into the void

was bored. is still at work... went out looking for Lunkhead pictures (yeah....).... hmmm... I have no life........................ Came across a few "new" ones that I had not seen before this....

ODK's cute here... hehe.. so emo ^_^ ... picture taken from a radio show website...



Polaroids of REALLLLLLLLY OLDDDDDDDDD Lunkhead on another radio show.... back when they were REALLLLY REALLLLLLY indie huh!!!



I also came across Tsubaki's blog while searching for the pics... I really like this pic of Tsubaki as a band.... quite cute, coz it shows like their closeness... no?? It's so sweet..... like a family ^__^



I like group pics ^___^ Friendly group pics ^________^

I don't have a picture with Tsuyoshi ='(

But, I think, I have to give a shout out about him....

Hm.... I think (THINK??? YOU ARE!) I am eternally indebted to Tsuyoshi.

Urm.... he has unfailingly helped me out ever since I got to know him. Hmmm... not sure if it's just a Japanese thing, but.... I think it's not..... because he should know he can always say no to helping me any time he wants....

I had asked him the other day if he could ask him friend to get me the Lunkhead Mikan Matsuri book... I thought about it and I was really scared that he'd get pissed off with me coz i've been asking him for one favour after the other (and it ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS has to do with LUNKHEAD). Coz seriously, the very reason how I got to know him was because I needed his help! So I felt really really really bad....

I remember I knew I was overstaying my welcome back in December.... I was really worried I was offending him (and his family) because I was suppose to to stay only 3 days but I ended up staying 5.... And he had asked me one night (the night we were going back from the first live), where I'd be staying on Monday.....


But in the end, of course, he didn't leave me to sleep in the streets... hahahahaah OBVIOUSLY he won't!! So, I ended up being a real pain to him and his family and lodging with them for yet additional days and nights.... 本当にごめんね！！

But anyway.... cutting the long story short... Although I wrote a second email to him to explain he didn't have to ask his friend anymore, he replied to say that he doesn't mind helping me ask his friend about the book...

He's always been so nice to me, and I feel really bad but very grateful to him...... I think the part that makes me even MORE guilty is that I know I have caused him alot of inconvenience because of LUNKHEAD. And, you know, in my heart of hearts, as much as I like Lunkhead.... I really DO think that being friends with Tsuyoshi is way more important than a silly band....

I remember, the last night in Tokyo in December, I felt really bad for having been such a pain in the ass to him for that whole week... and he came back from work late and I was going to head to bed... I was apologizing to him and he was just being really totally sweet about it... Some months later after I met JC and Siew Chen, I wrote Tsuyoshi a letter telling me that Siew Chen told me he could sing very well... In his reply he told me that when I go to Japan again, he'd sing Lunkhead songs for me... =) He's so sweet.... ねえ、一緒に歌いましょう... ^_^

Anyway.... Tsuyoshi has been absolutely wonderful.... and without whom I would have never had been able to live my dreams as well as it turned out to be...

I really thank God I am able to meet him in my life...


And no, it doesn't really matter if I get the book or not in the end...
And yes, i DEFINITELY need to do something for Tsuyoshi in return but I'm just at a loss as to what I can do for him!! Coz he really doesn't ask for much in return!! Aaaaaaa! In fact, he doesn't even ask for anything in return!! AAAaaaaaa!!

「ランクヘッドが好き！」was all i could express to him in my shyness, when really, I did think about it at that moment, what I really wanted to say was: 「あなたが好き！」... but of course that's quite over doing it!!

So i never got to say what I want to say to Yoshitaro... It's not so much of that, you know? It's stupid to utter "I love you" to a band, it always should be "I love the band". And it was.... But there was so much more that I had wished to say that the word "好き" was just absolutely insufficient to bind it all together, this feeling that swelled in the recesses of my heart....

I couldn't say it, I didn't know how to say it, I just didn't have words for it, and I don't just mean my lack of Japanese... I just didn't, and I couldn't give form or sound to the words etched in my heart.

So all I could say to you, Yoshitaro, that day, was just "I like Lunkhead". In my simple, awfully enunciated Japanese.

If only it was that simple. If only that was it. If only "suki" DID capture everything I wish to have said to you.

Perhaps it's sufficient? Perhaps... those three words were enough to cross from me too you...? To have, in this infinite cosmos, our worlds finally cross for that one instance?

But really, my conversation with Yoshitaro lasted 5 words.

"Lunkuheddo ga suki."
"Syankyu"

A smile. Or two.
A bow. Or two.

