ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

Kan Chee Woh..... Well, his WAS the first on the list...

BOSS!

Odd they put him under Nigel instead of Y...

KHENG LI......... poor thing he said he was nervous hehehe

DA REST!

So convenient that their names came one after another hehehehee...

Seah Min Ken, Cheng Dar, Han Ming.... and I think Vince and all is in there till d end..

2) exits and entrances: exits

So Kevin left on Tuesday... Thank God there was a break on Tuesday, otherwise i'd not have been able to see him before he left.

So i went to see Kevin after i left tmpoint... around 12:30...... and spent some time with him till about 3...

Hmmm....

Last time out with Kevin...

We always seem to be eating...

Went over to his aunt's and he was packing stuff... Then when he was abit done with packing, I drove us out nearby to have lunch... just sat around talking abit about life and stuff... I suppose our conversations are still the same, but perhaps, i'm trying to impress him less or not impressing him at all with my lack of will to change my life and my utter lack of direction in it too...

Then we went back to his aunt's where he fried 2 eggs (three is abit of an overkill) and had more lunch (yes he really loves to eat)... Then we talked more and he wanted to sell his car off haha... Then we just sat about talking....

Then he went to pack and then he needed to get some stuff at an electrical store so I drove us out again.... Went to the electrical store and then we went to drive around to where his apartment is at (we couldn't go in coz he didn't have his keys) but it was a nice area... really green...

Then he took me to the SMART project where they drained the water from the tunnel...

It was kinda nice being there with him at that last moment, him bringing me tp the site to see the "really deep hole" and where the gates of the tunnel was and the lake and all that.... It was a really nice moment...

Then i drove him home and said goodbye...

I suppose, i'm quite sad about his leaving for the reason that it feels like the end of something. It's not just with Nigel and Ken leaving and all that or CW starting school or grad nite or whatever... I guess with Kevin there was just sense of the end of the time I came back to Malaysia last October...

Coz he was like the first friends I met up with when i got back you know... I think i met him the week i got back... And then now, he's gone, you know... It just feels like a chapter of my life too, that had just passed and closed...

I suppose... it has.

I don't know about Kevin..... I'm totally not what he looks for, but neither is he what I want if i wanted to be with someone... I think i'm way too childish and immature...

And i've noticed that Kevin wants those who are independent and who is strong and don't need to depend on the guy-- which of course, I'm not...

I think the only part to our conversation, or within that day, or hell, within the past months I've met him, the only time I actually showed him that part of me that was what I was... was when he told me "You should just focus your effort on getting a husband"... and I told him "NO. I won't. Because that's not what I want." He then said why not, and it's easier too... And i told him yeah, albiet it's easier but that's totally not what i want for my life.

I told him that I don't want a husband, that is not the life I want, not yet, even though it's easier but I am not gonna have my life be tied to someone else...

I said to him:

"As much as I don't know what I want to do with my life, I still want to do what I want to do with my life."

And in my heart of hearts... I think, I've defined very much of what I want with my life... As much as i don't know what I want to do with my life, I still want that option to know that I am able to control my own destiny, my own path, that i can choose for myself-- where i want to be, what i want to do, and which path i want to take-- THAT is something I will not surrender, not lose, not just yet.

luck of the draw

I went out with Kheng Li to McD after grad nite... well i took him home anyway...

But anyway, we were eating and we were talking...

And i said to him..

"Jolyn cares alot about you, you know..."

"U think i dunno meh?"

"But good oso ler, u care abt her oso.."

"I didn't say I dun..."

"I didn't say you didn't."

and he smiled...

You know, sitting there for that one moment and seeing Kheng Li smile with that shy smile, I was really jealous... Of what? I don't know... Not jealous perhaps of Jolyn or whatever, but just jealous that... You know, I wish, and all I really want is just something so small... so small to just know that there is one guy out there in this world who actually cares for me.

But i don't you know... and that is my pain, perhaps, and that is my jealousy...

