You got how many bills to pay
And how many kids
And you forgot about
The things that we did
The town where we're living
Has made you a man
And all of your dreams
Are washed in the sand
Well it's alright
It's alright
Who are you and me to say
What's wrong and what's right
Do you still feel like me
We sit down here
And we shall see
We can talk
And find common ground
And we can just forget
About feeling down
We can just forget
About life in this town.
It's funny how your dreams
Change as you're growing old
You don't wanna be no spaceman
You just want gold
All the dream stealers
Are lying in wait
But if you wanna be a spaceman
It's still not too late
Well it's alright
And It's alright
Who are you and me to say
What's wrong and what's right
Do you still feel like me
We sit down here
And we shall see
We can talk
And find common ground
And we can just forget
About feeling down
We can just forget
About life in this town.
So over the weekend I met a guy from Japan, Aki, who has been cycling around Asia for the past six months. He started cycling last October from Hong Kong to China to Laos to Cambodia to Vietnam to Thailand and now in Malaysia and tomorrow to Singapore.
I met him through Sarah (my CELTA trainer in the British Council) who met Aki while she was cycling with her husband in Vietnam in December.
Anyway, on Saturday I took Aki out to Batu Caves and around town. It was a really, really enjoyable day, actually. One of the most enjoyable in a long time. I guess it's because we got to talk alot, also. Actually! It was the first time in my life I spoke almost entirely in Japanese for almost the entire day! It was really tiring!! Yes, climbing Batu Caves, driving through horrible traffic around town, AND speaking in Japanese the whole day!
Anyway, we went to Batu Caves ANDDDDD I managed to climb all 272 steps without dying... For him who has cycled for more than 6000km it's a stroll in the park, of course!!! But dude, I almost died! lol... Anyway, it's damn weird but what happened to the whole colony of monkeys at Batu Caves. There weren't ANY AT ALL on the steps up!! And there were barely 5 of them at the top part of the temple... WEIRD!
Anyway, after surviving the climb and the descent, we're talking about me of course, I then took him back to BU for lunch at Banana Leaf. Yeah okay, boring me, I hardly ever go out, so i had no idea what nice place to take him yo!!!!
Over lunch we got to talk about various things. About what I liked doing, about what we thought about life, about why he was on this journey, about what I want to do with my life, about what he believes in life and what I believed to, and just about.... whether we could both be so damn wrong in the end.
We talked till about four, I think, then I asked if he wanted to go somewhere else. We decided to go to Petaling Street, so I drove us there. In Petaling Street we went around looking for food. He likes sweet things, so we were looking for various sweet things to eat. We kept talking and it was really nice, I suppose. Quite tourisy for me, actually.
But it's very interesting to note that most of the store sellers in Petaling Street are now foreign workers, like Bangladeshi workers. I think there were less than a dozen stores manned by Chinese, actually. And also, I'm just amaze like how these sellers know that Aki is Japanese! Coz after 6 months on the road under the blazing sun, he barely looks Japanese anymore! But when we walk past a shop, the sellers just automatically go "Master! Chotto matte!!" wth....
Anyway, I wanted Aki to try those white peanut ball thing (the one covered in flour), but we couldn't find it in Petaling Street. So i called Jarod to ask if there was a pasar malam at Bangsar. We were in luck and there was one in Bangsar (in retrospect, maybe we should have gone to the one in Taman Megah).
So, I drove and we went there. It was raining then so we decided to stop at a coffee shop to have a drink first. So we sat there and talked again.
And I really enjoyed our conversations. ALTHOUGH they WERE 90% in Japanese, actually, and 30% of the time he had to complete my sentences or paraphrase my sentences so we both have the same idea what was being said. But I really enjoyed our coversations.
I guess I was talking about Japan alot and because of that, I was talking alot about my dreams and what I believed in life. And here was this guy who is living an amazing life, a total life less ordinary, extraordinary, actually... And I suppose he thinks alot of what he's doing too... And it leaves the both of us wondering, I suppose, did we get it right in the end.
When everyone else is building up a life out of bricks with career, money, family, house, car... Here we were shacking our life up with straw and hay, not even knowing where our "place" is. Where do we belong? Where do we want to settle? Just somewhere in our hearts we know we have got to go... I guess, more so for Aki than for me. I guess i just want to go to Japan, you know, for my own stupid reasons. But for him, I don't think the world is large enough for him.. and his bike!
