ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

i think Kevin and i are still friends.

I sent him an email on Thursday night, which he replied the next day. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS JUST 1 LINE. but at least he did right?

Then...

I sent him an SMS today asking him if he was in BU today. He replied and told me he was not and he's going to low yat for lunch and to buy some stuff.

so............

I hope we're still friends.

kevin.

I love my Godpa and think he's like a totally awesome person man... He has just such........ different perspective in life, i feel. On one hand, he is very rich. But on the other hand, he is incredibly down to earth. I love him for that. He never makes you feel secondary. He's always just part of the crowd. And I love him for that, because he's awesome. Dez is like that too (and perhaps, so is Nigel), and I think that's what's awesome about that, they never forgot where they came from. And the thing about that is that, they are one of those few people who have the money but they know money is just money, and it doesn't replace that part of them that knows what is important...

It's rare. For those who don't have money, most of them when they do see money, they go crazy. Then there are those who are super rich but their super richness makes them go crazy too haha, like they want more and suddenly they think they're better and above the rest.

Then you have those who have it all, but yet, they don't show it off and they don't let what they have consume them. They're just relaxed about it and take what they have as what they have and not make such a big deal out of it.

Godpa is like that. And I love him for that.

Of course, I cannot express how much I am indebted to him for the love he has shown me.

Godma asked me to write a tribute to him, kinda just a message thingy, for his birthday photobook.

Part of me felt it hard to write it not because I don't love Godpa, but because it's hard to write something and not bring up the 100 grand he gave me for my education. It's 100k ringgit, okay, and no godpa should ever have to do that for any god daughter (let alone a shitty one like me).

But... it wasn't because he was rich that he could do such a thing as give me that kind of money for my education, but it was out of love that he gave me that scholarship.... And I just don't know how to translate that into paper into how i feel for Godpa, coz Godpa, it's not coz of what you gave me that I love you for, it's because of the awesome man that you are that I love you for.

Anyways............

I didn't write all that in the tribute coz I don't know if it was appropriate for me to write it. but me thinks me will write those down in a thank you card when I FIND MYSELF A JOB!!!!!

Neways this is what I wrote:

Dearest Godpa!

I could bake you a thousand butter cakes (with "minimal" help from mom!!) but not only would that not be good for your health but I don't think it would be sufficient to express how much I love you and am thankful for your love for me and the opportunities you have given me in life.

You have always graciously extended a hand of love to me and I know I fail to express it often or show it much but I love you Godpa. Your love, your support, your advices, your perspective in life and the way you are, and of course, your jokes are what makes you the AWESOME Godpa I treasure in my heart. It makes me smile to know I have such a cool Godpa!! =)

I pray that God will continue to bless you with good health and lots of love from all the people around you whom you have continuously and unfailingly loved and touched in your life.

LOVE YOU LOTS!!!!!
Elaine =)

ケヴェンのこと

I think this is my Closure.

yesterday... I was in the bathroom haha, of all places, and I was thinking.... I think... even if it's just a defence mechanism... I felt suddenly deep inside me... I told God that, you know, I am sure before Ms. Chow died or even when she was alive, she would pray and hope and want the best for Kevin and for his happiness...

And that prompted me to feel that.... I don't think I want to like Kevin, and I don't want to like him because God has not intended for me to be the person that would make Kevin happy.

And if and since I am not someone who can make him happy or that God did not intend for me to be that person, then I pray to God that God will bring to him someone who will be right for him and make him happy.

Because, I think and I feel that would be what Ms. Chow would have wanted for her son too rite?... So I can't and I shouldn't force my way or my will or want something that is not right, right?

That's what I believe.

And that gives me closure. I respect my teacher and with regards to her and to the Will of God, I wouldn't and I don't want something that is not right for Kevin. If I can't and I am not the one to be able to make him happy, then I shall and will accept that lot in life, and hope and want and wish for Kevin to be with someone who will make him happy instead... Coz, I'm sure Ms. Chow really hoped for that for him before she died, I'm sure she wanted him to be happy and to have the best... So we'll just leave it at that.

That said... I hope I hadn't fucked things up too badly with Kevin and I really hope we can stay friends. I don't want to sever that part of my past, I don't want to taint the memory of Ms. Chow either, so... I really hope we can stay friends.

So that said, as much as I told Ching Mun that I try my best nottttttttt to think of Kevin as my dead teacher's son, c'mon, you can't do that... He's a friend you know but... u know, you'll always think about the circumstance under which you met.

I hope we can stay friends. I really hope we can.

SO... it all started with just a Delicious giftcard...

Then Kevin called me yesterday and told me he got me a present too. But it was inconvenient to transport around so i had to go to his house to get it....

SOOOOO that made me feel bad coz what the heck did he get me that is inconvenient to take around??? PROBABLY A TREE!!! hahahahha CACTUS PLEASE!!! anything else will die within a week!

Anyway, so i decided to get him something else but i didn't know what else....

my unimaginative mind came to the conclusion of a PEN. So after muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuss and choosing and debating, i got him one... Although not the EXACT one that i wanted, I think it's good enough yea.

Then I also go him underwear wuahahahah.... as a joke yea ;)

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT of all the gifts, i think i like the doggie the best wuahahaha ^^

woooooooooooo~~~



SO I FINALLY/ACTUALLY COMPLETED KNITTING THE SCARF AND SENT IT TO AKIO!!!!!

I AM SO HAPPY AND PROUD THAT I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO CARRY THROUGH WITH THIS IDEA!!!!!!

Actually, do i like Akio THATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT much to spend all that time and effort and money making it??? Probably not hahaha! But I did spent alot of money on it you know. And my mom said to me that I would never finish the scarf coz i never do finish anything i start, and I knew she was right. So... at many point, I just HAD TO finish it because I knew, I knew, I have to prove myself wrong.

It all started at Boston when i went to that button store to look for beads and i saw all these really nice yarn and had an urge to learn how to knit to make something for Akio (don't ask why but i just did!!!)

So i did pick up how to learn to knit when i got to LA three months ago and started on knitting the scarf when i got back to Malaysia in October.

Actually, this project is quite international huh??? Idea conceived in Boston, started in Los Angeles, finished in Kuala Lumpur and ends up in Kyoto. wow hahah.

ANYWAY!! I MANAGED TO FINISH IT!!! ^^







So for this scarf, I used two different blue yarns. I casted 40 stitches, 2 knits and 2 purls and that's how i got the pattern for it.


2 knits, 2 purls.


For the package, i bought a cute pig box. hehe.





I wanted to put an extra bear soft toy in it coz the box looked abit blank, don't you think? But i didn't do that in the end.

Also, i had a card for Akio.



Inside the card, I composed a message in Japanese (WUAHAHA!!! terrible~ >_<) and also some English and wrote the message in my terrible Japanese writing (dude, KANJI DUDE!)

My message to Akio in the card:

あきおへ、

冬は寒いですね？私は君にこれスカーフを編みました。お誕生日とクリスマスと正月のプレゼントです。お誕生日おめでとうございます！　Ｍｅｒｒｙ　Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ！　明けましておめでとうございます！　でも。。。これスカーフはきれいじゃないですね？　そして、ちょっと小さくて、短いです。ごめんなさい。だから家に使います。

Sorry I cannot write in Kanji and my Japanese is bad!!! Anyway, I hope you like it. Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and I know you will have a wonderful year next year. Keep in touch!

TRANSLATION:

To Akio,

Winter is cold right? I knitted this scarf for you. It is a present for your birthday, Christmas and new year. Happy Birthday! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But... this scarf is not pretty, right? And it is a little short and small. Sorry. That's why, use it at home.