Yeah.

That's it.

Everything else that did happen that evening, was just one-sided Japanese on your part, and MUTENESS from MY part.


色々話したいことがたくさんあるはずなのに
ひとつも言葉にはならない。。。

yeah.... there were so many things I want to talk about with you..... but none of them were coming out of my mouth.... So i stayed mute................


You know, I did tell some of you.... The part that was really wonderful about that meeting wasn't just meeting Yoshitaro.... It was actually because after he had walked away back towards the concert hall, he actually turned around and came back right up to me and said what he had wanted to say to me....

And I always loved that part about what happened that day because it has always been (and always will be) ME always having something I forgot to say to the band or still want to say to the band... and it has always been ME who always needed and wanted to turn around and go after the band again to say what I want to say.....

And for the first time, it was actually the band who came back to say what he had to say..... And that is what I will always cherish in my heart............


But that said... I'm still so damn sad! Because... SHIT!! Even WITH Yoshitaro being the one who came BACK to say what he had to say, I STILL couldn't, and DIDN'T say what I want to say to the band!!!

CRAP. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ELAINE!! Did you SERIOUSLY think moments like that happens ALL THE TIME??? NOOOOOO IT DOESN'T YO!!!! JUST ONCE IN A LIFETIME OCCURENCES!!!!!

so............

yeah.............

i really wish i could just ask him questions about his music and the songs he writes... what inspires him, and how does he usually write a song... I want to know the meaning behind some songs (or are they just words and notes??), and i want to know what made he want to do this? That's all... that's really all I want to know from him.....


夢から覚めるにはとっくに遅れてる。

Hoorahhhhhhhhhhh~~~~!!!

Great Success!!!!!!

Succeeded in making a Wikipedia page for Tsubaki つばき!!!!!!

Felt kinda bad they didn't have a wikipage, so i thought I'd make one for them... Sure, it's almost a complete ripoff from their Japanese page and I think my romaji of their song titles are abit wrong hahaha! But anyways, at least the page has been started! Now it's up to their fans to edit and clean it!! wooo~!

It's also abit hard to search for Tsubaki in English, coz they're more known with the hiragana version of the name つばき.... and also, there's a J-pop singer that goes by Tsubaki too, so the two always get mixed up and Tsubaki (the band) is usually known as Tsubaki the band haha! Anyways.... Tsubaki is the Japanese name for the flower camelia...


The Lunkhead wikipedia page I made is still up! wooo!! It didn't get deleted for the lack of verifiable sources hahahahaha!! BUTTTTTTT my picture did get deleted the other day, then I had to come up with some BS "fair use rationale" to reupload it..... wth.... It's still there, so that's good news!!


The other day, someone ELSE besides me actually edited the band member info page!!! So yay~~~~!!!! There ARE people searching and caring for Lunkhead!!! ^____^


Actually, I think I wrote the band description better for Tsubaki than I did for Lunkhead. There's not much to say about how Lunkhead was formed haha... And I'm thinking of changing the layout abit for Lunkhead's page... it's kinda messy!!!! Tsubaki's layout is WAYYY better and easier to follow..!!

PAINSTAKINGLY ROMANIZED SANGATSU FOR JPOPASIA! Apparently some people favorited the video, so I thought I'd add the Kanji lyrics and Romaji transcription.... SO! I went on to transcribe it (and of course, refer to a MUCH NEEDED dictionary for the actual reading!)

BLAH!! It IS hard to understand Yoshitaro's pronunciation sometimes!! He does swallow some syllable!! orrr... more commonly, he slurs one syllable and strings it to the next... and you know how japanese vowels are!!! One vowel and one consonnant makes EVERY difference!!!

Yet... Yes, I still love Odaka =)

Was reading through the kanji, and I tell you!! He was so brilliant! He was playing around with words here and there! And, I'm not sure if Japanese is just like that, but he kept mixing sounds around... You know like how in Japanese, if the kanji is combined with another word, the sound is different?? Anyway, he just used weird/different readings for the kanji... So it was abit confusing... baaaa!!

ANYWAYS! Here's Romaji and Kanji Sangatsu...!

