DISCLAIMER: for those who think the font color doesn't match the background it's cause your browser had not load the background pic. refresh the page cause the background is suppose to be black.
so yesterday i went to get a haircut with Norika. Had wanted to get one for awhile now but never had the time. Plus my brother came over to LA this weekend... but anyways. So happen we (me and bro) went out with Norika and Josh to Santa Monica on Thursday and Norika said she wanted to get her hair done! YAY!
So i went with her. My brother didn't come with us, made Josh sooooooooooo bored the 5 hours waiting for us.
Actually it was 5 hours cause we had to wait 2 hours to even get our hair done.
So anyway we went to Swatelle off the 405 freeway on Santa Monica Blvd. also known as Japan No. 2. wuahahahha... actually no. i call it that because that one intersection REALLY has ALOT and i do mean ALOT of Japanese stores. In fact, i think Starbucks and Panda Express and that movie theater are the only non-Japanese stores there... wuahahahha (I'm so mean).
SO ANYWAYS.... i found the hairstyle that i liked in this magazine. It's not a Japanese hairstyle though. Btw, i've come to realize that if you look at the japanese hairstyles (especially those medium long/long hair ones), it's always curled at the bottom... really.
And then again, i wanted to get my hair pink right? like cotton candy pink. Actually i still wanted my original idea of having the bottom layer red and then with pink highlights.....
So anyways, Norika explained the stuff (what i wanted) to the lady, cause duh, i can't speak in Japanese, except for "X" chigauuuu... nooo nooo dats not what i want..
ANYWAY! So the keng thing was that i had previous bleached hair before and cause i wanted to do highlights, the old bleech was gonna screw it all up... But it was sooooooo cool that u know, she explained that she do it striped as in bleeched-black-bleeched-black like that... and she did... So meaning she redyed my hair back to black.... AND ALSO the cool thing was that, i HAVE NO IDEA WHY NO ONE EVER does this, or had ever done this instead. So how they bleached my hair was that, they didn't do it like side and side of the crown... instead, they parted my hair in the middle, then took all the hair on the crown and just parted it into like 5 sections perpendicular to the hair parting. Then theydyed like the front fringe, and then next section black, then next section bleeched... That way, what u get is actually bleached areas that are actually matching and equal on both sides of the crown.
ANYWAYS. so we did that.
And then they cut my hair.
ANd then they bleached it.
The end result?
Was not what i expected. wuahahahaha.
When i was sitting there and they were blow drying my hair all done, i thought "ouh man, NOW i really look punk rock."
cause the pink they used was REALLY REALLY REALLY BRIGHT pink. not pastel pink but BRIGHT pink.
BUT THEN when i went to the bathroom, i got a closrer, clearer and better look and
ahhhhhhhhh mannnn... for a minute there when i turned and looked at the mirror from and angle, it was like one of those VISUAL KEI hairstyles!!!!
and i was like... hmm... interesting. it was NOT what i had in mind!
But really, the color is exactly like it, then there's all these funky hair on the sides... it was INCREDIBLY visual kei!!! thankfully, just from a certain angle... like at the front and on the sides....
but ouhhhhhhhh well..
it's still nice and i like it....
and all for only the price of $97...
that's actually REALLY cheap...
Norika got her whol hair bleached and it cost her only $50...
amazing.
gonna go back there again.
and this time i am gonna get them to layer and maybe straighten my hair, and then i want streaks of the same pink and WHITE. yeah!!
u know, it's odd, my hair is like crap 99% of the time, but everytime i do go get a haircut, i always want something fancy... hmmmm!!!
I am weakkkkkk........
Date:Fri, 27 May 2005 10:41:23 -0700 (PDT)
From:"Elaine Loh"
Subject:hey... how did your finals go?
To:nr2128@hotmail.com
hey... so how was your finals? was it okay?? muzukashii??? i hope u did well anyway, heh, enough to pass the two classes! but i'm sure u will. Professors grade curve don't they??? =D Will you be taking summer school? At CSUN or at another college like u said you might.?
Anyway, i hope we can still be friends. Have not heard from you for awhile. But i guess you were really busy. But you know, if it's because of something that i did, then i really do apologize. i mean like if i messed up, i didn't mean for it to be like that.. i'm sorry...
Well.. i hope that, yeah, i could talk to u again or something.hm.
take care yah. and rest well.
elaine.
What the heck man!!!!!!! didn't i just say like 6 hours ago that i will wait a day or two to email him but noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... was lying in bed and thinking about the things he once said and the things he once did and i realize i miss him...
That's one thing about Ryota though, sometimes... i really do miss him, if this can be called "miss" anyway...
Well it's true ain't it that the Japanese don't have a word for "miss" and the only way to express it is to say "i am lonely when you're not here."
yet... That's not what i feel. I don't feel lonely without him. I just feel this ache in my heart that wish we could be like we have been before, before i fucked up, before he got too busy... i don't know waht happened.... just "before" would do for me...
and maybe that's why i can't get over him... that i still smile and 'miss' the 'happier' times before this.
i want to write an email to ryota, but... i'm not sure when, what and if i should... i'm worried about him not replying cause that would really break my heart.
suddenly something my brother said to me today comes to mind. "fuck all these worries. you either have balls of steel or butter balls. i hate people who worry too much, i mean just do it already,"
i don't know.... but with ryota i've always been too impulsive haven't i?
maybe i'll wait a day or two more...
we'll see...
life has other plans it seems............
Akio called just now... asked if he could still go with me and my family to Grand Canyon....... OF COURSE I SAID YES LAH!
haih....
"God, i pray he won't get caught between the crossfire of my family... and then i pray that dad and brother won't treat him bad... and i pray that i won't get scolded by kor for inviting him along for what is suppose perhaps to be a family trip, Godddd forgive me, please help me... AMEN!"
ahhhhhhhhhh.
well i have decided NOT to ask Akio to come with us to the Grand Canyon as much as i want to and as much as i wish he could come and want him to come because i know i won't ever get to spend time anymore with him if he was really going to leave on june 7th.
I don't know, it really breaks my heart believe me, but i guess i will spare rocking the boat. Even my brother doesn't seem to a gree with it and i don't want to put Akio in the middle of a family crossfire directed at HIM probably, when it's not his fault and it's just because of my own selfishness that i asked him anyway. So i think i'll spare him from that if i really did care about him the way i say i do.
I just... I'm just unwilling to let him go, you know. I just don't like it when people have to go. Like how when satoshi left. And when I had to leave and i knew that Cali would be going back too and will never be here again. I just wanted to spend more time with Akio before he left... Not cause i liked him or whatever, but just cause, he's a friend u know, and a friend who had been there for me ALOT this semester and i had alot of nice moments with him, and i would like to have more with him as much as i can before i won't be able to enjoy his company again.... It just so happens that Akio is a guy.... if Akio was Mayuko or Michelle or Norika, there would not be a problem at all, you know, no debate, no hessiatation, not second thoughts....
Just cause Akio is Akio and i had set him to be the person i set him up to be.
What's the differnece anyway if he came or not? It's just that i don't want to put him through the shit i know he might feel if i broguht him along.... I'll miss you Akio, but i guess, some other life time we could be better friends perhaps... perhaps that is my wish... and maybe one day i could go to Fushimi Inari with you instead and you could tell me what everything means.... I guess, i'll try to wish for that more than i would wish for anything else, with you. maybe i shouldn't even wish that much, since you're not even thinking about anything anywhere close t obe along these same lines.
?????????????????????
Kimi to iru no ga suki de ato wa hotondo kirai de.
Asian Kung-Fu Generation's new song! Blackout! It's actually a new song part of their Nano Mugen Fest Compilation... I think it was this song i heard during the concert... Yes, i understood he said it's a NEW song cause i understood "atarashii" wuahahahahaha...
Anyways,
here's a download of the song.... Haha, it's bad quality cause i ripped it from the music video which can be found at
this site... But yo man, it's a great song! I guess u could get a better version of the song once the compilation is released (ASH is on that compilation BTW!)
*sigh* it's a damn good song and another reason why i curse my non-existant Japanese that the only two word i understand in the song were "Ima" and "Hajimari--" blah... seriously! sigh.
DREAM LINE-UP!!!
Asian Kung Fu Generation will be playing with none other but ASH!!!!!! for their Nano-Mugen Fest!!!!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and to think i will miss this HISTORICAL moment!!!! SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY!!! i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna go!!!!!!! aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but i can't afford ANOTHER escapade to Japan soooooooooo soon in July!!!! n December maybe okay but July is just tooooooooo soon!!! sighhhhhhhhhhhh....
ARGHHHHHHHHHH shite shite shite.... sigh.,... shitty... it's time like these that i envy ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL who are in Japan right now........ BLEH. *sigh*
Other dream line up that i have MISSED before.
