Wednesday, August 31, 2005
nani ga ichiban hoshii?

moving out today.

black hole.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
ALRIGHTS! i have finished watching Samurai Champloo at last!!!!!!! first thoughts first, more later...

Overall STORY rating: B+/A-
Art: A+++++++++++++
Character Design: Good ler. But erm, i must say, inferior when compared to their artwork instead... Sometimes i think that their background and scenery look more beautiful than their characters.

1) The one thing I love the most about this series is the art work... BRILLIANT. FANTASTIC. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

2) The music. Awesome! Used VERY effectively!

3) GREAT LAST THREE EPISODES! (not to say that the rest wasn't good but i've never seen concluding arcs as compelling before... MAYBE i don't watch enough anime that's why!)

4) Watch it in JAPANESE!!!!! (with subs of course!) and if you can, listen out for what they're saying. And often you'd catch them saying English words! I mean the whole deal of Champloo is that it mixes the old edo time period with modern day lingo and styles. and if you listen to the conversations, it's very modern cause they use english words in it (i would assume modern conversational japanese would be like this). And it's damn hilarious when you catch it! Like in one episode, Mugen, Fuu and Jin are eating Shabu Shabu and Mugen dips the meat into the hot water, then when he eats the cooked meat and exclaims "hot!" IN ENGLISH. damn! i really cracked up when i heard that!

5) I love the interaction between Fuu, Mugen and Jin. It's really endearing, cute, and funny all at the same time. Fuu and Mugen always bickering with each other (like siblings or lovers u decide), Fuu soooooooooo cute hiding behind Jin for safety, Mugen and Jin's growing up subversive commeraderie. And all three being together as a really funny loosely connected but still very loyal to each other kind of a group. If you like two really different type of guys, the silent, quiet yet serious type (jin) and the scruffy, obnoxious, loose-cannon ball type of guy (Mugen), "protecting" a younger naggy annoying but cute, caring and kind hearted younger "sister" type of senario, then Camploo is great!

6) Samurai Champloo gives very little bullshit. They're very stark in potraying that their characters are in the end, anti heroes. Because Mugen, you want to believe he is good, since he is a little affectionate and "loyal" to Fuu (and Jin), but he KILLS no matter what if the situation fits his liking, or he has no qualms about robbing people just so they can get by. Jin is also the same. While he is more noble in his cause, more apathetic, more calculated in his moves, more polite, usually kill only bad dudes, he too has no hessitation to draw his sword. At least usually for good.


My only criticism of the series is this: they did NOT develop the MAIN PLOT well enough.

Fuu mentions in episode 12 that "it seems like our quest to search for the sunflower samurai has become secondary to trying to scrape enough money to get by everyday life," and in many ways, this WAS what Samurai Champloo was about.

Unlike most series, even if they were just 26 episodes or whatever, usually a good deal of the episodes would be spent on developing the main plot, but Champloo does not, and when they do, it's very sprace and a long gap in between.

Like, i would say that the quest to search for the Sunflower Samurai is the main plot (since that's the factor that drives the characters to keep travelling). But essentially there's ONE episode dealing directly with the plot with complete significance... And this comes way in episode 19.

As for Mugen's character, which i think he was meant to be the "main dude", his plot was also not quite well developed. There were only 2 episodes (13 and 14) that were actually related to the final showdown, and even that, it was not much of a relation. Mugen's final showdown with the bad guys, albiet is like his confrontation with his murderous past and accepting the consequences of his life, the whole reason why he got into the fight, it was not AT ALL alluded to as to there are these three dudes wanting to make his life a total hell.

Jin's plot was VERY WELL developed on the other hand, because they had at least 4-5 episodes dedicated to the story of his past and the people who are out to get him which related very well to his final battle.

BUT, the one thing that Jin's character was NOT well developed was his whole motivation. In the end, their final talk together as a group, Jin admits that he's been travelling because he's searching. But he doesn't know what he's searching for. At the end, Jin tells Mugen that he's found what he's searching for, that is, a comrade (in Mugen) that he's never had in his life because he had always used his strength for his own. PROBLEM WITH THAT is that, dude, Jin has been potrayed throughout the series as not being one who used his strength for himself but always for others, to fight against injustice, to save other (shino and fuu), to do what is noble.

I think the whole comrade and learning to live and die for others would be better suited for a lesson that Mugen would have learnt (considering that he grew quite concerned over Jin sometimes and sacrificed his sword for Fuu's freedom).

