ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

I think students don't fail the system, it's the system that failed the students.


From the first week at SriKDU, this is my observation.

I teach mainly 3 classes, 5 Dickens, 6 Edison and 6 Galileo, and a forth,.6 Columbus.

Before I started work, I was really terrified by the horror stories that the teachers said about the students: miss behavior, naughty, won't listen, noisy, etc. Like I said, I was so terrified because, to think that two RESPONSIBLE teachers, the two teachers with the most experience, probably, would be willing to leave their students just 3 months before UPSR. It's quite unthinkable, you know...

Looking at that, I was really scared.

And I really wanted to learn alot more about class control, and I still do...

But now, being in the system and seeing the students themselves, from what I see, I think the system has failed the students, not that the student failing the system.


I UNDERSTAND why the teachers are so damn stressed out and are screaming at the top of their lungs to get class control it's because.... THEY ARE TOO STRICT. Actually, it's because they are too RIGID.

I see the teachers and listen to how they say the students are "rude" and "disrespectful". But within my heart, seeing the students-- I don't think they are rude and disrespectful at all... I think they're just very VOCAL, very AMERICAN, and just well... very... kids. They're children you know?

And I don't think it's the student who are disrespectful or rude, but just the teachers who are not seeing that kids these days have changed.

And I feel that their "inappropriate" behavior are made even worse because of the rigidity.

Kids these days are growing up in such a liquid and vast world-- they think more, they talk more, they see more, they learn more, they know more, they have so much more than any other generations before that-- For that, they are such different creatures from what we are. There is NO WAY we can expect them to be like us AT ALL. They're simply NOT, and they simply CAN'T.

And these "inappropriate" or "problematic" students are made progressively worse by this system that does not recognize their difference and their uniqueness. Sure our motto hails that all the kids are individual and unique beings, but bullshit, that is totally NOT addressed in class. Whatever "non conforming behavior" is simply cut down, punished, stigmatized and therefore made worse.

Ever wonder why the student didn't turn the leaf around? Is because he was never seen as anything more than just a nuisance in class. If we truly believed that he is a unique and individual being, then we should have recognized that he has a different learning needs than the usual "I AM THE TEACHER THEREFORE I AM KING" attitude and mentality in teaching.

I mean i know as a teacher i should control them... But like yesterday... The two so-called "problematic" students in 6 Galileo were doing their work... just that they were more noisy in doing it than the rest of the class, but they were doing work.... So how can i punish them? What for? what will it achieve? They have already been labelled as BAD STUDENT for such small things...

Imagine, psychologically... At 12, u are already labelled as BAD BOY.... c'mon, what would that do to the kid? You think he will become worse or better?? Some may become better but we can already see that punishment won't make him change, so what for punish even more?????

Teaching doesn't just take passion and sacrifice, I feel... I'm beginning to learn here that, teaching takes much more than that. Perhaps it takes compassion, it takes-- I suppose, it takes us changing ourselves too.

Don't get me wrong. I say these things, but I am damn hard core conservative in my beliefs too. I DO believe that kids are getting "progressively worse". And I do think that teachers should guide students. That teachers should be there to control things. That teachers should be a yardstick, a compass of some sort.

But... the more I see SriKDU, actually, the more I feel that I too must change.

I've learnt today that, I believe that in this new system, we cannot just impose our values on our students. They are different beings and therefore, should be understood as such.



Yes, I also have students who are super smart and hardworking and the best students you can ever dream of... Then there are the SUPER PLAYFUL ones... Then you have the ADDs or the ADHDs... Then those who are downright annoying... Then the needy attention seekers..... Then, we also have the one or two who are, well, insane.... Then, who can forget all the the Southpark Cartmans in class.... Then in contrast to that, I have the super quiet ones that are just there..... and then the delinquents... They're all varied you know....
And REALLY.... actually, SriKDU is a breed of its own.......

BUT because of that, you just... CAN'T teach them the way you teach other kids... They're NOT like that and teachers have to recognize that they're not... That the problem is not in the students not fitting into your nice discipline mold, but that you need to make that mold more liquid to accommodate and to encapsulate all these types of people, in hopes of making a system where the kids can learn and grow the way they were born and meant to grow.


MAYBE in that sense, I totally am NOT suited to be an Primary School teacher. If one's philosophy in education is that the teacher must be the moral guide and yardstick of the children, then I am totally unsuitable for it.

Because i really don't agree with controlling the students too much sometimes... And, like I said, I don't think I should impose MY values on them. As someone older, I feel I should only advice them and show them what I think, but I don't think they MUST be like me or conform to MY ways.....

Maybe I am totally unsuitable as a primary teacher because my ultimate goal is not to shape them to be like me, or to shape them to be subservient followers. I would like them to learn, I would like them to be smart about things, I want them to discover the world for themselves and not from what the teacher says.

