woke up toady with movielife singing "long island's calling me".... so i thought i'd upload the nice nice songs for all u ppl to hear...... hopefully there are pl to begin with. The movielife is good though, r.i.p., the song is acoustic and really beautiful. they're from long island.
Anyways.... i was looking through my friendster list yeasterday, which is rare cause i don't really even go on friendster. But anyways, i saw Gajendri's pic and u know, essentially she still looks very much like how i remembered her and u know, made me miss her alot....
And I was writing her a message to tell her that and u know, it's when u compare to school life to life now, that's when you realize the most how much you've changed. and how much life has changed really, i guess. And i think i've changed alot.... especially this year.... or even last year.... i don't know how i've changed but the way i look at life and waht i believe in and what i used to believe in has changed alot....
I don't think i have matured but i think i did grow up a little.... DAMN i think after turning 21, it really did something to me!!! Cause really, like when i talk to some of my classmates, i don't usually guess their age by how they look but by more of how they speak. Those that still have something against their family (teenage angst), those that still crave freedom and bitch about it, those that talk about freedom and partying, etc.... You can immiediately date them to pre-20s..... And i guess that's the same thing with like mid-20s people being able to guess our age.... those that are worrying about first jobs, those that are in mid-major limbo, those that are still young and hopeful..... And then u can date the mid-20 people too... they're those that are in stable relationships, quietly speaking/contemplating about marriage, talking about the hardships or challenges of working life, etc.....
But yeah...
I think i have changed. My preference has DEFINITELY changed. What i want from life might not have altered fundamentally but in my views of it, and what i want from it has changed alot. How i see myself... i'm not sure about that part. how certain i am of myself, yeah that' has changed....
And life itself has changed you know. As much as my time in California is only temporal, it's true that i am no longer in MGSKL, you know... I am in Cal State Northridge, you know. And i have a sort of life that might not be the most lively and cool one, but it's a life nevertheless, and i have my stories to tell my grandkids tho they are already fading in memory already.... But these experiences has changed me in many ways............ And the things i love keep constantly changing and as much as you can call that as being "unfaithful" i think it's cool cause it exposes me to way more things. If i had kept on loving England, i would have never have experienced all that i have here in America, and i would not have well...... liked Japan either and that means NO ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION!!! and that can never be good!
And you know... if i have not fell in love with England and Europe back in highschool, i would never have left malaysia, and if i had not fell in love with America.... i would not have had these past two years which tho i regret i have NOT done some stuff, i do not regret AT ALL ALL that i did here.... and well now my liking Japan.... it's brought be back to Asia for my next phase of life that is coming by.... and maybe having fallen in love with Japan is a good thing to prime me for what's gonna come next you know.....
And in that way, i feel that, yeah i may be unfaithful to my loves, but it sure as hell make me be able, be wanting at least, be learning about something new, about another aspect, see another horizon of this very very and i do mean very big big world....
Well, I guess this is growing up.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
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