"are you online? it's about 1:30. we should go to bed right? of course. i can handle any more people. maybe i don't wanna. so can you give me her email address? then, i'll send it to my friend."
I've been sitting in a secular Bible class, mind you SECULAR okay, meaning they don't teach Church doctorines, just what's in the Bible (plus the teacher is Jewish i think). And she kept pointing out that, at least in Genesis, there's always this notion of Measure for Measure. As in like, if you do something bad to others, it will come back to you.
Anyways, i feel used... not used. But i feel sad and hurt... That paragraph in italics is an email that Ryota sent to me after the first one where he said and asked "my friend said she would like to teach Japanese to someone who is taking Japanese. Do you know anyone?"
Good passing remark right? NO, except it was TOOO good passing remark considering that the day before, while i was with Ryota, we met my blonde, white, native speaker American friend Brittney who mentioned she's taking japanese and that there's no one she could speak it to.
So after a whole day of feeling guilty and a whole mixed emotion the other day and bitching to Karen hhehehehe about it... Well, i said to them that i couldn't be a bitch enough and if Ryota OR Brittney asked for help, i'd help right? cause neither of them belong to me anyway right?
Well there you go, i've helped. So someone pls shoot me in the foot now cause why the hell just cause i am not american, blonde, white and native speaker... i'm less valueble??? hell.
I didn't even wanna use Ryota to get to Eiji you know, seriously, and now i feel soo much i should have just used him... make it a "passing remark" wrote "anata no tomodachi ga daisuki desu. Sono otoko no hito no namae wa Eiji desu. Eiji wa tottemo kawaii desu ne," and then ask him more about Eiji. What the hell...
Measure for measure.... Is this my measure? that Ryota should INSTEAD be asking me because I did use him at first???? But i didn't use him. I walked up to his table with Eiji there, and it was Ryota who was so friendly and that's why i could become friends with him. It's not like i specifically singled out Ryota to get to Eiji. It's just so happen Ryota was there and Eiji was my target!
Ouh man screw it. my aching heart is just gonna go talk to Eiji on monday even if it means doing the wrong thing. i'm tried.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
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