well i have decided NOT to ask Akio to come with us to the Grand Canyon as much as i want to and as much as i wish he could come and want him to come because i know i won't ever get to spend time anymore with him if he was really going to leave on june 7th.
I don't know, it really breaks my heart believe me, but i guess i will spare rocking the boat. Even my brother doesn't seem to a gree with it and i don't want to put Akio in the middle of a family crossfire directed at HIM probably, when it's not his fault and it's just because of my own selfishness that i asked him anyway. So i think i'll spare him from that if i really did care about him the way i say i do.
I just... I'm just unwilling to let him go, you know. I just don't like it when people have to go. Like how when satoshi left. And when I had to leave and i knew that Cali would be going back too and will never be here again. I just wanted to spend more time with Akio before he left... Not cause i liked him or whatever, but just cause, he's a friend u know, and a friend who had been there for me ALOT this semester and i had alot of nice moments with him, and i would like to have more with him as much as i can before i won't be able to enjoy his company again.... It just so happens that Akio is a guy.... if Akio was Mayuko or Michelle or Norika, there would not be a problem at all, you know, no debate, no hessiatation, not second thoughts....
Just cause Akio is Akio and i had set him to be the person i set him up to be.
What's the differnece anyway if he came or not? It's just that i don't want to put him through the shit i know he might feel if i broguht him along.... I'll miss you Akio, but i guess, some other life time we could be better friends perhaps... perhaps that is my wish... and maybe one day i could go to Fushimi Inari with you instead and you could tell me what everything means.... I guess, i'll try to wish for that more than i would wish for anything else, with you. maybe i shouldn't even wish that much, since you're not even thinking about anything anywhere close t obe along these same lines.
?????????????????????
Kimi to iru no ga suki de ato wa hotondo kirai de.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
0 comments:
Post a Comment