Actually, haha i was really surprised the sentence i constructed in Japanese for "I knitted this scarf for you" was actually gramatically correct!!! hahaha... Watashi wa kimi ni kore sukaafu o amimashita. I wondered if i should put scarf at the begining of the sentence, or then where do i put the "for you" in the sentence? But i remembered that the particle "wo" is used to act the verb upon the object. So the object here is Scarf and the verb is knit, therefore scarf has to come in the middle before the verb.......... or something along those lines~~~~ :S But i guess, I DID learn something from those Japanese classes huh!!!


ANYWAY.

I called Akio today and he had already recieved the gift. I sent it via Post Laju, it actually took only 2 days to arrive to Japan.

Anyway he said he liked it. DUHHHHHH if he said he didn't like it I'll really go there to strangle him!!! lol...

ANYWAY....

Typical of Akio he explained that his computer broke and that was why he couldn't go online to write me an email about the gift...

Actually, Akio saying that is exactly the reason why he'd probably be the only person I'd spend all the time, effort and money knitting something for.

ACTUALLY, yesterday I called Post Laju to check to see if the package had arrived safely and I found out that the item was already delivered and received on Monday. But yet, I was abit dissapointed that Akio didn't message or email me about it. But I also told myself "he's probably busy, that's why he didn't have the time." And sure enough, there was some very valid reason as to why he didn't contact me and he explained it to me.

That in itself illustrates alot of why I like Akio. Or i feel that all the effort I would put into making it for him is worthwhile.

Because, Akio is one of the few people I know that never ever purposefully offend or hurt others. He has a very very kind heart that people should never doubt his kindness, purity and sincerity. You can trust him. Trust him that he would never be someone who would intentionally be mean or unkind.

That is something I truly admire and believe in Akio for-- and I find myself always having to teach my paranoid self to trust him and in the end Akio always emerge as one whom I can trust and believe in.

Even back then while we were still friends in Northridge, everytime my paranoid and posessive self bears its ugly head, Akio always proves my accusations and paranoia wrong-- and always makes me realize how wicked my heart can be to be always thinking all these awful things about him.

I think he's a wonderful person. Almost free of any malice or ill intentions. Someone, rare, that truly posess a pure heart to the core.

:)

So my grand aunt died yesterday. We believe she died on Thursday night but no one discovered her body till Saturday morning.

But anyway.

went for the whole Chinese wake ceremony yesterday.



Was there and you know how Chinese funerals are, lots and lots and lots of ceremonial chanting and praying and weeping and burning.

I thought it was really... special, though, in a way.

The interesting thing about last night's ceremony was coz the chinese head sifu there for the ceremony had two really young apprentice. And it got me thinking about our whole tradition that way dying.

And with many of my relatives becoming Christian, PRAISE THE LORD really, I think this is going to be the last time I'd ever get to witness a chinese funeral. That's why i really wanted to go for the burial today but I have to go for camp, so i can't go.

But part of me, i felt, as pompous the whole occasion was, and as a Christian everything yesterday was basically a waste right, i couldn't help but feel that a part of that Chinese tradition and perhaps heritage, is dying... if not dead, with my generation. With my dad's generation even. It's pratically dead, you know.

There's a part of me that mourn the death of that, because after being in America and going through those religion and culture classes, I can't help but feel that the past, as pompous/pointless as some traditions are, is something we should try to preserve because more and more of it is becoming lost with time. There's something beautiful to tradition, you know, there's something beautiful to it.

It's not the worship of idols that I support, nor is it the pointless burning of paper buildings and cars and "gold bars". It's not the belief in the 8 layers of hell and the visitation of the soul that I believe in. It's not. I'm a Christian and I am very well aware of the pointlessness of those belief... But, I feel that the practices and the rituals of those rites are part of an identity being Chinese, you know, and that should not be just left to die out.

There should be a value in that, should there be? A value in a thousand year old tradition. There really should be. As much as cultural identity seperates and divides society, I really don't think we should all turn into a walmart nation, that's all I am saying.

I got interested in Japan because of all the culture and tradition they have, and is losing like every other country out there. But you know, I look at my own ethnic identity and I can't help but feel that, we too came from a very rich background, but dude, it has all been lost, lost to time, lost to us not ever being close to our ethnicity to begin with.

I want to be proud to be a Hakka. to be a Chinese. And when friends ask me "what are you?" I can tell them that I am Chinese, and I am Hakka... But dude, how chinese am I? Only by NAME, dude, only by NAME.

I don't think the past is something that we should be so willingly to give up on because, once gone, you know... it's gone. And all the things that make this world so diverse and interesting will just merely become a series of strip malls and walmarts. Dude, and as pointless a burning paper cars and paper houses and gold bars are, I think that's way more interesting than just... nothing you know..

and as much as ethnic identity divides society, it's also what makes this world a really interesting place and gives character to society.

I understand the spritual implications of tradition and traditional rituals... But, i think it's also a loss that we should lose our cultural identity-- what makes you Chinese elaine? what makes you Hakka?

I have absolutely no idea.

Happy Birthday Ryou.... of course, it's 5 days late but still....

Hmmm why so?

Because they're funny. because Odaka is sexy, talented and likes to cook.

of course, i've got more to say. but we'll leave it at that for now.


ラメン～～ Odaka's Ramen~ ^^


Camp is today till Friday.

Kevin Kevin... what should i do with him? My interest is waning but I don't seem to want to give it up, why? oh well... we'll see.

so.
i do prefer to buy CDs over clothes.
unfortunately.
music comes first.
it's my first and foremost's obsession.
yes. it is.
bands.
damn!


So Far I Have Bought (in the past 3 months):

- Plastic Tree FC Karte magazine
- Plastic Tree Chandelier World Tour Photobook
- Plastic Tree シャンデリア Chandelier　CD
- Plastic Tree シャンデリア Chandelier CD with DVD
- Plastic Tree Cell CD
- Plastic Tree BestAlbum Shiroban CD
- Plastic Tree Single Collection CD
- Plastic Tree Shiro Chronical CD
- Plastic Tree Kuro Tent DVD (what's up with all the Kuro and Shiro??)
- Plastic Tree Nijigen Orgel 3 DVD
- Plastic Tree Hanamoete, Bourei no Namida, Tenmaku ni Ochiru. - Live & Clips 2005 DVD
- Plastic Tree Shoxx File
- Plastic Tree TOTE BAGS..... hmmm 3 of them...
- Plastic Tree Purse
- Plastic Tree Cell Phone Strap
- Plastic Tree plastic files
- Akira Guitar Pick (DUDE!!!)
- Ryutaro Aomushi Drop Book
- Lunkhead プルケリマ Pulcherrima CD
- Lunkhead LUNKHEAD Self Titled CD
- Lunkhead 月と手のひら Tsuki to Tenohira CD
- Lunkhead Magazine Clipping (DUDEEE YOSHITAROU IS SEXXYYY!!)
- Lunkhead 地図 Chizu CD
- Lunkhead 夏の匂い Natsu no Nioi Single CD
- Lunkhead 千川通りは夕風だった Sengawadoori wa kazedatta 1st major Album
- Lunkhead 影と煙草と僕と青 Kage to tabako to boku to ao 1st Mini Album
- Lunkhead Video Clips DVD
- LUNKHEAD MERCH YO!!!!!! - BAG!! - TSHIRT! wooooooo!
- Asian Kung Fu Generation Feedbackfile CD
- Janne De Arc Hirakata DVD (i don't know, don't ask!)
- Asian Kung-Fu Generation FanClub CD
- Asian Kung Fu Generation Feedbackfile CD
- Asian Kung- Fu Generation Eizo Sakushin Shu Vol.2 DVD

