ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

「ランクヘッドが好き！」was all i could express to him in my shyness, when really, I did think about it at that moment, what I really wanted to say was: 「あなたが好き！」... but of course that's quite over doing it!!

So i never got to say what I want to say to Yoshitaro... It's not so much of that, you know? It's stupid to utter "I love you" to a band, it always should be "I love the band". And it was.... But there was so much more that I had wished to say that the word "好き" was just absolutely insufficient to bind it all together, this feeling that swelled in the recesses of my heart....

I couldn't say it, I didn't know how to say it, I just didn't have words for it, and I don't just mean my lack of Japanese... I just didn't, and I couldn't give form or sound to the words etched in my heart.

So all I could say to you, Yoshitaro, that day, was just "I like Lunkhead". In my simple, awfully enunciated Japanese.

If only it was that simple. If only that was it. If only "suki" DID capture everything I wish to have said to you.

Perhaps it's sufficient? Perhaps... those three words were enough to cross from me too you...? To have, in this infinite cosmos, our worlds finally cross for that one instance?

But really, my conversation with Yoshitaro lasted 5 words.

"Lunkuheddo ga suki."
"Syankyu"

A smile. Or two.
A bow. Or two.

Yeah.

That's it.

Everything else that did happen that evening, was just one-sided Japanese on your part, and MUTENESS from MY part.


色々話したいことがたくさんあるはずなのに
ひとつも言葉にはならない。。。

yeah.... there were so many things I want to talk about with you..... but none of them were coming out of my mouth.... So i stayed mute................


You know, I did tell some of you.... The part that was really wonderful about that meeting wasn't just meeting Yoshitaro.... It was actually because after he had walked away back towards the concert hall, he actually turned around and came back right up to me and said what he had wanted to say to me....

And I always loved that part about what happened that day because it has always been (and always will be) ME always having something I forgot to say to the band or still want to say to the band... and it has always been ME who always needed and wanted to turn around and go after the band again to say what I want to say.....

And for the first time, it was actually the band who came back to say what he had to say..... And that is what I will always cherish in my heart............


But that said... I'm still so damn sad! Because... SHIT!! Even WITH Yoshitaro being the one who came BACK to say what he had to say, I STILL couldn't, and DIDN'T say what I want to say to the band!!!

CRAP. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ELAINE!! Did you SERIOUSLY think moments like that happens ALL THE TIME??? NOOOOOO IT DOESN'T YO!!!! JUST ONCE IN A LIFETIME OCCURENCES!!!!!

so............

yeah.............

i really wish i could just ask him questions about his music and the songs he writes... what inspires him, and how does he usually write a song... I want to know the meaning behind some songs (or are they just words and notes??), and i want to know what made he want to do this? That's all... that's really all I want to know from him.....


夢から覚めるにはとっくに遅れてる。