Mugen's lesson, I think was quite okay... I mean, he says in the end to Jin that before this he always had to fight and kill the person who was stronger than he was, but now, it doesn't matter anymore... In that way, it does reflect that his partnership with Jin (thanks to Fuu) made this all possible, and Mugen learns the lesson of co-existance with others. As for the whole thing about Mugen giving up his sword for Fuu's freedom, i'd be damn if we're told it was used only as a plot device! But i feel that it's a significant lesson for Mugen to finally live and die for someone other than himself (yay! cause it's Fuu!)

Fuu..... well... fuu found her sunflower samurai. ha. Cause her plot was so underdeveloped, i can't say what Fuu learnt in the end. But we know that she got her peace and came to terms with her past by meeting the sunflower samurai.

And then what do they do after they had learnt all these lesson and found companionship and commaraderie in each other??? They come to a fork road and Mugen says "ja ne" (see ya) and they walk their seperate ways. THE HELL!


My favourite episodes... hmm... i liked 12, 13, 14, 18 (damn farnee), 20, 21, 23 (damn farnee), 24 - 26.
Monday, August 29, 2005
you can have it all but how much do you really want it?

I realize that i don't want it bad enough. Because i am too lazy and reluctant.... to work. And I'll admit that.

lazy dreamers. i think i most definitely fall into that category. those who dream big but lazy as hell to do work as if praying for a miracle to happen to our lives and cursing the skies if we don't get what we want thinking that we've been delt an unfair blow as if life owed us something.

i wish i was born practical.
Friday, August 26, 2005


"Not so much abt career, but more of what u want to achieve within the time
that u have in ur hands right now."


and isn't that the problem? That i really don't know, i really don't know. I have no songs left to be inspired by, to be spurred to the moment and live. Believe, Play. and yet. I feel like i can't. Like i can't when i should but i can't.

My first summer here, i remember telling myself to follow and take hed of the words my ataris and to live my summer in the inspiration of the lines "being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right"

and i did you know, i followed my heart, wasted days and nights on end, and alot of money to add to that, put myself in countless situations that in right and more matured mind, wouuld not have... but i followed my heart through and through because i knew exactly what i wanted to do... it was like "being wrong never felt so right"...

but that's not the point now, you know. That's not the problem, following my heart... The problem is that, right now, and for the past few months, my heart has been incredibly dyslexic. And the problem didn't lie in not being able to follow my heart, follow my dreams, chase the rainbows follow the skyline ride the sunset, the problem is that my heart is dyslexic, and i do not know what it feel, what it wants, what I want... there is a lack of inspiration, lack of direction, lack of longing, lack of knowing, lack of being certain of knowing EXACTLY where my heart wanted to be what my heart wanted to achieve....


we should all go on tour. maybe that would change us a little.

but it's just discomforting, to not have a place to call home... not even that, to not even have a permanent address that you can forward your mails to.

I of all people... i know i am capable of doing something insane, but i am also one who is inclined, who clings onto comfort zones, who is terrified of not knowing.

shitty thing is that my whole life, the one thing i hated the most was not knowing what i was going to do with my life, was not knowing what i was going to be in the next five years or ten for that matter, and now, now, i find myself in that very black hole that everyone talks about that comes and sucks you in after graduation.

so shitty so shitty...

and yet, i am not willing to go home.

because elaine, this is life right? To go. To go.

i've never been one to not know where's home... i like sitting at home and doing nothing...

but yet... i know that there's so much more to be gained by leaving...

get up and go.

wherever, you know, wherever.

isn't that the great american adventure?


Are you gonna live your life wondering
standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinking
how you've grown up or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?

Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.
Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.
Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I'mn my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
So come on SOMEBODY, sing me something that I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.




dance if you want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't let you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan

I'm not saying right is wrong
It's up to us to make
The best of all things that come our way
And all the things that came have past
The answer's in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
Down life's endless corridor
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...

Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't let you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan


-we would only get what we will settle for-


i'm really glad i liked Oasis when i did, and i can say proudly that i was not in, duh, i was never in UK, but I was all caught up in that whole Britpop era back in 96.

Listening to this Britpop station on Yahoo Launch. hmm... They've been playing all these classic britpop bands: Mansun, Suede, Oasis and Blur (the godfathers of britpop), Kula Shaker, The Verve, Massive Attack, Placebo, etc..