Stuff I Still Want To Get:
- Plastic Tree Aoi Tori Single
- Plastic Tree Toroimerai CD (yes it's odd that my favourite PT song is Aoi Tori and i have NEITHER of these CDs)
- Plastic Tree Merch - Something from the 赤い眼のミッフィー Akai me no Miffy Tour! plsssssssssssss~~~
- Lunkhead Singles?
- Lunkhead Tsuki to Tenohira Bandscore...???? should i?! for ONE song??


aaaaaaaaa~~~

what can i say?

dude i am totally in love with Lunkhead now... I am not sure if i should buy Subete and Canaria Box singles.... I forgot to bid for the auction the other day. Just 400 yen for BOTH singles WITH wristbands too!!! damnnnn!!! But anyway... there are 2 b-sides on each single... so that's kinda making me want to buy it. I probably when i get a job haha... SINCE I AM NOT GONNA BE BUYING CLOTHES! woooooooooo! dude!

ps: yes, there's where my TWO last USD1500 paychecks went to! damn this addiction!
pps: it's abit skewed towards japanese bands huh?! damn! WELLLLLL i did buy New Found Glory's latest CD... and i intend to get the TBS DVD and Vinyl... and also Finch's LP.... Also, I do want +44 and brand new Brand New....... Just that it's actually harder to get US stuff to Malaysia than it is to get Japan stuff to Malaysia.

kevin replied my SMS...

so now what?

i'm not mad at him anymore :(

but...

I'm still sad :(


I feel also like i've slandered him with my previous post... but then again...

am I the bitch instead?

So i'm really dissapointed. not in how things turned out, but I'm dissapointed at Kevin. Like Nigel, the people whom you think can't be assholes always turn out to be TOTAL assholes instead.

I mean... I'm really quite dissapointed in him. Whatever I did, and I think the only part i did wrong was that I got mad at him, but my anger wasn't totally unjustified. He WAS wrong in the situation. But I've taken whatever steps a friend could take to make amend so that we could be friends again. In fact that night, the reason why I decided to leave the muffins for him after all, was because I still wanted him to know that while i am pissed off at him, i still want us to be friends.

But he's being such an asshole now. I've really taken every effort a friend can take to make amend but yet, he has to be such an asshole about it.

I mean I'm really dissapointed that he's an asshole you know... It's not because I like him but because, everything about him, perhaps on paper, gives so much hope and impression that this dude cannot be an asshole. no way in hell. Every indication shows that he is well brought up (and I still think he is), well mannered (which he can be!), and a nice dude, basically, you know... But then.... But then... so was Nigel... and he too turned out to be such an ass.

And even that night or that Saturday when Kevin kept showing up late... Part of me, it's not just because i liked him I refused to cast a shadow on his character, but Part of me, i really have alot of belief and respect for my teacher. And I hold her in very high esteem in my eyes that i hold on to this unfailing (want to) belief that she brought up her one and only son very well and therefore Kevin cannot be an asshole. But yet, yet, things he has done so far... dude... I can't help but believe he is....

MAYBE not entirely because, I know there have been times he's been really nice and wonderful..... but why then Kevin why then? why be a jerk sometimes? what the fuck did i ever do to you, you know?

anyway, therefore. i am abit dissapointed, to say the least.

i guess humans aren't fucking mathematical equations. and things don't add up sometimes.

I hope he replies my message, it's not too fucking much to ask for. But if he doesn't, seriously, he's a fucking asshole then.

I told Kelvin i was wrong about Kevin. and he said to me "again?"... Not again, dude, ALWAYS. いつも、いつも。。。

I'm in loveeeee widddd lunkheaddddddd~~~~~~~

i think, for now at least, i know I totally am~~~~~~

aaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~~

but the sad thing tho, is that i know this feeling one day is gonna end... and all the money i spent buying Lunkhead merch and CDs and DVDs are all gonna be such a waste... I'd be like... "DAMN!!! that was USD500 there!!!" like that...

on the other hand... if i saved up all the money to be able to go to Japan instead.... to see Lunkhead live, I think THAT i won't ever regret... Coz like Asian Kung-Fu.... Although I do love them less passionately now than i did back then.... i will ALWAYS ALWAYS love that one show where i saw them... that one show will always have a special place in my heart and memory and my love for AKG will always be as pure and as high in the memory of that one night...

AAAAAAAAAAAA

THEREFORE I SHUD SPEND LESS ON LUNKHEAD SO I CAN LOVE THEM MORE WHEN/IF I EVER GET TO SEE THEM LIVE!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~

POH.

I think the crappy part of my our personality in this family definitely came from my grandma hahaha..

So today, I went with my mom to take my grandma to the hospital to get her leg scanned and checked. She's been limping around for a few months. So anyway, we were stuck there quite long and we discovered me grandma had some torn ligament (yeah like those that you hear footballers get so very often).

AFTER the hospital thingy we went to have lunch and my grandma and I got talking about her death haha.. err yeah... haha. So we were talking about how she said she's leaving her money behind for her kids and the girls (grandkids) will get her gold jewelry.. and i was like "to hell with gold jewellry! I want MONEY!!!" then she said "but money have no memories and sentimental value to it," then i said "SO???? I WANT MONEY! Money is the most important!"

hmmmm...

Anyway, I'm not that heartless haha. I asked her if i could have her jade bracelet. Actually not the one she was wearing but the one she broke. Coz apparently, the one that broke was given to her by my great grandma. It was a pair and they had belonged to my great grandpa. After he died, those two jade bracelets were all my great grandma found. So, my grandma has one now and she gave the other one to my mom. So i told my grandma i want the broken one... nice right? like a family heirloom or something (though it's broken).

SO ANYWAYYYY

We then got to talking about the grave plot my grandma bought haha. She was annoucing so excitedly that she got herself a grave plot.
And I said "yeah i know, i saw it."
she was like "yeah yeah, it's in Nilai and..."
and i said "and it's beside a frigging HIGHWAY."
Then she was like "yes!! that's very nice!"

I was like "what the hell?? what do you mean nice? how is the highway nice?"

Then, she said, "cause it's very festive (she used the chinese word "yuet lau" 热闹)"

and i was like "WTF?????????????"

she laughed and i asked, "how the heck is the HIGHWAY yuet lau??"

And she said "there's alot of car sound."

*splat*

wtf?

Then she went on to explain how she got the plot becuase my dad told her that he will cremate her when she dies. My grandma refused to have her body cremated. So she said she went to get the plot so now even if my dad wanted to cremate her, he can't, coz there's already a grave plot for her. WTFFFFF.

But seriously, my grandma is like absolutely against us cremating her. I asked her, what if when we all grow up and mom and dad and all are dead and it's just left me and my bro, michelle, claudine and ken, THENNNN can we like dig up her bones and have it cremated. she was like -_- NO.

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

and i was like.

wtf??? but we're not gonna like go take care of the grave and all you know.

the my grandma did the funniest shit ever. she was like "if you cremate a body even the leg bones will shrivel up like this" and she showed with her two index finger as the leg bones curling up and she did this digusted kind of wince. fucking cute and fucking funny!

dude! it was priceless!

So i guess i can't cremate my grandma huh!!!!! geezzz for the rest of my life we'll have to go to her grave then after she dies huh! geezzz

haha.. poor grandma!

haha. She is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO against cremation hahahaha

CENSORSHIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP occured on my blog.

i had to delete a post.

*sigh*

Wasting time!!!!!

Still one of my favorite Blink-182 songs after all these years... So easily to remember why i loved Blink all those years ago!!!

GET WASTING TIME HERE

By albums:

Dude Ranch:
- Waggy
- Emo
- Lemmings
- Dammit
- Untitled
- Dick Lips
- Degenerate

Buddha:
- 21 Days ----------- BEST!
- Carousel ------- SOLID!

