Tuesday, July 19, 2005
of Dreams and other demons...

When i was 14 i knew exactly what i wanted to be. At 16, as lacking in self esteem as i was, i had the confidence to take on the world, or at the very least, to have the arrogance and confidence to embrace my future and take on my dreams.

Here now, in California no less, at 23, i feel hopeless about everything...

what stands between me and you know, America, is a fucking Social Security Number... I never applied for a job in California and i never got a social security number. And now i am told that the only way to get a SS# is that i have to find a job RELATED to my FIELD OF STUDY (fucking journalism) to be able to get a SS#. That's just fucked up.

I don't know... all i want is a chance, you know... All i want is just a chance, that's all...

here's to the folies of youth..

"You know, sometimes I just wish I could just grow up and live," she said suddenly. "Grow up and miss all this fun?" he asked looking at her. "Yeah, I mean� I just wanna grow up and live my dreams," she said.

He smiles. "Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long," he sings and she smiles and laughs a little. Then she looks at him, "Yeah, that's what I mean!" she exclaimed.

Then they both look at each other.

And yes, i wrote that in one of my short stories when i was 14, maybe... these days... it's easier to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.

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