there's a song by Third Eye Blind... i always remember those words "can i graduate!" hmmmm...
anyways, so... an american graduation was really an american graduation. my poor parents wore such nice garments for the event and then i told them "mom, u have to sit on bleachers". yeap. so it was outdoors.
And then we had the whole do, mexican waves, twice, and a 99cent store beach ball bouncing around all during graduation speeches. go america! geez.
anyways... the experience was... abit surreal... the surreal part when was they were playing that song (i dunno the name but the one u hear on TV shows everytime u see an american graduation) and we were all walking in and all these ppl were talking videos (like my bro). Reminded me of Reality Bites u know....
and it's scary cause i am 23 and everything i had watched on Reality Bites about these people who's lines were mottos i lived by since i was 14, suddenly became so... real... and so scary i guess... because i am a graduate at 23... and really... "i always thought i was going to be somebody at the age of 23"... "honey the only thing you can be is yourself..."..."I don't even know who's that anymore."
and u know what? those lines... rings so VERY true... i was more certain about myself and what i wanted in life when i was 14 when i first watched Reality Bites than i do right now at 23, a so-called, graduate.
Actually... the part i didn't like most abt graduation was how my parents felt. I was sitting there and the president of my university started point out like these 5 people graduating and talked about their achievements and shit. (my brother thought this was really bad taste). And i really hated the university for doing that. Fuck u for pointing out that 0.5% of graduates who did REALLY exceptionally well because u know what?? it had NOTHING do do with the university. It was their fucking personalities. And it was just shit that the stupid president was praising these FIVE people and how do u think the rest of the graduate feel?? it's like u think this is ur WONDERFUL day cause u FINALLY get to graduate u know, and then what does the university do? indirectly they show u how much u have FAILED instead of how much u have achieved...
and the bad part abt that is how do the parents feel u know? that their kids weren't "as good".
I felt fucking bad for my parents. Cause u know, they probably waited for this day for like YEARSSSSSS u know.. and more than that they've sacrificed EVERYTHING that they had for this one moment. And what do they get out of it? what is it worth? to me, it's worth nothing. I pity them because they came soooooooo far, did soooooooo much just for that moment only to have it be like that... only to see that i was ONE graduate out of like a school of what? 500 people... what's the pride in that??? what's the POINT in that?
That's why i mean like, my dad kept wanting to go back to the university after my graduation to take pictures (actually i FORGOT to take one with him on my graduation day, poor dad) and i kept thinking "what for?"... It's not only cause i felt embrassed or lazy but i felt like... what's the point? what's there to capture? it's not a great achievement u know.. it's not like i graduated with honors, top of my class, valedictorian or anything like that. WHat's the point?
I feel sorry for my parents because really, in my eyes, i have achieved nothing at all....
and apparently, my mother saw that too.
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