nigel Koay
Sent : Wednesday, November 16, 2005 7:02 PM
To : ought@hotmail.com
Subject : RE: Nigel...?

Hello!!!!!!

Havent been on coz i still dont have a computer. Been even more busy recently... so kinda needed no distractions to get dis crap done. But its all gettin good now... I hope....

N dont worry... Im always good unless im dead... :D

Nige


Was SUPER worried today that i got banned by Nigel again, or he's avoiding me, coz not seen him online for the past few days. So that's why i sent him that email too... And was worried abt him too, coz, even if he's busy, he'd come online usually....

I really hope he's not avoiding me... Perhaps it IS favourable to be Dez's cousin, after all. Maybe Nige is not avoiding me (YET!) and just pretending as if he doesn't know i like him coz i'm dez's cousin and if we were to ever meet again, it'll be weird and stuff. maybe i shouldn't like him, then i won't be forcing Nige into an awkward position, you know what i mean?

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted all the time


So i was at the Intel Conference today, suppose to be learning abt Dual Core Processors and also Intel Wireless Mobile Technology, but i had a notepad, a pen and half a brain tuning in and out of the presentation, so naturally my thought drifted to.......... Nigel.

I wanted to ask myself why i liked him. And why i still do perhaps. But i found that it's not a question i can answer and it's not a question that should be asked.

Unlike Elaine Teh with the secret silent love of her life Young, i cannot list out in bullet points from 1 till a hundred as to why Nigel is DA guy. In fact, unlike Elaine Teh thinks how Young is 90% of her dream guy, Nigel is not to me, but it's nothing on his part, it's more because i am a very indecisive girl and also it seems that this days, really, anything goes.

It's not a question that i can answer nor is it a question to be asked because, i like Nigel just because I do.

Even at the very begining, i liked him cause i liked him and maybe i liked him more because i had hope he liked me too (but we all know how terribly WRONG elaine ALWAYS is abt that!) but truth is that, although i don't know why i like him but i just knew even back then, that i did. i just know that this feeling is here and he can make me feel really happy and he can make me incredibly sad if not depressed, just by the little words he says or the littlest things that he does.

And these days, i don't want to go on picking on points and trying to get to know nigel more just to find stuff i like about him. Like I told karen, stick nigel in a skirt and i'd still think he's cute, and i WILL still like him.

I can tell you qualities that i like in Nigel that i think makes him really wonderful, and i can tell you things abt nigel that i've come to know that i really like in him but it would be a partial lie if i told you those were the reasons why i like him... Those are just reasons that enhances my feelings towards him but i don't think that they are in any way reasons as to why i like him.

It's because when i first like him, i just did, you know, i liked him as he was. I wasn't totally stricken with awwwwe when i first met him, no, i don't think i was, but it's just that, nigel was nigel and the way he was just there and how he smiled and talked and walked around that day and was with dez. the quietness to him and just the sense of him that drew me in.

I don't regret anything i did, not even KLIA, i regretted that i never took godma and dez and nigel's position BETTER and more thought more thoroughly about it, but sometimes, the more i think about it, i don't regret going to KLIA at all because at least, i saw him that one more time...

and i wish i could have held on to him a little longer that night...

nigel.

i guess i do chat with nigel only once a week... i guess it's also cause it's sad but true that the only time i get to msg him is when i'm at work or on weekends.

neways, hehe, all the small things... On friday i chat with him at work (my boss also knew! hehe) and we were talking about dinosaurs and erm, something else, i can't remember at the mo. neways, he want to go get dinner at KFC, so he said he was going there to get dinner. then i said to him "k. come back." and he said "k"...

Then of coz, i was online neways but he never came back Then before i left the office i msged him again "wuts dis!! said u'd come back and u didn't!!" then i added next line "neways, take care ks =)".... I was abit worried coz... u know, i'm nobody to nigel, so it's abit shitty to demand from him rite?? and scold him, hehe... So i was worried he'd feel offended instead (dats also why i put the smiley face there, to show i wasn't serious in scolding him"...

NEWAYS... so saturday, i woke up late (usually i wake up at 10am, which is his 3pm so he's usually around to chat for maybe an hour)so then, he wasn't online but even then he wasn't online d whole day =( I thought at least he'd come online, like he did on Thursday nite when he was offline the whole day but at 2:30am he still logged on for abit =) MAKES ME HAPPY TO SEE HIM ONLINE YO!

NEWAYS... then today i went out with elaine teh the whole day and so although Nigel was online, i didn't chat with him...

NEWAYS... then when i got home i had 22 mails in my hotmail mailbox, and i was thinking again "ahhh all junkmail"...

dennnnnnnnnnnnn

when i checked d mail i saw:

NIGEL KOAY on d list

but i thought "ahh old mail most probably"

THEN i saw new subject! and d mail was not opened yet!!

SUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPER HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Neways damn i was so damn happy larrrrrr. STILL IS happy actually!! hehehe... i mean he actually emailed me first, summore he said sorry and explained abt what had happened on Friday....

sighhhhhh

just coz of such a small thing huh, and i have suchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh big reaction to it. Just 1kb email, just two lines. summore so formal, but yet............. goshhhhhhh!!!! to me as if it was some sort of love letter pulak!!!!

sigh... but nigel makes me happy lor... hehe... I dunno but, i guess, maybe i am so super happy all d time with all these little stuff is coz, u know, most of d guys i like, after i like them awhile and i do some stuff towards them they get scared and start treating me like crap (or avoid me).

But nigel seems to be either oblivious to all my advances or he knows ler but u know, he still treats me nice and is still a very considerate boy.. yeah, considerate and proper towards ppl, that's the word to describe nigel... And i guess, u know, d reason why he always apologizes if like he has been less than responsive towards me or if like the friday thing, is cos u know, he is a very well mannered person..

