into the void

It's a chicken yo.

Today I found out there are such things as ornamental chickens. They're kept as pets. I thought some of these chickens did look quite beautiful. Especially they really puffy feathered ones.


Songs I've really liked in the past few days!

昨日の風 - つばき
桜 (つんつんつばき vol.47) - つばき
土曜日 - syrup16g

All three very odd candidates. Kinou no Kaze was one of Tsubaki's first singles. I had it for awhile but never listened till now... The other Tsubaki song is actually from their "tsuntsun tsubaki" radio show... completely unexpected but great song. And lastly, Doyoubi by syrup16g... I noted this song a few months back but suddenly, it really blew.

I think the greatest crime that one can do to oneself is to live a lie.

And everyday I feel that.

I don't know if my students are the one making me feel that. But everyday I feel that. That I'm such a lie.


I don't feel that it's a terrible job at SriKDU. But, I feel, so much, that I'm just not suited for this job. Whether I suck as a teacher is another thing, I have the heart to be one, I really do want to help the students, but I know I totally don't have the personality suited for it.

It feels, everyday, like I am dragging myself through a bed of nails. That everyday, I am forcing myself to swim in boiling oil. It's like, I know the skin of me, is totally not right for what I put myself through each day.

Before, teaching felt... doable. Like, it was still something that I wanted to do and something I know I could do.

But now, everyday, it feels like such a lie I am living.


Is this what it means to suffocate? Because I feel that everyday.

I don't hate my job, hell, if you want to say, I don't even hate my students, but what I hate is the feeling of everyday as I clock in, I know it's such a lie. Like, I'm buying time in something I shouldn't even be doing.

And, it's not anything but I feel bad because I feel like, I am not helping the students. Worse yet is that I don't know how to help them at all. It's like everyday feels like a fucking failure, and a further fall down the spiral. Coz it's not even not being able to help the weak students, but rather, I'm even fucking up the good students, and that's like.... fucking shit!!!


I don't know what to do except to hope for a way out. Or hope that things would get better.

I like the complacency that this job allows, but the more I feel like "Okay, we just need to get through this one cause this job's relatively easy", the more I feel like such a fucking lie.

You can't, elaine, you can't go on cheating the kids. And you can't go on cheating yourself. Of what you should do, what you were meant to do. Only because this feels the most comfortable to do. You can't, you can't do that.

How much time must I buy for Japan's sake?

Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. To squeeze your entire world and future into that one desire.

Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it?

Sometimes, I wonder if, maybe, it is by letting go I would be able to achieve...


Today's tune: Tsubaki - Kinou no Kaze (Yesterday's Wind) (Because i feel like this song... whatever it means...)
今日の一曲：つばき － 昨日の風




できるなら笑って　ありふれた日常を
その喜びも悲しみも　どうでもいい事も

There is something to music, to bands, and to live/gigs/concerts/shows that unites. Whatever you call them, gigs in England, concerts in Malaysia, shows in America, Live in Japan, whatever name or label that is given to this participation in the cesspool of flesh and sweat bound together by the chords of the band playing on stage-- whatever its name-- the sensation, the feelings, the pull towards this-- is all and the same.

I don't know how to explain it to friends. Why, why, why I just can't just stop going for shows. Why just listening to songs on the radio ain't enough. Why, why, why, lately, I just keep having to go to Japan to see these bands.

How do you explain that when I listen to a song, I just don't hear the sound engineered mesh of chords and melodies. That when I listen to a song and it moves me, that all I can feel and imagine is how it would feel like, this imploding feeling in my heart being multiplied a hundred folds, pressed together with 1000 other people, the music bursting in my ears and the band, real, in front of me.
How do you explain the feeling of being there in a mosh pit, with the music, with the people and with the band-- all meshed together bound and crushed together in one breath with one beat. How do you explain a feeling like that? How do you explain why, why, why, that one imagination, that one feeling, pulls me so intensely?

I can't explain it, except to say that....... I loved it, I loved it all. And it was in that breathlessness, with your heart bursting forth from within, feeling like you're dying, suffocating, afraid that you're gonna die, actually, fearing of being crushed, kicked or trampled to death, but still, feel so alive.


I'm glad that in my lifetime I've had the privilege to meet soulmates who feel this same draw and force and hear the same call of the mosh pit in our hearts. Who Understands. Who Knows.-- whether it is Robbie whom I met online at Punkrockvids on MIRC, or Luis, Michelle, Wendy, Melissa, Johanna in America, Fuji in Japan, or Ame in Hong Kong--- I want to believe that we're all soulmates...