Taking Back Sunday/Blink 182--- Only cause i was NOT 21!!!! JUST TWO MORE MONTHS MAN!!!
Taking Back Sunday/Brand New/The Starting Line - I missed this by one year!!!
Saves the Day/Ash - BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luis and Michelle saw it though!!!!!!!!!!!! So lucky!!! ouh man if we had this show again damnnnnnnnnnnnn I am SURE to lose my voice!!!!
WHOLE of Warped Tour 2002... Let's not talk about it!!!
There're definitely MORE dream line up, just forgot alot of it!!! hehehehe
Actually i should feel blest cause i have seen some very good line ups before too...
Days Away/Finch - Actually, they had this lineup before like YEARSS ago and i was so sad cause i missed it. But well, FInch and Days Away are friends and they played together again so it was AWESOMEEEEE i could see them together.
Taking Back Sunday/Saves The Day- Awesome Awesome.
Taking Back Sunday/Jimmy Eat World- wuahahah... i dunno, i feel sad in a way but u know, the first TBS show i wanted to go for when i got here to america was actually a TBS/JEW show but i couldn't go cause it was in Ventura and i didn't have transportation.... But then i got to see a TBS/JEW line up for the LAST TBS show.... tragic in a way.... but at least i got it at the end?
What else?
Actually... my first ever great show that i've been to in UK was one of the best, if not the best line up i've ever experienced...
New Found Glory/Finch/The Starting Line... BOUND TO BE A VOICE LOSING LINEUP!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO SHIT!!!! awesome awesome...
you know.... i guess it's not just shows... it's also moments.... moments like those i've spend with friends.... like with Akio that evening sitting outside the library, or those nights he was with me at the library and then dinner when he helped me before i left for Japan, or that night for Star Wars..... moments like those, it's over you know... the moment and all it's sweetness is gone, and once it's gone, it's gone, you know, and it will never come back or be replicated ever again...
i wish i had more time... here in america, to see the bands in hope that great line ups will come again.... and i wish i had more time.... with Akio, so that i could have more wonderful moments with him like we had those days in the evening, at night in the library, while we waited for the movies, while i had my drinks with you.... i miss you, Akio, i really do... i miss those times i had a chance to spend with you....
feelings divided dissected analyzed.
i thnk all these Asian Kung Fu Generation is getting me too emo.
Anyway... well... i was thinking about Days Away just now, and then thinkingabout the people i was going to miss in america when i leave, was thinking about Luis and Michelle and wondered how much i was gonna cry at LAX when i leave for good.
And then thought about Ryota and how he's gonna still be here and that means i'd have to leave... him...
But then i thought about akio... and i was looking at his nick online... just Akio/ u know... and i was thinking about all the fun times i had with him, when we could really talk and when he had stayed to spend time with me to help me or just to accompany me *God bless his kind heart*....
I'm really going to miss him you know... i really like spending time with Akio when we can really talk you know... it's just really fun being with him and being able to talk with him and especially, to joke with him... it's really nice...
and i am gonna miss that so much... soooo much. i miss him already.
i guess i am just being and feeling emo at the mo.... but when i do feel it, it's really like a hole being bored through my heart like a knife leaving me feeling really really hollow inside like something inside of my chest has been punched out...
i really miss you Akio, i really do.... I know i've only known you for abit, but i've really enjoyed the times i had spend with you. I feel this way because i've never really met anyone as kind, as selfless, as caring, as patient as you before.... you're really really polite, you know... like the embodiment of all that is the politeness of Japanese culture, rare, but you still have it in you, to a very great degree....
maybe it's cause i don't know you well.... maybe... but i don't think that's entirely the explanation... i do believe that your heart is good... your heart is very pure... and that's what i love about you.... if we can say that i love you at all, it would be that.
Where's Akio?? =((((
I miss akio =(
but i am also longing for Ryota... =(
but where's akio? why are we like this again? why are you soooooooooo nice and wonderful one day and we were like what we were before and then the next day we became what we had become later on?
sad....
does akio means sad in Japanese? cause really, that's what your actions are making me =(
You're gone and I've gone insane
Oh when will you reappear
But I'm just some new kid
Who can't get his mind off of you
And I know that it's stupid
Cause you've got hawaii
And I've gotten no letters from you
I should stop whining
Cause its only been a day or two...
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
I know its stupid
Im missing your voice at night time
This separation seems a sad crime
But dont dont dont think i forgot you
Are are are oh so sweet i know
If only you were here
Things would be more magical
If i were there
Right now would be more radical
You're so not near
Im wishing i could place a call
And feel closer to you ooo-ooo
The miles of air and road and land
That separate me from all my plans
Were havin' fun
But something something tells me i miss someone
But i hope hope hope you didn't forget me i couldn't
Forget you the whole time i always knew i knew
Say that you're into me just let me know how it will be
If you dont know dont say so
I'll wait till the perfect time think of all the perfect lines
I'll make sure if i let you know
We've got movies on our list to see
Things to do just you and me
Calls to make from here to there and back
We've got fun to have and days to spend
Stars to see or just pretend
At least for now just keep things right on track
-lyrics above by the happy wonderful band, hellogoodbye.
screw love, let's just fuck!!!
not that i want to have sex but i am saying, isn't sex much nicer, quicker, less complicated???? (unless u mix love with it). I mean what happened to sex friends? fuck buddies??? do they not exist?? i know they do, i had friends who had them... so why the hell????
odd, i don't want a boyfriend, i want a fuck buddy. I mean, there's way less mess to it, i guess, and the equal amount of fun.
i mean why can't i have a "friend" i can both fuck and have lunch with, or both at the same time? I think that'd be much nicer...
i guess i have been disillusioned by all these expectations of something lovely doey shit, u know what i mean? It's just too fucking hard to get that crap. And while it probably is nice, it's hard, u know... I guess i'm just too heartbroken by all these and i am just disillusioned and i just want something... easier... yet, happy, you know...
anddddddddddddd i am fucking stressed out and HATE MYSELF for deliberately failing this stupid class and i am soooooooooo fucking frustrated with myself... I just feel like experincing sex and u know, just have fun for that one night, and just, forget shit u know, forget all the responsibilities, all the fuck ups, all the longing and yearning and wanting and all the confusion and just FUCK!
but it's just also frustrating that there are guys who don't want a fuck buddy, they want a girlfriend... WHAT THE FUCK?!
well we can work it out and apparently love will find a way ;)
u know what... i certainly hope so.
Why Cross Cultural Relationships won't work, and while i learnt this in class, i only agree with this theory because i think it's true.
Language and Culture:
1) Linguistic Determination
- the structure of our language determines the way we think.
2) Lingustic Relativity
- whatever language we speak will organize our world.
I sincerely and totally, if not 99% agree with this because language has a way of organizing our thoughts. We think in a language to begin with. And we use these words to experess thoughts and ideas and feelings-- and while feelings may be universal, the expression of these emotions alongs with thoughs and ideas are phrased very much differently depending on a language.
To add to that, different language emphasizes different things. For example, if a language has six words for love, or a language that has only two shades of color (dark or light), or a certain language that places colors adjectives ahead of size adjective. Basically, i believe how we are able to view the world is influenced by our language.
And you know, this language difference is then expanded into the realm of culture, with even more complicated stuff in it. I mean, seriously, take even Malaysians and Singaporeans, we're quite different. Or take Thai and Malaysians, you know. Expand that across way different cultures, there just exist an incredible chasm. I mean, seriously, everyone has different personalities, and you're just ignorant if you think that culture and where you come from doesn't affect how you think.
Take this to love.... or relationships, not even love... Think about it this way, sometimes you can't even understand the girl, or you can't even understand the guy, with whom you share the same culture. You can't even communicate with them properly, or get them to understand how you feel or understand how they feel, when dude, u come from the same culture, you share the same way of thinking, you know...