THAT'S WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY i wish i could ask Desmond "hey is Nigel like this and dis and that towards everyone????????" hehehe... i really wish to know, but i do know that he probably does treat everyone really well...

he IS a nice boy after all :)


Neways, yeah i forgot, i chat with Nigel 2 1/2 times this week. It's sad but true most of our "nicest" conversations were all at work *sigh*

"And they think that u r so lucky to have a overseas education...now i can't even speak cantonese properly and am learning Mandarin from a 'Hanyu Pinyin' Book due to my lovely girlfriend whose grandmother i cannot even speak to. admittedly, my cantonese has improved but i'm always so embarrassed when i go out with Mint and her friends."

-Looi Kok Mun-

well said, both so very well said... Kind of a shite Chinese huh!

I can still remember Ching Mun sayin to me: "Please lah elaine, just speak in English, cannot understand what you're saying when you speak in Chinese lah!"

There's this blog i was reading just now, KENG! blog post in ROMANIZED chinese! I think that is like KICK ASS! because man, i think that's so hard! Ching Mun's right about my chinese cause i really don't know the CORRECT sound to certain words, you know... When it's suppose to be like "g" i'd say it with a "k" or a "b" i'll say it with a "p"...

Hmmm kinda makes me know why now JAPANESE also don't have the sounds... like in Japanese scripts the pairs "t"/"d" and "h"/"b"/"p" and "k"/"g" use the same character wid the difference of the symbol ["] to differentiate between the two.

Neways... yeah... shite kind of chinese, huh? I've been mixing with alot of chinese ppl lately (i stay in a house full of them) and i also noticed that the Chinese here in Boston are all like those authentically chinese. As in, Chinese immigrants. In California, they're usually all Chinese Americans... meaning, American, basically ;)

Well and i was thinking, i REALLY should go learn chinese, actually! It'd be good! Kinda sad i can't speak Chinese properly. PLUS, can't even READ or WRITE it, you know!!! da heck! Would be great if i could... then i could be billingual in a USEFUL language FINALLY! Plus, easier to pick up japanese too after that... in fact don't even need to anymore ^^.

Banana janai, kind of a shite chinese da yo!

Anyone who's reading this, tell me, is this NOT obvious enough??

1. I email him on average once or twice a week.
2. I chat with him quite often (sometimes 3 or 4 days in a row)
3. I sent him a postcard from NYC
4. I sent him a Halloween card.
5. I sent him an ecard that u can view here.
6. I even sent him a DUCK COOKBOOK.
7. I saw his baby pic on MSN and i told him it was too small i can't see his face so i asked him to send it to me. Then after that i asked if he has anymore and he sent me another one.
8. Then i edited the pictures so that i will fit and look bigger on MSN and sent it back to him.
9. THEN when he didn't put the pics i edited for him up, i "scolded" him (hehe) and demanded he put it up and he did... hmm.
10. I sent him an email the other day with the subject title "mailbox misses u ;)" DUH, I miss you that's what! dang!
11. Hmm... wut else... I've asked "btw, just out of curiosity, do you have a girlfriend now?" (wut the heck!), I've asked if he'd avoid a girl if he knows d girl likes him (his answer was so called "no" but Ryota said the same shit too!), I've asked if he thought it was okay for d girl to go after d guy and confess to d guy instead (he answer was yes, it's okay, he doesn't mind).
12. ouh, and d whole KLIA ordeal back in January where i went to KLIA to send him off without telling neone and i waited 2 1/2 hours for him. (ALTHOUGH i DID tell dez that i didn't have feelings for him (d dude, not dez) back then tho... hm)

MASIH TAK CUKUP???

I guess, i'm happy everytime i just see him online on my MSN list coz, I'm happy he hasn't BANNED me, you know. And i'm relieved and feel at peace when he's just there online coz at least i know, he doesn't hate me yet, for all the shit i am doing to smother him.

For once, even I, ELAINE LOH, feels i've done abit too much. Especially with like sending him damn lot of stuff over the mail (he got them all within the week too although i sent them all at different times, due to the time delay of each different package type). Like I sent the post card first, on a monday... Like october 10th... and the Card on Oct 14th... Then the book i bought on Oct 21st, then i sent the ecard Oct 27th (hmm seems like i do things only on mondays or fridays). BUT, he got the cookbook FIRST, on Oct 27th, then the card somewhere that week or this week and then the post card "couplea days later". AND THEN he picked up my ecard TODAY, after i had sent him an email reply YESTERDAY.

all abit too much you know!!!!!

neways... what do you think???

NEWAYS, he is NOT ONLINE NOW, so i am pretty much VERY WORRIED at the mo!!!!!! shite!!!!

it's that, i am TREMENDOUSLY worried that he ALREADY knows that i like him but being him like he said he won't avoid the girl, so he doesn't and he's still cool and friends with me and all... But you know elaine, she has no sort of self control and neither does she have judgment when she likes someone, so TERLAMPAU all the time, and i am scared each time, that since he ALREADY KNOWS i like him and finally i did something "unknowingly" and FINALLY crossed the line and dat was the last draw and that's it! he hates me now... and THAT is EXACTLY what i worry MOST OF ALL about him ALL OF THE TIME.

In the skin of a dream,
Body naked sleep.

I had wanted to blog about (you know who) for quite abit and i actually did but i removed it from the blog. i somehow think that this blog is frigging cursed, or someone curses me everytime i blog about some guy. seriously. once i post something up abt something that happened with some dude that made me real happy, few weeks later d dude will b hating me. I'd have none of that for this one. I plan to b friends wid him at least for d next couple of months at least. seriously WTF man, WTF?!

Neways, so i WON'T post specifically abt him or anything like that. Those goes to the other blog, da hell. Neways... been thinking bout him (when do i not?) and i don't know... i wish that for him, i'd practice more self constraint, though i know that i still don't quite really. I don't want to be impulsive, yet i want him to know that i like him, yet... i think he does know, you know, or at least i wish he does...