That no matter where we are from, no matter which country, which language, which experience we were from, we stand together as one, under the banner of this music, of this band.


It was an immense feeling when I stood there in Lunkhead's moshpit, on that cloudy June summer day, on the rooftop of Tower Records Shinjuku, for their 5th Album release special live. There's something incredible to Japanese lives, simply because one has to witness it for oneself, the sight of a thousand hands all raised together, cheering on the same beat, as one whole unified wave of hands with the beats of a song. There is something fundamentally human to all that.

Standing there alone, feeling so foreign in this crowd, totally not understanding a single thing that was being said both on stage and around me or what is even being sung. But when we stood there together, looking at this band, and when we sang and danced and cheered together as one for this band, with this band, with them, with us-- I felt united-- united with all these strangers-- like with the intensity of our hearts we were bound together to each other and with this band through their music; we, foreigners, natives, fans, band alike, all became one big family.

And I still feel the same way when I meet fans of Lunkhead online, that we may come from Malaysia, America, Hong Kong or Japan, and sometimes, we couldn't even communicate properly--- but, with this one band, with the love for this same music, we smile, we smile because we understood this feelings that we shared in our hearts.


I think this video here is a good... summary... of that unity, of that singleness, when you're in a pit as fans united under the banner of one band together in one song. It's taken from Tsubaki's latest live video, and it's all of these crowd just clapping in TOTAL UNISON with the band, like was all just one clap... It's not a simple clap, you know, there's a beat to it, yet yet.... Just imagine how many times the fans have heard that one song to be able to clap like that! hahahaha...




I think that is the beauty of mosh pits. Not just the utter draw to the intensity of the feeling of being drowned with a sea of people and with the breathlessness of screaming to this music. That in this, in this empowering enveloping mesh of racing heartbeats, gasps of air, screaming at the top of your lungs, throwing yourself into the intensity of the moment there with these people and with the band your love with the songs that sang your heart-- there, there, is where we live. Is where we really feel alive.


And I am glad, I'm glad I've found such friends who share; actually, who understands, this feeling that I feel, that I miss so very much, in my heart.


I wish, I wish my friends here could understand these feelings. I wish they knew what the mosh pit meant to me. How if the feelings of a Taking Back Sunday mosh pit could be rolled into a pill, I would take some everyday!

I wish I could live my life in that pit. I wish that the vocation of my life could put in pits every day of every week, or at least, somewhere close to the calling lights of that crowd... That at this moment, listening to Tsubaki's Aimai na Yoru on my radio, I could just close my eyes, and imagine, how wonderful, how wonderful, what breath it would be to take, standing there with all these crazy Tsubaki fans in the pit, seeing, hearing Isshiki Noriyasu sing... And we look up and we smile, and we voice our hearts together with him with his words, and we reach out, and we cheer together, and we sing, and we smile.... I wish I could see him sing everyday... I wish I could see him sing right now.


I remember during that Lunkhead live on the rooftop that summer day, and the infamous Japan June rain threatening to reign down upon us with fury, the sky was overcast, cloudy and gray... getting darker and darker as we sang and united louder and louder... Yet, that reliable June rain never came. And I remember, when the show was over, Ishikawa Ryou, the drummer of Lunkhead, stood a final moment on stage and uttered these words that my Japanese 101 comprehension even understood, "Your power and our power combined has held the rain up."

And yes, it certainly felt that way that day. And yes, I believe that too... that in that moment when we are all locked up in an arena, club or live house together, as our collective breath gathered and accumulated, there was that power: your power, my power, our power combined.

And it is this that sits in our hearts, that pulls us, that calls us-- as we long and wait for the moment to be there in the next pit.

Last.fm changed its layout.... kinda... more sleek, i suppose.




here's my profile: http://www.last.fm/user/goodbyetracy


I don't think it's totally a real representation of the music we listen to, because it only records the music played on the computer, but, I suppose, it's a decent representation of the music we listen.

I only have two friends on last.fm... Robbie and Ame...






It's REALLY sad that my music compatibility with Robbie is like......... VERY LOW... coz, well... I know for sure that if it was back in 2003 or 2004, we would have had a good compatibility, although, he would have been listening to wayyyyyyyyy more and varied music than I would have! And it's sad coz like I said, I think robbie is one of the few friends I can solely communicate entirely with lyrics and he'd know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. So, it's quite sad to see that the one thing we'd have in common, it's already so far.... past and... gone.

