ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

goodbye is not forever
goodbye is not the end
they simply mean I'll miss you, until we meet again.

i don't know but i find that hard to believe
right now anyway

my fren, u need to learn how to let go something in our life..
holding it tight, doesn't mean it will stay there...

you know...
i think
i dunno
maybe you haven't stood at the point today
i don't believe that goodbyes are not forever
coz.... even if you meet that person again
circumstances will be different
as i cannot resume the life i left in malaysia 4 years ago
i cannot resume the life i had here, 4 years later

this is wat u imagine

i don't know how to say what i feel
right now
because
it's the feeling of... not of not being able to let go
but crying
because you are letting go
and you miss it already
at the moemnt of its release
it's like... i dunno how to describe it to you
but...
today i was at my host family's place
and i gave them a present and we were just standing there at their living room
and it just felt as if it was just yesterday that i came
it was the oddest feelings ever
like nothing had changed
but yet... it's been 4 years you know
and this was goodbye. even though you felt as if that first hello was just moments ago.


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i think the hardest farewell yet, was the farewell to the Zeiers today.

I was at their house and we were there just like before... Like when we first met. Everything was the same you know, how the way the house looked and smelt and was like. The dogs were the same. And we did things all the same, eating dinner and drinks at the drinks dispenser.

and i still remember very clearly, you know that first moment when i first got there. It was football sundays and I remember Cheryl and the family were all watching football on the TV and I walked in with Aunt Mei, and Ed and Cheryl came to greet me and the doggies Lucy and Angel were there barking. ANd I remember Steven coming to say Hi, and Jordan and Andrew...

Everything was the same today, and i could still remember the smells and the memories of that first day and those first few weeks so very clearly like it was just yesterday, you know... But yet, But yet... a lifetime has passed you know... A lifetime..... it really has been that, you know, a lifetime: the friends I've met, the stories I've heard, the shows I've been to, the places I've seen, the bands I've got to meet and know, the dreams I've had come true, the places, the people, the lives, the culture, America, you know... the whole damn package... and it has been a lifetime.

and hugging Cheryl saying goodbye... it felt as if it was almost just yesterday that i came.

farewell, America. you know. it has been great. it has been one hell of a lifetime. and... I have no regrets and I have no bitter memories. It's like everything about America is turning into this great shade of gold as depature approach.... and I loved it here... And I love the life i had lived here... I loved it. I really do- every one i met, every experience I've had, every place I got to see, every place I had been, every encounter, every story, every memory.... it's been awesome... and... i love it all... I miss it all already...

elaine
10/16/06
Chatsworth, CA 91311