But it's really sweet what jolyn has, you know, because Kheng Li does care about her... And it's really sweet you know... that whatever Kheng Li may be and whatever has unfolded and happened between them thus far.... after all has been said and done... the bottom line is this: he would still pick up his phone, constantly check it, AND replies her SMS while he is playing dota...

I think that act in itself speaks so much more about the truth of the matter than any words can.

nuff said.

(KL is gonna kill me for posting this haha! sorry!)

I love this picture... somehow to me... it captures everything... well, almost everything, of how i was there then... that I could do whatever i wanted... and i was the freest... and I was me... or at least, all that i wanted me to be...

i miss california because i was the most truthful there; when i wasn't trying to be someone else, something else, someone that others want me to be. there, i was only myself; what I wanted to be.

I was reading a book the other day. California: Dreams and Realities. Coincidently, it was actually complied by the professor in Uni who taught me Popular American Culture class.

The introduction had in it some questions that asked what image does California conjure in our mind when we think about it? What does California mean to us? What is California in our consciousness?

Unfortunately for me, as much as I do see the dichotomy between the dream California and the realities of California, SoCal will always be painted in a perpetual sunshine and blue skies in my mind, where anything could be possible-- because for me, for my experiences, as much as i did see the sot and stink of 7th and Metro, California to me still shines.

I don't think California is a place I can truly be objective about and to study this state unbiased-- as much as it is the archetypal of the American Dream, the good, the bad-- it is indeed, the Golden State to me, and everything that the American Dream idealistically is suppose to be.

曇り空も晴れた空も同じ空であるように
笑い声も涙さえも
大事な君自身の君らしさに違いないのだと僕は思う
誰が何を言おうとも僕はそう思う

As the cloudy sky and the fine sky are the same skies,
so is your laughter and your tears the real/same you.


I still really like this line... I find it really encouraging... Thank you, Yoshitarou =)

Am i allowed to post this? Anyway, i gave the IELTS class an in-class assignment today. Gave them 5 single words with which they must pick 1 and writ a paragraph based on/about that word. The 5 words I gave were: Extraordinary, inevitable, goodbye, dream, imagine (i should have given play and believe but maybe next time). Anyway, they were given about 15 minutes to write the paragraph, and I must say, there were some really brilliant ones. Here's an excerpt of some.


To dream is to live, to me everybody can dream, even animals. Dreaming holds alot of potential, it can be motivation, hope, comfort, happiness, a thing that is lost, a thing that will be found and most importantly, dreaming might hold one's future. To me dreaming is not just sights, sounds and pictures that one's mind conjures up when we're sleeping, they are much more than that. To dream is to have hope and to hope is to have faith and having faith can open doors to many unbelievable miracles. To many people in the 21st Century, micracles is something unstable and unpredictable, therefore most people chose not to believe in miracles. This goes to show how little people dream, and everything in the world starts with a dream. The Wright Borthers dreamt of flying and only then did they open doors to new possibilites. Therefore, I hope everyone would dare to dream big, wild and not be held back by today's cultures, peers, religions and education because a dream holds endless possibilities.


Brilliant la i tell u, brilliant.


It is through dreams we are driven. It is through dreams that the impossible becomes possible.

Taken as a whole, Alvin's essay was really nice, very convincing.


Each of us have dreams which serve to spur us on to greater heights or towards an achievement which we hope to attain. Our dreams help us to determine our actions and chart our future and destiny, be it in life or in eternity. A great dream is a spark which lights a flame fueled on by plans, ambitions and action which can set on fire not just a single individual but communities, nations and ultimately the world. The impact of a dream like Mother Theresa's can touch millions of lives worldwide but yet an ill natured ambition like Hitler's could cause destruction, heartache and death to an entire race for generations. Martin Luther King Jr's "I have a dream..." speech overturned social prejudices etched in the minds of countless millions and elevated the social standings of many, so much so that he died defending it.


Yeah ok, the best ones were all about dreams. But I must say, there are some who could write quite brilliantly. And I was very amazed because really, this was like a 15-minute on the spot thing!

Anyway, reading their paragraphs though, especially after I read Joseph's (his was the last one i marked and a brilliant one), I felt though.... Although I really loved the essays... but u know... i felt old and jaded...

