Sunday, April 24, 2005
dispassionate. that's how i feel. bad feeling. no? need to be more educated. dun be so shallow elaine. don't be so stupid either. but what? but nothing. i can tell you what is a noun phrase and main verb phrase and if i try harder i can tell u which sentence structure it is. i can draw u a tree chart if the sentence don't contain too many adjective phrases. that reminds me i have to go do more tree charts and pratice doing inflectional sentences for the midterms on tuesday. but still elaine, it's all still so simple.
why can't we just have a purely sexual relationship? benefits you benefits me. just for the next four months lets just have some fun. cause i am sick and tired of this. i just want. be good for u too right. why can't you be guided by your dick for once? if only elaine if only.

i don't like myself much. i just don't like how i look. i don't like myself much at this moment but i'm usually okay. i use too many first person singular and i think that shows how narcissitic i really am. need to write more. screw writing. i never had a talent it was all a lie. pretend do you. i saw you walking there. i hid. i want you. even if it's just to fuck you. i do, why else and what else do i want more? that's all. why won't you accept that? i wish you would then maybe i'd be happy and be shallow and not give a fuck about it. right? right.

i don't put on bullshit, they stick to me or at least i aquired it from somewhere without even being concious of it sticking to me and what i am. not what i have become. and how do you feel to find yourself having to tear through those layers and layers of bullshit that suddenly, you're this small little ball defined by so much shit. i can't lie, i can't hide. this is me. really?

everyone has their own bullshit in the end elaine, so don't feel like shit about it.

gosh i just want to fuck you! man, and why the fuck can't i? dammit i do. i don't know. sound good no? why not? just once. fuck that just once. just for the next for months hell yeah! but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you don't agree. what the fuck is that. where is your dick man?! fuck it. ouh fuck you taking back sunday. you have it or you don't... ahhh don't fucking remind me, don't make me hate myself, i already don't like me enough ALRIGHT!! geez, don't pile the insecurities on please!

Fragment ideas and too many pronouns. come on, come on stop it you�re not making sense now, you can�t make them want you when they�re all just laughing. right. fuck u taking back sunday, fuck u.

i'm only saying this today although i constantly want it when i think about you but tis ok. tis ok. cause it's just a thought. right? fuck do i want the action. ouh wait, life won't give me that. fuck it.

this is so messed up. to say the least Mr. Lacey, to say the least.

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