Elaine actually went to a Christian bookstore today... I just had this desire to like to get some devotional books last night, so i decided to go to a bookstore today after my interview...
Despite popular belief, I actually DO enjoy learning more and studying about the Bible...
It's just that, my problem is that, at one time, I wanted to study more, not just those nice encouragement word of the day type of quiet time materials. I wanted (and I still do) to learn about the background, the context, the actual meaning of texts in the Bible. I want to know, and I still want to master the meaning of texts.
And I think my biggest problem these days is my rejection of all things that are doctrine and/or dogma. I don't know why (actually, i do know why), but I just want to know the REAL meaning behind texts in the Bible... I don't just want some person's or pastor's or writer's interpretation of a text with their views colored by dogma and doctrines of the Church. I feel that interpretations by man, are fallible... and therefore, I don't want to read a book about their views only to be convinced, or learn it as if it's Gosple Truth, when it's NOT.
At the same time, I think my thinking is also flawed, because many of these people, or at least some of them, DO have great qualifications in the field they are writing about. And even if it's not about qualifications, these people definitely DO KNOW and HAVE STUDIED the texts WAYYYYYYY MOREEEEEEE than I have ever. So, in that sense, I should also sit down and perhaps listen to what they have to say. It's not completely foundless what they're saying, even if I think it is fallible and it can be biased and that it's not a complete picture they're painting...
Also, when I was going through the books, I also thought that, you know... before I want to say that I don't agree with something, I should know BOTH sides of the story... That, while I feel this rejection of doctrines and dogmas, I SHOULD actually know more thoroughly what they are about... If I truly one to be a person who wants to understand God, or understand the Word of God, I SHOULD know what both sides are saying.
Like if academians absolutely rejects the Church or the Church refuses to acknowledge the academians, BOTH, I feel, are flawed... And I don't agree to such ignorance any how... Therefore, that said, I should then DO READ both sides of the story and not just the one I want to believe.
That said........ will God be found in the unceasing critical research of the academics, or the inshakable belief of the Church?
Anyway.................. I got two books today. One is a bible study guide.. The title caught me, "Entrusting Your Dreams to God", muahahahahhahahhaha!! It's SOOOOOO like a bible study I should do!! hahahahahah... Anyway, it's a study on Hannah, and I hope to follow it as closely as possible, in hopes that I would find my heart with God...
The second book I got is called "Fabricating Jesus" by Craig A. Evans... I was abit skeptical about this book, at first.
I wanted to get another book "How Jewish is Christianity?" This is a subject I really desire to study much further because I believe that Christianity cannot be seperated from Judaism, and to understand the actual meaning of the Bible is to understand its context within Judaism.
But anyway, I saw this other book, Fabricating Jesus, and read the introduction a little and found the book quite compelling... While, yes, I think of course, the writer has his firm hold and beliefs in Church doctrines and dogma, he is EXTREMELY authoritative in the New Testament AND also the Old Testament... And his strong belief in understanding Semitism as a key to understanding Christianty also caught my attention...
But anyway, I leave you with a line from the introduction (where I stopped), which was what made me get the book.
"My academic life has not resulted in the loss of faith. Aspect of my faith have changed, to be sure. Not everything is cut and dried, black and white, as it once was. There are aspects of theology that remain uncertain, historical details that remain unclear. But then again, I have found that that was the way it was for Jesus and his earliest followers. Maybe not having pat answers for everything is what faith is all about."
And I strongly agree with this.
My rejection of Church doctrines and dogma, and perhaps, the part of me that is detached from the church lately is because of my feelings of that... That you know what? Our religion, our beliefs, our faith, is not so cut and dried, and it is certainly totally not black and white-- and I feel that, it is this myraid of the faith that the church fails to address and fails to educate its followers about-- because things are NOT so simple.....
But that said.... as the writer wrote you know, "maybe not having pat answers for everything is what faith is about."
I don't want to be lied to, or glossed over, or presented with a convenient belief... I want the Truth, I want to know what's true... or at least what's closest to the truth, or even, I just want what's out there, the discussions, the discourse, the discord... I don't believe in being blind...
If we are a Faith of the Light, I don't believe in continuing in living darkness about the things that are closest to our Faith.
Get me?
I want to know because I want to know God. I want to understand the things about God. I want to know what are the unknown, uncertain, unanswered aspects of God too, which are AS important as that which is known. Because God is all that, because... because what IS the Truth? And I want to know what is the Truth of God and Jesus and His creation and Him as Creator. What does He mean? What is His actual expectations? What is He really like? What did He REALLY say?
Because, I think... God is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo infinitely much more than what we are told.
And that is what, that is why, I have, God forgive me, a slight tatse of disdain for going to church lately... It's not that I don't believe, It's not that I am lazy (not entirely!), It's not that I don't want to be a good disciple, it's not that I don't want to serve, It's totally not coz God is not important in my life anymore...
It's just that I feel that the church is not revealing the whole truth, or not enlightening us enough of the variations of our Faith-- because I really do think that to too many Christians, Christianity is so compartmentalized for them, so straightfoward... when the truth is that, you know... it's not.... Dude, Christianity is totally not as simple was what the pastor tells you every Sunday, or even in Sunday School OR even in your own cell-group weekly Bible Study.
I don't believe that just because there's a discord, that not everything is answered, that just because I QUESTION, doesn't mean that I don't believe anymore. Doesn't mean that it's WRONG to question, to wonder, or that I am an unbeliever.
I want to find God there. There within the shifting chasms of Faith. I want to find God there because I believe that even there, God can be found.
I believe in just coming as a child does-- but it doesn't mean that we should not be open to, should not be exposed to the entirety of the Faith. It doesn't mean that we should just believe in that which makes sense, because not everything makes sense. Doesn't mean we should take what we've been told just because it's been that way for the past 2000 years through Chruch history. The Church itself HAS been influenced by MAN.
I believe that it is with ALLLLLLLL those stuff, and ALLLLLLL those mind blowing, logic twisting, doubt inducing questions and truths that you come with a Faith of a child-- because that is the only way you can.
WELL!!!! Let's hope I won't crash and burn in the process and end up in Hell.
Bah!!!!!!!!!!!
DISCLAIMER:
Hey dat said, I am not criticizing everyone in Church for being "blind" or whatever. There are quite a few Christians I know who are in great relationships with God and there are also a number of Spritual believers whose faith I totally admire.
The only part that I am being critical about is the different and debatable aspects of our faith that completely lack addressing and awareness in our Church. I just feel that we're just being glossed over about these things when THOSE variation and uncertainty ARE parts of our Faith, and I believe we should ALL know about it and learn about it.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Mere Christianity
0 comments:
Post a Comment