Like I.. I loved the essays. They were brilliant because of the language and how the writer was able to use that language to inspire. Yet, as much as i loved it because of these inspiring strings of cliches strung brilliantly together, I couldn't help but feel like... you know, life is otherwise.

Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. That you may have dreams and the dreams may spur you and even fuel you to greater heights, but in the end, dreams aside, life and reality really has other plans... That you know, in the end, dreams are just that, dreams. Perhaps a pacifier to our complains giving us a false illusion to face the challenges today, thinking that somehow, just somehow, if we tried hard enough, imagined enough, we could get there, things could be different-- But sometimes you know, it won't... and you can't.

So what can i say except that my life has been revolving around college alot...

And what can i say except I'm really glad I got to know all of you, and really, you're what makes MCKL so great... It's a terrible place to work hahahaha... and I think it's tough but really, you know, all that is good about this job, all the good that came out of these past 6 months fiasco with teaching, is you-- you make these past month since January a wonderful and nostalgic memory to cherish in my heart... Thank you very much...

It's been abit weird sometimes, to be teacher, then friend (then Kuli huh!!!)... but I don't want to be your teacher (esp. u ppl in 0701 k!! hehe), because I rather us be friends...

It's been a wonderful experience to have been able to live the past months of my life with all of you in it, and to be enlighted by you, and for us all to be part of something together...

Yeah... sometimes I do feel old hahahahaha, but sometimes I feel lucky- And sometimes, I feels most natural to be with all of you... tho wei, i am damn old k?? >___<

PAST WEEKS:

So what happened huh?

Went out with Cw, Ken, Nigel and Kheng Li alot... Actually oddly, been able to get Ken and Nigel out quite abit.

We (cw and i wid ken and/or nigel and/or kheng li) went to lots of A&W. Went burger kings, pasar malam, went to eat tong sui, college, sungai wang/lowyatt, etc. Oh yeah, and KLIA with CW and Ken.




K.... so gotta put la Chee Woh's muka here hehehehe....

Hmm... i'm really glad i got to meet cw... too bad he's starting med school soon... But anyway...

I'm really glad I got to meet him because in many ways we're quite similar with each other. We like to go around aimlessly... and we like to eat stuff too... our personalities are quite similar (he's gonna kill me for mentioning that. "I'm NOT like kuli!!") haha... we love TBS!!!! (talk bullshit hahaha) and dare I say? TSUKI TO TENOHIRA! wuahahaha....

I don't know, but it's really rare to find someone who share same interests as you do, you know? And it's wonderful to find a friend like that... And so I'm really glad I got to meet chee woh and have a friend like him (DUDE, that said, i really hope we didn't screw up your A-Levels!! wuahahaha)

BBQ PARTY

In July, I also had a BBQ party for the bunch and to celebrate Rachel, Ai Ping, Han Ming and Ken's birthdays... hehe...

Actually the point was that before the A-Levels exams ended cw and i went to c nigel after the first bbq/chocolate fountain party mom had... Coz nigel didn't go that time, so we thought we'd have another one after their exams.. So this one was it...

It was a really nice day (except for the whole Nigel's butterish strawberry pie cake concoction splattered around)... Nigel and Cw came over early so we could prepare for the party... So image la us three in the frigging kitchen trying to make stuff... MAYHEM ensues!! wuahahaha... So we tried beating whipped cream wuahahahaha... and overwhipped it into a buttery lump. but worry not!! Nigel was there who soon turned that buttery lump into this incredibly sickening and sticky strayberry butter whatever paste... oh man.... I think i can still smell it *urgh*

Anyways it was really nice la, all three of us playin around in the kitchen... Yanni (d maid) was really looking at us and like "wth??" hahaha...

It was a nice day, really memorable =)

Then during the party, Nigel and I prepared the "cakes" for the birthday people.. Yeah it was meant to pelt them with the pies... Unfortunately, some miscoordination ensued, Rachel got plasted by two pies, Han Ming got his fair share thanks to Chee Woh, and while Cheng Dar GRABBED and HELD ON TIGHT to ken, i took d thing and splatted it on Ken. wuahahahahah...