AND you wanna add cultural differences to THAT?! and to ADD to the cultural differences is when the both of you can't even communicate well in a COMMON language?!
u see my point?
thus, i don't think that cross cultural relationships ever work well...
i'm sure there has been a few, but ouh please, tell me really, how often? and ouh please, tell me it ain't the sex that was great! wuahahahahaha ;) THAT is one great common language dude! ^^
having said that HOWEVER, kudus! to Josh and Norika! They're awesome together! all love to u guys *heart*
side note: wtf is wrong with my english! shite man! this is my strongest language and i am making shit load of gramatical errors! and i wonder why i am labelled "non-native speaker of English"! shite!
i was reading through someone's blog (when i am, even now, suppose to be writing my final research paper for the Media and Pop Cult class i HATE).... To all those students who think that getting A's
and getting onto the Dean's List is all that matters, well, good on you. But
remember to live a little. Have fun at the same time. GO for Star Wars
premieres. Life is a lot more than just a bunch of exam papers and a piece of
laminated paper signed by a College Chancellor
http://eyeris.blogspot.com/2005/05/study-little-live-lot.html
Anyways... i wonder if my dad would be in appreciation of the 100 concerts i went to while i was here... hmm.i did live for the stories to tell, you know, which sucks though, cause i have forgotten most of them... if ppl asked me "how was america?" i would say "i had the time of my life".... life is abt living right? ^^Anyways... but what do you have to show for yourself? Sure i am a little more brave. Sure i know how to take flights to Florida/Baltimore and Denver on my own. Sure i know all that, and i DARE all that (i think it was much more dangerous taking a bus back from Hollywood at 12am than taking a flight to Denver alone). But still... am i really... a better person?i doubt it.Anyways, i should be doing a stupid research paper that i so do NOT want to do.... I just want to pass this class with a passing C and good riddance, you know... i am just so tired. please God, help me through this one bit.... and it doesn't help that all i feel like doing right now is doing the Japanese situational drills... no i can't... i want to sleep.
Just think of this and me
as just a few of the many things
to lie around
to clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
because there's some thing's
I'd like to say to you...
And I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
'Cause I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Now I could make this obvious,
and you, you could deny me
all in one breath
you could shrug me off
your shoulders...
And I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
'Cause I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
And I don't think that you know
I said I don't think you know
I said I don't think you know what your missing
Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun
Just forget me
it's that simple
Just forget me
it's that simple
I want to tell akio how i feel... hahahah. if i know what i feel to begin with but i don't want to fuck things up but i wanna get over him so i have to do something with this shit feeling. i am angry right now so it's no good.
I have never had a doubt
But for you I�ll take time out
I�ll push his love far away from me
And then I�ll be completely free
I�ll give up my security
For just the possibility
That we could be together
For a while
If you said jump! I�d say how high?
If you said run! I�d run and fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
And if you ask once I�ll tell you twice
I�ll ignore the world�s advice
If we could be together
For a while
I am taken by your strength
I�ve thought about it at great length
I thought that I was happy now
But there are things that I found out
Happiness means greater things
I�ll sit here �til that telephone rings
Then we could be together
For a while
Chorus
Wait�ll I tell my guy (wait�ll I tell)
Wait�ll I tell my other friends
They�ll all think I�m crazy-
And ya know what?
That depends...
�cause I�m crazy in love
With you
And everyone�s best won�t do
They�ll say my hopes
Will not come true
But I�m taking the chance
Because you only live once-
Only live once (only live once)
And...
If you said jump! I�d say how high?
If you said run! you know I�d fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
And if you ask once I�ll tell you twice
I�ll ignore the world�s advice
If we could be together
For a while
There are no guarantees
But if it means
There�s even a possibility
Then I�ll give up whatever it takes
I know I�ve made some mistakes before
It may be just another closed door
But we could be together
For a while
If you said jump! I�d say how high?
If you said run! I�d run and fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
Ask me once I�ll tell you twice,
You know I�ll ignore the world�s advice
If we could be together
For a while
ha. right.
Fuck... have an inability to stay angry with Akio... It's bad... fuck. Everytime i want to make him fucking regret for hurting me, i think about the problems he's having with his girlfriend and how he tells me i make him feel better... fuck, and i lose the inability to make him feel like fuck because he doesn't deserve that treatment from anyone...
I know like, i don't know, i think he just doesn't... he's not like Ryota u know... like when Ryota is mean, he does it deliberately... For akio i know for sure he doesn't do it deliberately... and when i DO get hurt by his actions it's always cause he doesn't know taht i am being hurt by it u know... i am very sure that if i told him that it's hurting me, he'll say sorry and probably try not to hurt me again, u know..
but fuck, it still hurts like fuck, that's all...
it's not good to be living in southern california. especially on a fault line such as here in Northridge, which btw, was the epicenter of the 1994 California earthquake (yeap).
It's nerve wrecking, i don't know why. I live next to a main road. Everytime a truck or a bus pass, my bed would vibrate... makes me think it's an earthquake... EVERYTIME!
Having said that however, I've only felt a quake twice: once on my first year here when i thought it was monsters shaking my bed and i figured there SHOULD be a realistic explanation for the bed moving: an earthquake... It was two actually, up in Valencia. Luis was online and he sais he felt it too. He lives in West LA. The other was in Fukuoka after the AKG show... which is good!! considering that if i had been DURING the show, they might have stopped the set huh???? But well, it's all good, having experienced quake in California and Japan...
Damn that phrase "it's all good"... should NOT pick it up from my friends, cause it annoys the hell out of me. it's NOT all good! gosh.
He says to me "you're a great friend" or he says to me "you're a special friend" because i am able to understand him and i am there for him and he worries me and want and i try to make him happy...
but yet despite him telling me all that. I don't believe him. I know he holds me at an arm's length because simply... i don't think he perceives me to be a friend he can talk with and share his feelings to.... you know what i mean?
ahhh my heart *sniff*
Well... i wanted to highlight some sort of festival on this post... At first i wanted to the the Japanese Kodomo no Hi, Children's Day but i think we have had a little too much of Japanese lately ne... And also i already put up pictures for the Fuji no Hana the other day...
So well, i decided to do the Loy Krathong festival in Thailand instead.
The most popular festivals in early of the month November, is the Loy Krathong Festival. "Loy" means "to float" and "Krathong" means a lotus-shaped vessel made of banana leaves. The Krathong usually contains a candle, tree joss-sticks, some flowers and coins. In the past, people believe that they offer thank to the Goddess of water. It is believed that the Krathongs can carry away sins and bad luck, and the time to start the coming new year, tobe joyful, and happy as suffering are floated away.- Taken from: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/5265/loykrath.html-Here are some pics...^^
These are khom loy hot air balloons and basically they lauch thousands of these hot air balloons into the sky as part of the festival... ain't that such a sight to behold????
Anyways, i guess if we're back in Malaysia in November, me thinks we should go see this festival!
Anyways... second part of this blog is abt Akio.... Well... i don't like talking to him online cause we're so damn formal..... take a look...:
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
daijoubu ka?
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
why in bad shape?
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
yeah
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
I am OK
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
but I feel little bit tired
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
are u ok physically? your heart? your mind? or just tired?
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
just tired
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
so i am OK
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
I will be fine
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
ok... i hope u are
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
thanks
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
saw your name "in bad shape" i got worried =Akio/ in bad shape... says:
sorry
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
but I am OK
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
ok that's good to hear =)
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
^^
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
make sure u have enough rest next time
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
have u bought your grandmother the present yet?
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
not yet
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
ouh?
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
Bobby and I are going to buy it
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
you didn't go out earlier because you were tired?
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
no
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
I was bussy
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
busy
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
so I could not go
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
okay... well u seem very busy these dayss!! u should take care of yourself more
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
yeah
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
thank you
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
tomorrow you're going to stay in and study right??????
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
yeah
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
yep
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
ok good =) hehe..
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
yeah
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
I gatta go now
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
okies...
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
thank^^
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
see ya
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
take care yeah....
kant understand japanese... wuts he singing? test next week! dame! says:
baibai
Akio/ in bad shape... says:
byeSigh... WHAT THE HELL..... I mean we're much better when we meet, but online, it's just shit... Anyways, i realize i do care for the dude.... He wasn't online but when i logged on and i saw his nick had turned into "Akio/ in bad shape" immiediately i got worried and got my phone to message him... But that very second he came online, so i "talked" with online instead.Anyway... yeap, that's my typical conversation with Akio online.... crap huh?!
I can't buy food cause i don't want to use the credit card. I have zero US dollars in my room and 26000yen in my wallet- no can do, we need to convert them currency.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like no-one's watching.
Sing like no-one's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
I have decided and know what i want to do with my life. I hope from now till 30, to be able to work in Japan for at least 1 year (preferably Kyoto ne).. That's 7 years to the goal... After that i shall go back to school. I would love to be able to be a scholar of all three Abrahamic religions: Christianity, Judaism and Islam because i want to be cool. And also, if i can't work in Japan, actually, i hope i am able to at least study Shintoism there... That would be nice... Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Shinto.
Actually, i am serious... i found this diploma program at International Islamic University (gosh, woul my dad would kill me and my Church disown me if i did this hm hm =\) for Islamic Studies... and it's part time too, so that's awesome...
I really do plan to go back to Malaysia to find a way to work and study.... I'm thinking of taking Japanese first (as my study part) cause i want to work in Japan right? But i think if like, i don't mind not being there any time soon, I'll just work and study Japanese for abit, the stop to do that Diploma for Islamic Studies.... Then, I am gonna go back to do Japanese because it seems that there are NO Japanese universities with an ENGLISH program in Shinto, THUS, meaning i have to go learn the language ne! (ouhhh i forsee such difficult times aheadddd... i can't even understand elementary level!). So yeah, that's my first plan.... But i don't know... I think Christianity is doable in Malaysia too, but since i am Christian, u know, there's only the option of seminary schools and aren't they religious? i would love to learn Christianity as it is, RAW, without the 2000 years of Church traditions muddling it up, you know.... And Judaism is only cause i don't think it's possible to truly grasps Christianity without understanding Judaism.