Cheshire Cat:
- WASTING TIME!
- Peggy Sue
- Cacophony
- Ben Wah Balls --- haaaa... yeappppp -_-

Enema of the State:
- All The Small Things
- Alien Exist
- Going Away to College
- Mutt
- Adam's Song

Take Off Your Pants and Jacket:
- Please Take Me Home
- Story of A Lonely Guy
- Shut Up

I still like old blink better. The sounds are more raw but damn solid. I must admit that the later albums were damn catchy and there were definitely more songs that you can just like casually listen... But very hard to choose like one song that's absolutely solid that moves you, you know... I think old blink has more of those kick ass songs.... That said, Enema of the State is my favourite Blink album..... but I think it was downhill from there hahahah...

And if i dare say hahaha, blink has "good" lyrics haha.. those were back in the old albums... Just check out Dammit or Carousel or Peggy Sue or Wasting Time... dude those are like definitions of kids growing up man... they really were.

yes. i do.

i love plastic tree too of course.

and TBS will always be on top.

Finch is my secret lover. wuahahaha.

days away has a special spot in my heart.

lunkhead is my crush of course. i love em.



oh dude i am in love with that odaka fellaaaa!! i think he's so hot, nerdy and cute! aaaaaaaaaaaanddddd lovely~

sweetketastrophe: ELAINE
sweetketastrophe: I'M DYING RIGHT NOW
sweetketastrophe: BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE WHO COMMENTED ON YOUR BRILLIANT REVIEW OF THR BRANDNEW ALBUM
sweetketastrophe: SERIOUSLY
sweetketastrophe: YOU SHOULD BE A WRITER!! (Oh wait)
sweetketastrophe: BUT U NEEEED TO TELL ME WHAT THE COMMENT SAYS
sweetketastrophe: Okay really u never answer me u fucking whore
sweetketastrophe: WHORE
sweetketastrophe: YOU BITCH
sweetketastrophe: YOU DEMON BITCH
sweetketastrophe: When u find this on ur computer
sweetketastrophe: Ud better fuckin answer me!!
sweetketastrophe: I love the review
sweetketastrophe: Its perfectly accurate
sweetketastrophe: (Even though I'm still inlove with the new album)
sweetketastrophe: YOU WHORE
sweetketastrophe: I HATE U FOR NOT RESPONDING AND U ARE SOOOO VERY FUCKIN LUCKY I ANIT GOT UR NUMBER
sweetketastrophe: Demon bitch
sweetketastrophe: Ooooh
sweetketastrophe: NOW YOUR IDLE!!!
sweetketastrophe: U whore


Yes, that's the lovely relationship i have with some of my closest friends hmmmm... damn honest relationships =P

anyway... *phew*

at least i got the approval (and not scorn haha) of ONE brand new fan haha...

After i wrote my "review" i was thinking "DAMN! if michelle or Luis or especially MELISSA would stumble upon this blog and read that review I probably be burnt at stake!" hahahha

anyway, Yes michelle, I love the new album too, it's damn different!! EXTREMELY!!! i really wish i could hear those songs live but hell yeah, the review's really what i thought about the new album!

jesse jesse... ;)

Bytheway i am hooked on this acoustic version of Movielife's Hey... DAMN GOOD!!!

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
Willing and ready to prove the worst of everything you said about.
So obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
So good at setting bad examples.
Listen, chic, I’ve had all I can handle.

Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your t.v. set and......"i can barely smile"

i've accepted the sad fact that in my life, i will never inspire anyone to write a song as beautiful, sweet and sad as Tsuki to Tenohira....

it's stupid. but i'm abit nervous going out with Kevin today. why? argh. i dunno. it's not like any first impressions would count anymore. do i really seriously want him to like me? I think it's abit pointless and redundant to want that.

they say you can only be yourself. and elaine as herself is not known to impress or succeed in winning any boy's heart.

I think we're friends and he treats me as such. and i on the other hand, should likewise treat him.

i should at least try to impress right? i mean..........

oh. i don't know.

this won't mean a thing come tomorrow?

i am so jealous of everyone who has ever met Lunkhead or been to a Lunkhead show.... so lucky~.... :( ..... i wish i was as lucky :(

i wish i could meet them. shake their hands and say "hmm. konniciwa...".... coz dats probably all i can utter before fainting. (wait... i think that's ALL i know how to utter in japanese.....)

yes.

sigh.

so jealous.

so sad.

:(

BRAND NEW - THE DEVIL AND GOD ARE RAGING INSIDE ME

My, my, Surprise Suprise emo is dead (DUH)... So if Deja Entendu was the epic emo album then this is............ Jesse Lacey being introspective/analogical to the most extreme... emo janai ;)

DUDEEE this is a far break away from Brand New okayyyyy!!!

So... did they all just grow up? Grow Old? MELLOWED? or what.........?

So when i downloaded the demos 6-9 months ago, they were well, demos.. Some very solid songs in it to add to that (especially tracks 1-3 and 5). Well, the songs in the demos were bare, just the guitar and vocals, the usual stuff, no purcussions (except for song 2 actually which did not appear on the album btw)... But you know, the usual sound and style of what a demo is....

loooooo and BEHOLDDDDD.........

dude... the album was the same!!

really... The songs were quite bare, very stripped, and the vocals were very hollow too like a demo you know! It's almost like a Brand New quasi-acoustic album, seriously.

So the pattern of the album is this:

1) The song is either entirely mellow and slow or....

2) the song starts of mellow like every other song, then in the middle it breaks into the usual angry Jesse style with loud guitars, screaming and purcussions... brilliant i must say, especially in the opening song and first single Sowing Season. But then, c'mon Jesse, that trick grows old after the same mellow start off into a crescendo of sounds in the middle is repeated in three four other songs.


So.... what can I say about this album?

Funny thing is that my iTunes loads the new songs before the songs of The Holiday EP... And so after every song from the new album finishes it goes on to "Logan To Government Center" demo from the Holiday EP and my goshhhhhhhhh... the difference in the styles and sounds of Brand New from The Holiday EP to The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me is just astounding. As far apart as the earth is to heaven so is the difference between what Brand New was, and what Brand New has become today.


I'm really really curious as to how Jesse would translate these songs to the live versions and DAMN that's one thing I won't get to see anymore. HELL.

But really, I am very curious cause many of these songs are so mellow, you can't play a 45 minute - 1 hour set with just these songs... dudeee where's the energy for the pit gonna come from??? I don't think just Jesse's good looks are sufficient to do the trick!


GET SOWING SEASON HERE

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your cry for inspiration
Never reaches ears on distant stars
And every night, our lonely planet
Slides across the universe
and I won't pretend I understand

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your death by information
Won't disturb the peace on distant stars
And even when you lock the door
Slide behind the other shades
None of us are strangers anymore

Fall sleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
so close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningfull
I stand no chance at all

Please, sleep my darling, sleep
Your car crashed in slow motion
Won't upset the pace on distant stars
And one by one the years
Have all gone slower as the moments pass
So please hold on, please hold on

Fall sleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
so close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningfull
I stand no chance at all

Please, sleep my darling, sleep
Please, sleep my darling, sleep

Fall sleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
so close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningfull
I stand no chance at all

--- i think the lyrics are from a demo.. but it's pretty close.

