I really don't like journalism. It's very inspiring and all that when the teacher talks to us. But i simply don't have the passion to be investigative, to be naturally curious, and to give a shit about the political situation.
Alot of American Journalism is tied to that- because that is what Journalists should be to begin with, the watchdog of the nation. We are the 4th branch of government. We were given the power by the Consitution of the United States to check the powers of the other three branches of Government..... or at least the other two minus the Supreme Court.
I just don't care. Maybe it's the upbringing you know. Like my family has never been one who really cared about Politics or at least, it was never discussed with the kids. And Politics in Malaysia belongs to those who have time. hmmm... i don't know who it belongs to, but i just feel it ain't no belong to the Middle Class Complacent Chinese. And i was never brought up to be politcally critical, you know, it just never grew into an interest.
But that is the crust of what Journalism is about. And i totally don't like that part of it. That LARGE HUGE CHUNK of it.
And the other thing is that..... I don't like interviewing people...
1) I get tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo intimidated.
I was assigned to this newstory this week that required me to deal with the President's Office, that is the head of the Uni, the top most guy (woman in our case), and i just didn't dare to question that office. I wonder if cause i am that typical asian person. that i just don't like to question authority. That i do puff them up in this aura that surrounds them.
2) I don't know what questions to ask.
I always feel i ask lame questions. And i find that i never do come up with the good juicy, power packed, questions till AFTER the interview and i am going through my (badly written) notes.
3) I just don't know how to think outside the box.
When i get an assignment... I jsut don't know how to get about it. I have news ideas and i have ideas on what i kinda wanna do with a story. But i just don't know where to get the answers and how to get the answers. I don't know who is the right person i should go to, how to get to them, and if i can't get to them, where do i start out first. I just can't seem to instantaneously figure that out. I just keep needing pointers........... I guess that's where my Editors come in handy. My editor is real selamba, Kris, he's quite laidback, but you can see the qualities in him that makes him an editor.
Well... on another note is that...........
MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN I LIKE BROADCAST WRITING. I know i am not good at it yet. My class teacher seems to be more strict than my Radio Station Manager/Professor... I basically went into the newsroom not knowing what to do at all except that the lead must be in PRESENT TENSE, sentences should be short and simple. and BAM! i wrote! and I liked it ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think mainly cause it's REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH LESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS work than writing a news article. A news article you have to have like SOURCES, CALL THE SOURCES, INTERVIEW the SOURCES, compile them, make sense, write the story. For Broadcast, you sit there, read write stories and well...... basically SUMMARIZE them!
of course there are other rules to Broadcast writing too that i am still not good at, especially at my tenses and making the sentences short and simple and packing enough information from a 5 page story to a 1/2 page story. But danggggggggggggggg!!! It's sooooooooooooooooo much LESS pressure than PRINT!
Anyways........
i can't say any mean things about Journalism right now, I HAD some really mean stuff to say but yesterday i had a good day with Broadcast (which i ABSOLUTELY wanted to drop), and then today, i feel ok... Cause i THANK GOD (GOD always sees me through!!!!!!!!!!!!) i got my TWO sources!!! for my news story!!!!! i actually got them!!!!!!!!!! wooooooooooo!! AGAIN LAST MINUTE!!!! but i got them thank God!!!
And alsoooooooooooooo.... I suggested the student exchange program to Japan article to my editor today and he brought it up to the head editor and they approved it! So now i get to do another feature story on this! I know it's A FEATURE story but at least it's something i like, you know.......... I sure pray to God i'll do well!
So anyway.... here i am...... am i really one step closer to being a journalist??? even with the press pass and all that stuff! hehe.
But hell, it still looks cool ne. I want a REAL press pass. then can go anywhere!!!
There's two take on being a journalist though...
I was told today that on one hand, once you say you're a journalist, those who are dying to be heard will put aside everything and start talking to you like gold.
On the other hand............ those whom you WANT information from but who is UNWILLING to give it to you........ man, they clamp up worst than clamps!
I mean....... usually the first type of people are like for human interest stories ne... And i want to write those human interest stuff... i want to write about those international programs, i want to write about things that matter to me, like how the heck do they calculate the increase in fees for international students, and i want to know why the heck is the business school at CSUN attracted the MOST japanese students among all faculties? There are of course a large proportion of Indians doing the engineering and computer courses too.
It's inspiring walking into the Journalism class and my lectuerer tells us about the ethics and the "requirements" and the personalities of a journalists... "are you as tired as i am?"... that's not the question nor the answer. The point is that "you just gotta do what you need to do, whether you are tired or not. Welcome to the life of a journalist"
And i don't know if i want that... And the teacher told us today that for those who are really not willing to go through this, they really should reconsider... And even the international student guy told me today that students from the Journalism department have been telling him that the work at the Journalism department is sooooooooooooo taxing on a student that it REALLY weeds out all those who are half assed about it.
And you know what? I am half assed. And I HAVE BEEN reconsidering for sooooooooooooooooooooo many times the past 1 1/2 weeks that i keep cursing my stupidity and life's cruel fate that i ended up here....
But shit man, for finacial reasons, i really CANNOT withdraw at this point in time.
I must go on, you know.
Whether or not I am a real journalist....
with or without that press pass...
God told me today, or yesterday, just right after i was bitching about how i feel that i don't know how i ever got to where i am today. i had so many dreams ever since i was 13, i wanted to be so many things, i had so many things i wanted to be, i wanted to do.
And now, here i am, at the point where it ACTUALLY matters, i ENDED up doing something i totally LOATH.
I mean, how the HECK ON EARTH did i end up here?! I mean, mannnnnnnnn... it's not i like i was directionless in life you know, I HAD A DIRECTION. I'VE ALWAYS HAD A DIRECTION.
Yet here i am, and i am in something that i TOTALLY DO NOT WANT TO DO. HOW?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
And then i read my Lord told me "Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will being. What is your life? For you are mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say 'If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that'."
"If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that"
And God told me to have plans in life of course, but in the end, ultimately submit it to Him and it's up to Him to make it come true or not....
And you know, years ago, i decided to submit my plans to God. I did that. I told Him that "I offer my life to you, everything i've been through, use it for Your glory. And Lord I offer my days to you" and i did.... and i know i've been far from God, but i really hope that man........... I am following what God wants me to.
And although, i really don't know what i want to do with my life right now. Ironic that i always knew what i wanted since 13, and now that i am 22, i DON'T... but you know God told me that we should submit our plans to God's will, we can still enjoy His peace in the midsts of life's uncertainty.
So i hope. So I pray. So be it. Amen.
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