It's wonderful you know, and it's so weird, or wonderful to realize that my preference for music is so very inclined towards britpop sounds. Like even after the whole britpop age, i tend to drift towards music that sounds britpop... hence why i like non-English bands like Asian Kung Fu Generation and The Pillows and the likes...

Oddly enough though, I've never checked out bands like The Smiths or even Morrissey for that matter. I mean i did check out The Stone Roses (due to Oasis) and i did prefer them way better than Happy Mondays though... but i wonder why i missed the whole Smiths thing, considering that they're like legends.

Neways, better late than never. gonna check them out now.

Thursday, August 25, 2005
It is [insert company name]'s policy to employ, retain, promote, terminate and otherwise treat all employees and job applicants,without regards to any individual's race, color, age, sex, religion, natural origin, disability, sexual orientation, age, marital or veteran status.

my ass.

"will you be needing sponsorship for a H1 Visa?"-- Yes.
"Thank you for your time, goodbye."
grad school is expensive. insanely expensive. but i guess compared to undergrad it's the same? better? i don't know... $31k is NOT afforable... but that's actually the cheapest... UCLA it is then, $31k.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to cast a stone at her.

John 8:7

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Courtney, be brave be strong. I hope you will clean up but I don't think you need to get your act and be the american sweetheart because you're not that and i don't think you'll ever be and i don't want you to be, cause you're Courtney Love.
I've always admired Courtney Love, and while i think her drug habit is shitty, but you know, i don't have anything against her at all.


I've always loved Courtney and when i was a teenager, i really admired her because she could always say "fuck you" to anyone and I loved that strength in her. I loved how she could be cool and face up to the world and didn't have to pretend that she had her act together. She never hid, never denied who she was, even if she was not what society accepted in a girl. That was and still is how i feel about Courtney Love.

When i said that to a friend once, a few years back, he said to me that to the contrary, Courtney Love sucks up to society alot. And as i reflected, i thought that he might be right, that courtney do the things she do to get the attention and approval she craves from society.

But these days the more i read about news of Courtney Love, which really just a repetition of drug busts and probation she violated, the more i think that the whole deal with Courtney doing the things she do to try to win the approval of society is plain bullshit. Because Courtney Love will NEVER win their approval. Because society loves Courtney Love because she is a fuck up.

The only approval Courtney will ever win from society is for being a fuck up. So then, if if Courtney is trying to win the approval of society, then i say that all her fucked up public persona is not to be blamed on Courtney, but on society.


What i feel is that she is a victim. Not just of drugs, but she is a victim of society.

When she's on drugs, people will say that "ouh look at her, drug addict."
When she FINALLY comes clean and she gets fat because of it, people say "Look how fat Courtney is"
When she gets back on drugs again, people say, "Saw this coming, what's new?"

Give her a break man.

Courtney Love is a scapegoat.

Courtney Love is not the only celebrity with a drug problem. Courtney Love is not the only HUMAN BEING with a drug problem. Courtney Love is NOT the only fucked up person in this whole world man! I just think it's incredibly WRONG that she's being crucified for her deeds and her manner and her behavior over and over and over and over again all these years by the courts, the media and by society.

It's just that she's the most predominant celebrity that has ALWAYS publicised or BEEN publicied with a drug problem that people just love her for being so fucked up. And I think that's very wrong, because the truth is that we have our own Courtney shit in us.

Stop crucifing her for goodness sake and look within yourself and see your own shit within.

Don't point your fingers at her and say she's the guilty one when we're all as guilty as her.

Don't look at her and read about how fucked up she is to give yourself that condesending self righteous comfort thinking how much better and holier you are than Courtney Love

because deep down inside, we all have our own demons to hide.

The difference is that at least Courtney Love still had the strength and courange to fight her demons in the scrutinizing public eye, go through all that persecution, fuck up, rise and fuck up again and still fight on, or at least try and die trying..... While we continue to hide and indulge and take pleasure and twisted guilt in our skeletons in our own private little closet.

That is why, I still think that Courtney Love is one of the most open and "honest" celebrities out there because she doesn't pretend to have it all, doesn't pretend to be your all american girl, doesn't pretend to be perfect, doesn't pretend like she can do it either if she can't.

She is fucked up, and i do hope she'll get better, but i'll always give Courtney the credit for having the strength to face all these shit in the flashing of camera lights, even if she seems to revel it in it sometimes.