And I have no idea how Ame and I even share the same music for.... Beethoven??? hahahaha ^__^ It's great to have met her!! I hope we can go for a Lunkhead live together SOON!!!! ^___^ 楽しみよ！

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer
It was the best I ever had
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
And not a spoken feeling
I’m knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
And listening to 80’s songs;
Quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
Is just following your heart
And eventually you’ll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
And wreaking havoc on our world
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top’s singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
Illuminate the blackest nights
Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky.
2015 riverside, it’s time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it’s time to go.

Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
Is just following your heart,
And eventually you’ll finally get it right.


It's important to not forget what you hold important in your heart. There is a need to protect that which means everything to you-- even if it's gone. It's important to keep it in your heart so you won't ever forget, so you won't ever lose, so you would hold on, to things that mean something to you, to things that make you remember who you were, and hopefully, who you still are....

Though sometimes, a song is not enough.

I think I've lost all reasons why I am here.

I think..., philosophical bullshits aside, your reasons become meaningless... not insufficient, but just, meaningless... and you just need the quick fix to get you through the next hour.

Perhaps the lax in MCKL allowed me to philosophize too much about life and the future. But all that aside, there's really nothing more here beyond the next lesson plan and thoughts about class control or how well the lesson will be received.

I guess... I want nothing more but my next paycheck.

I just want to see Japan again.

I just want to stand there in Lunkhead moshpit and just feel as if all the stupid hard work shit displeasure for the past months was all worth it for that 90 minutes of pure euphoria.

Is that the way to live life?

Who knows.

I just want to be in Japan, I suppose-- Delusions and illusions aside, mighty as they are: There has to be a reason for doing all these bullshit.


I still can't bring myself to hate my noisy ass students. I just want to get through the class and not be fried or fired for letting it get out of hand... I guess, I have a REALLY high tolerance after all. Thank God. Cause really, it was REALLY REALLY REALLY terribly noisy today and 70% TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE..... but if I wasn't scared of complaining parents, I really wouldn't care.

SHIT. DEPRESSING.

Rin-chan has been left in Kaede-baachan’s care and is living with her.

We see Kagome and Inuyasha talking, and then Sesshoumaru turns up

Kagome: “Onii-saan!” (She was calling him ‘older brother’. Like how Souta calls her ‘Older sister’ instead of her name. Usually she just calls Sesshoumaru Sesshoumaru, so it’s kind of cute that she’s using ’san’. The kanji were ‘giri’ + ‘ani’ = brother in law, but you still pronounce the same as normal brother.)

We see Sesshoumaru looking disgruntled… and Inuyasha looking disgruntled, too

I sat through 558 chapters only to have RIN BE LEFT WITH KAEDE????????????? WTF?!


Sure, Sesshoumaru comes to visit but STILL!!!!!!! HE LEFT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think students don't fail the system, it's the system that failed the students.


From the first week at SriKDU, this is my observation.

I teach mainly 3 classes, 5 Dickens, 6 Edison and 6 Galileo, and a forth,.6 Columbus.

Before I started work, I was really terrified by the horror stories that the teachers said about the students: miss behavior, naughty, won't listen, noisy, etc. Like I said, I was so terrified because, to think that two RESPONSIBLE teachers, the two teachers with the most experience, probably, would be willing to leave their students just 3 months before UPSR. It's quite unthinkable, you know...

Looking at that, I was really scared.

And I really wanted to learn alot more about class control, and I still do...

But now, being in the system and seeing the students themselves, from what I see, I think the system has failed the students, not that the student failing the system.


I UNDERSTAND why the teachers are so damn stressed out and are screaming at the top of their lungs to get class control it's because.... THEY ARE TOO STRICT. Actually, it's because they are too RIGID.

I see the teachers and listen to how they say the students are "rude" and "disrespectful". But within my heart, seeing the students-- I don't think they are rude and disrespectful at all... I think they're just very VOCAL, very AMERICAN, and just well... very... kids. They're children you know?

And I don't think it's the student who are disrespectful or rude, but just the teachers who are not seeing that kids these days have changed.

And I feel that their "inappropriate" behavior are made even worse because of the rigidity.

Kids these days are growing up in such a liquid and vast world-- they think more, they talk more, they see more, they learn more, they know more, they have so much more than any other generations before that-- For that, they are such different creatures from what we are. There is NO WAY we can expect them to be like us AT ALL. They're simply NOT, and they simply CAN'T.