=========

+44... what can i say........ WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY better than Angels and Airwaves...!!! haha. NOW we know who was the more talented of the two in Blink 182... Then again Tom, I did like you alot.... And i still do err.. as a person as Tom of Blink 182 of course coz hell man AVA sucked hahahha DAMN! i DID say that huh!...
But anyway Mark Hoppus, kudos! You did well :) I think this is a good album... And songs with songs like Little Death, hell yeah, you're good! Solid song. Brilliant if i dare say.
The album overall, quite Later Blink-ish, i must admit... the sounds are there... (does that mean Mark wrote more Blink songs than Tom?)... But, I suppose quite uniquely new and different... Not an album that Blink would have released, that is (Unlike how Jack Mannequin's album could have easily been Something Corporate's).

Awesome. Looking forward to more +44... But of course, a Blink reunion is much preferred above all else ;)

CLICK HERE FOR LITTLE DEATH

and nothing important did happen today.

i slept.

I am totally in love with that guy from Lunkhead. Odaka Yoshitarou. I think he's really amazing, talented, sweetheart (don't ask), dedicated, funny (not as funny as Akira, of course) and DAMN SEXYYYYY~~~~~~~~

yes. i am totally in love with him and even more in love with him whenever i listen to Tsuki to Tenohira. Damn.

yes. i am.

AND I AM NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT PREGNANT!!!!!!

I know I've not written since I've come back and i probably should have and i really did want to but i never really got around to doing it.

But perhaps the one thing that stands out the most, and perhaps the most significant change ever since coming back has been that: being around family.

Besides missing the food, missing the friends, missing the places, missing the life in America and missing America itself, really is the transition to suddenly have your life be obligated and answerable to so many people, particularly, my parents.

I am well aware that my dad might probably read this, but, I'm writing this with that knowledge and with the intention that he would read this.

I think that's the one thing that in the past three weeks drives me to tears and longing for America and my friends in America once again.... or drives me to pop a sleeping pill so i can immiediately fall asleep and deny reality.

It's having had a solitary life for the past 4 years, doing things the way I like it, going at the pace I want to, and basically, just being whatever i want to be, and then suddenly coming back, I find myself having to answer to my mom, or having to deal with both my mom demanding something from me and me having to depend on my brother to complete the work.

Suddenly I must give a full account of what I did with my day, how i used my hours, how i am going to use my hours, things i should be doing and when i should be doing them, what I did, why i did it, why i didn't do it, why haven't i gotten to doing it yet, etc, etc... and it is like a big headache each day.........

I mean dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... i just like doing things like this okay? I function better that way!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i don't have clothes to be washed everyday. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i don't like my desk to be ultra spotless and clean. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i like a little pile next to my bed. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I like to spend all day on the internet. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i have not cleaned the room yet.

BUT it's NOT AS IF i won't clean that room for Michelle to sleep in. I know she's gonna be here. I know when she's gonna be here, and I WILL get it done before she gets here JUST NOT IMMIEDIATELY, you know!!

BUT ANYWAYS.

that said.

I don't mind going out with my parents. Unlike my brother, I don't hate being around my parents. Though sometimes, the ipod REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY comes in handy.

But the truth is that, I love my parents and I love them hell of alot. I love them so much that, i just feel so torn up whenever like........ i know if my mom or dad is hurt or unhappy (and by unhappy i do NOT mean angry, because helllllllllllllllllllll my mom is angry 70% of the day anyway!)

But say like today...

My mom for no apparent reason, or over something INSIGNIFICANT like a bike my dad is unwilling to throw away, she scolds my dad the hell out for it. And she scolds him in the manner that she is like fucking PISSED OFF for as if he had accused her the life we have (not having enough money, apparently) and FOR HELL i know my dad was in NOOOOOOOOOOO WAY even blaming her even one bit for the shit we're in. I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING idea why my dad is like that.

And i look at my dad and I really feel sorry for him, u know. Cause he has worked damn hard to support and provide for this family the best he could. and I know he did more than he could. He provided for us a hell alot more than he could have provided for us... and in that way, i always feel i have the most awesome dad in this world... and no i am not writing that coz i think my dad is reading this... But really u know... i really think he fought to win a battle that is wayyyyyyyyyyyy out of his capabilities to win... But i think he won it anyway...

and i really feel sorry for him.

Last saturday... I think it was saturday or sunday... So i was sitting knitting in the living room outside my room. I had turned on the air conditioning in my room so that what little of the cool air would flow out to the hall outside to me.... And i kept the air conditioning running for HOURS... Then in the evening like at 5pm, i walked into my parents room to use the bathroom haha... and there i find my DAD sleeping on the chair WITHOUT THE FRIGGING FAN ON. i mean wtf??????? i have noooooooooo idea if he has a REALLLLLLLLLLLY high tolerance towards heat and humidity or what but the first thought that struck me was like "wtffffff.... there i am wasting the damn air conditioning that's meant for the room NOT the living room and here my frigging poor dad was, stuffed in the heat probably trying to save on electricity." wtfffffff


THAT SAID,

my mom the iron maiden.

Soooooo

anyway, naturally i ran up and into my room when my mom started scolding my dad right. So i went to like my brother's room and i talked to him. Bitched to him about my mom who's crazy btw... because she REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY yells like MADDD over something TOTALLY insignificant. MANNN you have NO IDEA the way she screams until you hear her scream, YOU SWEAR the way she screams at the maid because the maid forgot to refill the kettle was as if the maid had killed the dog or something *God forbid!*

SERIOUSLY.


BUT ANYWAY.

but u know...

i feel sorry for my mom also.

Like... I tried to cheer my dad up by sending him an ecard.

But then i thought about my mom, and i feel really bad for saying bad things about her (albiet it might be true) because my mom is a lovely lady, and my mom is a GREAT mom. I would not trade my mom for any other mom in the world because I think she's the BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT mom anyone could have. whether or not she yells like mad.

and that's the truth.

and i love my mom that way. even if she yells alot. I can't stand it of course when she does yell and even till today, and even in america, i feel really scared when people start screaming, or i'd wake up thinking i heard my mom yell at me (even when i was in america).

But u know........ My mom is suchhhhhhh a fucking awesome mom that u know that fucking AWESOMENESS negates even her MOST TERRIBLE temper. In the end, I think she's more an awesome...... MOSTEST AWESOME MOM BEST MOM IN THE WORLD, than she is a scary lady.

that's my most honest opinion.

And so i went into my parents room and i found me moms sitting alone by her desk. and my dad was downstairs alone calling whomever that woman is that seems to cheer him up a little when he's down. and i felt really sorry for my mom. my mom's really cute u know, and i love her for that. i think my mom can be really cute. and i'll always love her for that despite everything. despite how she is and how she has been and urgh... despite all the future screaming i'm gonna get from her... I'll always love her... and i'll always love my dad too... as i feel so sad for him sitting downstairs alone curled up with the phone trying to find solace from someone else.

and i fucking hate that feeling.

because.

you can't choose a side

when u love them both

as much.

goodbye is not forever
goodbye is not the end
they simply mean I'll miss you, until we meet again.

i don't know but i find that hard to believe
right now anyway

my fren, u need to learn how to let go something in our life..
holding it tight, doesn't mean it will stay there...

you know...
i think
i dunno
maybe you haven't stood at the point today
i don't believe that goodbyes are not forever
coz.... even if you meet that person again
circumstances will be different
as i cannot resume the life i left in malaysia 4 years ago
i cannot resume the life i had here, 4 years later

this is wat u imagine

i don't know how to say what i feel
right now
because
it's the feeling of... not of not being able to let go
but crying
because you are letting go
and you miss it already
at the moemnt of its release
it's like... i dunno how to describe it to you
but...
today i was at my host family's place
and i gave them a present and we were just standing there at their living room
and it just felt as if it was just yesterday that i came
it was the oddest feelings ever
like nothing had changed
but yet... it's been 4 years you know
and this was goodbye. even though you felt as if that first hello was just moments ago.