I got retribution in the end coz Rachel splattered me with some cream in vengence, CW... (man he DOES have less mercy than boss!!) smashed me with some too in which i chased him down to pelt him with some strawberry butter paste...

And at the end of the night... Nigel was left unscathed!!! WTH! Not a single drop of cream or anything on him till rachel and melvin embushed him with some.. But he's my boss and i kuli cares for boss ok!! So i got him towel to clean up... wuahahah.. Kuli ma....


US!


Dis btr nt b in vision wei! wuahahahah.... Funny thing is that... here i am chasing CW down with cream and the very next day i went for Ching Mun's baby's full moon... and it was REALLY a great big difference man.... I don't know... perhaps, i should grow up, but then sometimes i feel old and realize i am not 18 anymore... but... sometimes.... I don't know... can we just be what we're called to be in that moment in time? That we don't always have to act our age, but when we need to act our age, we do.... I prefer to live my life in mosh pits... I still prefer standing there in that crowd watching my bands, going crazy, screaming at the top of my lungs together with the other fans and with the band in one voice-- I think to me, that is how i want to always live my life.



Beauty and d beast!!!! Rachel and I.... Boss wanna me to get tips from Rachel on how to get guys.... Tapi boss!!! Most important criteria failed adi: Natural Beauty!!!!! >___<

the gang... well not really coz Cheng Dar is missing.


Oh yeah... and we also had sports carnival at college the last week of July...


These are all my collegues at college... haha.

LAST WEEK:

Last week... for some reason I saw Nigel 6 days in a week >____< (I guess that's why he's been avoiding my calls and going out this week!! wuahahahahaha) So... Saturday was sports carnival... Then Monday afternoon after college I went to walk around 1U with cw coz he wanted to get something for *ahem* ;) hehehe... Then that night we went out again with Nigel and Kheng Li to SS2 pasar malam... yay~ Tuesday we went for... TRANSFORMERS!!! wooooooooo!! Nigel had free tickets (thank you boss!!) and so cw, nigel, ken and I went for transformers!! Boss watched like 3 times.... Dude damn nice show ok!!! Wednesday... wuahahah... finally didn't go out... so just chatted online.


BBQ NITE:

Thursday Nigel, cw and Han Ming came to college... College was dismissed early coz of BBQ Nite so i could leave by 12:30... So we all went to Sungai Wang to eat then to Low Yatt coz Han Ming wanted to get an external drive... Dude we spent like sooooooo much time there, by the time we left to go home it was like 3:30 and it was so redundant coz we planned to leave home to come to college for BBQ nite at 5:30!

So, i reached home 4:20, took a shower, sent CW back at 4:45, drove to Ken's, picked him up and went to meet up with nigel and cw at cw's house at 5:30 then we went to college.

Wth....





When we reached college we just decided to hang around the parking lot... It was a really nice feeling, you know, especially when the sun started setting and the night started to settle in...
It was like in In This Diary "Lighting fireworks in parking lots (unfortunately this didn't really work out huh!! hehehe), illuminate the blackest nights.Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky,"
And it was like the feel of Eleven: "I remember parking lot nights, what did they mean to you?"
It was the feeling of being part of something... It was like a feeling of being with a group, and having friends, and being friends.





PICS!


Esther and Pheobe ^^


CW and Ken.... Ken is ALWAYS like that isn't he???


Cheng Dar and CW..... errrrrrr.... for some reason......... errrrrrrrr... that gang like to touch each other alot don't they?????? *urghhhhh* hehehe


Esther, Cheng Dar and I



cw, han ming and.... missing boss!!!! >___<

D GANG N THEIR *BELOVED* MS LIM!!! wuahahahahahaha. hehe





BOSS!!! BOSS FREN!!! KULI!!! (yeah thumbs up for our teamwork for Vision!!! Great Success people!!!! =P )




yay~ all of us.... =)


So after BBQ Nite we went to A&W.... nearly died on the road chasing Nigel, keeping up with cw and being boxed in by Cheng Dar.... =S


Wii!!!