And these "inappropriate" or "problematic" students are made progressively worse by this system that does not recognize their difference and their uniqueness. Sure our motto hails that all the kids are individual and unique beings, but bullshit, that is totally NOT addressed in class. Whatever "non conforming behavior" is simply cut down, punished, stigmatized and therefore made worse.

Ever wonder why the student didn't turn the leaf around? Is because he was never seen as anything more than just a nuisance in class. If we truly believed that he is a unique and individual being, then we should have recognized that he has a different learning needs than the usual "I AM THE TEACHER THEREFORE I AM KING" attitude and mentality in teaching.

I mean i know as a teacher i should control them... But like yesterday... The two so-called "problematic" students in 6 Galileo were doing their work... just that they were more noisy in doing it than the rest of the class, but they were doing work.... So how can i punish them? What for? what will it achieve? They have already been labelled as BAD STUDENT for such small things...

Imagine, psychologically... At 12, u are already labelled as BAD BOY.... c'mon, what would that do to the kid? You think he will become worse or better?? Some may become better but we can already see that punishment won't make him change, so what for punish even more?????

Teaching doesn't just take passion and sacrifice, I feel... I'm beginning to learn here that, teaching takes much more than that. Perhaps it takes compassion, it takes-- I suppose, it takes us changing ourselves too.

Don't get me wrong. I say these things, but I am damn hard core conservative in my beliefs too. I DO believe that kids are getting "progressively worse". And I do think that teachers should guide students. That teachers should be there to control things. That teachers should be a yardstick, a compass of some sort.

But... the more I see SriKDU, actually, the more I feel that I too must change.

I've learnt today that, I believe that in this new system, we cannot just impose our values on our students. They are different beings and therefore, should be understood as such.



Yes, I also have students who are super smart and hardworking and the best students you can ever dream of... Then there are the SUPER PLAYFUL ones... Then you have the ADDs or the ADHDs... Then those who are downright annoying... Then the needy attention seekers..... Then, we also have the one or two who are, well, insane.... Then, who can forget all the the Southpark Cartmans in class.... Then in contrast to that, I have the super quiet ones that are just there..... and then the delinquents... They're all varied you know....
And REALLY.... actually, SriKDU is a breed of its own.......

BUT because of that, you just... CAN'T teach them the way you teach other kids... They're NOT like that and teachers have to recognize that they're not... That the problem is not in the students not fitting into your nice discipline mold, but that you need to make that mold more liquid to accommodate and to encapsulate all these types of people, in hopes of making a system where the kids can learn and grow the way they were born and meant to grow.


MAYBE in that sense, I totally am NOT suited to be an Primary School teacher. If one's philosophy in education is that the teacher must be the moral guide and yardstick of the children, then I am totally unsuitable for it.

Because i really don't agree with controlling the students too much sometimes... And, like I said, I don't think I should impose MY values on them. As someone older, I feel I should only advice them and show them what I think, but I don't think they MUST be like me or conform to MY ways.....

Maybe I am totally unsuitable as a primary teacher because my ultimate goal is not to shape them to be like me, or to shape them to be subservient followers. I would like them to learn, I would like them to be smart about things, I want them to discover the world for themselves and not from what the teacher says.

I feel that my role is as an English teacher. I shall correct their English and teach them the usage of the language. And I want my role to be as.... perhaps... an older friend, one who has my own opinion on life because I have lived longer, and I have these wealth of experience they can learn from, or that I want to impart on them... But NOT to IMPOSE on them.

I guess the word to use when it comes to teaching for me is to IMPART and not to IMPOSE.


If a parent complains I am too nice then i really want to tell them "the only way to control your kids is to scream at the top of my lungs to control them, critizise them for their every fault and reign down on them like a tyrrant. Because at this school, nothing less than that can get them to pay attention. But i dont believe in puttin a child down."

On one of the days, I saw one student who went to see his maths teacher in the staffroom.. The teacher was with another BM teacher... And when they student just said "Ms....." . The BM teacher just EXPLODED and screamed at the top of her lungs at him for not saying "Excuse me."... She just berated him for being "rude" and "no manners" and the teachers are always saying how the students are just so rude...

Dude, they're not rude, man. They're just vocal. And different. It's not like the student is outright challenging you, he's just that way.

In fact, I find it even more rude, when when of my student questions MY teaching, you know what I mean? Because in that sense, that's when they're proud and think they know more than you. But some of these students, they're not being rude, they're just hyperactive and excited, and they're just kids!