ランクヘッド／三月
歌：ランクヘッド 作詞：小高芳太朗 作曲：小高芳太朗

泣いているのですか？
動けないのですか？
それでもどうにかして進もうとしているのですか？
生きている意味などないなんて泣かないで　
大丈夫だから

不安で怖くて足がすくんで　
それでも前を向くことが　
本当の強さだと僕は心から思うから

誰かが迷わずに歩いた百キロよりも
君が迷いながら歩き出すその一歩は
どんなにか意味があるに違いない　
大丈夫だから

傷つきながら迷いながら
それでも前を向くことは
本当の強さだと僕は心から思うんだ

傷つきながら迷いながら
それでも前を向きながら
目を腫らしながら
泪を拭きながら
前だけをじっと見つめながら
つまずきながら
もがきながら
時には後ろを振り向いたり
休んでみたり
頼ってみたり
誰かに寄りかかってみたり　
それからまた前を向きなおしていけばいい
kanji taken from: http://ichigojm.exblog.jp/2843316/


ROMAJI - Sangatsu
Music: Lunkhead, Lyrics: Odaka Yoshitaro, Composition: Odaka Yoshitaro

Naiteiru no desu ka?
Ugokenai no desu ka?
Soredemo dounikashite susumoutoshiteiruno desu ka?
Ikiteiru iminadounai nande nakanai de
Daijoubu dakara

Huan de kowakute ashi ga sukunde
Soredemo mae wo mukukoto ga
Honto no tsuyosada to boku wa kokoro kara omoukara

Dareka ga mayowase ni aruita hyaku kilo yori mo
Kimi ga mayoi nagara arukidasu sono ippo wa
Donnanika imi ga aru ni chigainai
Daijoubu dakara

Kizutsukinagara mayoi nagara
Soredemo mae wo mukukoto wa
Hontou no tsuyosada to boku wa kokoro kara omounda

Kizutsuki nagara mayoi nagara
Soredemo mae wo mukinagara
Me wo harashi nagara
Namida wo huki nagara
Mae dake wo jitto mitsume nagara
Tsumazuki nagara
Mogaki nagara
Toki ni wa ushiro wo huri muitari
Yasundemitari
Tayotte mitari
Dareka ni yorikakatte mitari
Sorekara mata mae wo mukina oshiteikebaii


Great!! NOW I can sing the song PROPERLY in CORRECT Japanese!!! Blahhh!!

So..... great success was that my Japanese was understandable enough for the Lunkhead Mikan Matsuri staff to understand what I was asking and talking about and that they actually replied my enquiry........

GREAT FAILURE is that they indicated that................................. Lunkhead photobook would probably NOT be sold online............ blah....

And, I've decided to tell Tsuyoshi not to have to bother to ask his friend to get the book on my behalf.... I feel really bad for always asking him for favours and having him do stuff for me.... I think a friendship is more important than a band.......

So.... here's three more item to be added to the Lunkhead Unattainable List:





and... most of all............... ='(((((



sigh....... *ouch* it hurts.... :(

I hope someone will sell it online though I bet you prices are gonna be inflated sky high....

oh well :( *so sad* ='(


「これからもランクヘッドの応援よろしくお願いしますね。」

Yeah... the problem is not with continuing to support Lunkhead.... The problem is that I can't stop!!

Elaine actually went to a Christian bookstore today... I just had this desire to like to get some devotional books last night, so i decided to go to a bookstore today after my interview...

Despite popular belief, I actually DO enjoy learning more and studying about the Bible...

It's just that, my problem is that, at one time, I wanted to study more, not just those nice encouragement word of the day type of quiet time materials. I wanted (and I still do) to learn about the background, the context, the actual meaning of texts in the Bible. I want to know, and I still want to master the meaning of texts.

And I think my biggest problem these days is my rejection of all things that are doctrine and/or dogma. I don't know why (actually, i do know why), but I just want to know the REAL meaning behind texts in the Bible... I don't just want some person's or pastor's or writer's interpretation of a text with their views colored by dogma and doctrines of the Church. I feel that interpretations by man, are fallible... and therefore, I don't want to read a book about their views only to be convinced, or learn it as if it's Gosple Truth, when it's NOT.

At the same time, I think my thinking is also flawed, because many of these people, or at least some of them, DO have great qualifications in the field they are writing about. And even if it's not about qualifications, these people definitely DO KNOW and HAVE STUDIED the texts WAYYYYYYY MOREEEEEEE than I have ever. So, in that sense, I should also sit down and perhaps listen to what they have to say. It's not completely foundless what they're saying, even if I think it is fallible and it can be biased and that it's not a complete picture they're painting...

Also, when I was going through the books, I also thought that, you know... before I want to say that I don't agree with something, I should know BOTH sides of the story... That, while I feel this rejection of doctrines and dogmas, I SHOULD actually know more thoroughly what they are about... If I truly one to be a person who wants to understand God, or understand the Word of God, I SHOULD know what both sides are saying.

