You know, being here in California itself it all a dream come true.... Till this point, of being here itself, this is a dream come true, that i can never deny. but unfortunately you know, i never dreamt beyond coming here of what i what i wanted to do with being here...
And these days it's just a perpetual regret that i never lived my opportunity better.
I feel like I'm living on a flatline everyday for the past few weeks. This whole semester has been a slow decline towards a consistent flatline of my life. There's no progress, no growth, in any part of my life at all... not in my studies, not personally, not spritually, not in relationships even with friends, i mean seriously......... this is what flatlines mean, this is the meaning of stagnant.... and it really is...
And i feel really shitty and helpless. And like why is nothing happening as much as i try to make things happen nothing does. i just hate that. i just want something to happen i guess.... I just want something to move...
It's like... it's me bitching again... but you know... back then, at least i still had a part of my life to be happy about. At least if i was lonely, i still had friends. Or at least if my future was uncertain, my grades were still kick ass... Or at least if I didn't have a boyfriend, i didn't give a damn because i still had so much more to be happy about.
BUT NOW.
Damn! I feel like crap all over. I wake up and seriously, i have nothing to look forward to... All i think about is *pop* Paul wuahahahahha... then shit Daily Sundail stupid news assignments damn... then..... oh crap not yet finish my Japanese homework... and then that's it........ I keep thinking about sundail for the rest of the day of what i have to do and what i have to get through.... and that is it. That's it. There is nothing else in life.
that just sucks.
anyways... that's the Pacific Coast Highway (highway 1) in Malibu looking towards the Santa Monica Pier.... if you can see in the far background the thing that is protruding into the sea, that's Santa Monica Pier. When Satoshi used to be here, he'd take us/me around there.... It's like a 10 minute drive down the PCH towards Santa Monica. It's really beautiful there cause it's cloudy and gloomy all the time. Malibu is not as hip as you think it is, but it has some serene beauty that i like. Anyway, Pacific Coast Highway is the highway that streches through almost the entire California coastline from San Diego to San Francisco, i think. So if you see those movies with really cool shots of the Pacific Ocean and some fancy car driving down a winding road, that's probably the PCH.
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