But what do you think? And i wonder if it's also possible to learn about Buddhism in Malaysia too... Cause right now my background is JOURNALISM and not religious studies. I feel that i have more chances of getting into a (Japanese) Religious Studies course if i had a background in Asian religious.........
yosh! i shall do it: Islam, Christianity, Buddhism! it would be sooooooooooooo cool! I love learning about all these because i feel unlike stuff like Journalism, or like I don't know, English, or whatever, I have no knowledge of these religions you know... and wahtever you learn is like a simulating breath of fresh air new knowledge... I love that feeling!
SO TO DO ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THAT, do u think that could give me enough money? To work in Malaysia for the next 5 years accumilating wealth (if we don't spend it all on mamak, that is. Those places are getting real expensive!) (somehow that phrase sounds oxymoronic... "malaysia" and "accumilating wealth" in the same sentence) and then go do these stuff with my life.... After all, we're still young.... even at 25 you've gotta start some time, right??
if of course, the world lasts THAT long.
lets pray my brother will become a rich movie maker by then, i've been counting on leeching onto his wagon to the stars ever since i was 14.. teehee..
elaine is happy ^^ <--- rare.
akio called... hehehehehehehehehehe.... well it's cause i sent him an email telling him i wish i could talk to him... and i asked how his day was and if he had fun with his friends....
So he called... hehehe...
And well... he sounded happy!!! so i am also happy!! i really really really really like happy Akio! there's just a ring to his voice that just makes you smile also u know, when u see him smile... and that's why i like happy akio... cause not enough people smile in this world and Akio smiles alot... it's just sad when he stops smiling...
Anyways... so i asked if he had fun today and he said he did. THen i said good. And then he explained that yesterday he felt sad because something happened with his girlfriend... SO THAT DOES EXPLAIN ALOT. See, i told you akio won't let his friends down without a VERY VALID reason, and i knew he wouldn't miss Ami's concert if it wasn't something big.... ANd it was something big...
Anyway but i asked him "but are you feeling better today?" and he said "yeah. i had a good time today" then i said "good good"... then he explained again that he was sad that's why he didn't go for ami's concert yesterday because of his girlfriend....
Then i said "i'm sorry to hear that... i hope you're feeling better today"
THEN HE SAID
"yeah... but your message (the email i sent him, see previous post to read it) made me happy."
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.!!!
success!!!!!
FINALLY i am able to make akio HAPPY with something!!!
gosh i am so always absolutely demanding on him and no matter how much i wanna be there for him and try to make him feel better i ALWAYS FAIL!!!!!
cause:
1) i end up being REALLY demanding on him instead.
2) his feelings for his girlfriend are so intense! i just feel that i am absolutely useless in trying to make him feel better through such intense and affecting emotions, you know what i mean? After all i am just a friend, non japanese, and new to him... i absolutely do NOT know and have no first clues on how i could make him feel better... and i dun think i can being so damn insignificant u know what i mean?!!!!
but at least i managed to yesterday and i am happy abt that! That i could be of help and actually make him feel better... cause Happy Akio is really cute and wonderful and i love the happy Akio cause it's awesome when he's feeling happy you know... and i wish him the happiness of the world.... i hope happiness will always be in his heart and a smile on his face despite... =)))
SMILE AKIO!!!!
me wonders what is smile in japanese.... hm!
=( feel like talking to akio =(
These are the flowers that Ryota's surname means.... Fujimoto... so the Fuji (
) refers to these flowers.... I am not sure if his "moto" means base, origin or book.... He said book but i doubt Ryota.
apparently, there's a festival in Japan every year to view these flowers when they're in bloom... I guess like u know, an ohanami for sakura during sakura season... just that i guess this fuji flower ain't as pretty as sakura ne!
Obviously i am not in Japan right now and couldn't possibly have taken these pics... so i got them from this website:
http://www.nara-shimbun.com/graph/gra020512_scene.html.And if you're wondering why i am posting about the flowers (and Ryota) right now is cause apparently now is the season for Fuji no Hana. Flower of Fuji. So!
i guess i should blog about Akio.... hm.
Well... he's still in love/hung up over his girlfriend. And i really want him to make up with his girlfriend when he gets back to Japan, you know. And I really can't understand why he's being so negative about the whole aspect of it. I mean i am sure when he meets here again next month, she's gonna remember how much she loves him and misses him and everything will be okay again... It's just that he looked so sad yesterday it's so shitty... i like happy akio, not sad akio and he was really sad yesterday...
Today he's abit better but he seemed colder today..
I don't know i guess the whole fact that i am NOT japanese, i will always be held at an arm's length, you know what i mean? Cause i mean, if he could turn to a japanese friend to tell his problems to and bear his soul without needing to think hard about how to phrase it and the words to use, why should he be coming to me to talk to, you know? I guess i am sad about that part that i can't understand Japanese on my part....
Anyway, it's just that he's a really thoughtful guy, and things that he does, sometimes even exceeds my expectations... which amazes me, cause damn, i am a demanding girl you know!!!
Like how he brought me lunch first... and then how he caught my hint (or at least well maybe he wanted to go watch a movie too) but the point is that he did call me up to ask if i wanted to go for a show... And also him actually calling me that night after i texted message him that i was feeling sad... And also like yesterday i was quite sad/depressed/pissed that he didn't even msg me while i was online after i knew he picked up the ecard i sent him... i mean, i wasn't asking for anything in return, not even for him to acknowledge it, but just for him to msg me to say HI at least, you know... but he didn't... and i was really sad.... BUT THEN, he actually CALLED me instead later that night! so that was really nice ^^
ouh well... elaine, don't mistake niceness for anything more than that... being nice... especially since Akio is a very thoughtful and polite guy to begin with, you know-- =)
I don't know... he's sweet in some ways... and in many other ways i am just barking up the wrong tree again.
Hey, i just want to say sorry because i am always so demanding to you... I know that you probably don't need any more trouble so I'm really sorry that sometimes i treat you very bad... for example i get upset if u don't call me back, or i get upset cause we can't go for lunch, etc, YOU KNOW ME!!! ^^;; sorry...
Actually you make me very happy because you're always very thoughtful. Really! Cause like, you always call back and you always apologize, you always try to accompany me if you are free,etc... Even though sometimes forget something i asked you, but it is not intentional. So thank you very much... sorry that sometimes I don't treat you with the same kindness...
Anyways, I'm glad i met you. I guess i keep demanding alot your time because i enjoy talking with you... and since you're going to be going back to Japan for good soon, i probably won't have the chance to talk to you face to face again... so that's why.
Well ok... please take care of yourself okay. Everytime you sound tired or sad makes me worry about you and makes me sad to hear you like that... I hope are alright... And, you look good enough already. kakkoikunarimashita (eh, i hope that sentence is correct ^^;;).... SO, please don't need to exercise so much anymore ok?? Take care of yourself yah...
Anyway, sorry again that i am very demanding on you sometimes. Sorry.
elaine.
i'm in a foul mood so i might as well just blog this now when i am in a mean mood.
journalist vs. groupie.
at least i have the professionalism of a journalist (you can laugh here). But at least i do. When i did the interview with Taking Back Sunday i was a journalist and not just a fan, at least i wasn't groupie that way.
anyway, it's a bit mean to talk bad abt the girl behind her back but really. I mean, being a reporter is to stick to the very bitter end and that means going for shows you aren't even interested in and sticking till the bitter end to talk to the people who went for the show. It's not about interviewing the band or anything like that, that's just being groupie man.... and listening to some of my friends who DO know bands and the shit that they've seen in their lifetime, believe me, interviewing a band is NOWHERE close to the fantasies you harbor in your head.
At least i had the professionalism till that point. or at least, meeting bands and interviewing them unfazes me i guess... cause u know, it's all professional. I would amazingly love to interview Blink 182 and at this point DAMN FINCH, but still, u know... I'm not gonna fantasize about what questions i could ask Nate and stuff (if he even does the interview to begin with).... and i DO want a picture with Nate before i leave but i swear to you, I'm not gonna do anything different. I am gonna, or i would just conduct the interview and then when i am done with it I'll just tell him "now not as a journalist but u know as a fan, i've loved you guys for the past 3 years and Nate, it was cause of an amazing experience seeing you live in UK 3 years ago that really made me love going for shows.... is it ok if we took a picture together?"
