ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

so there was this emokid who went and killed himself after posting a suicide note on Myspace.com bulletin board.. All very close to home considering that back in California, most of the friends i have and the "social group" i was in are Emo kids. So scene i tell ya, so scene.

So this dude had Senses Fail posted on his Myspace profile- also very close to home and i must say Senses Fail ain't exactly the most inspiring uplifting songs to listen to when one feels depressed. But then again, music should never be blamed.

So we have entered a new era in this information collective world of ours where the online community feels more real than the real one. And friend 6000 miles away seems closer to us on the MSN list/Myspace list/Friendster page and what have you not than the people we meet each day.

I guess maybe that reality is not too real yet in Malaysia, but it certainly is in America and i can tell you that for sure. It's always great hanging out with Luis because aside from being Latino, he is purely as they say, as american as you can get. Armed with T-Mobile Sidekicks that allows 24/7 IMing friends, Myspace junkies, you name it, it's there. It's great to observe their lives because you get a first hand perspective into the american youth culture.

So that said, this emokid who killed himself.... Well, suicide is not painless. While i do feel bad for the guy, sympathetic, i'm not too sure. I'm sympathetic in the sense that i can understand all these feeling of isolation and loneliness one can feel when you're a teenager. But to kill yourself and to post a suicide note on Myspace? Hmm... And this is not a first too. There was the other guy (also from California geez) who posted messages on forums before going out to shoot his neighbors and himself.

I don't know... I understand the feeling because i have felt it before. And i understand even the feeling of wanting to kill yourself-- only to gain the attention. But really, I say it's all self pity BS. Those are the only two words that come to my head: self pitying bullshit (that will one day blow over) and MYOPIA. It's not that i am belitting their feelings, I'm just saying man.... "sit back and relax don't worry," The world is not a small little island, and there are alot more people out there who care for you than just simple one girl or guy who don't return your affection. If someone you love don't love you back then just say "fuck them"... You're better off anyway. It's not like you're gonna gain their love by killing yourself, even if you do gain their love by doing that, what's the point?! You'd be dead anyway to receive any of those affection and it's not like you're even gonna know if it worked or not cause dude man, YOU'RE DEAD. and that's permanent.

So neways, seems like my life is a constant strive towards that phrase "fuck you"-- to all the people i liked who never liked me back...

but meanwhile, nigel is still a lil too sweet for me to say that to him. shite. poor thing he swamped wid so much work *sigh* *hugs* damn i wish i could hug u. shite.


Ouh btw, there was this paragraph in the news story written about the emokid's suicide that i really liked cause i thought it was really really well phrased and i think it's captures the essense of american youths very well...

Kids type quicker than they think. They bleed words, don't contrive them, and, even if I disdain Net-speak, I have the luxury of never needing to type so frantically....With his suicide announced on an Internet bulletin, his life remembered in a series of hastily typed prose that comes in blurbs and missives, and his loved ones handling their grieving through instant messages and blogs, will forever words be left on his Web page rather than coins or roses on his grave? We'll have to visit every Nov. 29.