Friday, August 19, 2005
????

love, lust
fleeting impluses
body naked sleep.

compulsion, desire,
one way repeating
train wreck
resurfacing
the buried.

broken records
infinite loop
instance
light
16,000 times in one night.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I made a new website.......... please visit!!!

http://www.bandwagonmusic.com/mayonaka.htm

and please go listen to Asian Kung Fu's song there.... This song is very very beautiful... It's actually that song i gave to Eiji because it reminded me of him every time i listened to it...

So please, do go visit.

I'll probably link the flash player (for the song and animation) here later ^^

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005
i actually shud be more reflective of my gradutation huh? finally all done huh? all those years. and then coming here. the reason why i came here is finally done (unless CSUN withholds my cert!!!!!!!!). but still. huh.

i love america, i really do. I think i can still remember the first sensation, that morning waking up in Torrance at Aunt Mei's house, and the sunlight through the window and the wonderment of it all, to wake up and realize suddenly, it's all a dream come true... I still remember that feeling very clearly... and perhaps, i wish i could relive such dream once again...

You know, that moment when you board that plane, wether we knew it or not, it would be a moment that would change our life forever... Whether in the end of the three years and our time here we are to return home or to struggle on to stay here, it was the begining of an experience in our life that would completely change the way we are, whether it was apparent to us or not...

and i remember the mountains... probably the Sierras, and i remember the clouds nestling around the San Bernardinos, and I remember that was when i first fell in love. I remember the flat plains of the Great Central Valley... I don't remember seeing Los Angeles from the sky, but i definitely remember that very moment i took my first breath of the chilly air outside LAX Tom Bradley. And I remember the wind the blew by Redondo Beach and seeing everything in me, This was America, and I was already in love, and i didn't want to leave.

I loved that first day here you know. I wish so much i could relive that day over and over again... the Brand Newness to everything, the hope, the prospect, the dream, all lying before me... it was wonderful that feeling...

I don't think it's a feeling that will ever be duplicated ever again...

it was a serene takeover... one that i didn't feel a moment that jumped up and grabbed me, but one where I landed, and everything felt so right.


And well.... i guess this IS the ending of that journey... although i wish it not be...

I don't know. Life is life, you know.... and I'll leave it to God, as to what may come ahead of this... be this the end? I hope not. But we don't really know now do we?

South Bay.

yeah, besides Malibu, if i ever had a chance to live here, i'd definitely settle in South Bay purely for the reason that it was for me like the statue of liberty those migrants first saw when they reached new york at the turn of the century. Mine was South Bay. Sepulveda Blvd, Redondo Beach and the likes...
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REAL GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAST CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAST ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, i've survived 16 years of school.

Ironically, this LAST CLASS is also the ONLY CLASS in my life that i had actually NOT SKIPPED A SINGLE CLASS!!! (WOO!! RECORD MAN!) and DID ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS!!! (WOO!! ANOTHER RECORD) and EVEN STUDIED FOR MY CLASS! *WAHHHHHHHH*

in fact!!! i was too lazy to do this final lab assignment and wanted to do it on Thursday afternoon (just before it was due)... Then now at 3am, i didn't feel right... Didn't feel like watching anime, didn't even feel like web designing.... SOOOOOOOOOOOOO i ended up doing the lab instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*WOW*

but no, seriously.

anyways...

i'm done.

yet...

i wish i could go back to school in two weeks when fall starts...

i'm so envious of friends going back to school...

i wish i could too.......

:(
this song was only wishful thinking.

LAST CLASS in TWO HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can u believe it???? Sixteen years of school for this moment!!! but damn, I don't wanna leave... shite...

I think i am going to go for grad school... if i can get enough money, of course. I'm thinking cultural studies, what think you? Another useless degree, i must say, sigh.
Monday, August 15, 2005
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Been Listening to:


Ash - Meltdown


What can i say but...... BRILLIANT. Got the wind knocked out of me again, overwhelmed again, reobsessed AGAIN. Ash, only Ash, eight years and running, the only band that has been able to do this to me over and over and over again.


Tim Wheeler, master of power choruses, the one man that has not forgotten how to make good/great rock tunes after all these years, still the one band that's still there, churning out power songs that can still sweep you off your feet. damn!

btw... one of the pictures on the left panel has an Ash song from Meltdown for download! ^^




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Charlotte Hatherley - Grey Will Fade


Well i had not checked out Charlotte's album since it came out last year and boy!!! do i regret!!!