Like, I'm sorry, I guess I am fucked up that way, but I found my "good" student in 6 Edison more rude when she questioned in this mocking matter "you didn't tell us we should not mark in blue pen? And are you sure you want us to correct our answers in blue pen? Blue and red will look so weird." Than when my other student in 6 Galileo used "Dumbass" or "stupid" in my other class.

So what!? Dumbass is just mouthing off man. But who the fuck cares if it's a fucking blue or red pen??


I guess my dad is right, it takes a fucked up person like me to deal with equally problematic kids. And I guess I am fucked up that way. For goodness sake, I use "FUCK" a fuck lot more than my students (albeit they're 14 years younger).

I want my students to be thinking. That's all. I don't give a fuck if you can score 100% on your exam but you can't grow yourself a brain. BUT, if you can think on your own, you have your own ideas, you don't do things just because you're told but because you want to do it, and you dance perfectly to the tune of you own drum, then I congratulate you. Of course, it's even better if you're LOUD and SMART at the same time, yeah!! haha...

But I just think it's being a hypocrite if I criticize them and punish them for being lazy or cursing in class. C'mon dude, I was never a great student! I barely did any of my homework! I barely paid attention in class. And albeit I never said "fuck" in front of my teachers, it's not as if I had never used the word either!

How could I penalize the students for all that when I'm also a culprit???

Like I said.... I want them to be smart. Have a brain. Not just.... answer questions, score A in their UPSR... What's the value in that? Even monkeys can pass UPSR.... Unless they're going for Harvard or Caltech or MIT in 6 years, just let be, you know?

I guess... Really, they're kids. And I want them to be kids. They can't behave like adults... But, part of me, I certainly want to reason with them like adults... I don't want to ask Carter and Corey to shut up and to punish them for mouthing off or anything else and punish them like a kid.. Albiet their actions are childish, but, I feel that they are smart enough to reason with. I want to tell them that, yes, I may allow them to misbehave because I don't care... but their classmates (AND THEIR RICH PARENTS!) do. And that their behavior doesn't need to be 100% porcelain doll, but just not riotous to a point of disturbing their classmates.

I'm terrible also in the sense that i feel that, if the teachers before had not INSISTED on perfect silence, the other students too, would have gotten used to studying in an environment of acceptable noise! I just feel that, you need to allow room for those who are different, you know?

Actually...

Now....

I'm more afraid of the GOOD STUDENTS and their PARENTS, than I am with the problematic students of 6 Galileo...



Anyway, personally, I feel that...... people will change and people will grow... Our crap habits will change and evolve... and WE will change and evolve.... I believe that morality, I believe our personal heart and the compass of that heart is not something learnt from school... It is inborn, and it is learnt from life and the myriad of things we learn in life.


That said...

anyway........ i'm just scared about the good students

and.........

i hope it won't get worse with Carter and Corey.

i want to give them a chance...... but maybe I'm just freshed and inexperienced.

But.... sometimes I know.... looking at the kids... When I look at them smile and be enthusiatic. When they give me smart answers. So damn cute. I know, I know, I know, so deeply in my heart, that I am just naturally incapable of making these noisy ones feel bad about themselves, or make them hate me..... I can't you know....

Naturally, I know I am not someone who has a hard heart to scold them.... I know, even if i tried to be stricter, it would not be natural for me... I can be, I suppose, but it's not what I naturally am...

So..... SIGHHHHHHH............. I guess... I just have to find a way to stop Carter and Corey from cursing in class..... I also have to find a way to deal with the noise.

And most of all...

I will have to find a way to deal with the COMPLAINING PARENTS because I have a bad feeling they're gonna come HOUNDING for my head on a platter soon enough!

Do you cry?
Are you unable to move?
Still, do you try to advance by some means?
Such as to be living without meaning, without crying,
because it is safe.

It is uneasy, scary, and it feels weak at the knees.
Still, turning to face ahead.
Because I sincerely think that it is true strength.

The one step where you begin to walk hesitatingly, someone has hesitatingly walked more than 100 kilometers too,
because it is safe,
There is no difference in how significant it is.

While hesitating, while fragile
Still, turning to face ahead.
I sincerely think that it is true strength.

While hesitating, while fragile
While still turning to face ahead,
While eyes are swelled,
While wiping tears,
While gazing only ahead,
While stumbling,
While struggling,
At times you turn around to the back,
You take a rest, rely on, lean against someone.
After that, its good to continue to push ahead.