You're a journalist, not a fan, and certainly, not a groupie... you don't ask questions if they have girlfriends, you don't ask questions about their personal life, you're doing a write up, not a biography, so stay out man... gosh.
-pissed-
6: Merge onto I-15 N toward BARSTOW. 465.4 miles
7: Merge onto I-70 E via EXIT 132 toward RICHFIELD/DENVER. 501.9 miles
I miss robbie.... you're wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too far =(( WHYY???
I'd love to take a road trip through the West but then again... it'd be nice to see all those really amazingly majestic states wouldn't it? Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado... amazingly beautiful.
anyway yeah, i miss Robbie (why ain't u online much either!!!!!!!)
and akio's dissapointing.
what's new. life shite.
it's not worth it... it's not worth the heart to like someone else.
i just want you to treat me nice for the next two weeks. would that be playing with your feelings? if i promise to love you for the next twoo weeks like how i would like/wish to love someone? I just have this increadible insecurity inside that i have been waiting for some one to save me and make me feel special, you know-- and i really am just looking for that someone, at least just right now, that's all....
Actually that's very selfish cause if i want to care about him, i should do it unconditionally....
i guess this is where ryota comes in? cause hell man, i did and wanted and i felt that i did take care of him unconditionally, despite how much i knew he didn't appreciate it, i still did it....
but then the question is now then.... when does "unconditional" love become blind love?
that really suck you know....
cause taking back sunday......... you really don't know how much you mean to me.... if there was ever an apex/culmination of my experience here in America, it would be your mosh pit... because all the fun i had, all the greatest moments i had felt that America is home and i was happy... was always there... at your show.... i love you guys man, i love you guys for all your songs that had accompany me all these years from those mornings in my bedroom in Malaysia to those first months here in America i still remember walking home from school, the cool spring air and the fresh air and the mountains knowing that i was here on the same land as you were as Great Romances played on.... and now, right now, here in my room, 4 years later... you have been there at every punctuation and juncture of my life for the past 4 years.... you're the soundtrack to my whole experience here in malaysia, so sweet....
now perhaps, it's closing time....
and i feel like i am losing such a big piece of me...
it's been awesome knowing you, it's been awesome meeting you, it's been awesome talking to you, especially you matt... you will always have a malaysian friend.... most of all... you will always have a fan in me...
i love you guys... i love you guys so much... i don't want to ever say goodbye....
i don't want to say goodbye, taking back sunday.... because you're not something i am willing to lose and say goodbye just yet....
adam, that time when i said to you how sad i was that i was never going to see Taking Back Sunday again.... i meant every word of it.....
and here i am today, two years later.... i am at that EXACT moment that day in the Thursday show that i dreaded... where i will never see you on stage anymore.... when i know it was going to be my very last time in my life, seeing you up there with the mic, standing there in your mosh pit dying with your every word and every sound that blast through my being in the crowd called you pit of fans...........
ouh man, i love you guys sooooooooooooooooooooooo much.... i don't want to know what it's like to never have you ever again.....
this is depressing.
THIS, this really IS the worst part of leaving.......... that i have dreaded... and now i have to come to face.....
you're the one thing i really don't want to lose.... that i want to stay here for... and now i have to say goodbye, now i have to let you go and forget everything that you had once done to me.... i can't.... but time passes... and i must.... forget....
the feeling being there... in your mosh pit.... i still remember... so clearly.... dying there in the pit... but it was alright... dying in that pit with you...
i'm sorry. i miss you already. i already do.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK IT!!!!
I AM JUST GONNA GO FOR THE SHOW TOMORROW AND NOT THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT!!! FUCK THIS!!!!
TBS IS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEEN ABOUT FUN AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM GONNA HAVE FUCKING FUN TOMORROW BEING THERE IN THE MOSH PIT AND SCREAMING WITH THEM TILL I PASS OUT!! YEAH!!! TBS!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT!!!! HELL YEAH!
Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and I
I can barely smile
Let's go
"do not cast pearls before swines and given dogs that which is sacred." so goes the verse in Proverbs...
that's the thought that came to my head when i was thinking about Ryota and Akio yesterday.... I guess in many ways i am casting pearls before swines...
I mean i don't think i am a great person, nice but i am not the nicest person that i think i should be. But i do stuff for others you know.... and i guess, i feel that maybe i am casting my good will towards ryota to waste, or at least, as my friends tell me, to someone who should not be/does not deserve to be receiving it.
I guess, i won't talk so much about Ryota today but about Akio because he's been treating me real nice.... In fact, i think he's always have treated me really nice.
From the start when i met him and just one week later, i asked him to help me with writing the translations before i went to japan (for phrases i needed to use) and also he helped me with booking my hotels... He was really sweet there cause he was quite concerned about my safety and felt really worried that i was gonna get lost. He kept hessitating when he had to click the "book now" button and kept looking at me and pouting... hehehe so cute ^^
And also, one of the nights we were at the library till quite late (around 11)... so he walked me home!!!! You know, no guy has ever walked me home before! And i was like "you don't have to" cause he still has a 30 min bike ride back home, you know and i ALWAYS walked home at night anyway! and he said "it's ok, it's late and it's dangerous for you to walk back alone. I am responsible for your safety." ahhhhhhhhhh sweetnya!
ouh yeah... and i got him that message plant from Japan... and it took him 10 days to grow it!! (ehhh suppose to be FIVE days only!!!) but he did. and i was forcing him to take care of the plant cause "MY MESSAGE FOR YOU IS IN THERE!! YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF IT!!!" and he took care of it and the plant DID GROW, and he got my "arigatou" message............. SO dissapointing huh????? all that effort for "arigatou" which i could and ALREADY DID say to him!!!! but he was still really nice about when i apologize to him that that's all i got for him from Japan and he said "it's okay, it's still cute." Ami... my friend (whom i knew from a whole DIFFERENT social circle actually!) who is Akio's housemate's girlfriend said that she saw the plant and it was cute.... so i hope it was!!!! It was a damn typical japanese gift tho!!! no???
And then lately, everytime i called him and told him i was lonely (wuahahahah, this usually happens between my classes), he would come to see me between his schedules.
And then when i ask him out either for lunch or for a movie, he would usually go out with me.... Last week he even brought lunch from home for us... how thoughtful!!!! he messaged me and told me not to buy food cause he brought lunchbox... ^^
And then last week i was spending time with him on friday i told him i wanted to watch movie. want to watch kung fu hustle... it was suchhhh a girl hinting technique!! but i didn't really expect much out of it.... But he called me later that evening and said to me "if you are free and you don't mind, can i ask you if you want to go watch a movie tomorrow at northridge mall," ahhhhhhhh he got my hint!!! so sweet!!! hehehehe
Then this week was like... on Tuesday, he was suppose to go to the gym, but we ended up sitting outside the library for awhile just talking.... and then his friend called (i think his friend couldn't go to the gym) and then he told me that he won't go either cause he had muscle ache. So we went to get something to drink... THEN his housemate called and he had to leave... and i Merajuk lah! i was like "so you're gonna abandon me??" and he was like "no, i'm not... just today, ok?" and i was like "dun goooooooo... stay with me 10 more minutesss...." and he was like "so you love me now?" (cause he knows abt ryota).... funny thing is that i just told someone the night before that i did love akio like u know in the bear way so i was like "YEAH!!! of course i do!" and he was like "Really??" and i was like "of course i love you!" and he was like, "ok... i will take you out for dinner one day okay?" (to make it up to me) and i was like "ehhhhhhhhhhhh it's okay, daijoubu ^^;; ... u can go now." but so sweet eh!
Then yesterday... I merajuk abit again cause he had to leave and he couldn't meet me today cause he was busy and i was like "so you don't want to meet me huh?" and he was like "hey! no! it's not like that." and i was like "i'm heartbroken... u don't want to meet me," then he was like "no, i want to see you but..." wuahahahhaah... elaine is soooooooooooo mean.
Ouh yeah, yesterday also, i went to the computer lab to look for him and then i sat down next to him and he started telling me a story about a drive by shooting in Northridge. It's a senstational news ne! and i was asking him if he saw it on the newspaper and he said no that his friend told him and he explained to me what had happened and where and what time... and I was wondering what was the point of telling it to me?? then he said "so... i don't want you to walk around after 10pm ok, cause it's dangerous"... awwwwwwwwwww... so nice... i like how he cares i guess... u know for ppl's safety...
Then last night, i was chatting with friends on MSN about Ryota and Akio.... cause I went to give ryota dinner last night and he didnt say anything at all... and about Akio cause ppl are asking me to forget ryota and akio is so much nicer!!!!! (which is true btw).... And then so i suddenly dunno why felt really alone and really wish i could talk or chat with Akio cause it's nice flirting around and talking with him.... hehe... he's so cute sometimes!!!!!! But Akio wasn't online so i couldn't chat with him =((.... so i felt sad.... Then i decided to text message (SMS) him and i wrote "kanashii (sad) =(. but i dunno why =\" (although it's cause i wanted to talk to him and also cause of ryota)....
