Dear Paul,
Why do i like him, why do i want him to call?
I like him cause well... he's cute, haha...
You know that's probably true that the reason why i want him is soly... i guess, you knowm i don't want it to be purely physical either. That i do wish he'd called me and ask me out cause he does want someone- or at least, need.
I just hate it cause i can never get the guy i want and some girls can just have all the cake cause they put on their make up right and say all the smart things that guys like to hear but do they really love you? No, they're just fucking around with you, that's all. But what about me? I don't say the right things, hells i don't even put on make yp- but what you see is what you get and i don't fake it just to "win" you- when i say something and as stupid and disadvanged it is to me, i say it because i do mean it and i don't want to play any game of coolness with you- but i guess that's what guys want- they want to play a stupid game-
well then fuck you. just go and swallow your fucking pride and die with it for being such a stupid fuck. that's my take. so fuck off if you don't like me- but at least i am willing to give you what i really am inside.
I guess i am angry with God and hurt by Debby and really am angry at her too cause she can say to me "i don't have a problem with like those" when i told her about how i couldn't get Paul and i didn't know what to do and i need her to advice me.
i mean wtf. what does she have that i don't?
ohhhhh elaine, damn, you really want me to count ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the ways?????????
There i verbalized it.... i want paul so i can go home and spit in the face of every one who said i couldn't.. but i guess i couldn't.. and sometimes i wonder if it's my personality that paul didn't like or was it anything else cause you know, he really shouldn't have offered friendship when he didn't mean it. I want to think that he liked me at least physically and then he knew that we just wouldn't get along. i don't know.
that's what i want to believe to be the truth but i really don't know. i wish i could ask him so.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
0 comments:
Post a Comment