Friday, November 07, 2003
you don't belong

Straylight's today.

why do i always feel like i don't belong.

I want to talk to Fred... Fred's the only one I've never heard a squeak from at all.

I feel sad.

I wish I wish Jesus was a real human being like right here right now... i mean He's real of course... but i wish He was in a form of a person and He could go for shows with me, i wonder if He would to begin with, but I wish he was a person... a friend who would go for shows with me... and He's be there to talk to me for the whole 6 hours as I wait for the show to start... and He'd always make me feel happy.... He may rebuke me when I go wrong but i'll always know He won't ever hate me.... And He won't dissapoint me ever, He'd make me smile and when I start feeling bad about myself, or feel unworthy, or feel sad and dissapointed about some things or if i can't meet a band or if I don't feel like i'm good enough, He'd be sitting there next to me on that hard concrete floor in the cold and I would be telling Him all these how i feel and I'd look at him wanting to cry and He'd be looking at me and His eyes will be saying... "aww, elaine, I love you the way you are..." and when i look into His eyes I feel fine again because I know that all I ever need is Him... and He is enough for me... and He makes me feel nice... He makes me feel special... He always makes me feel like I don't need anyone else or anything else because I have him...

I wish Jesus was there with me at shows like physically sit down there with me because at least with him there right next to me I know I'm the most special girl in the world... and that's all I ever need.

I <3 You, Jesus =)

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