into the void

but someday I will be able to forget, it's sad but I will survive..


I always told myself that this is a phase in your life elaine, a phase and a time in your life... and that's what it is. That even if you came back, even if you stayed, even if you came back, it wouldn't be the same. Because this is the phase, and once it's gone and the time and arrangements have passed, that was it. it's over. and the feelings and the moment and the arrangement of it all can never be repeated or duplicated or replayed again like how it was because it's a phase and when it's gone, it's gone.

it's a little sad to think of it that way, but, somehow, thinking that way gives me a certain strength to move on knowing that this time is ending, and i want to believe that this was the expiration date, and it didn't mattered if i stayed or not.... it still would not be the same because this is a phase and this phase is gone.

that is what i want to believe.

and that is what gives me strength to move on.

life is long right? and the world is wide...

and i hope there will be other chapters in my life....

and i am looking forward to that.

as I had longed to leave Malaysia since I was 14 with the belief that life is more than the confines of the four walls of my room, I will still believe in that that, and I hope i will fight to leave once again, still with the believe that the world is wide and life is long and there is more to this world than the four walls of my room as i had believed all those years ago when i was 14.


Professor Wall said to me today as her parting words to me: "Elaine don't sell out. Be yourself. Don't change who you are. Be bad."

funny coming from a professor who knows the amount of CLASSES i've SKIPPED! and assignments I've botched! Damn, Dr. Wall, do you REALLY believe that is actually good for me??? :S

elaine
-plastic umbrella and i mean ?????-

ahhh whatever, lets just go home.

went out lots with friends.


Saturday/Sunday:

Norika and Josh in Pasedena..... I forgot what I did on Saturday with Norika... Oh... I think i went to get a haircut haha..






Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday: 10 days to Home

Dragon and Elaine in LA and San Francisco





More SF/LA pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/elaineloh/LosAngelesAndSanFrancisco


Sunday:

Luis/Joanna/Michelle + Jessica - California Kitchen Pizza and..... WALMART!





SHOPPING AT WALMART!


Monday: One week to Homecoming

In-and-Out with Michelle yo!!! ANIMAL FRIES ARE AWESOMEEEEEEE~~~~






Final Tuesday:

Denny's with Carin~~


My USUAL Denny's meal..... Chicken Fried Steak and Hot Chocolate.... YUMM~~~



Halloween Shopping yo!







Hmmmm can i say that? I rather be here hanging out with you than be back home... I don't know... I don't want to go back home.

I was sitting at home the other day and i felt I would so rather hang out with them over here than any friends at home.... except Ching Mun and Debby maybe cause i miss hanging out with them alot... But really...

Today... part of me, I'm sort of excited to go home cause I want to go Shopping... But i wish i was going back home just for a holiday and not for good....

I MISS YOU ALLL!! I love you all.... and I'll always miss you more when I'm gone :(

Ok, i suppose it's long overdue for me to write about this band but I love this band... Hmm haha... I definitely love their slow songs, they're just awesome... I'm not too sure about buying all their albums yet because I don't quite like their faster songs as much BUTTTTTTTTT DAMN THIS BAND, when there IS a song that I like, the song is just ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!! I just love it to the max and think this band is like LOADED!! Absolutely BRilliant! Fantastic! Amazing! One of those songs that make you breathless!

anyway, here's a really sweet PV of their latest single... Natsu no Nioi (The Scent of Summer)... Amazing song too!



Here are the Lunkhead songs I totally love...

of course...

- Komorebi - My favvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv needless to say!

- Hakudaku

- Tsuki no Tenohira

- Natsu no Nioi


The ONE thing i HATEEE about liking this band is that I CAN'T UNDERSTAND JAPANESE. Unlike Plastic Tree, it's REALLY hard to find any sort of English material for this band. It's not just that but it's just frustrating cause i really want to know what they're singing and I can't even find the Kanji lyrics to the songs to translate!!! arghhhh >___< maybe it's cause i'm terrible at searching for stuff in Japanese.... sighhhh....




This is the Natsu no Nioi single. I think this picture of the girl in the yukata is simply so sweet and beautiful... don't you think??


cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

YAYYYYYYY~~~

My second attempt at Icon Making!!!

Here's Plastic Tree ^^



Here are the original pics:

http://picasaweb.google.com/elaineloh/Puraki


cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

Uploaded these for Kelvin.... so might as well put it up too :)

Plastic Tree

These are some of my most favourite PT songs ^^

Aoi Tori - http://www.sendspace.com/file/3ve8nn
Cage For Rent - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yhoolf
San Bika - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yhoolf
Gerbera - http://www.sendspace.com/file/6fsp84
Mizuiro Girlfriend - http://www.sendspace.com/file/4otd8l
Seiza Zukuri - http://www.sendspace.com/file/84zmcf
Nukegara - http://www.sendspace.com/file/dv6zrq
Moshimo Piano ga Heiketanara - http://www.sendspace.com/file/uzq57v
Harusaki Sentimental - http://www.sendspace.com/file/1kqb1c
Yume no Shima - http://www.sendspace.com/file/w95gs9

Lunkhead

KOMOREBI IS EXCELLENT!!! And i've forgotten how much I liked Hakudaku!!!!