Like if academians absolutely rejects the Church or the Church refuses to acknowledge the academians, BOTH, I feel, are flawed... And I don't agree to such ignorance any how... Therefore, that said, I should then DO READ both sides of the story and not just the one I want to believe.

That said........ will God be found in the unceasing critical research of the academics, or the inshakable belief of the Church?


Anyway.................. I got two books today. One is a bible study guide.. The title caught me, "Entrusting Your Dreams to God", muahahahahhahahhaha!! It's SOOOOOO like a bible study I should do!! hahahahahah... Anyway, it's a study on Hannah, and I hope to follow it as closely as possible, in hopes that I would find my heart with God...

The second book I got is called "Fabricating Jesus" by Craig A. Evans... I was abit skeptical about this book, at first.

I wanted to get another book "How Jewish is Christianity?" This is a subject I really desire to study much further because I believe that Christianity cannot be seperated from Judaism, and to understand the actual meaning of the Bible is to understand its context within Judaism.

But anyway, I saw this other book, Fabricating Jesus, and read the introduction a little and found the book quite compelling... While, yes, I think of course, the writer has his firm hold and beliefs in Church doctrines and dogma, he is EXTREMELY authoritative in the New Testament AND also the Old Testament... And his strong belief in understanding Semitism as a key to understanding Christianty also caught my attention...

But anyway, I leave you with a line from the introduction (where I stopped), which was what made me get the book.

"My academic life has not resulted in the loss of faith. Aspect of my faith have changed, to be sure. Not everything is cut and dried, black and white, as it once was. There are aspects of theology that remain uncertain, historical details that remain unclear. But then again, I have found that that was the way it was for Jesus and his earliest followers. Maybe not having pat answers for everything is what faith is all about."

And I strongly agree with this.

My rejection of Church doctrines and dogma, and perhaps, the part of me that is detached from the church lately is because of my feelings of that... That you know what? Our religion, our beliefs, our faith, is not so cut and dried, and it is certainly totally not black and white-- and I feel that, it is this myraid of the faith that the church fails to address and fails to educate its followers about-- because things are NOT so simple.....

But that said.... as the writer wrote you know, "maybe not having pat answers for everything is what faith is about."

I don't want to be lied to, or glossed over, or presented with a convenient belief... I want the Truth, I want to know what's true... or at least what's closest to the truth, or even, I just want what's out there, the discussions, the discourse, the discord... I don't believe in being blind...

If we are a Faith of the Light, I don't believe in continuing in living darkness about the things that are closest to our Faith.

Get me?

I want to know because I want to know God. I want to understand the things about God. I want to know what are the unknown, uncertain, unanswered aspects of God too, which are AS important as that which is known. Because God is all that, because... because what IS the Truth? And I want to know what is the Truth of God and Jesus and His creation and Him as Creator. What does He mean? What is His actual expectations? What is He really like? What did He REALLY say?

Because, I think... God is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo infinitely much more than what we are told.

And that is what, that is why, I have, God forgive me, a slight tatse of disdain for going to church lately... It's not that I don't believe, It's not that I am lazy (not entirely!), It's not that I don't want to be a good disciple, it's not that I don't want to serve, It's totally not coz God is not important in my life anymore...

It's just that I feel that the church is not revealing the whole truth, or not enlightening us enough of the variations of our Faith-- because I really do think that to too many Christians, Christianity is so compartmentalized for them, so straightfoward... when the truth is that, you know... it's not.... Dude, Christianity is totally not as simple was what the pastor tells you every Sunday, or even in Sunday School OR even in your own cell-group weekly Bible Study.

I don't believe that just because there's a discord, that not everything is answered, that just because I QUESTION, doesn't mean that I don't believe anymore. Doesn't mean that it's WRONG to question, to wonder, or that I am an unbeliever.

I want to find God there. There within the shifting chasms of Faith. I want to find God there because I believe that even there, God can be found.

I believe in just coming as a child does-- but it doesn't mean that we should not be open to, should not be exposed to the entirety of the Faith. It doesn't mean that we should just believe in that which makes sense, because not everything makes sense. Doesn't mean we should take what we've been told just because it's been that way for the past 2000 years through Chruch history. The Church itself HAS been influenced by MAN.

I believe that it is with ALLLLLLLL those stuff, and ALLLLLLL those mind blowing, logic twisting, doubt inducing questions and truths that you come with a Faith of a child-- because that is the only way you can.