-----

i think the hardest farewell yet, was the farewell to the Zeiers today.

I was at their house and we were there just like before... Like when we first met. Everything was the same you know, how the way the house looked and smelt and was like. The dogs were the same. And we did things all the same, eating dinner and drinks at the drinks dispenser.

and i still remember very clearly, you know that first moment when i first got there. It was football sundays and I remember Cheryl and the family were all watching football on the TV and I walked in with Aunt Mei, and Ed and Cheryl came to greet me and the doggies Lucy and Angel were there barking. ANd I remember Steven coming to say Hi, and Jordan and Andrew...

Everything was the same today, and i could still remember the smells and the memories of that first day and those first few weeks so very clearly like it was just yesterday, you know... But yet, But yet... a lifetime has passed you know... A lifetime..... it really has been that, you know, a lifetime: the friends I've met, the stories I've heard, the shows I've been to, the places I've seen, the bands I've got to meet and know, the dreams I've had come true, the places, the people, the lives, the culture, America, you know... the whole damn package... and it has been a lifetime.

and hugging Cheryl saying goodbye... it felt as if it was almost just yesterday that i came.

farewell, America. you know. it has been great. it has been one hell of a lifetime. and... I have no regrets and I have no bitter memories. It's like everything about America is turning into this great shade of gold as depature approach.... and I loved it here... And I love the life i had lived here... I loved it. I really do- every one i met, every experience I've had, every place I got to see, every place I had been, every encounter, every story, every memory.... it's been awesome... and... i love it all... I miss it all already...

elaine
10/16/06
Chatsworth, CA 91311

??????
LUNKHEAD

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The Moon and your hand
Lunkhead

It�s already so late
The moon is so high up there
You should be feeling sleepy by now
But
The shower of the stars and the night wind makes your cheek the color of cherry blossom.
Your happy voice, your excited breath
Two shadows made by street lights

Let�s hold hands and go home
Even it�s April, it�s still cold at night
I don�t want you to catch a cold
Let�s hurry up a little.

There are so many things I want to talk about with you,
But none of them are coming out of my mouth
So I hold your hand stronger

The town we look down from the light house is filled with as many bright lives as windows
Perhaps everyone wants to be a little bit happier than other people

Let�s hold hands and go home
Even it�s April, today is especially cold
I don�t want you to catch a cold

When we get home holding hands
Let�s drink a cup of warm milk
We can make it a bit sweet so you can have a nice dream in this still long night.

Someday, your hand will make someone else happy
I will say farewell
Holding hands

--- MANY MANY thanks to Norika for the translation *BIG HUGS*---

This is simply another AMAZING song by Lunkhead... And I'm not just saying that because I like Lunkhead. I think this song is like solid. It's been on loop on my ipod and it's really been the soundtrack towards home in these final days in America...

Simply sad and beautiful...

I have a music video in my head for this song (before i got the translation)...

I imagine two people by the beach, and it's a partially cloudy day. It's a parting scene, and it's like a final goodbye between the guy and the girl... The circumstance between them is like, they know they love each other but for some reason they just can't be with each other, like the guy was probably gonna marry someone else or something...

The girl is squatting down by the water's edge and the guy is looking at her in the pale light.... And seeing her in the soft light and slight breeze he is just overwhelmed thinking "damn she's beautiful!" But they say nothing to each other although the weight of words unspoken hangs in the air between them... Somehow... they just know...

He wants to say something to her but he hessitates and he doesn't know how to say it to her because there's so many things he want to say and explain and just... tell her... ... And there's this flower by the water where she is and she picks the flower and gets up and walks to him...

She holds the flower to him and says "The flower is pretty but one day it will wither and die,"
She looks up to him and their gaze meet and he holds his hand out to brush her cheek and she smiles palely... not a happy smile but just a pale smile that seems to convey a sense of acceptance of the way life goes... and he too smiles sadly and sofly at her...

Then they turn around and hold hands and walk away...

SO! that's my Music Video inspired when i listen to this song... haha :)

Anyway, it's a really sweet and sad and beautiful song... please check it out :)

Please check out the song here.


-cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

this is crap.

i want to go shopping the wednesday i reach malaysia but i realize, i have no one to go hang out with to go shopping.

what the hell.

fuck.

but someday I will be able to forget, it's sad but I will survive..


I always told myself that this is a phase in your life elaine, a phase and a time in your life... and that's what it is. That even if you came back, even if you stayed, even if you came back, it wouldn't be the same. Because this is the phase, and once it's gone and the time and arrangements have passed, that was it. it's over. and the feelings and the moment and the arrangement of it all can never be repeated or duplicated or replayed again like how it was because it's a phase and when it's gone, it's gone.

it's a little sad to think of it that way, but, somehow, thinking that way gives me a certain strength to move on knowing that this time is ending, and i want to believe that this was the expiration date, and it didn't mattered if i stayed or not.... it still would not be the same because this is a phase and this phase is gone.

that is what i want to believe.

and that is what gives me strength to move on.

life is long right? and the world is wide...

and i hope there will be other chapters in my life....

and i am looking forward to that.

as I had longed to leave Malaysia since I was 14 with the belief that life is more than the confines of the four walls of my room, I will still believe in that that, and I hope i will fight to leave once again, still with the believe that the world is wide and life is long and there is more to this world than the four walls of my room as i had believed all those years ago when i was 14.


Professor Wall said to me today as her parting words to me: "Elaine don't sell out. Be yourself. Don't change who you are. Be bad."

funny coming from a professor who knows the amount of CLASSES i've SKIPPED! and assignments I've botched! Damn, Dr. Wall, do you REALLY believe that is actually good for me??? :S

elaine
-plastic umbrella and i mean ?????-

ahhh whatever, lets just go home.

went out lots with friends.


Saturday/Sunday:

Norika and Josh in Pasedena..... I forgot what I did on Saturday with Norika... Oh... I think i went to get a haircut haha..






Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday: 10 days to Home

Dragon and Elaine in LA and San Francisco





More SF/LA pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/elaineloh/LosAngelesAndSanFrancisco


Sunday:

Luis/Joanna/Michelle + Jessica - California Kitchen Pizza and..... WALMART!





SHOPPING AT WALMART!


Monday: One week to Homecoming

In-and-Out with Michelle yo!!! ANIMAL FRIES ARE AWESOMEEEEEEE~~~~






Final Tuesday:

Denny's with Carin~~


My USUAL Denny's meal..... Chicken Fried Steak and Hot Chocolate.... YUMM~~~



Halloween Shopping yo!







Hmmmm can i say that? I rather be here hanging out with you than be back home... I don't know... I don't want to go back home.

I was sitting at home the other day and i felt I would so rather hang out with them over here than any friends at home.... except Ching Mun and Debby maybe cause i miss hanging out with them alot... But really...

Today... part of me, I'm sort of excited to go home cause I want to go Shopping... But i wish i was going back home just for a holiday and not for good....

I MISS YOU ALLL!! I love you all.... and I'll always miss you more when I'm gone :(

Ok, i suppose it's long overdue for me to write about this band but I love this band... Hmm haha... I definitely love their slow songs, they're just awesome... I'm not too sure about buying all their albums yet because I don't quite like their faster songs as much BUTTTTTTTTT DAMN THIS BAND, when there IS a song that I like, the song is just ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!! I just love it to the max and think this band is like LOADED!! Absolutely BRilliant! Fantastic! Amazing! One of those songs that make you breathless!

anyway, here's a really sweet PV of their latest single... Natsu no Nioi (The Scent of Summer)... Amazing song too!



Here are the Lunkhead songs I totally love...

of course...