I wish that i would learn from all the mistakes of my past and do it correctly with this one, not be so dysfunctional, you know... and maybe, i do wish i could win his affection but really, if i can't, i'd really just b happy that we stayed friends at least for this one!! d hell..

Neways, i think i've said too much... If anyone out there IS putting a curse on me, DA FUCK?! WHY THE FUCK?! Same goes to you too BUDDY! FUCKING HELL!

elaines.

btw... i stole the aim icon from here.

1) where u went around 3 hrs ago?
* i was at work. or maybe i think i was in boston by then.

2) wat u did there?
* taking the train home.

3) where u went yesterday?
* nowhere.

4) went with who?
* noone.

5) wat was d last song u listen?
* The Stone Roses - Elephant Stone... or it could have been radiohead.

6) d last person who u called?
* Min... we were suppose to go out.

7) d last person u message?
* the guy Elaine Teh likes... He has NOT submitted his homework to me yet.

8) wat r u doin rite now?
* being bored.

9) wat r u thinkin rite now?
* this survey thing.

10) do u wana have a bf/gf rite now?
* i don't know. i want to be with someone specifically, but i am not desperate for a boyfriend any boyfriend @ d mo.

11) wat u do daily?
* WORK. shite.

12) wats ur fave place?
* somewhere else.

13) do u play sport(s)?
* OF COURSE NOT.

14) wat kind of sport?
*

15) wat is d time now?
* 56 hours since that i last slept with you.

16) whose at home?
* no one... i mean some housemates i guess.

17) wat do u do when u're bored?
* chat online.

18) who makes u laugh?
* erm.... whatever's funny.

19) wat u ate fer lunch?
* sweet and sour pork, thank you boss!

20) wat u bought today?
* DUNKIN DONUT COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

pictures of whom do you keep in your wallet ?
; no one's.

what time do you go to bed ?
; erm.... dese days.... 12am - 2am...

what was the last thing you did before this ?
; ate.

what was the last tv show that you watch?
; shitz, i don't have a TV here, yo.

who's the person you'll call if you need help ?
; yeah man, depends on what kind of help i need.

what's on your mind right now ?
; partially it's nigel, partially it's this survey.

who's number on your speed dials ?
; don't have no speed dials. (that's a double negative sentence btw)

with whom do you wanna be to have fun ?
; at this point, ne1 wud do.

what movie do u wanna watch now ?
; i don't know. a couple of stuff i guess...

when was the last time you went out ?
; Saturday.... as in hang out? I went out just now after i got home to the front door to look at kids trick or treating... felt real nice, so american u know!!

what do you hate the most for now ?
; feeling this way.

when was the first time you slept alone?
; i don't remember... when i was a kid... maybe 9?

what do you wanna do for now?
; i want to get over this feeling... maybe i should just go to sleep.

what do you do everyday besides eat & sleep?
; WORK. breathe. think about nigel (SERIOUSLY.)

fave pet ?
; MY DOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! SUGAR!!!!

colors that make you happy ?
; erm no colors make me happy but i am pretty much psycho if i see something pink and cute. and NO i don't mean hello kitty.

most fave thing in your room ?
; my laptop

last thing you bought for your room?
; i paid for the damn rent.

do you cook?
; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! TOTALLY NOT!!!!!

miss someone?
; yeah... i do.

plan to buy something?
; probably... don't know what yet tho.. hehe

are you satisfied with your life now?
; not really but i shouldn't be complaining really =)

do you like seafood?
; yeah i do.... shrimp and sake sashimi!

breakfast or dinner?
; yeh, anything with food is good.

what do you usually eat for breakfast?
; erm... lately, dunkin donuts chocolate frosted donuts and coffee......... EVERYDAY.

did you eat breakfast today?
; no not today, not had an appetite yesterday and today.

do you recycle?
; no, but i think i should.... but i'm damn bad at seperating the garbage too, to recyclable stuff and non recyclable stuff... they're less strict abt trash here in Boston though...

do you have a laptop?
; OF COURSE. me life yo!

what's your favorite resto?
; i don't have one i guess... But i've been going to Typhoon alot lately but only cause Elaine Teh works there and the other two "friend" i know in Boston works there too.

cats or dogs?
; DOGS OF COURSE!! and nigelllllllllllllllllllllllll why why why?? why not dogs???? NOT ALL DOGS BITE U KNOW!!!!!

salty or sweet?
; both, i always need a lil of both.

city or country?
; city definitely but erm... actually, maybe i'll chose the suburbs.

is kissing normal for your age?
; DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

are you athletic?
; hell no. as athletic as a turtle.

do you swear?
; WTF do u mean i swear??? of corse the hell i swear... Actually i should STOP swearing so much.

would you ditch your friends for a date ?
; HELL YEAH!

do you have your own cell phone?
; DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

what do you wear to bed?
; some dress.

ever had a crush on a teacher in high school?
; no, there weren't any guy teachers at my school and no didn't have any crush on the female ones either.

coke or pepsi?
; dr. pepper.

can you use chopsticks?
; well the mechanism works.

do you like to read for pleasure?
; erm, when i need imput, yeah.

do you care about getting good grades?
; erm... wish i did more.

have you ever fallen asleep in class?
; yeah, but not too many times.

get a job or ask your parents for money?
; i have gotten a job and i am TRYING NOT to ask my parents for money.

is your dad strict?
; no.

do your parents give you enough privacy?
; in america YEAH!

do your parents trust you?
; i'm here, they HAVE TO trust me whether they do or not.

would you trade places with your close friends?
; depends on what it is.

does your close friend get on your nerves?
; well elaine teh gets on my nerves sometimes but i am sure i annoy her the hell more than she does me ;) =P

do you make friends quickly?
; it depends on the situation and the person.

