It’s been quite awhile since we last went out for the first time again last year and even longer since we last hung out so much, not since THAT DAY, when I sent him THAT email that destroyed everything... which was basically 5 years ago.
He suggested going out of town on Saturday but it was snowing. Then, we didn’t get a hold of each other till Sunday morning, and since it was too late to get out of town, we decided to just go to Oedo Onsen in Odaiba.
So we met for lunch in Odaiba, went to the hot spring and then we went back to his place and I stayed over.
We talked a lot and we also talked about his family.
I think a lot has happened, and I also think some things are still the same.
That said...
We were watching on TV, a reality tv show kind of program about a former pro-wrestler who married a B-list celebrity blogger who has 7 kids and now he has 8 with a 9th coming along.
THE SHOW WAS TOOOO REAL.
But... watching the show, it made me think of Hoshino.
Coz the wrestler was now a bus driver and he works till really late. He comes home around 10pm or midnight and he would eat dinner then.
It made me feel bad for Hoshino too because... I think that’s what his life is too sometimes. And I’m sure he must be tired.
I had texted Hoshino that day to tell him I’m going to see him for ORPICA on the 24th but he hadn’t even replied during his lunch break.
I thought I could text him coz I was going to be with Aki, so I’m sufficiently distracted from being sad if he didn’t reply.
But I was NOT distracted and felt so sad when he didn’t reply by 5pm.
And then when he texted back at 9:20, it was a lackluster reply which I was disappointed by too.
But watching that TV show made me feel bad for him.
I felt, I should show him some support, I should acknowledge his tiredness, I should show him maybe I understand and care.
So I decided to text him and tell him Otsukare.
He responded quite cheerfully which I felt happy by too.
Sigh. I’m so simple.
So... that said, fortunately or unfortunately.... I still love hanging out with Aki coz he’s always up for going somewhere and doing things I like to do too (like going on trips), so I really appreciate him.
But that said, fortunately or actually more unfortunately, it seems like I do still have feelings for Hoshino, and I don’t think that’s good.
I hope I can talk to him on the 24th, and I hope that if nothing is to come out of this, I’ll be able to sever my feelings for him then.
I need to.
For my own sake.
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