ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

How far will you go for a dream?

I wanted to work/intern at a record company and that was the reason why i chose to come to california instead of accepting the much more afforable Indiana State University that would have allowed me to work in the music industry by now. Baka it's called.
I've chased dreams and I have made mistakes. I'm not sure if making that mistake of choosing Cal state instead of Indiana was for the better or worse. Only time will tell i guess, if i would be happy in the end.

One part of me wants to stay here after i graduate. I wish i could have worked in the music industry at least for awhile. Music always made me happy anyway. And being at shows always made me increadibly at peace and trilled. Perhaps that would be my greatest regret in life when i look back 10 years from now and go "if only..." YOU KNOW WHAT? if i DO look back 10 years from now and go "if only..." screw it man, i am gonna reapply for the Music Business program at Indiana State! crap! i don't believe in regretting in life! If you want something, then go do it! geez!

Alright comforted.

On the other hand, the path that i did take has led me here, now, this. I want to teach English in Japan. Why? I guess simply it would be a great experience now wouldn't it?! Or so i think. It would be a different experience. I sent an email to a company that was hiring people and i laid it out to him that I know that being a non native speaker of English (yeap! we malaysians are not! Unless you're from US, UK, Can, Au, NZ, you're not!) works against me.... HE DID reply and asked me a few more questions and perhaps might be willing to talk with me over the phone.

I'm not sure... i want to tell him that i don't think at this point in time, i am ready for this, although i have the desire. I do think that i lack the skills to be the best that i can be. I want to ask him if it's possible to apply for it next May instead (plus, i think they are more schools hiring in early next year too, since Japanese school terms starts in April). Because that would leave me time to GRADUATE, go back to Malaysia to get the certifications and especially some experience in teaching before i actually go hop to a foreign country and do it.

THen again, how do i even know if i'd even qualify now to begin with?

*sigh*

well... it's a dream. I was quite dissapoited talking to Rie yesterday because it's very true that my nationality works against me (since the Japanese do discriminate against other non-white nationalities) but... as the Taking Back Sunday song goes "i never said i'll take this lying down".... and i think i want to do all that i can towards this dream, before giving up on it!

then i'll just open my record store at 1Utama and make that my career for the rest of my life. Go figure. what the hell.

elaine.