Her debut album is AMAZING! I loved it! Surprisingly, it's very pop rock. I was expecting something wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more indie but it turned out to be very upbeat, happy, catchy. Although a different sort of catchy from Ash.


Great album! I love most of the tracks but mote notably Summer, Bastardo, Where I'm Calling From. Excellent!


Makes me quite worried actually, that Charlotte might leave Ash. Since she's doing quite abit of solo work outside of Ash time when Ash is on a break. Of course she has all rights to do so! But it's great to see that Tim and Rick (and i'm sure Mark too) is very supportive of her. But I hope she'll still be Tim's right hand woman... hehe. since they'll never be together off stage, i'm always hoping keep being a great pair onstage at least!

Again, on the left panel, there's a picture u can click to download Charlotte's song Summer and I recommend it!

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Been Watching:


Samurai Champloo. hahaha...


Well, i think i had been told wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy before this to check the series out but i didn't because someone told me that it was very hip-hoppish. So i never bothered. Then i saw abit on Cartoon Network two weeks ago and i got intrigued. So now i am watching it!


Commentaries:


I absolutely love the graphics in this series. The designs and image in the opening and ending sequences are amazingly beautiful. Took my breath away. I've never seen an ending sequences with such beautiful image. Made me fall in love with the illusion of Japan all over again!


On that note though, I don't quite like the character design and also the drawing in this series. It's by the creator of cowboy bebop. And well, the thing abt it though, maybe i'm not used to seeing designs like these but i thought it was very simplistic.


For a series whose strength lies in their graphic design, the fusion of hip-hop culture into traditional japanese art, i thought that the animation was really weak. It's like i always feel that there's a lack of detail in some scenes, and the movement of the animation is not smooth. seriously.


Neways, I've not finished watching the whole series. I was watching it bits by bits, one episode here one episode there (since i've started watching anime from the END to the begining instead, no thanks to shitty tragic/cliffhanger endings japanese media is so prone to do).


So far it's been okay. I think the story has very innovative designs, and i also think that the dynamics of the story is also cool: a girl travelling with a ruffian swordfighter and a rogue but refined samurai in her quest to find the sunflower scented samurai. There were some very hillarious moments in the story but i've yet to really dwell on the deeper stuff of the series, like the motivations and history of Mugen (the main ruffian guy), Jin (the rogue but refined samurai) and Fuu (the ditsy but kindhearted female lead). But i will soon.


So there will definitely be more post on Samurai Champloo later! hehe, knowing how obsessive i can get.




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Been doing:


1) Making flash movies for the website i made! and believe me, it was NOT easy. Been using Swish and Flash MX this time! It's been challenging! But well! at least i've learnt how to use Flash MX a little!


2) Making a website!!!!!!!!!! (it's also linked now on my blog under "love", please go check it out)


3) Screen Capturing ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT for the flash movie i was making!!!!


4) PHOTOSHOPPING!!!! Ouh man, i can't tell u how sick i am using photoshop lately!!!! Was perpetually using it for editing the pictures to make the Flash movie. Used it aslo to make the website. Used it again for the screen caps. And used it again to redesign the blog! So go figure!


Damn i'm doing alot of multimedia these days!





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Been wasting Money on:


Well so much for saving up! The rest of the time that i'm not dealing with some multimedia stuff, I've been shopping online for Ash and X-Files stuff!!!


Ash CD that i have purchased in the past 2 weeks include:

Free All Angels Album with bonus DVD (second copy), Meltdown Album with bonus DVD (also second copy and ALSO for the bonus DVD), Burn Baby Burn Single CD 1 & 2 & DVD (AGAIN, second copy cause i lost the first), Envy Single DVD, Free All Angels UK promo special, Warmer Than FIre UK Video Promo.


geez, so much for SAVING MONEY elaine!




So yeah......... those are the stuff that account for a lack of update on the blog lately.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
i've been meaning to write. but nothing much has been happening lately. will post something about Ash and Charlotte later on the webpage i made in hopes ppl will go visit it.

neways, redesigned. not really. but those pictures u see at right bar. click ahead. each pic will lead u either to a nice music download, video download or a webpage of things i am currently watching, listening, or just a webpage... so CLICK ON! =) I think i'll constantly be changing it... that'd be a nice thing.

so that's it for now. will post later. it's 8am now.

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