I think that you are the typical person who thinks a looooooooooooooot and take things negatively and don�t carry out things and put everything in your heart(im sorry if im mistaken). I always think I don�t want to regret what i don�t do what i wanna do.
In other words, even if you imply that you like ryota, unless you really confess to him like � I like you�, he is not sure if you like him(Im sure that he feels your feeling though)
What I wanted to say is that battle won�t end unless you think it is the end. Being beaten one time doesn�t necessarily mean the end, rather it is another start of battle. You can get up many times even if you fall down. BUT, if you don�t fall down, you don�t know the pain, therefore, you can�t be stronger. I know that you want to make sure if he likes you and you may wanna confess to him. BUT, time is not unlimited. By giving a great deal of thoughts the matter, if you can solve the thing, I don�t stop you. And I know that you know that thinking too much doesn�t help, but still can�t stop. However, if you keep doing that, same result will come out, no matter how many times you try. Carry out what you think or what you believe. I think it is better to die without regret rather with regret. I don�t know if this email helps you or not. But I hope that it does. Take care!!!
[thank you, Masa]
You know keith once told me, a long time ago... (ok lah 2 1/2 years ago) that "sometimes when you feel something so strongly inside you, you just gotta say it," and i know i've always been like that.... But with Ryota, i've been calculative u know... it's just that i've been so wreckless in the past, so impulsive, so unthinking you know. I mean, seriously, compared to Paul, Ryota (although been shitty with replying my email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) has been soooooooooo much nicer to me than Paul was EVER, and still i told paul "anata ga suki desu".... Everyone says that i am unthinking, either that or impulsive, or desperate... they keep telling me "elaine, don't be so desperate" when it's NOT even desperation, you know... it's just feeling something that is eating up your heart 24 hours a day and you can't do anything about it and the only way to kill the feeling is to confess it....
My brother once told me, "sometimes you are who you are because of all the things that you did and didn't do" and i knew that for me it was always the things i didnt' do. But ever since i've been in America, i've always tried to do the things that i would never do (that is why i am going down to Fukuoka for a concert even though i know i will so tremendously get lost in Japan). But what am i to do you know?
"the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right" and i've lived my life that way too, you know.... with everything even with Nigel when i knew it was gonna come bite me in the ass and godma was also gonna get meshed in it heh.... But screw it, you wanna do something, you feel it so much inside you, even when you know it's gonna screw up, even when you know the chances are slim or NIL for that matter... i've always taken the plunge, taken the chance, done what everyone told me not to do..
and maybe i should with ryota, just taht i don't know if i want to you know. I feel it in me, but i want to hold him you know. i want to hold his smile i guess... ANd i know it's probably not gonan screw up that much, you know... cause we've talked about it before and he's cool about people confessign to him and also he would always like to remain friends with the girl that he confess to or who confess to him or if they break up he still wants to be friends with the girl.
But why elaine, elaine, are you hessitating?
Because maybe i am scared of the truth. And i'd rather remain oblivious, i'd rather not know the truth than to know it... maybe... With paul i know i so told him that i liked him only cause i was sick and tired of guessing... but with ryota, i'm just don't want to hear the truth you know... i just don't want to hear those words....
"elaine.... i'm sorry but-"
it has always been like that and that always sucks big time, you know, that always sucks big time. and i just think that this time, i really don't have a heart left to be broken... not for ryota.... not when i do want him. now when i STILL WISH that it could be a yes.. not when i still want him even if i don't know why i do. i just don't want to be dissapointed again, that's all.... and i guess that's why i'd rather not say it... not know the truth... yet it's tearing me apart, this silence.
Alrights, i guess i'll go to Japan and back and see how he reacts or whatever, huh? I'm not gonan tell him that i like him before i leave cause mannnnnnnnnn it's soooooooooooooo gonna ruin the whole trip.
0 comments:
Post a Comment