Thennn... 10 mins later or 15 mins later... Akio actually called!!! so damn sweet!!! he asked me "are you okay?" and "what happened?" and we talked abt stuff.... (i msged him this morning to tell him why i was sad last night (because i wish i could talk to him!!!)) And then he said he had to go back to his homework... so i thanked him for calling me and he was like "it's ok cause you're a great friend." and i was like "huh!! no!! you're the one doing everyhting all the time!! i feel so bad!!" and he said "it's okay..."
He's so nice ne!!!!!
thank You God for always giving me really nice friends who do take care of me....
Anyway, i don't want to like akio and me messaging him today and telling him that i was sad yesterday cause i wished to talk to him last night was abit too much already... I don't want to push my luck. Moreover, Akio is leaving for Japan for good in one month.... So... well.. i want to have a good friendship with him....
He said he will reply my emails within 2 days when he gets back to Japan, we'll see about that! But it's true that Akio's the only one that if i miss call him, he'd always call back....
But then again, i think if you meet Akio, you'd find him to be one of the nicest and most polite guys you will ever meet. Think of the politeness of Japanese culture ingrained into a person, that's the quality that Akio posesses. Very giving, very caring, VERY THOUGHTFUL, very kind and very polite..... =)
ANDDDDDDDD if we compare this to Ryotakun... when it's always just me doing stuff for him (which some times i wish i did for akio instead).... i buy him dinner, i got him things from Japan, i sent him pictures of japan/osaka when he missed home, i even counted his GPA for him to determined if he'll go on academic probation because i was worried about his studies.... u know all these stuff.... and does Ryota even care??? noooooooooooooo...
I swear if i have given even a measure of what i gave to Ryota to maybe Akio, i MIGHT have gotten to akio by now (but i dun want to... he's too nice!!!!! he's soooooooooooo sweet you know!!! and i don't want to think abt Akio like a prize to be won or anything! he's a really great person!!! i don't want to misuse him!!! I don't want!!! I want him the way he is with me)
Would you ever date someone younger than you?
- dude, ryota's younger ^^
Someone Older?
- erm... sure
Ever been drunk?
- yeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... BUT only a couple of times ^^
Been in love?
- hahahaha... nani kore?
Loved someone who you knew you couldn't have?
- eh.... liked someone whom i knew i couldn't have....... ALL THE TIME. It's called the story of my life and currently the name for it is called Fujimoto Ryota =
Gotten in a car accident?
- yeah but i wonder if it's called an accident cause i stepped on accelerator while parking my car but i had the gear on reversed so it smashed into the gate and crushed the car door (which was opened btw).
Broken a bone?
- no.
Had your heart broke?
- WUAHAHAHHA... damn. dude, it's like in shambles now.
Last time you said I love you to someone?
- anata ga suki desu, i have said before... but apparently that's too formal! what the heck japanese language!
Last time you cried?
- erm...... recently ler... i think it was because of ryota.... ouh man.. see a pattern here???
Last time you laughed?
- just now.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
- HA.hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... i would like u to tell me too.. But actually i hope i would have gone to japan by then....
What age do you see yourself married at?
- HA. 40.
Describe your dream wedding?
- hm. simple.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
- hell yeah!
If you could dye your hair one color what would it
be?
-DAMN PINK. I STILL CAN'T GET THE BABY PINK I WANT! damn black hair.
Do you eat chicken with fingers or with a fork?
- both. depends on how it's cooked ne!
What are you not looking forward to?
- hmmmmmmmmmm................. LEAVING america!!!! Ryota-kun..... SAYONARAAAAA :(((
How many homes have you lived in?
- huh? erm............. 5. three in malaysia, two in america.
One pillow or two?
- two now. i want ryota tho. =PP
Do you get along with your parents?
- erm... sorta... depends... sometimes ok, sometimes not too ok... usually it's because of me though... cause i get irritated... so that's my fault ne!
Do you drive?
- yeah. but not in america.
What type of car do you drive?
- mom's car.................. SAD! but it's ok as long as i get to drive ^^
Do you work?
- EHHHHHHHHHHHH NO!!!!!!!!!! BUT I NEED A JOB!!!! SOMEONE HIRE ME PLEASE!
Your recent expenses?
- ho! does food count? it's a hotdog then... if not... I got Rei some merch to send to her.... then i also bought myself a skirt and a t-shirt... wearing the t-shirt now... it says "Glow with Pride: Three Mile Island track and field" hehehe damn brilliant, that's why i got it.
Whats your favorite food?
- HO. erm.... i like char keow teow, i LOVEEEEEEEEEE sashimi!!!! especially salmon sashimi, i like cold soba, i like teh ais, i like thai pad see ew, i like asian chiken salads, i like my MOM'S COOKING....
Do you have braces?
- nope.
Who is Tokyo's prime minister?
- Tokyo or Japan? Koizumi something... gomen nasai, osuretta yo!
How many guys/girls have you kissed?
- ZERO! BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ryotakun............. *dreams*
When was the last time you went on a date?
- hmmm.... maybe like two months ago. but i don't wanna count that as a date.
Have you ever got in serious trouble?
- hell yeah. serious for ME!
why is the sky blue?
- reflection of the ocean. matrix programming. pick one.
Who was your first crush?
- wuahahahahhaha....... it's either my brother's friend ORRR... judghead jones (damn he was cool).
Are you the romantic type?
- damn unfortunately i am!
Do you love your life?
- yeah. i do.
Have you ever been chased by cops?
- err, no... but my brother has ;) and DAMN WELL NEARLY GOT SHOT WHAT THE HELL IDOIT STUPID ASS.
What's a secret you've never told anyone?
- hahaha... right. good try.
Name your 5 favourite cds that you own
- WHAT?? lemme see if i can do this.... Taking Back Sunday's Tell All Your Friends, Finch's What It Is To Burn, Asian Kung Fu Generation's erm... i can't decide between Solfa or Kunkei Faibumu, Nirvana's Nevermind, Oasis' What's the Story (Morning Glory).
Name your current favourite songs and artists?
- hohoho....... hm.... SONG? tak boleh ler... then i'd be naming every AKG song... ok but current as in NOW ok, like THIS WEEK (otherwise i cannot answer this question).
Asian Kung Fu Generation - No Name
The Pillows - Strange Chameleon.
Further Seems Forever - Just Until Sundown
Listen to radio?
- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. that's why i am doing like damn badly in my Radical Media tutorial!!!!
What station?
- hohoho.
Last time you saw your current crush?
- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MADA ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn!
If given a chance, where will you want to be now?
- Japan and any Asian Kung Fu Generation concert. but if that's not possible, next to ryota watching him study would do ^^.
Last time when you got dissapointed?
- yeah. with ryota. lately.
Are you the type who makes the 1st move?
- HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAH! why do u think i'm brooding over this *ahem* "thing" i want to do with ryota but it's too inapropriate for me to ask so i am cracking my head on trying to figure out the best and most appropriate way to ask it to him so he will not think i am desperate/digusting/crazy and would actually agree hm.
What annoys u the most?
- ignorant and stubborn person rolled into one. wanna cekik them.
*******************************************
ANOTHER ONE:
1. Full Name: Elaine Loh Mei Yin
2. your nick name: nai.
3. Birthday: 1 year 6 days before Ryota's wuahahahahha
4. Place of Birth: eh, Petaling Jaya.
5. Zodiac Sign: erm........ Scorpion.
6. Male or Female: DUDE, what an innane question. Female
7. year of the(Chinese calendar): Doggie. I'm a bitch.
8. Schools: Damn lot.... MGS1, MGSKL, Taylor's College, KDU College, CSUN (eh at least i finished my education)
9. Occupation: hai, student.
10. Residence: Northridge, CA.
11.Screen Name(s): erm... Pernantian for AIM.
12. Hair Color: black with bleached abit
13. Hair Long or Short: medium...... but ryota likes girls with long hair *sigh*
14. Type of Hair : perpetual mess.
15. Piercing/s: nai.
16. Eye Color : dark brown.
17. Height: gosh.
18. Shoe Size: 7 qua.
19. Braces?: nai.
20. Glasses?: aru.
21. Abnormalities?: DUDE. need u ask?
22. Tattoos: no leh.
23. Righty or Left: right.
Your 'Firsts'
24. First Kiss: fck u.
25. First B.F/ G.F: fck u. inai... zenzen imasen!!!!
26. First best friend: wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... mana ingat!
27. First award: wuahahaha... std 1 but i didn't deserve one of them.. but i got 2nd in class, so i got award..... wuahahahaha.