- Komorebi - My favvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv needless to say!

- Hakudaku

- Tsuki no Tenohira

- Natsu no Nioi


The ONE thing i HATEEE about liking this band is that I CAN'T UNDERSTAND JAPANESE. Unlike Plastic Tree, it's REALLY hard to find any sort of English material for this band. It's not just that but it's just frustrating cause i really want to know what they're singing and I can't even find the Kanji lyrics to the songs to translate!!! arghhhh >___< maybe it's cause i'm terrible at searching for stuff in Japanese.... sighhhh....




This is the Natsu no Nioi single. I think this picture of the girl in the yukata is simply so sweet and beautiful... don't you think??


cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

YAYYYYYYY~~~

My second attempt at Icon Making!!!

Here's Plastic Tree ^^



Here are the original pics:

http://picasaweb.google.com/elaineloh/Puraki


cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

Uploaded these for Kelvin.... so might as well put it up too :)

Plastic Tree

These are some of my most favourite PT songs ^^

Aoi Tori - http://www.sendspace.com/file/3ve8nn
Cage For Rent - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yhoolf
San Bika - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yhoolf
Gerbera - http://www.sendspace.com/file/6fsp84
Mizuiro Girlfriend - http://www.sendspace.com/file/4otd8l
Seiza Zukuri - http://www.sendspace.com/file/84zmcf
Nukegara - http://www.sendspace.com/file/dv6zrq
Moshimo Piano ga Heiketanara - http://www.sendspace.com/file/uzq57v
Harusaki Sentimental - http://www.sendspace.com/file/1kqb1c
Yume no Shima - http://www.sendspace.com/file/w95gs9

Lunkhead

KOMOREBI IS EXCELLENT!!! And i've forgotten how much I liked Hakudaku!!!!

Komorebi - http://www.sendspace.com/file/w95gs9
Hakudaku - http://www.sendspace.com/file/h7o6va


Please enjoy :)


cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

i think the important thing in life is to be at peace within oneself.

as much as you long and want things, dreams, desires, ambition, hopes-- get lost in the diluge of life directionless, lost, confused yet seeking more, getting lost between the twist and turns of the heart that stirs restless within.

i think, the important thing is to find peace with oneself, and to know that life goes on with or without.... to know that one day, nothing will matter anymore.

I think that's the best I can do, to know I have tried, to know that, well... "oh well, whatever, nevermind." and that I can live without because life is long, and there are always other possibilies out there, and that most and more importantly... life just goes on, you know, even if circumstances are not what you want it to be, life goes on, life always goes on...

let me find peace.

at least, I have found a fraction of it...

and this won't mean a thing come tomorrow.

I think I feel very indebted to the all the people I met here in America in my stay here...

Before i came to California, I was very worried if it was God's will for me to come to California. But looking back at the past years here, I know, you know, I think it was the right choice...

I say this because of all the great and amazing people I have met here who have just simply been so wonderful towards me...

Everyone: from Luis to Michelle, Johanna, Wendy Michelle and Jessica, Carin, Norika, Aya, Justin and everyone I met at CSUN, Michelle, Chris and Rob, Maya, Taku (sensei yo!)... And then there were the various friends i met each semester who accompanied me every one of those semesters: Jessica, Vanessa, Aya, Akio.... And of course there's Aunt Mei, the Zeier Family, and of course EILEEN... also in Boston, Dragon and his family, G, Minh and Young... EVERY SINGLE ONE i have met and come to know in America, EVERY ONE of them have been awesome awesome awesome and simply AWESOME towards me.

I know i didn't make like a WHOLE BUNCH of BIG friends but you know, the few people I've met in my time here, they have just held out such a welcoming and warm hands to me that has colored my experience here wonderful...

You guys are amazing, you know that? And for every memory of America that I have, I will remember them as Beautiful because of You.

Thank you all and Thank You God.


==============

Today, Michelle, Chris, Robin and I went out for dinner. It was awesome meeting up again... haha, our group who went to Japan last year. It is great that I got to know them and we could become friends through that trip...

And I'm really really so touched that they're sooooooooooo VERY VERY awesome towards me, although I don't really hang out with them much... They have NEVER once treated me like an outsider you know... But considered me a Friend.... I am so touched and will enternally be grateful for making me feel like I am part of this....

Anyway.... here are pictures :)


Willy Wonka!!! Chris's Halloween Outfit, it's damn cool!


Michelle and I :)


Rob and Chris :D hahah they're damn funny ok!!!


GROUP PIC!! The gang who went for Guy Healy Camp Spring 05 ^^ great memories of here and Japan :)


I WAS SOOOOOOOOOOO TOUCHED!!! They actually bought me a gift!!! DAMNNNNN!!! I didn't expect it totally!!! Rob actually took the purse out then gave it to Chris and Chris was like "who is this from?" and I was thinking "oh damn must be Chris' bday passed or something and i didn't know" and Rob was like "me michelle and us..." and Chris was like "who's us and what is it for?"... then Rob was like "it's for Elaine!" hahahahahahahaha damn funny!!!! BUT I AM SO TOUCHEDD!! damn i will miss them sooooo much!!!!!

Yayyyy finally..... NEW LAYOUT!! After ONE YEAR!!!!

So this layout is... Mizuiro Girlfriend... Sort of... I was listening to Mizuiro Girlfriend by Plastic Tree and I really like that song... Apparently that is the first Ryutaro "happy" love song... and I think it's a very sweet song cause the ending goes... "kimi no egao ga neji wo watatte todoku"... and that means "your smile goes across a rainbow and reaches me..".... Don't you think that's just such a sweet line??? So un-Ryutaro usual lyrics! But it's so hopeful and sweet!!! ^^

So here's to Mizuiro Girlfriend!

Download the Song Here

Sept 24th: 20 days till Homecoming:


How do i tell michelle that the most mundane and normal things that she does everyday like hanging out with her friends and going for shows are like fragments of a real-life dream to me?


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So went for the Japanese Student Association (JSA) barbecue with Justin in the afternoon. Met Hirota Sensei, Maya, Ai, Brandon, Rob and Daisy there again, so that was really nice.... nice and WEIRD to see that people you know from different social circles are all associated at one point! Either that or there are ALOT of Japanese students at CSUN and somehow or rather we all end up here lol ;)

Had a nice time just chatting and not understanding alot of stuff that was going on haha... BUT ahhh damn, let's take up Japanese again dammit!


HUGEEE skipping rope haha ;)


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Michelle Brown and The American Dream

Michelle drove up from Anaheim to get me so we could go for a show at Spaceland at around 3:30pm...

Somehow... hanging out with Michelle always gives me this weird feeling... Like I belong here, like I have a life here in this country... Like, I could be just like one of them...

It was the best feeling ever, in her car and The Format was playing on the car radio, looking out through the window and at Michelle... THIS was hanging out, you know, American style lol ;) I don't know, i guess.... it's the feeling of being part of something... part of this country, and not just an immigrant, 20 days before depature back home nevertheless...


She should be driving.... NOT taking pictures!

We went back down to Anaheim and then to the place where michelle's friend Heather was living. And the most surreal thing happened. So I go into this big big house, and didn't know anyone, and then i follow michelle and heather through the house to this bedroom and there was this guy giving a tattoo to a girl and 3 other girls were there... And i was like "wtf? where did this come from??" it's like walking into an episode of the OC hahahahaha or Laguna Beach or something, haha whatever!


Tattoo!!! Michelle took this pic on her sidekick..

Anyway... We stayed there real long and i was just sitting the room...

I know for a fact, I would never belong in this world because I don't. I can't carry a normal conversation, I don't know why... Maybe I don't know enough American pop culture, I don't know enough about American culture, or simply, maybe I just don't know....