do you get jealous of your friends?
; yeah i do... of course i do but then again, i'm also a very insecure person, so that's why i do.

do you tell your mom everything?
; HELL NO.

what do you & your parents fight about most?
; hmmm... alot of stuff. mostly though it's because they don't like or don't agree with the way i act or do things.

so i have not been blogging much huh! Nothing to write abt pretty much. Some about erm.............. Nigel, of course, but pretty much nothing much besides that.

still have not been fired from work yet. got drunk today and no, it wasn't at work. tried non fat milk today, hmmm it tasted real nice actually cause it was abit sweet. weather is getting bitterly cold and i realized this morning that Fall was pretty much a season of decay. Don't you think? And i feel that nature is so weird/awesome in the sense that, you know, the withering tree leaves are REALLY pretty but if you think about it, this prettiness is actually a picture of the tree withering away.... cool huh?!

neways, here is a picture of a pretty tree i saw today and see how pretty the leaves can get... all red.

Also, i have put up pics of Boston, Road Trip to Baltimore and my first visit to New York City at this link.

-
went for Days Away show yesterday and while i was on my way back home riding on the T (subway train)... i felt incredibly happy...

This was my first show in FIVE MONTHS (can u believe it?) and it reminded me again about why i loved going for shows when i first came here to America.

It was the fun of it all, the thrill of it going to the dodgiest place in town and coming home at the most dangerous time possible, but you know, you come back home knowing you went somewhere and you did something that was way out of your routine.

It makes you live a little, breathe a little, and you know, just kick back and relax and just enjoy life for a change you know, to LIVE life for a change and remember all the things that makes life worthwhile.


I had a great time with Days Away yesterday. Austin is no longer in the band because apparently he quit the band cause he is going to marry his girlfriend (so he needs a proper job u know for the house and stuff and also, touring ain't great for a relationship).

But i saw keith and he gave me a big hug and we stood around talking. He was really really thin. And he was feeling cold and i insulted him cause he GREW UP in the east coast! But he said he can't ever get used to it.
Also, when i told keith that i moved to Boston to work, he said that he knew about it already cause Tim told him. So isn't that great??? I called Tim last Thursday to ask if we could hang out when i visit Philadelphia over the weekend (i didn't end up going tho) and i had told Tim i had moved to Boston and worked. So it's so cute/sweet/awesome that Tim actually told Keith! Meaning, they actually talked about me! hehehe ok ok, at least i was brought up right???
Neways, I told keith I missed him. and then he told me back "i've missed you too". Then i told him that it's been awhile since i last saw them, maybe a year and he asked "has it been that long??" Then i asked him abt the walkman he was holding "what's that?" then he sang "la la la la la la la". for practice before the show! hehehe.
Then keith asked about me being in boston and we talked about California, then he said i shud go back there and i said i would just before i got back to Malaysia for good. Then he asked why i had to go back then i said "Unless you marry me then i won't have to!!" then he laughed and I just told him abt the visa being a student visa and all and i have just one more year left. Then he said "but you can come back like to visit right?" then i said "yeah! like when you guys have a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGG show, i'm gonna come back here! I'm gonna tell the visa guys "yo hey, i'm going for this big ass show!"," hehehe.
Ouh yeah, and for the FIRST TIME EVER yesterday, when keith told me "I'll be right back", he ACTUALLY CAME BACK. WOW.

Neways... although the sound system sucked, 1/2 the band was not around (Austin left and the keyboardist had some family problems to deal with), it still was a great show. It wasn't as UMPH! as their usual shows, it was abit more tame but it was still a great show... cause u know in the end... I really had fun, and it was great going for a show again and especially being in a Days Away mosh pit again...

Anyway, after their set i went to get merch (bought a shirt).. The merch guy was real funny and he even talked to Elaine Teh on the phone. Then cause he pasted the note on the tip box that said "I want to marry my girlfriend but have no money", I gave him a $10 tip! hehehehehe...

Neways, Chris then came to say hi and got a hug from him... I felt really bad towards Chris cause i am closer to Tim and Keith (and austin too) and i did see Chris but i didn't say hi and he probably saw me too. But i was real glad he came and said hi to me. Ouh yeah, Tim also saw me and said hi when he was carrying the drumset on stage.

Neways.... yeah.. So after i bought merch, Keith came then said he had to go buy cigarettes, so he left... Then i watched the last band for awhile then keith came back and started dancing... And poor keith was dancing alone so I went along and danced with him and made a fool of myself of course!! hehe, but Keith was having fun, so we grooved along. Then Keith told me to do that headbanging thing, cause my hair was long, so ahhh, for Keith I'd do it, so i did!! and he absolutely cracked up and then gave me a really really nice close tight hug (ahh shite!! so nice) (plus he's so thin so he could wrap himself around me and it was so easy to hug his entire body too! ^^ hehe). Nice and warm. hehe ^^.

Neways then I told keith he could leave his hair long so he can headbang on stage too. And he said his hair WAS as long as mine but he just cut it the day before, and too off his beanie cap and showed me his hair (hehe)... Neways, after the last band ended their set Keith told me "I'm really glad we got to share that dance together there, that was the most exciting thing that happened to me tonight!" hehehe isn't that night??? dancing bit with elaine even more exciting than performing that night????? hehehehe. Well OKAY the show did suck but it still means alot to me as a person who had dreamt 3 years ago of being at a Days Away show and to have the same person I heard on my radio back home in Malaysia 3 years ago while i dream abt seeing their concert tell me that we dancing abit there was more exciting than THEIR CONCERT that night, truly a dream come true ok!!!
I really liked it also cause it was cool that Keith stuck around with me. Cause usually he wouldn't. He'd be off SOMEWHERE who knows where. But tonite, he always like back back around... Like he was saying hi to another fan then he saw me then he hugged me then dats when we stood around talking. Then he left but he also came back... Then before their set started, i got to stand around him again... Then after their set, when i was at the merch booth, he came over and nudged me, then he said he was going out to buy cigarettes. Then when Chris and Tim left and i was alone watching the last band, when Keith returned he came straight to me and dats when he started dancing, and then it was us dancing. He tried to get the girl infront to dance later but she wouldn't, i think he was just freaking her out (hehehehe) so yeah lor, danced with Keith..

