That's suppose to be my second bible. It's not. Thus the grades i am getting in my journalism class. not good. i skipped class today again for race class. i fucked up again i know. believe me i really don't want to but i just do. i really don't like it. i hate how i am. i know i can kick ass but i don't because i am just too lazy.
i woke up with a feeling of guilt and depression. then i turned on the laptop and launched MSN and saw Kelvin's nick there. thought about his parents going to UK to see him graduate. suddenly felt like/knew i had to not fuck up and just study again because i want my parents to have that chance too. i mean, they deserve it. I shouldn't be fucking up right now because i see the face of my mom and dad. i feel bad for them. they're such awesome parents with such fucked up ingrate for kids. they're the best in the world. my parents had never asked for anything much in return from us. they've given me all they could. spoilt us to the max more than they can afford it. sure i have friends who are more spoilt or have more stuff than me but they're damn rich also. then i also have friends who are damn rich but their parents spoilt them less. then there's me spoilt to the max when we come from a middle class family. what the heck. my parents are awesome and i think they deserve to be happy. and i should make them happy and not make them all upset all the time. i mean i feel bad that i keep wanting to go back to Malaysia too when i've not really done much. i mean.. it cost alot u know and my dad don't have that sort of money. luxury. luxury. no i am still going for my "tour" that is a must and it's out of the allowance i get anyway. so i am not asking for extra.
so i need to go study. see if i can read what i can for my Editing quiz today. it's insane we have quiz every class and 3-5 chapters each time too.
i am so tired. i really don't feel like doing it anymore. and no elaine, i am not gonna get some beer and smoke just to feel better. maybe some prozac or valium would do. and some vicodin too.
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