WELL!!!! Let's hope I won't crash and burn in the process and end up in Hell.

Bah!!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER:
Hey dat said, I am not criticizing everyone in Church for being "blind" or whatever. There are quite a few Christians I know who are in great relationships with God and there are also a number of Spritual believers whose faith I totally admire.
The only part that I am being critical about is the different and debatable aspects of our faith that completely lack addressing and awareness in our Church. I just feel that we're just being glossed over about these things when THOSE variation and uncertainty ARE parts of our Faith, and I believe we should ALL know about it and learn about it.

こんにちは。

すみませんけど、ランクヘッドのみかん祭りのＧＯＯＤＳはインターネットに買えますか？私はマレーシアに住んでいますから、そのライブに行けないんです。。。だからＧＯＯＤＳを買えませんです。本当にライブに行きたいんです、買えたいんです。でも、出来ないんです。別の買います方法がありますか？
本当にすみません。

イレイン　ロー

Does that make sense? Anyway... THAT's MY brand of Japanese, make sense or not, grammatically right or not...!!!!

So, crap... they're selling a PHOTOBOOK of Lunkhead at their SPECIAL concert... which i can't buy.... So, i decided to try to email the organizers to see if they'd sell it online...... I DOUBT they would but, IF they even read the email, i wonder if they'd understand my email.... baaaa :( sigh... must tell myself that i won't die without the photobook!!! Aaaaa~

Anyway, amazing how far learning those simple conjuctions in Japanese actually helps in constructing more complex sentences. Just "kedo", "kara", "dakara", "soshite", helped very much... and amazing how useful the particle "no" is! hahahaha... Amazing how useful learning the "-tai" (want) verb conjugation is! Or is because I'm always writing about something I WANT in Japanese! hahahaha....

Anyway, was looking at some verb conjugating pages just now.... http://homepage3.nifty.com/jgrammar/grammar/jgr_vcon.htm

Dude... As always, after searching more on Japanese, I am always left with this hopelessness.... I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND JAPANESE!!! Aaaaaa~ thus, I'll never understand Yoshitaro... *SAD!* ='( *sniff*

ANDDDD.... Last night i had a dream I met Lunkhead again... For some reason, they were playing a show in Malaysia...... But when I woke up, u know, I just had this realization and think and the truth is that, I know I will NEVER meet or talk to Yoshitaro ever again, and that's the truth.... as much as I delude or day dream about it everyday, I know in my heart of hearts that, I'll probably Never have a chance to meet or talk to them again....

They're getting more famous, and we all know how that goes....

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

NOT BAD!!

So the CD arrived today!!! Just 1 day after the album release!!! I received my copy of Lunkhead's『ENTRANCE ～BEST OF LUNKHEAD age18-27～』!!!! Yay~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





Well, the new songs are great!!! I especially like Suwarouteiru.... Ok.. someone who is actually fluent in Japanese would have to translate that for me... I really CANNOT understand Japanese katakana meanings..... But actually, I've not been able to check the songs out proper!! Have been REALLY BUSY since i got back!!! So, I will review more later!

Anyway, here are pics!!! I REALLY like this photoshoot of Lunkhead (done during/after the second Ebisu live in December)! I think they all look really cool in these pics!!! I wish they'd put up like some "progressive" Lunkhead pictures, though... Like from how they were when they started till now... Since it's a Best Album and they did mention Age 18 - 27..... RIGHT???







I wonder why it's called ENTRANCE?.... I suppose they really want to break through with this album and the upcoming one.... Hmmm... But it's kinda cool/weird to name a best album Entrance, since it is about their History, more than an innitiation... No????

Anyway.... Someone in KMC kindly uploaded the album for all to download!!!!!!

Actually, I really wanted to upload it to KMC but, I just find myself being... unwilling to.... deprive Lunkhead of album sales.... Although i discovered Lunkhead through downloading, and i am waiting for someone to post Tsubaki's new album online hahaha... And I ACTUALLY think it's MUCH better to make Lunkhead even more famous to non-japanese listeners.... I don't know... I just seem to be unable to upload entire albums and discographies... I do share them on soulseek and stuff... but to upload it to jpopsuki or KMC.... I just think, if someone can download everything online, it'd discourage them from buying the actual CDs to get the songs....