I really had a nice time cause it was fun being able to hang out with Days Away. And then before i left i asked Tim if next time if i do go to Phily and they're not touring, would he come take me around to see Phily he said "Just call me!" hehehe. Yeah i wud man!

Then i said goodbye to Keith, he was talking with two other friends/fans and i felt kinda bad disturbing him and he was trying to ask me to wait a sec first cause he was talking to someone else budden he turned to me and said "you're leaving?" then i said "yeah i gotta catch the train" So then he gave me a hug and then after that he said to me again, "Thanks for coming out to see us tonight, really. And thanks for the dance thing. It was really nice that you could come out to see us"

But u know Keith, it's you that i would always thank... That when i was on the train at 11pm at night in the dingiest place in Boston, and for the first time in two weeks, actually, for the first time in months, i was feeling incredibly happy. For the first time in a very long time now, i felt again that feeling i felt two years ago and everytime after i go for a show that was amazing: the feeling of happiness and just this inner joy... knowing that today, i lived my life a little differently.... and today, in little little ways... i once again had a dream come true...

You know my name, and i still don't know what to say. But i still remember listening to you on my rides around PJ and coming back home from Kuantan, and imagining a skyling and wondering what it would be like to be at your show... And now... it's just wonderful... it's just amazing that.... you know my face, you know my name.... you know who i am.

and perhaps, a year from now, i will probably only have these memories left to carry with me... but i really really don't want to think of that right now...

keith, don't ever forget me okay? even if i am not at your shows anymore ever again one day...

-

FALL. huh! REALLY!


guess dis is why they call Fall Fall huh?


NEW ENGLAND IS (NOTTTTTTTTTTTT) GREAT.




Looks nice and all hor????
NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Jesse Lacey LIED. No wonder he needed the GIRL to make New England great. at the rate this place is going, it's gonna be more shite in the future months wid da farking SNOW and all. ppl are DAMN UPTIGHT AND UNFRIENDLY. place is farking COLD. food is FRIGGING EXPENSIVE (and they said Los Angeles was BAD!). Da hell. where da fuk is the SUN? why the heck is da food so expensive?? why da hell are people so uptight??? shite...
The more the wind blows the more i miss california. And SERIOUSL-FUKING-LY da people here are SHITE, REAL SHITE. da hell are they all sooooooo farking unfriendly???? No wonder so many of my friends had a shit time in America and wanna go back to Malaysia so badly. With this shit weather, these shit ppl, this shit place, who da hell dun wanna go back???

WHERE'S MY CALIFORNIA???

argh!!


PROUD OWNER OF NANO IPOD!


damn depressed when i got here to Boston. STILL damn depressed actually. Then i found i LOST my Ipod charger so i had to go to a Mac store. I had a BADDDDDDDDD ass feelin i was gonna buy a Nano iPod by the end of the day, AND I DID! hehe. And guess what???? I INSTANTANEOUSLY felt HAPPYYYYYYYY *wuahahahahahhahahaha*


WORK


3rd October 2005; DAY IN HISTORY: Elaine Loh FINALLY has worked ONE DAY in her damn 23 years of life! geez.

I hate to say this but I do like him. And I�m really sad cause he has not replied my email yet and it�s already been a week. I�m really sad. I really hope he will reply again. I really like him�.

forest fires cosume the mountains once again. ashes falling from the sky that morning in San Diego.

And it's sad, but true
Out of cash and I.O.U's

I remember luis singing that to me. it was a day i was taking the bus with him in the morning after i had stayed over at his place after a show. LA underneath overcast skies the sun yet to shine too bright.

music dates so much of my memories. when i woke up in aunt mei's place that first morning feeling that this was beautiful. mr children with aya in the sunset. brand new outdoors at kimmel and feeling like home with Matt, Michelle, Luis. northstar in summer walking down reseda. brand new and mom's first visit A Blink-182, 5 years reason why america dream come true with Michelle, Jessica and Johnny. Saves the Day and Allison around LA taking poloriod pictures. Days Away, SoCo screaming at Palladium with Michelle. Salt Lake City. Denver. Friends. Nicole and New Found Glory a Universal Amphiteater... and yes, movielife was there too... Joanna between Sunset and Hollywood after Blink. Finch at Soma, Palace the glue that held us together. I met them all there... either Finch or..... taking back sunday, always taking back sunday, spring, summer, fall and missed winters. new years, with everyone... really.... and so many, many, many more that memories fail within months because they were always there... the music, the bands, the friends....

how can you ask me to move that easily when this IS home. The past weeks hanging out with friends and saying goodbyes, you can't say that this wasn't home, you know. It just wasn't a university experience, it was life, and it is life that you're asking me to say goodbye to. to drop and go that easily. and i can't do it. i wanted to stay in america till december because i couldn't say goodbye to my friends, i didn't want to leave them... and in so many ways i should just stay with Michelle instead of relocating and have the time of my life for the next few months instead of worrying.

what is the measure of life in the end? It is measured by our own yardstick, really, and i have found myself to have lost sight of what MATTERS to me... and in so many ways, that job in Boston is NOT it. and yet.

I always want to feel like part of this was mine.

I was going to Ventura Blvd the other day, to get the bracelet i lost in the Taking Back Sunday mosh pit. It's called an affrimation bracelet, and it was "believe" that i go.