28. First Sport You Joined: SPORTS? wazzat?
29. First pet: doggie!
30. First Vacation: ouh man... singapura.
31. First Concert: ALL-4-ONE! goshhhhhhhhhhh!!! what a tainted record.... it was at Bukit Kiara.
32. First Love: erm.
Favorites___
33. Movies: Reality Bites.
34. TV Show: hmmm ER qua. But i love crime shows... those REAL CSI series like Investigators, Cold Case Files, etc.
35. Color: Pink. really.
36. Band: OUH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Taking Back Sunday/Asian Kung Fu Generation/Finch/Days Away.
37. Song: MANA BOLEH! and no that's not the song name...
38. Food: man look the the previous survey thingy.
39. Drink: green tea, dr. pepper, boba slush.
40. Candy: nai. maybe sneakers.
41.Sport To Play: heta desu.
42. Sport To Watch: heta desu.
43. Brand Of Clothing: ho.... i like forever 21... they have good designs, cheap and i fit into S size =P
44. Store: bah! ebay
45. Radio program: wha?
46. Animal: doggies.
47. Book: hm. i dun read. Angela's Ashes probably, or Paddy Clark's HaHaHa... but been reading some Japanese folklores, i like those books.
48. Magazine: i am not a consumer of magazines because i don't believe in the bullshit they're selling to me.
___Currently___
49. Eating: just ate hot dog.
50. Drinking: just drank green tea.
51. Typing: wha????????
53. Listening : surprisingly... nothing. but the last song i listened to according to iTunes was Hitomi's There Is (good song btw)
55. Wanting To: dude it's something to do with Ryota and it's something i SHOUDLN'T be wanting to.
56. Watching: i think it's IDetectives (SEE I TOLD YOU)
57. Wearing: da new shirt i bought last weekend (see the previous post ^^)
___Your Future___
58. Want Kids?: hoho... i have names for my kids but i dunno if i'd have them... Their names are Yume (for the girl) and Joshua (for the boy)
59. Want to Get Married? Yeah because i need kids to take care of me after retirement... I told ryota that u know, that i told him "YO!!! i decided i wanna get married! I saw this old woman on the train in Japan and suddenly i thought i MUST get married cause i need someone to take care of me when i am old" and he was like "with who?" then i was like "HOW WOULD I KNOW?!" and he was like "WHA?! isn't that the most important part?!" hmmmmmmmm and i wonder why he thinks i am crazy.
__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___
67. Cute or Sexy: erm...............
68. Lips or Eyes: erm...........
69. Hugs or Kisses: both
70. Short or Tall: Ryota is like small... so.
71. Easygoing or serious: Easy going but not too damn selamba... something like me would be good.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both.
73. Fatty or Skinny: erm...ryota's like THIN.
74. Sensitive or Loud: dude sensitive. but not like me sensitive type.
75. Hook-up or Relationships: the next three months with ryota would do.
76. Sweet or Caring: Both.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: hm.
___Have You Ever___
78. Kissed a Stranger: unfortunately no.
79. Drank Alcohol: yeah of coz.
80. Smoked: erm one puff... wuahahahaha
81. Ran Away From Home: nolah! actually there was once I REALLY Wanted to run away from home after something with my mom........ but halfway with her scolding me and trhowing all my stuff on the floor (cause i refused to clean my room) but suddenly i looked into her eyes and i was overwhelmed with love (WHAT THE HELL!!!!) and i decided not to run away that night.
82. Broken a Bone: no!
83. Got an X-ray: no.
84. Broken Someones Heart: I WANT TO BREAK ALL YOU GUYS HEART FOR DOING THIS SHIT TO ME... except u ryota MAYBE... but not Akio... he's too nice ^^... OF COURSE I LOVE YOU!
85. Broke Up With Someone: can't break what u never had.
86. Turned Someone Down: YEAH. i am a bitch man! i always complain abt guys not giving me a chance but hellllllllz! i don't give much chance either!
87. Cried When Someone Died: i don't remember.
88. Cried At School: HELL YEAH! i cried even LAST semester man!
___Do You Believe In___
89. God: Yes.
90. Miracles: YES.
91. Love At First Sight: Like at first sight yeah.
92. Ghosts: yeah. seen em before.
93. Aliens: erm....
95. Heaven: yeah.
96. Hell: yeah.
98. kissing on the first date: if i liked the dude sure.
99. Horoscope: not really.
___Answer Truthfully___
100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know
You Can't Have: dude........ FUJIMOTO RYOTA. dude man i am soooooooo gonna get screwed if he EVER finds this blog.
elaine... (^^) says:
just to make me sleep better tonight
elaine... (^^) says:
do u think the conversation went good?
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
yeah
elaine... (^^) says:
or was it like, not so positive?
elaine... (^^) says:
do u think he doesn't like to be my friend anymore?
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
i didn't hear all of it, but i think it went good ... just, did you see him smile ?
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
if he didn't wanna talk to you .. why he has that smile ?
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
right?
elaine... (^^) says:
was he smiling alot?
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
he always smile
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
yeah
elaine... (^^) says:
really?
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
all the time
elaine... (^^) says:
aww that's nice...
elaine... (^^) says:
u sure??
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
100 %
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
sure
elaine... (^^) says:
awww
Cirque du Soleil ... i love it !!! says:
sooo sure
elaine... (^^) says:
thank u
elaine... (^^) says:
now u can go sleep
elaine... (^^) says:
cause i can sleep with a smile tonite
elaine... (^^) says:
=)))
WELL, i REALLY hope Uhm is right!! she was there after all! i really hope she's right....
damn now u know why i like ryota??? how not to like him if he's always smiling...?? i dunno, Uhm said ryota looks cute. Much cuter than Eiji (in the pic i took of him which is really not representative of him really but still...)... But i never saw ryota that way (twas for the better too!!!) But i really think he has a very cute smile and i really like that about him..... I like Ryota still i guess, i guess i do... he still has the ability to cloud my mind with thoughts of him and make me smile thinking about him, and his smile u know, he really does... it makes me smile when i think about his smile...
i want to make your happy ryota-kun, i really do want to make you feel better... i wish i could help u to make your future better....
kyou wa ryota-kun ga atta! ^^ *happy* *bliss*
i met Ryota today... actually it's more of like stalking him out. I was with my friend Uhm and talked to her about Ryota... and she got interested in wanting to know how he looks like. And i knew the had his astronomy class at 1pm... So we went to the science buildings and waited there hehehe...
And sure enough, we saw him... and he did acknowledge i was there... so i asked him to come over and he did come over and I asked him "what happened??? nani ga okita no??" and he told me that he was VERYYYYYYYYYYYY damn busy with work. And so the conversation revolved around him telling me he failed his computer class again... I really don't get it, how do you fail a computer class???? it's just using programs that's all!!! And he still got another D for his second midterms for Astrology. He hopes he will pass with a C, i hope so too...
But he did share (i think) that he's worried about his future.
So yeah, i offered to help in and stuff but he declined *haih*.... but ouh well.... Looking at him, i guess i do accept his reason for not emailing be back thought i still think that he's really unthoughtful for not even taking 5 seconds to say something back to me in an email u know... i mean seriously, how long does it take???? But u know, last last week when i went out for lunch with Chad, i told chad about what happened with Ryota (avoiding me and all that and completely stopped talking to me) And Chad told me that Nei was like that to him also for a whole month Nei just stopped talking to him. THen he talked again and apparently it was cause he had ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTT of work, so he just stopped talking.... I guess it's another Japanese thing we'll never understand...
Anyway, then he said "anyway, i think i have to go now" and so i said "okay," then i told him, "hey make sure you reply my email even if it's just 'I'm okay but DYING!!!'," then he laughed and left....
Uhm at first thought he was an asshole cause i was telling her about the shit that he did to me right? not replying my email at all for the past 1 month and all... but after the conversation, she said she thought ryota was nice and was cute... i MIGHT agree with the former but not the latter.... hmmm.... i still think Ryota is just ok looking lah... he has cute smile.... but Eiji is like... cutest ne!!! even in japan i couldn't find any other guy as cute as him ^^;;
Finch at the roxy two weeks.. or was it three, weeks ago. It was an awesome show. To me a dream come true again cause i had said when i first got here that how nice it would be to see Finch at a really small venue like Roxy or Troubadour like back like those times when no one knew them... Well they played at Troubadour last year and it was really nice to see them this year at the Roxy cause Roxy was REALLLLY small.
I got the picture from the girl standing next to me.. Nate was REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY cute at this show but too bad, i guess she didn't get a good pic of him, plus, he was moving around alot also....
But anyway, here's Finch. say hello to sunshine.
nate... drunk? tired? unfit? restless? bored? sick of it? sometimes i think it's one of everything.