But that is our dream. It's not the money or the career or the family or the house (though the money TOTALLY facilitates the realization of our dream). But that's not how we think.
We want something else.
And as he said, "いい経験" (Good experience).
I guess that's what we want.
Do we?
I want to work in Shinjuku Tower Records (which Aki said is a VERY VERY VERY VERY INCREADIIIIIIIIIBLY SMALLLLLLLLLLLL dream!!! lol).
But, that's what we want.
Good Experience.
Could we be wrong?
Maybe.
I guess we could be wrong.
But i want to believe in my dreams. I want to believe in it. As stupid, as ridiculous, as much as ALLLLLL my friends and my ever-practical UNCLE LEONG always, always say to me "Elaine, wake up to the REAL WORLD".
No, I WANT to BELIEVE in my dream.
Even if it's stupid. Impractical. Dumb.
I want to believe in it.
I want to hold on to it.
I want to believe that one day it can come true.
God, God, I want to believe that it is going to come true.
For that one, just one tiny speck of undying-logic-defying hope, I hold on to it, I want to believe in it, and just everyday, every moment, against the gargantuan wall of doubt, this damn tiny flicker of illogical hope, I continue to trudge on, as painful, as depressing, as hopeless I feel sometimes... I refuse to give up. I refuse to let go. I refuse to throw in the towel. I refuse to let life get the better of me. I refuse to lose.
I want to believe I too can win.
I really want to believe, dear God, I too can get in. One day perhaps. One day, soon, I REALLY REALLY hope.
I guess, I REALLY REALLY REALLY believe that even if it's stupid and even to me it seems IMPOSSIBLE most of the time, actually, somehow somewhere in me, I think I am really crazy because I actually believe it can come true.
And I think that is why, I NEVER gave up. Because I stupidly actually believe that it can come true.
I guess, we're demented dreamers.
But Aki-san has really inspired me. Not inspired me in the sense that I think that because he can live his dream, mine can happen too. No, I think his is different from mine, and I am constantly negative and doubtful and worried about my own future.
But he has inspired me in the sense that, it's the first time in my life, I had met someone who has really done something so extraordinary. To have spent six months on the road, on a bike, traversing across this continent-- it's as if it's the first time in my life I have met someone so.... indescribable. Someone, who lives a life less ordinary.
I suppose, that is why Aki-san inspired me. Because his story is not one I read in magazine, but for the first time in my life, I met a person in flesh and blood, who has spent his whole life so doing this, living so differently.
It takes alot of motivation to cycle 7000 km you know?!
I guess some will dream to be doctors, will work incredibly hard to be doctors.
Some will live their life less ordinary building smart tunnels, moving from scholarships to scholarships from UK to US to Antartica.
Some will settle for a well-paying job, happy with their family, and see the world through the well earned perk of yearly overseas company trips.
Some will thrive in their profession and live through life less ordinary through the extraordinary local Malaysian social circles which is their oyster.
Some will be luckier than others. Some will have great breaks and end up unexpectedly in lives less ordinary whil maybe others (like me) will try their whole lives for that life less ordinary and still not get there.
そうおもうんですか？「人より幸せになりたいだけ？」
And yes, I am not sure, what is right and what is wrong, and who are you and me to say what's wrong and what's right, anyway?
I wrote to Yoshitaro, "I haven't found what I want."
And perhaps, that is closest to the truth.
I wonder if Aki-san found what he wants.
I wonder if Sarah's found what she wants.
I wonder if the people who constantly find themselves drifting or wanting to drift has ever found what they want.
Are we all wrong, in the end?
かもしれませんね。
In the end, after our drink, we went to walk the Bansar Pasar malam which is like a REALLY small one and I never found that white peanut ball.
But we bought (or he bought) nasi dagang and murtabak, and I ended up driving us back to my house to eat it.
But we had a nice time eating and talking and after which, I took him back to Sarah's apartment in Jalan Ampang.
So that was my Sunday.
Alot of driving, alot of climbing, a lot of eating, a lot of drinking, too much Japanese!, but a whole lot of fun-- and my heart was moved.
I still have TP9 to go though. The final TP. I wanted to do it well, but coz I spent so much time wasted this weekend, I Really wonder how TP9 is gonna do..... It's THIRD CONDITIONAL LANGUAGE LESSON too.
Sigh... Dear God, please help me get through this last last last one well... Please...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Journey
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