I was on the bus and i didn't know what to listen to, and so i simply scroled and on it's own so happen, Jimmy Eat World's Praise Chorus played... and there's a line in that song that went "I always want to feel like part of this was mine"

and i was thinking about Joanna, Michelle, Jessica, Nikki and Luis who were coming all the way up to Northridge to see be before i left, and i remembered all the times i had spent with them... and at that moment it dawned on me that I WAS part of it. It was MINE. As much as i wished that i was, that i could have been in the LA emo punk scene, the whole ride, the whole life i had longed to have in america, as much as i wished i had it... truth is that i DO have it. I WAS PART OF IT. and THAT is something no one can ever take away from me... Looking into the eyes of all those friends who actually came, who remembers so much of the stuff that we did, who had never treated me as an outsider, whom i met when i first got here and welcomed me into their world and made me PART OF IT, I know for sure.... I was in the heart of it all... Like the whole britpop thing i missed, i missed... But this, this life, this life here for SURE, i know, i was part of it...

and i am really sorry i have to leave... because believe me, i would have rather stayed here till the bittersweet ending... because i know that the friends that i met and have over here, and all my experiences in LA... has made this place, truly, HOME and LIFE for me for the past 2 1/2 years...

I love you, and you will always be part of my heart till will stay fond with me, always.

jaa, mata aimasu...

There is also a brief comment by Rumiko Takahashi, where she is happy on reaching the 400th chapter of the series. She also adds that there's still many more stories she has to write (before the series can finish) and that for now she's aiming for at least 500 chapters.

is she nuts??????????????? FIVE HUNDRED CHAPTERS????????? MANY MORE STORIES SHE HAS TO WRITE????????

doesn't she know that people are getting sick of Inuyasha because it's toooooo frigging long winded????? If it's NOT for Sesshoumaru and Rin i would totally have lost interest like 200 chapters ago! SERIOUSLY! everyone i've encountered, no matter how much we DO like Inuyasha, everyone's complaining it's beating around the bush wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much! I mean it's one thing to write a really intricate and well woven story. And while i do think that her story are quite well woven, there comes a time that it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SUPER obviously LONG WINDED! No one wants to read a frigging long winded story! geez!!! I mean, it's getting sooooooooooooo long winded that characters can go missing from the story for like more than 50 chapters! da hell! (kouga for example! where the hell has HE been??)

Like my blog posts and emails. geez! ppl dun wanna read long winded beating around the bush stuff!

PLEASE, ONEGAI!! JUST END IT!!!

HEY!!! anyone remembers this website???? and by anyone, i'm referring to Ching Mun of course!

I got this junk mail (AGAIN) in my hotmail mailbox from this website and i clicked it and yooooooooo!!!!!!!! I REMEMBERED IT!!!!!! I remember we used to play around with it back in like form four (98)!! You know that whole MCKL phase and all that stuff. hehehe. Apparently it's still around!

Neways, please don't forget to drop in at the new SIDE KICK blog! and check out all elaine's random thoughts and truly see, what a scatter brain she is! ^^

i think i wrote this in my email to Nigel (which i do hope he would reply) that life after graduation isn't fun: it's a series of confusion punctuated by crucial life-changing decisions i am not prepared to make.

And i was thinking about Evonne the other day, about her making the decision to go home and DOING IT. I realized that it takes as MUCH strength to go back home as it is to stay here in America. It really does.

SO!!!!!

I have a NEW SIDE KICK blog!

The new blog is just basically random stuff i think about each day that i don't wanna put in this main blog (this one's for "serious" stuff). Neways, I still hope you'd please do go check it from time to time ^^! Thanks!

Been Thinking About...

SO!!! TODAY I FINALLY WENT FOR MY FIRST OASIS CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry ler, but i have to say that, nine years ago, I could contend at being one of the biggest Malaysian Oasis fan, ok!!!!

NEWAYS, although i was NINE YEARS TOO LATE, and the whole BRITPOP era has come and gone and faded away............

I DID FINALLY SEE OASIS LIVE. THERE in that crowd... FINALLY. (btw, i actually REALLY wished Oasis would cover a Stone Roses song, i suddenly felt such an urge and desire to go crazy live with some SR songs!!!)

However, the drawback was that, i did see them at the HOLLYWOOD BOWL (see pic below):



As u can see, it's a huge ass areana. and Unfortunately, it's not knebworth or Maine Rd, where at least those were legendary Oasis shows, so it didn't matter that they looked like ants when u saw them but at least u were part of history. BUT NO, this show was NOT part of history. So, that's the sucky part.

NEWAYS.

OASIS FINALLY CAME ON after supporting acts Kassabian and Jet.

NEW OASIS, that is... so i don't know who the four other dudes were, i only knew Liam and Noel Gallagher..... Noel of course, whom i still love and adore with the same idealism that i did 9 years ago...


super zoom camera.

NEWAYS they came on...

They started with two new songs that, of course, duh, i didn't know. THENNNNNNNNNN the highlight started when they played a very old song Bring It On Down, which i thought was a very odd selection of a song to play. Not just because it was a Definitely Maybe era song but also cause it was a B-side... For a huge arena like this where i would bet 75% of the audience are just casual Oasis listeners, so... WHY THE HECK BRING IT ON DOWN??

Neways, after that they hit into What's The Story Morning Glory, which got the crowd rumbling (mind you, i think there was at least 6,000 people).

But it was here that i did feel though, even when they were playing Bring It On Down, i loved these songs, i really do, and once before, some time ago, i remember i used to obsessed about them and could not stop listening to these songs. I remember how much I rotated Oasis' singles (and i had every one of them for both Definitely Maybe and What's the Story singles) and heard these songs you know.

But i just couldn't help but feel how much, things have changed. That i was indeed.... LATE.

I think the moment really became very very very very incredibly WOW!!! FINALLY for me was when they actually played Cigarettes and Alcohol. Noel said "this song is for the fucking law that say no smoking in places" and I KNEW they were going to play Cigarettes and Alcohol and they did!!!!!!