So anyway, whole of last week, actually, i was damn sick. Fever, cough, flu, sore throat, no thanks to cw who infected me with his virus!!!!! >__<

So on Friday, I was quite sick... So i asked Mrs. Tan if I could take MC for the day! Which i could so i did!! But i love the feeling of being free in the morning and OUT OF COLLEGE with the whole day ahead!!! So i messaged Nigel and CW to see if they would be free that day.. Cw was still in Bukit Jalil at Vince's house (he and han ming went there after BBQ nite).. They were there to play Wii!!!

So nigel replied and after much begging and convincing, i arranged with him to meet after I went to see a doctor (I had to get an MC slip!!)... We were going to go over to Bukit Jalil to play Wii or have lunch with the rest of the bunch.

So around 11:30 i picked nigel up and we went to Bukit Jalil.. Cw, Han Ming, Vincent, Kheng Li and well VINCE (duh) was there la... and THAT WAS IT. HOOKED. wuahahhahahahahhah. BLEACH Wii YO!!!!!!!!! So much for MC rest day!!! wuahahahahhahahaha.

Wii!!! abit like *ahem* hahahaha

Soooo... we stayed there till like 6pm hahahha... Kinda long wei... Boss wanted to go back around 2... so much for that! hahaha...


Then saturday..... Didn't do anything much... Boss was going to Ipoh and CW was going out with a friend... so takde teman... Was gonna sleep and watch the Crime TV the whole day... then around 2:30 boss called. Din go to Ipoh, he had another apointment at 5:30 and needed to kill time. So we went to 1U to walk around. Walk to Sony store, walk to magazine store, walked to game store, walk to pets wonderland.... wasting time basically, wasting time... unbeknownst to us, CW was also walking around AIMLESSLY in 1U with his friend too hahahahahha.

Sunday went to Church... then saw boss again coz he came over to take d bbq pit.... Then i think at night i went out with CW to KFC... wuahahahaha.

So that was last week.


THIS WEEK:

Was a shitty week... and actually didn't go out much. Went out with cw for a few times. Nigel ffk and few times. And I ffk Kheng Li a few times.

Wednesday we all went to MidValley to celebrate Lillien's birthday although, we actually ended up spending more time toying around with stuff (and turtles!!) in Living Cabin than we did celebrating the birthday.


The group. Am i suppose to name?


lil and jolyn


BOSS AND BOSS FREN!


I LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!!!! I love the looks on Rachel's face and cw and nigel so frigging typical!


I like this pic too... nice pic....

Smoke it down
Until you smell the flesh burning from your finger tips
Your knuckles are white
From beating on the walls at night
Cast your worries to the side
Focus only when you get the time
Gonna lose your mind
It happens all the time

Maybe I can tell you
To keep your head up and follow through
Good things will come to you
I could worry myself to death about you
Hope you get there safely

I got your letter that you sent to me
About your missery
A state of suffering
It's such a shame to see
Years of discression and of a sound mind
A suicide is for the weaker kind

Maybe I can tell you
To keep your head up and follow through
Good things will come to you
I could worry myself to death about you
Hope you get there safely
And your unhappiness
Emotional Distress
And your unhappiness

Maybe I can tell you
To keep your head up and follow through
Good things will come to you
I could worry myself to death about you
Hope you get there safely
And your unhappiness
Emotional Distress
And your unhappiness

[Nigel] says:
want me go earlier r???

Elaine says:
YA YA YA

[Nigel] says:
at 1

Elaine says:
come earlier!

[Nigel] says:
oh

[Nigel] says:
yes kuli

Elaine says:
eh...

Elaine says:
WRONG!

Elaine says:
not suppose to be dat way!

[Nigel] says:
;)

Elaine says:
but i know boss say "yes!" but sure wun do wan... just to piss me off and see my reaction

Elaine says:
hehehehehe

[Nigel] says:
bwahahahahhahahahahhahaha

[Nigel] says:
spirits

Elaine says:
are always wid u

Thanks boss!!! Kuli like! hehehe

(damn cute hor!! Polar bears are damn cute yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!)