Randy really seemed like the only one who's still having fun with this.
i had a dream about you and me last night.
you and i were close, and i had asked you why. if you really didn't want to see me ever again. but as i was talking and asking you why, i could feel the warmth from your body close to mine. and you were silent but i was softly kissing the bare of your shoulder blades as i asked you why. as you remained silent i kissed you further down your chest between the openings of your soft collared shirt. and i couldn't understand why you stayed silent, why you wouldn't tell me why, till i understood from your soft whispers and breath against my shoulder that you wanted this as much as i wanted you too... and i continued...
unfortunately, it was only a dream.
just for the moment, just one more time, just one more second and we'll be just fine. This could be just, just in case it's the last time. This could be the last time. Just until sundown, just one more day i could hold you, that i could hold you, without you pushing me away....
path collide,
understanding in a car crash,
miss the stop sign
fall in love.
one dying wish waiting for you to save the day. but from autum to ashes, all i hear are cries from a static lullaby. Putting on my armor for sleep for a dream to make believe, was love my chemical romance, or a box full of sharp objects to puncture my soul? As i lay dying, i long for my matchbook romance to burn these memories of mewithoutyou away.
Further seems forever I still remember the beautiful mistake i made with you. Feelings hidden in plain view. Where was the starting line, when was it that i first met you? it was a Thursday in the early november. Was it fairweather that day? Or a vendetta red? It was gloomy and windy i remember, but fate i did have with you. Now taking back sunday, i wish i could have had just one more day with you. Nothing gold can stay and the movielife does not exist. The goodwill i reached out to you with open hand has now become the hurt process.
Bleed the dream, the hope conspiracy was for me to believe that there exist a destination beautiful. Here now as i meet a death by stereo, I've been told to give up the ghost and to start brand new. As the straylight run, to recover seems only days away. Yet this day forward... hopesfall.
sorry about tomorrow, but this is what it is to burn with you still lingering onwards inmemory.
Actually YES, the paragraph is written in essence and in the embers of feelings and memories of Ryota.... buttttttt..... the whole paragraph is not original in the sense that they're made out of the names of some of the emo/screamo bands i know... hehe ^^.... (just goes to show how "emo" even the names of the bands are man!)
soooooo how many bands names can you spot up in that paragraph??? they're mainly emo/screamo/indie bands... i didn't include the punk bands (or i tried not to if i really considered them pop punk). I inserted album names where band names aren't possible like "Finch" and "The Used" and also "Hot Rod Circuit"... how le to put those into a coherant narrative??? ... anyways, here are the bands in bold and the albums in italics.
one dying wish waiting for you to save(s) the day. but from autum to ashes, all i hear are cries from a static lullaby. Putting on my armor for sleep for a dream to make believe, was love my chemical romance, or a box full of sharp objects to puncture my soul? As i lay dying, i long for my matchbook romance to burn these memories of mewithoutyou away.
Further seems forever I still remember the beautiful mistake i made with you. feelings hidden in plain view. Where was the starting line, when was it that i first met you? Thursday in the early november. Was it fairweather that day? Or a vendetta red? It was gloomy and windy i remember, but fate i did have with you. now taking back sunday, i wish i could have had just one more day with you. Nothing gold can stay and the movielife does not exist. The goodwill i reached out to you with open hand has now become the hurt process.
Bleed the dream, the hope conspiracy was for me to believe that there exist a destination beautiful. Here now as i meet a death by stereo, I've been told to give up the ghost and to start brand new. As the straylight run, to recover seems only days away. Yet this day forward... hopesfall.
sorry about tomorrow, but this is what it is to burn with you still lingering onwards inmemory.
Kinoo wa.... (yesterday)
1) nice thing was that. On thursday i called Akio to ask him for lunch on Friday (he's usually free on Fridays) cause i was tremendously depressed and feeling really lousy (i am trying to stop cursing ;)) about myself. And when i say lousy i REALLY mean LOUSY. So he said ok.
So i met him on Friday, and he brought food from home for me also... nice nee!! so sweet of him to do that. but ruined my plan abit. Cause i had wanted to buy him chinese food last week for lunch (cause he likes CHinese food ALOT) but erm, i didn't cause either i was busy or he didn't go to school cause he was sick. So yeah that was a nice thing.
2) After lunch we kinda went outside cause he wanted to smoke, and as we were talking, RYOTA'S housemate came by and DUDE, Akio knows him! And so the housemate stuck around and started talking with Akio.... THen akio asked him "you know elaine right" and next ensued:
Housemate: yeah, i do.
Me: Sorta...
Housemate: (to me) My housemate used to teach you Japanese right?
Me: Yeah, he did... until he ABANDONED ME.
Akio: Don't say abandon. (btw, Akio knows about the whole ryota thing from the letter to the heartbreak)
Me: Well it was abandon! One da y he sents me an email that said "sorry can't teach you japanese anymore. bye bye" and that's it!
So well yeah...... So apparently that was the conversation. So now i got to know Ryota's housemate. Too late ne. But anyway, too bad but Ryota hates his housemates. Ouh yeah, that Akio, he's been CLASSMATES with the housemate for TWO semesters! gosh! So meaning, Akio should know how Ryota looks like....
3) Ouh and Akio can come for my graduation!!!! He might not go to florida and he�s not leaving for Japan till 7th June!!
4) Another nice thing was that, during that time outside talking with Akio i mentioned i wanted to watch movie, Kung Fu Hustle to be exact. And then he reminded me were suppose to go watch Star Wars together when it's released (we saw the trailer when we went to watch Robots last month).
Anyways� so later I was in the house, Akio called me up� and he asked me �if you�re not busy tomorrow, can I ask if you would like to go for a movie at Northridge mall?� awwwwwwwwww� yay! It�s not a date or anything like that but it�s still NICE when someone asks ME FIRST if they wanna hang out. Cause it always seems like I�m the one bugging people if they wanna go here or go there or have lunch, make ppl skip class to go for lunch with me, etc� you know!!!
So� that leads us to:
Kyoo wa: (today)
1) Went for movie with Akio. So that was nice�. ALTHOUGH I don�t like the possessiveness I have over people. Even with Ryota the other time before I even liked him. Like today, Akio went shopping before we went for the movie (hmm he�s always the one shopping and me tagging along�) And so I was tagging behind him and all that. THEN I saw him talking with this REALLY hot blonde chick, NATURALLY, I didn�t walk to him and went aside instead. Then I felt hurt and then got mad, hmmmmmmmm, ELAINE! gosh! So then I just left and went to sit down at the couch (inside the store) and turned to my dear ol faithful iPod the wonderful The Used for strength� and I just sat there. Merajuk? Entahlah, I just felt angry and then I felt like I didn�t wanna bother anymore. Then I just sat there. But Akio came and found me there and then we talked. And we went for the movie. Then he told me he met a friend and told me that it was a classmate from Japanese 202.. And then I found out that she was Ana the exchange student to Tokiwa last semester and I knew who she was and I interviewed her about Tokiwa earlier this semester.
So that�s Elaine.
2) Well�. I don�t think I am a polite person. I really need to learn to be more polite. I also don�t think I am a nice person. I don�t care about others enough. And that�s not good. I used to care a lot but these days I am just too selfishly consumed with everything I rot (Finch allusion btw). So I really don�t quite like myself, really. I am rude, I am unkind� and it kinda sucks cause u look and see people like Akio who�s really extremely polite actually (even his housemate, Bobby said so� you know those things about Japanese politeness etc) and also Rie, she is just like the picture of politeness and humbleness u know!!! and it just sucks that I am not who I want to be or think I am� haih.
3) I got a letter (with other stuff) from Rie today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So nice!!!!! ^^ Now I have NUMBER GIRL and KILLERS to listen to! Yay!!! And she sent me camp pic too, so that�s really nice nee! ^^
3) I am gonna do a Britpop list� anyone, and yes Adeline I am talking to speficially, you�. Please add to this list. I am so incredibly bored with music it�s not funny anymore that I am going back to 1995/1996 britpop goshhhhhhh� I was soooooooo into Oasis back then I didn�t really pay attention to too many other band� so it�s kinda hard to think of the bands� sigh.. I need music.
Ash, Oasis, Blur, Maniac Street Preachers, Suede, The Charlatans, The Verve (were they even 1996?! But they ARE good!) , Supergrass, The Seahorses (post Britpop me thinks), Mansun, Super Furry Animals, erm�.. erm�. Kula Shaker� Ocean Color Scene, Stereophonics (hmmm), (ahhhhhhhh!!) PULP, The Boo Radleys (can THAT be counted?!), Cast, Elastica (??? Hmmm), Echobelly, Catatonia�.
OUH BTW. i actually really liked Kung Fu Hustle!!!!!! goshhhhhhhhhhh i guess that's a part of the chinese me that grew up with crappy chinese slapstick comedies!!!! ^^!!!