You know, funny how you suddenly remember the words to the songs even when you've not heard it in awhile. And actually was reminded how poignant the lyrics were "is it worth the aggravation to find yourself a job when there's nothing worth living for?" NO SHIT NOEL!! I guess just gimme some cigarettes and alcohol at this point and i'm sure i'd be set for life! hellz!

But i think the feeling that i was NINE YEARS too fucking late didn't strike me that much till they played Live Forever.

I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy they played Live Forever. I was thinking abt it before the show that it would be AMAZING!!!!!! SIMPLY nostaglically like a dream coming to live, if they played Live Forever, Acquiesce, Don't Look Back In Anger, Slide Away and all those old old songs. And THEY DID play Live forever!!

Noel said before the song "This song is dedicated to all those in New Orleans" and i had a feeling they'd play Live Forever and they did!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ouh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn simply amazing!!!!!

and i was reminded again, of those great lyrics Noel once wrote that really really spoke to my heart and spoke what i felt, "maybe i will never be all the things that i'd like to be, but now is not the time to cry, now's the time to find out why"... Amazinggggg!!

But i think it was here also that halfway being REALLY REALLY like struck wit hthe wonder of FINALLY seeing them live and hearing them play these songs, was when it also crunch on me the very very deep realization that I was VERY VERY much 9 years too late...

I know i was in the middle of it all, but it was in the middle of it all, of a dream becoming true, realizing before my eyes, was when i also realized that i was already too late. This whole thing, this whole phase, this whole essence, and PHENOMENA and entirety of OASIS that i loved, was already gone. This wave that i was in at that moment standing there singing with them Live Forever, and relive/living the moment NOW that i could not live BACK THEN in 96, I realized that that moment was VERY FAKE. It was not the real thing. It was not the real phenomena. THAT phenomenan that was Oasis, that i loved, that I LONGED with my WHOLE HEART to be submerged in it's landslide... that's gone, that's over..... Simply put, the whole Britpop era is done and GONE, and I had the train, the boat and it has sailed... And whatever that i was experiencing at that moment, really is not, really is, just, a shadow, of that... a shadow of what I wanted... I was as if grasping finally the one thing that you had longed for so many years ago, but you realized that what you have in your hands is not the real physical thing but a mere hologram... that's how it felt like.

And I think i felt that the MOST when they played Champagne Supernova, and Liam sang those words "where were you while we were getting high?"

And i remembered those years ago, even back in 97/98 during the tail end of Morning Glory and the near beginging of the Be Here Now era, I remember always singing that line as if Oasis was asking its people "where were you while we were getting high?".... And i remembered writing in some deranged fan mail probably or one of my thousands of Oasis-reflection-lamentation pieces "where were you while we were getting high? I was six thousand miles away, longing to slide away to be caught beneath that landslide of the supernova that is Oasis".

And the sad sad fact that hit me while Liam sang that, and even when I sang back "Someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide" and knowing that today, that moment was my finally SOMEDAY and i was in that landslide, i was finally part of, one in the sea of thousands in an Oasis crowd, but even when i sang that, I knew that this was just the mere image/reflection/shadow of the actual phenomena that i really wanted to be in those years ago.

Back in 98, I think, I was watching the D'yer Know What I Mean? video of Channel V and going all crazy about it cause it was the first single and it was the first video after Morning Glory and i was all exicted about it. In the midst of the obsessiveness and longing flooding out of my adoring eyes, I remember my brother said to me something along the lines "what are u obsessing about, you're not part of Oasis' people. Cause all their people are THERE in the video, and you're here. So you're not part of it. Give it up."

And you know, in such a shitty but true way, the core of what my brother said, was right. Sybolically Liam singing "all my people right here right now," and there was this bunch of people sitting around watching them with the helicopters and all in that video... It was as if symbolically, it was true... all the Oasis people, the ones who were REALLY THERE, in the HEART of it ALL, in the CORE of the Oasis phenomenan back then, was truly, right there right THEN.

And i was NOT part of it. I never was, I never could, and i will never be. I miss knebworth by 10 days, that first time we visited England. THE historical KNEBWORTH Oasis weekend, yeah, by 10 days.... And I guess no matter how many Hollywood Bowls show i can attend after that, will not make for the fact that I missed it, will not make for the fact that, it will NEVER be that Knebworth Weekend or those Maine Rd show...

that when i was form 3 and i stared out at Stadium Negara pretending it was Maine Rd, wishing that it was and IMAGINING that i was there.... Even if i had seen them, now, I think, it'd still have to go on IMAGINING i was there in the REAL phenomena.

and i guess that's why i didn't feel incredibly beyond belief overwhelmed tonight....

i would STILL give my left lung to have been able to be there in that crowd in Knebworth that weekend or in that two shows in Maine Rd, those years ago..

It was still amazing though, being there, and felt like i was being hit, like my head was exploding, when i did feel though in some tiny moments as if i was caught up FINALLY in the real thing, in the original Oasis supernova landslide i wanted to be in. Especially in moments when they played ACQUIESCE!!!!!!!!!!!

OUH MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN I really wished and dreamt they would play that song before the show started because i thought "wow man! it would be amazing to hear that song live finally!!!" and i still always remember that one night, that first night when i discovered Acquiesce on the Some Might Say single. I still remember that night. Ouh man i TOTALLY fell in love with that song and looped it the WHOLE NIGHT, and i remember falling in love with Oasis all over again because of that song. I felt that song was so beautiful especially in lights of Liam and Noel's bickering when Noel sang "cause we need each other, we believe in one another, i know we're gonna uncover, what's sleeping in our soul."

And mannnnnnnnnnnnn that song REALLY IS a phenomena to witness live. It's an AMAZING AMAZING live song.

and it was simply BRILLIANT to have had that chance to stand there to listen, to sing, to scream to be MOVED by the power fo the song, that time tonight.

