elainelmy: i dunno lah....... i tell my friends all i want is happiness
elainelmy: and she told me just now..... happiness is temporary... find joy in God which is everlasting
sangkropik: yeap
elainelmy: and then i told her
elainelmy: u know what?
elainelmy: i dun know joy in God
elainelmy: cause i really cannot see the "goodness" in things messing up
elainelmy: build character?
sangkropik: yeah.. find happiness in god
elainelmy: screw that cause it's making me worse
sangkropik: or so they say
elainelmy: i mean GOD KNOWS it's making me worse
elainelmy: why does He keep doing it anyway!
sangkropik: but really i now know what's happiness is
sangkropik: though i'm positive it wont last long
sangkropik: but i'll just suck every drop of it
sangkropik: enjoy it while it last
elainelmy: well dats what i balme God also
elainelmy: geez
elainelmy: i blame God alot huh
elainelmy: i mean
elainelmy: seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyy
elainelmy: i dunno lah
elainelmy: i am so un-Christian!!!
elainelmy: shuckssssssssssss
sangkropik: no, from islam's point of view
sangkropik: we cannot blame God
sangkropik: that's just God testing us
elainelmy: from Christian point also like that!!!!!!!!!!!
sangkropik: so then
elainelmy: and they say that God will not put u thru test He dun think u can't get thru
sangkropik: we should be strong!
sangkropik: hahaha
elainelmy: BUT THEN I AM THINKING
sangkropik: oh no
sangkropik: God will put us in test
elainelmy: U KNOW WAHT GOD???? it's making me depressed... making me contemplate suicide.... it's making me feel like shite.... it's making me hopeless abt life
sangkropik: so that only those who can endure it
sangkropik: hmmm
elainelmy: so why are You still putting me thru it
elainelmy: if it's only making me worse?!
sangkropik: being suicidal is just like running from problems
elainelmy: no man
elainelmy: i dun think it's running away
elainelmy: i think it's just dat i wanna sleep
elainelmy: but anyways
sangkropik: hahaha
elainelmy: SO DATS WHAT I BLAME GOD FOR SOMETIMES
elainelmy: i also feel i am spitting in God face also
elainelmy: cause i am blind towards the rest of the stuff He's giving me
elainelmy: that i dun deserve
sangkropik: but that shows that u still believe in God right?
elainelmy: or that like is going great for me but i dun apprecaite it
sangkropik: you still think that all this while God make u like this
elainelmy: well of course i believe in God, and i still Love Him
sangkropik: yeah
sangkropik: then its good
elainelmy: just dat sometimes i feel very angry at life
elainelmy: for being so fucked up
elainelmy: and not going how i want it to go
elainelmy: when sometimes
elainelmy: how i want it to go
elainelmy: is to help others also
elainelmy: while feeling happy helping others
elainelmy: or doing stuff for others
elainelmy: even when it's BEING NICE
elainelmy: i am still fucked over
elainelmy: makes me feel u know like it's not worth being nice
elainelmy: i should just be fucking mean like the rest of the world
elainelmy: since even the good are always the losers
elainelmy: so why the fuck bother
a erm... a song by Pedro the Lion... actually he sings alot of hymns...... but anyways.... I liked his renditions of hymns... makes it real nice, real personal... just him and his acoustic guitar...
Anyway.... i do love God, i just dun get why He does the thing he does and why the one thing i love so much that be music, it just seems to me that He's always not letting me go that way. It's like God, don't give me this passion and love to begin with if You're not gonna use it or let me do anything with it u know... cause it's really a very shitty feeling to love something so much but to know you can never never grasps it... it really REALLY sucks. so that's my main bitch for the day.
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I�m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I�m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here�s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I�ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
elainelmy: okies
elainelmy: i wills top bitching here
elainelmy: cause sometimes i feel
elainelmy: like God is gonna strike me down
sangkropik: hahaha
elainelmy: and show me what SHIT really is
elainelmy: cause i am bitching sooooooooooooo much
elainelmy: abt stupid stuff.
sangkropik: its not stupid...
sangkropik: even me sometimes
elainelmy: well it's trivial
elainelmy: it's not like i am like a beggar in petaling street hooked on dope
elainelmy: u know what i mean???
elainelmy: THAT is serious shit.
elainelmy: mine is just a spoilt brat's complain
Sunday, November 28, 2004
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