ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

from: Elaine Loh
to: Tsuyoshi Miki
date: Fri, May 2, 2008 at 6:15 PM
subject:random acts of hopelessness!


Have you ever watched the movie Reality Bites? Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke and Ben Stiller is in it. I really love that movie. Next to Trainspotting, Reality Bites is my all time favourite.

I really like these quotes...

Lelaina:: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy:: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that.

Lelaina Pierce: Hey Sammy, what's your goal?
Sammy: My goal is... I'd like a career or something.

Lelaina:: I was really gonna be something by the age of 23.
Troy:: Honey, the only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina:: I don't know who that is anymore.

Troy Dyer: There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.

Lelaina:: Don't just dick around the same coffee house for 5 years! Don't dick around with her or with me! Try for once in your life do something about it! But you know what, you better do it now and you better do it fast because the world doesn't owe you any favors. And whether you know it or not you're on the inside track to loserville USA... just like him.


Been really depressed today.... It's sad but... I don't really know waht I want to do with my life ultimatelty..... I just know that, I wish for my life to be a life less ordinary... But you know, that's so vague...... And I'm afriad these days is that, not that my life is heading nowhere, but that I've put myself on a one way track towards a life ordinary... that........................ I just feel so hopeless about things... so hopeless that once I missed my chance... I'll be stuck here forever....

I was thinking today... If life is a long journey, why does every decision seem so final? One path only leads to the next and you can never have the possibilities of the ones you did not take. It's been a spiral into a life i never meant. I don't know what I want but I know this is not what I meant. If life is a journey and its possibilities so finite, why is it that the decisions you make only leads you to choices that are even more finite. Why is it that this is what my life has become and I just can't seem to see the possibilites of life? Choices you make don't lead you to more chances and possibilities. It just leads you to sets of possibilites that are bound to the previous choices you've made. TIME being the limitor of life as we live in the illusion that life is ours to live.

I'm just so scared because i know this is true... that if i made this choice, it will lead a fixed set of other paths... That the other chances and choices I turned down and all the possibilities those could have led to, I can never turn back to retry or retake... I'm scared, you know... I'm confused..... I know and I thank God I have been offered two different jobs... one with an elementary school and one with a college... I know I'm very blest... But i'm just so confused as to which one I should take... I think BOTH can lead me to my ultimate goal... But I'm really confused... which would be a safer way? Which would be a better way............?

I wish life was simpler......

I wish I wasn't a pessimist!!!

Elaine