But the thing was that though... Michelle came to sit with me and asked me if I was bored and I was like thinking "totally no man..." I mean... sureeeee i felt out of place (cause heck! i didn't even know whose house i was in!) but.... it was just great being able to just be there, you know...

Being so close to depature date, the end of this dream, here we were just hanging out with a bunch of people (and a bunch of people i didn't know to add to that!) but hell, you know, THIS was an experience in itself... these were the times that I had never imagined 5 years ago back in malaysia, that I would get to experience one day... what it feels like to just hang out with a bunch of people... American.... OC style ;) lol! But you get me?

And then Michelle went smoking with heather outside the house and DAMNNN the most surreal conversation happened... Heather has that depth to her that I can't explain... But they got to talking about Heather wanting to leave California for Washington state and Michelle not wanting her to go... and I swear it was like a conversation that popped out of some movie... It really did!!

"Why do you have to leave?"
"Because I can't make it out here"

Really!



Anyway... We met up with Michelle's best friend Kim and left Anaheim to get to Spaceland near Sunset for the Reuben's Accomplice show... We we travelling down the 10 i think... and we approached LA by night... And I love the LA skyline... Something about it always reminds me of a dream come true.... And I think it will always do that to me... But today... That night, that whole day travelling through the freeways across LA county (i never realized poor michelle has to pratically drive through the entire LA county to get to me)... that was wonderful you know... to feel like residents of this place and to still feel the magnitute of this dream...

the lights in LA were beautiful... they always are...

We were coming back from the show and Kim played Reuben's Accomplice's song Lost Sun (it's the song playing on the blog right now)... and it was just such a lovely sountrack to a very surreal day... driving under the night lights of the Los Angeles skyline through the streets and freeways... I just couldn't help but feel... how surreal, how beautiful, it was all like a dream...


Somewhere towards the end of the night, michelle and I were sitting in the lounge in spaceland, trying to get warm and feeling sleepy.... And.. I don't know maybe it's because I was going to leave so soon and all these are coming to and end soon and I knew that... It was just weird being there you know, just lounging there like I was part of this, like this life could last, like this life was what my life is... like this was normal... that was just the weirdest best feeling I had you know...

and it was sad... that at that moment i was thinking that "how weird" because I knew I was leaving soon and this will probably never happen again, and that tonight, this whole day out with Michelle, surreal it was... was probably the last I'd have to touching... the Ameircan Life.


Anyway, if Michelle is reading thsi right now she's probably laughing and thinking I'm weird to be thinking all these... But really, Michelle, the most normal and ordinary of lives that you have, being able to see and be part of that life even for a moment, for a day, for an hour, it is a living a dream for me... And thank you, you know, for all those times you have opened and shared this world with me, to allow me to experience this dream for real... and I'll always love you for that, and I'll always miss you for that.... you're what makes America so great, remember?



Michelle singing The Used... MILD Michelle!

OK... so i got this yesterday :)

New Found Glory - Coming Home



it's NFG at their finest, but even better! think about how blink182 and green day progressed and then you'll know what i'm talking about.
-Stefanie Reines

You know what, Stefanie? I don't think so! Blink 182 progressed??? you could have fooled me!

ANYWAYS...

This is a decent album but a far cry from what NFG used to sound like. There are still traces of the NFG-ish sounds, but the overall tones of those songs are watered down and mellowed and made radio friendly. What happened to all the melodic pop punk sounds of Nothing Gold Can Stay and the self titled album??? GONE! Well... there are some with traces of it, but still, very diluted versions of the usual NFG.

Most of the track sounds like watered down versions of the usual NFG pop-punk sounds towards their later Sticks and Stones album (not so much of the older stuff). Others are like spin offs of "I Don't Wanna Know" from the Catalyst album...

So what can I say???

THEY GOT MARRIED.... with CHILDREN..

nuff said. they grew up, and along with it have traded in the camaraderie in Ballad For The Lost Romantics for the comfort of matching bedsheets and the arms of a wife and kid...

I was hoping that Coming Home would be a going back to their roots of Nothing Gold Can Stay and New Found Glory, but it seems like they were going home to their wife and kids in their big house with white picket fences and a dog in the yard... Yeap... THAT is the evolution of NFG sounds in this album.

Here are the downloads: (tracks are not in order haha)

connected - http://www.sendspace.com/file/k9g6vs
boulders - http://www.sendspace.com/file/zmwihp
coming home - http://www.sendspace.com/file/jsxgpp
Hold my Hand - http://www.sendspace.com/file/eh5y87
it's not your fault - http://www.sendspace.com/file/fbmj5t
Taken Back By You - http://www.sendspace.com/file/msz3lz
Oxygen - http://www.sendspace.com/file/f645tq
on my mind - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yzguhe
make your move - http://www.sendspace.com/file/znmet2
too good to be - http://www.sendspace.com/file/wz1ksh
Love and pain - http://www.sendspace.com/file/itfknd
familiar landscape - http://www.sendspace.com/file/28sutc

I had not planned to upload all the songs... but Sendspace was damn fast! and i ended up uploading everything for my friend... so might as well.

My fav tracks: Boulders, Connected, Coming Home.

cross-posted: http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

I've decided to do a profile of my friends... the one who goes for alot of shows and stuff.... And today i am gonna start with SEI a.k.a. Arimura-chan!!!!!!

SEI IS THE ULTIMATE PLASTIC TREE FAN! (and hehe, i am sure that's reason enough for me to profile her first! hehehe)

I only know Sei from MSN. She added me a few weeks back on MSN. She got my contact through a nice Plastic Tree forum at www.batsu.org.

Sei is the webmistress of a wonderful Pura website: http://puratori.brinkster.net

The reason why i chose to profile Sei is because i REALLY REALLY REALLY admire her love for Plastic Tree and.......... RYUTARO haha... She has faithfully been a fan for over SEVEN LONGGGG YEARS! and even after 7 years, her enthusiasm, her love, her devotion and her craziness for Plastic Tree has not even subsided one bit! She seems like she is still as in love with Plastic Tree today as she was when she first heard them 7 years ago. I think that's very awesome because as a music fan, I have seen (and I myself too have been) people be totally obsessed over a band and love everything about a band and listen to the music religiously... But, not for 7 years, you know what i mean? But that same craziness that's in the voice of a "new" fan shines right through Sei when she talks about Plastic Tree and Ryutaro... and I think, THAT, is RARE and ONE OF A KIND! That's why I think she's an awesome, if not, the ultimate Plastic Tree fan that I know of :)




Name: say [ sei arimura haha]
Location: Thailand
DOB: 16/10/1984
Blood Type lol: a

Since when did you like Plastic Tree?
1999 range Single "Sink"

Why do you like plastic tree?
Pura's song so pretty and wonderful, Ryutaro's voice is charming and I fell in love

Do you remember which is the first plastic tree song you heard?
Sink

Top 5 favourite plastic tree songs?
1. Hello
2. Kuuchuu Buranko
3.Harusaki
4.sink
5.Last Waltz

How many Plastic Tree Live have you been to?
about 24 round

Why do you like going for their live?
Because their live's fun and enjoyable, feel warm

Best plastic tree memory?
First time i met Ryutaro, he said " Hello" and smiled to me. that's my good impression

Favourite Plastic Tree Member?
Ryutaro

Why do you like him most?
because he's strange, but friendly and have good idea, amiable haaa~ I fell in luv with him...what can i do

What does Plastic Tree mean to your in your life?
it make my life's bright, can think about someone. everyday I must see Ryutaro's face at my computer and listen their songs.




cross-posted in: http://purakisuki.exblog.jp