Then they did play wonderwall which liam dedicated and said "this one's for the lads."

But i never realized though, how MELLOW Wonderwall was!! Seriously! It's a beautiful song but i don't think it's a power song like Acquiesce is.

Neways, they ended their set with Rock and Roll Star. When they played the song, I knew i recongized it, and memory again is a funny thing cause i could still remember 60% of the song and pretty much the chorus. which was brillaint. I must say, NOEL GALLAGHER could write fucking BRILLIANT lines back then man, he really did. I guess Manchester did something to him huh!

Neways, the came back for an encore. They played two new songs and when Liam walked off stage (he constantly dissapeared when Noel sang the songs) I KNEW they were going to play Don't Look Back In Anger!!!!!! And it was DEFINITELY confirmed when Noel said it was good to finally play at venues like these instead of fucking clubs, and then he started asking if anyone was mexican. then he said "This one's dedicated to all the people here who are of mexican heritage" (and knowing what america did to the mexicans back thenn... hehe) he started with DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER!!!!

It was BRILLIANT to hear all the people, almost 10,000 of them, screaming with him "Slip inside the eye of your mind, don't you know you might find" Brillaint, BRILLIANT!

I tried to record this set but errrr... sorry, my recording sucked, plus u could hear me screaming off key more than u can hear the music too!

And I think it was just amazing, cause Noel didn't sing at all for the entire chorus but instead, the crowd sang it, and it was just brilliant! (if u think abt it, it seems that DLBIA seems to be the more popular one than Wonderwall). BRILLIANT! and of course, the part i screamed the most with my dear Noel was "AND PLEASE DON'T PUT YOUR LIFE IN THE HANDS, OF A ROCK AND ROLL BAND, THROW IT ALL AWAY"

Brilliant... and of course, Don't Look Back In Anger is one of my favourite Oasis tunes... if not, my most favourite one....

and so he sang... "don't look back in anger.... i heard you say..... at least not today...."

brilliant...

then it was their last song, Liam announced, then Noel said "you are the Hollywood Bowl and I am the Hollywood mole, thank you," and they played their last song....

The ending... well, they played a song i didn't know, but it was at the very very very end, the part where the band walks off stage that left me left me overwhelmed

First, I was very surprised by this but i thought that it was actually REALLY REALLY REALLY nice and superbly cool of Liam to do this. But at the end of the last song, some girl managed to climb up on stage, and immeidately i saw this guy run across the stage from the other end and darted towards the girl who was already held back by one security guy but was still clammering her hands towards Liam and Noel. Neways, a few of the security guys managed to haul the screaming girl towards the side of the stage where the speakers were, and i thought it was really really nice and cool of Liam because Liam actually walked quickly over to where the girl was to actually talk to her for abit, or maybe to make sure she was okay, and I thought it was superbly great of him to do that... I guess, to me, it gave me a sense that, you know, it made the show SMALLER, in a way, that it was cool to see or feel as if Oasis is not like those aloft cool-ass bands that don't give a fuck abt fans anymore. That it gave a sense to me as if, not that Oasis is not big, but that they're not a band that is not connected to the fans at all and remains aloof to them, but they're not aloof, you know... they're still there, and no matter how big they've become, maybe they're still Oasis.

And the second thing that left me crying... well, i nearly cried, i didn't want anyone to see, so i didn't cry.... Almost like that time when I wanted to buy, I think it was eithe Q or something else, magazine that had a SPECIAL OASIS issue... And i remember going to the store at 1 Utama and walking into the music store and not find it there. When i enquired, they store clerk told me that it was SOLD OUT. I remember walking out of the store at the verge of tears after he told me that, and i remember that when i walked out of the complex at the underground parking, i just started crying like hell, because i thought i had missed.... lost, failed, to hold, to grasps a part of them that i was so, very desperate to attain... to hold, to own. I wanted every piece of them that i could get, I had already missed and lost so much, and i didn't want to lose any more...
And it was like that moment again, it was as if i was turned into that 16 year old again you know.

And it was when Noel Gallagher finally bade his goodbye and walked off stage.

He was meddling around with his guitar abit, then he put it down and said thank you, then he walked to the front of the stage to get something that someone was holding out to him. He autographed it, shook more hands, then took a bow, blew a kiss, then waved goodbye, turned around and walked off... like the many many times i had watched him do, and now for real.

when he waved goodbye, and i knew this was it... i really felt as if i was 14 again, you know... and when he waved, i actually waved back but caught myself, because, it was really saying goodbye you know...

and i was 14 again... and all those years that i had longed for them... and now, he was going to be gone....


I guess, the show was not as if a dream come true, or at least i didn't feel completely overwhelmed as if "wow!!!!! I'm in this finally!!!!" in that sense of connection to the feelings that i felt for Oasis, and the longings and wantings and mad obsessive cravings i had all those years ago back home when i used to look out of my Form 3 classroom towards Stadium Negara and pretended it was Maine Rd and said good morning to Noel Gallagher every day. While i was watching the show and finally singing those songs, I didn't feel as if I was in that whole Oasis mania '96 phenomenan... i was happy and i was glad... but i knew, i knew, i knew, i had ALREADY missed IT ALL, you know.

But at the ENDING of the show, when noel was going to walk off stage and when he did walk off stage, i was totally sucked back into that whole thing. And i think if there was one moment in the show that i REALLY REALLY REALLY felt as if I WAS 14 back in 1996 ACTUALLY am part of and experiecing the whole Oasis 96 mania phenomenan first hand for REAL, it was that final moment when Noel Gallagher was walking off stage....

if was as if, when he walked out... a part of me, a very very old part of me that i can still feel so nostalgically, died along with it...

and then the stage was silent, and the crowd began to disperse..

and then the crisps clear sound of the piano of Let It Be began to play and echo in the wake...