I feel that my role is as an English teacher. I shall correct their English and teach them the usage of the language. And I want my role to be as.... perhaps... an older friend, one who has my own opinion on life because I have lived longer, and I have these wealth of experience they can learn from, or that I want to impart on them... But NOT to IMPOSE on them.

I guess the word to use when it comes to teaching for me is to IMPART and not to IMPOSE.


If a parent complains I am too nice then i really want to tell them "the only way to control your kids is to scream at the top of my lungs to control them, critizise them for their every fault and reign down on them like a tyrrant. Because at this school, nothing less than that can get them to pay attention. But i dont believe in puttin a child down."

On one of the days, I saw one student who went to see his maths teacher in the staffroom.. The teacher was with another BM teacher... And when they student just said "Ms....." . The BM teacher just EXPLODED and screamed at the top of her lungs at him for not saying "Excuse me."... She just berated him for being "rude" and "no manners" and the teachers are always saying how the students are just so rude...

Dude, they're not rude, man. They're just vocal. And different. It's not like the student is outright challenging you, he's just that way.

In fact, I find it even more rude, when when of my student questions MY teaching, you know what I mean? Because in that sense, that's when they're proud and think they know more than you. But some of these students, they're not being rude, they're just hyperactive and excited, and they're just kids!

Like, I'm sorry, I guess I am fucked up that way, but I found my "good" student in 6 Edison more rude when she questioned in this mocking matter "you didn't tell us we should not mark in blue pen? And are you sure you want us to correct our answers in blue pen? Blue and red will look so weird." Than when my other student in 6 Galileo used "Dumbass" or "stupid" in my other class.

So what!? Dumbass is just mouthing off man. But who the fuck cares if it's a fucking blue or red pen??


I guess my dad is right, it takes a fucked up person like me to deal with equally problematic kids. And I guess I am fucked up that way. For goodness sake, I use "FUCK" a fuck lot more than my students (albeit they're 14 years younger).

I want my students to be thinking. That's all. I don't give a fuck if you can score 100% on your exam but you can't grow yourself a brain. BUT, if you can think on your own, you have your own ideas, you don't do things just because you're told but because you want to do it, and you dance perfectly to the tune of you own drum, then I congratulate you. Of course, it's even better if you're LOUD and SMART at the same time, yeah!! haha...

But I just think it's being a hypocrite if I criticize them and punish them for being lazy or cursing in class. C'mon dude, I was never a great student! I barely did any of my homework! I barely paid attention in class. And albeit I never said "fuck" in front of my teachers, it's not as if I had never used the word either!

How could I penalize the students for all that when I'm also a culprit???

Like I said.... I want them to be smart. Have a brain. Not just.... answer questions, score A in their UPSR... What's the value in that? Even monkeys can pass UPSR.... Unless they're going for Harvard or Caltech or MIT in 6 years, just let be, you know?

I guess... Really, they're kids. And I want them to be kids. They can't behave like adults... But, part of me, I certainly want to reason with them like adults... I don't want to ask Carter and Corey to shut up and to punish them for mouthing off or anything else and punish them like a kid.. Albiet their actions are childish, but, I feel that they are smart enough to reason with. I want to tell them that, yes, I may allow them to misbehave because I don't care... but their classmates (AND THEIR RICH PARENTS!) do. And that their behavior doesn't need to be 100% porcelain doll, but just not riotous to a point of disturbing their classmates.

I'm terrible also in the sense that i feel that, if the teachers before had not INSISTED on perfect silence, the other students too, would have gotten used to studying in an environment of acceptable noise! I just feel that, you need to allow room for those who are different, you know?

Actually...

Now....

I'm more afraid of the GOOD STUDENTS and their PARENTS, than I am with the problematic students of 6 Galileo...



Anyway, personally, I feel that...... people will change and people will grow... Our crap habits will change and evolve... and WE will change and evolve.... I believe that morality, I believe our personal heart and the compass of that heart is not something learnt from school... It is inborn, and it is learnt from life and the myriad of things we learn in life.


That said...

anyway........ i'm just scared about the good students

and.........

i hope it won't get worse with Carter and Corey.

i want to give them a chance...... but maybe I'm just freshed and inexperienced.

But.... sometimes I know.... looking at the kids... When I look at them smile and be enthusiatic. When they give me smart answers. So damn cute. I know, I know, I know, so deeply in my heart, that I am just naturally incapable of making these noisy ones feel bad about themselves, or make them hate me..... I can't you know....

Naturally, I know I am not someone who has a hard heart to scold them.... I know, even if i tried to be stricter, it would not be natural for me... I can be, I suppose, but it's not what I naturally am...

So..... SIGHHHHHHH............. I guess... I just have to find a way to stop Carter and Corey from cursing in class..... I also have to find a way to deal with the noise.

And most of all...

I will have to find a way to deal with the COMPLAINING PARENTS because I have a bad feeling they're gonna come HOUNDING for my head on a platter soon enough!