ANYWAY... I DO wanna promote Lunkhead, SOOOOO... here's the entire album. Credit goes to MAXmusic@kmc.... PASSWORD FOR THE FILE: MAXmusic (i am not sure if it's case sensitive). DOWNLOAD HERE: http://www.flyupload.com/?fid=1518255

Anyway, yes, I AM going to buy Tsubaki's new album, but I'm buying that with Lunkhead's upcoming single, so i'd have to wait a month =(


ALSO, ANOTHER NOTE!!!

I got the March CD Data magazine today!! Thanks to Daniel for picking it up from Kino for me!!!



YOSHITARO IS CUTE IN THE PIC~~~!!!! Well..... at least he's not like SUPER thin anymore!!! It's the last installation of a three-month three parter feature to commemorate the album release!!!

Here are the other two parts from the Jan and Feb issues of CD Data!

Lunkhead was only feature ONE page for the other two parts but I bought the first one specifically coz there was a pic of Yoshitaro COOKING!! DUDE!!!! COOKING!!!



I got the second february issue too coz it had a review of the first december EBISU live that i went to!!!!!



GREAT NE!!!

OMEDETOU ONCE AGAIN, LUNKHEAD!! and i wish you GREAT SUCCESS!!! ^_^

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~ NEW LOOK!!!



Dude!! Why so dark????? YOSHITARO YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!! WHAAAAAAA~~~~ (Not as cute yo. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH)


WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! NEW SONGS BEING PLAYED ALREADY!!! WAAAAAA!!!!!



Dis is from my last.fm "neighbor" playlist!!!! How AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!


AND WOTS UP WITH THE SERIOUS TONE OF SUBARASHII SEKAI????


(as promised! the cover is up!)

IS THE BAND CHANGING??????????????????????? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~ (should be good no? But we don't want you to be fake!!! Just be yourself!!!)


Ahhh... i don't know what's with bands and their image.... I prefer... I think, Lunkhead being real... (though what's up with like the sea otters theme for the Force era??)... But they're turning serious huh??? Well, lets see how the new album Fuka will look like!

Hmmm but most bands do change their image after awhile..... EVEN BLINK-182!!! Ash changed alot.... OASIS... i DON'T even wanna talk about the change.... Taking Back Sunday changed too after the new line up (well duh).....

But in all, I just hope that the change would be a good and positive one! ESPECIALLY with the music because that's WHAT COUNTS in the end!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lunkhead! Don't lose yourselves!! Don't sell out ok!!!


LAST WEEK'S PLAY COUNT!!!



MUST LISTEN TO LUNKHEAD MORE!!! SO SAD I CAN'T HEAR THE NEW SONGS YET!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

SUCH AN EXCITING TIME FOR LUNKHEAD!!!! I'm DAMN SAD I am missing EVERYTHING!!!! But i am VERY HAPPY FOR THEM!! THEIR CAREER SEEMS TO BE TAKING OFF!!!

Once again, Lunkhead..... OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU!!!!!! Congradulations!!!!!

some days i feel like i'm gonna be stuck here forever. today is one of such days.

I think Noel Gallagher was right. "You gotta make it happen".

Somehow i have a feeling that we're at where we're at because we didn't try hard enough (duh).

I love/hate listening to music sometimes, because it inspires me as well as it rebukes me, reading and seeing how these bands struggle and battle on in the pursuit of this thing that they love.

The messy guy in Lunkhead hahahaha, sometimes people like him, and also the bands I know and I've talked with, I really have this deep sense of admiration for them, a love tinged with a sense of self-realization. Maybe because i read about bands the most, so their stories are the ones i know best. But I absolutely have the utmost admiration for them, for having not the strength but the motivation, the drive, the love, the desire to KEEP pursuing, keep fighting, to keep singing and making music, despite everything, despite the 5 people in the crowd, despite not really anywhere after 10 long years, despite not knowing if they'd ever get anywhere-- because i feel that, they are unable to do anything else. That music calls them too strongly, and to leave and to abandon it is impossible...


I remember reading this one blog post by the messy guy in Lunkhead. He had watched the movie Hotel Rawanda and it spinned him into this philosophical debate on what the hell is he doing with his life while other people are suffering and dying out there and how easy it was for him to say he is helpless to change anything. Then he rebuked himself by questioning the value of the song of a man who, in the face of all these tragedies in the world, continues to sing instead of actively going out there to help these people. Yet at the end of the post, I loved what he wrote.... like a plead, he ended the post with, "Still, I want to sing. Please let me sing."

I think that line says so much, reflects so well, the force behind why they keep going and going and going and going....