ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

ケヴェンのこと

I think this is my Closure.

yesterday... I was in the bathroom haha, of all places, and I was thinking.... I think... even if it's just a defence mechanism... I felt suddenly deep inside me... I told God that, you know, I am sure before Ms. Chow died or even when she was alive, she would pray and hope and want the best for Kevin and for his happiness...

And that prompted me to feel that.... I don't think I want to like Kevin, and I don't want to like him because God has not intended for me to be the person that would make Kevin happy.

And if and since I am not someone who can make him happy or that God did not intend for me to be that person, then I pray to God that God will bring to him someone who will be right for him and make him happy.

Because, I think and I feel that would be what Ms. Chow would have wanted for her son too rite?... So I can't and I shouldn't force my way or my will or want something that is not right, right?

That's what I believe.

And that gives me closure. I respect my teacher and with regards to her and to the Will of God, I wouldn't and I don't want something that is not right for Kevin. If I can't and I am not the one to be able to make him happy, then I shall and will accept that lot in life, and hope and want and wish for Kevin to be with someone who will make him happy instead... Coz, I'm sure Ms. Chow really hoped for that for him before she died, I'm sure she wanted him to be happy and to have the best... So we'll just leave it at that.

That said... I hope I hadn't fucked things up too badly with Kevin and I really hope we can stay friends. I don't want to sever that part of my past, I don't want to taint the memory of Ms. Chow either, so... I really hope we can stay friends.

So that said, as much as I told Ching Mun that I try my best nottttttttt to think of Kevin as my dead teacher's son, c'mon, you can't do that... He's a friend you know but... u know, you'll always think about the circumstance under which you met.

I hope we can stay friends. I really hope we can.