泣いているのですか？
動けないのですか？
それでもどうにかして進もうとしているのですか？
生きている意味などないなんて泣かないで　
大丈夫だから

不安で怖くて足がすくんで　
それでも前を向くことが　
本当の強さだと僕は心から思うから

誰かが迷わずに歩いた百キロよりも
君が迷いながら歩き出すその一歩は
どんなにか意味があるに違いない　
大丈夫だから

傷つきながら迷いながら
それでも前を向くことは
本当の強さだと僕は心から思うんだ

傷つきながら迷いながら
それでも前を向きながら
目を腫らしながら
泪を拭きながら
前だけをじっと見つめながら
つまずきながら
もがきながら
時には後ろを振り向いたり
休んでみたり
頼ってみたり
誰かに寄りかかってみたり　
それからまた前を向きなおしていけばいい



And Like all things we've learnt in life, we move on, life goes on, the sun also rises, and that tomorrow that you didn't want to come has dawned, and has ended to become one of the many yesterdays.

There was many things I wanted to say about leaving... But I suppose I'll just leave it at that.

I will miss the morning and the sunrises. I will miss the nostalgia of the place. I will miss the placid and sweet memories of the times I had there with the department, with the events, and with the people: lunches, classrooms, awards night, barbecue night, sports carnival, chatting in the library, the student lounge, the view from the third floor and all those days we came early or stayed back late, in the sunrise and in the sunset. And I shall definitely miss the students very much.

I guess... Brickfields will always have a special place in my heart... And I guess to list all the things that I remember of the place, of MCKL, and of the great people I met in MCKL, would be abit too long and abit too much..... But I do know that I miss them all very much.


I wonder if the sky is still the same sky. I know it is.... but the feelings are always different, isn't it? The sky in America is the same as the sky here, yet, I can't even remember anymore how the sky looked when I was there. The sky in Japan is different from the sky in Brickfields but yet in the morning light, it always reminds me of sunsets in Japan.... I wonder will it ever feel the same again, now that I can't ever see the lights of the sky against the city as it rises...?


MONDAY:





TUESDAY:





WEDNESDAY:





THURSDAY:





LAST DAY:





I took a pic from my car where i used to park when I first started... I really like that view because you can see the sunrise really pretty against Kuen Cheng school.... And the second pic is of the sunrise as seen from the second floor... The third is of MGS... because I thought, when the new building is constructed, we won't ever get to see this view of MGS again....


And also, with the students on Friday.... I guess... it's fine to leave now, since 0701 is leaving too.... Since I joined the college just 2 weeks after they started, now I'm leaving 2 weeks before they end.... And.... you know, I remember meeting Daniel, Adrian, Melvin and Michael when everything was just fresh and new back in Church in December when i first came back.... And so much has changed since then.... so much has been lost, and so many other things have been formed.... but now... it all ends....

It was really wonderful for Vanessa to set the whole dinner up and got people to go. I'm really happy that Rachel was so wonderful to come after she had said she couldn't make it... I'm also really happy that Ean Wearn (eh is dat how to spell her name??) took the time though she initially might not be able to make it... Also, for Vivian, Chun Kit and Shu Xin who was also not keen on coming but came in the end also. For Benjamin and Ee Yun too for being kind enough to take the time... And of course, I'm really happy that Daniel took the time to come and it was nice to see him and talk with him again =) I' feels really nice to be with him like before again....

Thank you, everyone.... I wrote it back in August last year, you're what makes MCKL so great, and my time there was never wasted because of you, because of all of these.... Thank you....



With Everyone...


Ean Wearn, Vanessa...


Strangers =__________= ......... the fat one and the thin one.


みんな、本当にありがとう。


I guess.... MCKL and the memories of MCKL mean so much to me because.... MCKL was the only thing that was there in my life after America... Since I came home, there was that three months. But after that, since then, all my memories of America is all tied and associated with Methodist College.... So, really, I guess, I really don't know of a life in Malaysia other than the life I had in MCKL..... So, then, here ends the life I knew after America, and something else now begins.




This is Saigo no Uta (Last Song) by Radwimps.... I remember I really liked Radwimps back in March... and one day I drove really early to college on Saturday, and it was raining REALLY heavily.... The gate wasn't opened yet and I was sitting in my car outside under the rain and the song was raining.... So, actually, Radwimps' songs really reminds me of that month.....