Komorebi - http://www.sendspace.com/file/w95gs9
Hakudaku - http://www.sendspace.com/file/h7o6va


Please enjoy :)


cross-posted to http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

i think the important thing in life is to be at peace within oneself.

as much as you long and want things, dreams, desires, ambition, hopes-- get lost in the diluge of life directionless, lost, confused yet seeking more, getting lost between the twist and turns of the heart that stirs restless within.

i think, the important thing is to find peace with oneself, and to know that life goes on with or without.... to know that one day, nothing will matter anymore.

I think that's the best I can do, to know I have tried, to know that, well... "oh well, whatever, nevermind." and that I can live without because life is long, and there are always other possibilies out there, and that most and more importantly... life just goes on, you know, even if circumstances are not what you want it to be, life goes on, life always goes on...

let me find peace.

at least, I have found a fraction of it...

and this won't mean a thing come tomorrow.

I think I feel very indebted to the all the people I met here in America in my stay here...

Before i came to California, I was very worried if it was God's will for me to come to California. But looking back at the past years here, I know, you know, I think it was the right choice...

I say this because of all the great and amazing people I have met here who have just simply been so wonderful towards me...

Everyone: from Luis to Michelle, Johanna, Wendy Michelle and Jessica, Carin, Norika, Aya, Justin and everyone I met at CSUN, Michelle, Chris and Rob, Maya, Taku (sensei yo!)... And then there were the various friends i met each semester who accompanied me every one of those semesters: Jessica, Vanessa, Aya, Akio.... And of course there's Aunt Mei, the Zeier Family, and of course EILEEN... also in Boston, Dragon and his family, G, Minh and Young... EVERY SINGLE ONE i have met and come to know in America, EVERY ONE of them have been awesome awesome awesome and simply AWESOME towards me.

I know i didn't make like a WHOLE BUNCH of BIG friends but you know, the few people I've met in my time here, they have just held out such a welcoming and warm hands to me that has colored my experience here wonderful...

You guys are amazing, you know that? And for every memory of America that I have, I will remember them as Beautiful because of You.

Thank you all and Thank You God.


==============

Today, Michelle, Chris, Robin and I went out for dinner. It was awesome meeting up again... haha, our group who went to Japan last year. It is great that I got to know them and we could become friends through that trip...

And I'm really really so touched that they're sooooooooooo VERY VERY awesome towards me, although I don't really hang out with them much... They have NEVER once treated me like an outsider you know... But considered me a Friend.... I am so touched and will enternally be grateful for making me feel like I am part of this....

Anyway.... here are pictures :)


Willy Wonka!!! Chris's Halloween Outfit, it's damn cool!


Michelle and I :)


Rob and Chris :D hahah they're damn funny ok!!!


GROUP PIC!! The gang who went for Guy Healy Camp Spring 05 ^^ great memories of here and Japan :)


I WAS SOOOOOOOOOOO TOUCHED!!! They actually bought me a gift!!! DAMNNNNN!!! I didn't expect it totally!!! Rob actually took the purse out then gave it to Chris and Chris was like "who is this from?" and I was thinking "oh damn must be Chris' bday passed or something and i didn't know" and Rob was like "me michelle and us..." and Chris was like "who's us and what is it for?"... then Rob was like "it's for Elaine!" hahahahahahahaha damn funny!!!! BUT I AM SO TOUCHEDD!! damn i will miss them sooooo much!!!!!

Yayyyy finally..... NEW LAYOUT!! After ONE YEAR!!!!

So this layout is... Mizuiro Girlfriend... Sort of... I was listening to Mizuiro Girlfriend by Plastic Tree and I really like that song... Apparently that is the first Ryutaro "happy" love song... and I think it's a very sweet song cause the ending goes... "kimi no egao ga neji wo watatte todoku"... and that means "your smile goes across a rainbow and reaches me..".... Don't you think that's just such a sweet line??? So un-Ryutaro usual lyrics! But it's so hopeful and sweet!!! ^^

So here's to Mizuiro Girlfriend!

Download the Song Here

Sept 24th: 20 days till Homecoming:


How do i tell michelle that the most mundane and normal things that she does everyday like hanging out with her friends and going for shows are like fragments of a real-life dream to me?


=fake_cut_1=



So went for the Japanese Student Association (JSA) barbecue with Justin in the afternoon. Met Hirota Sensei, Maya, Ai, Brandon, Rob and Daisy there again, so that was really nice.... nice and WEIRD to see that people you know from different social circles are all associated at one point! Either that or there are ALOT of Japanese students at CSUN and somehow or rather we all end up here lol ;)

Had a nice time just chatting and not understanding alot of stuff that was going on haha... BUT ahhh damn, let's take up Japanese again dammit!


HUGEEE skipping rope haha ;)


=fake_cut_2=


Michelle Brown and The American Dream

Michelle drove up from Anaheim to get me so we could go for a show at Spaceland at around 3:30pm...

Somehow... hanging out with Michelle always gives me this weird feeling... Like I belong here, like I have a life here in this country... Like, I could be just like one of them...

It was the best feeling ever, in her car and The Format was playing on the car radio, looking out through the window and at Michelle... THIS was hanging out, you know, American style lol ;) I don't know, i guess.... it's the feeling of being part of something... part of this country, and not just an immigrant, 20 days before depature back home nevertheless...


She should be driving.... NOT taking pictures!

We went back down to Anaheim and then to the place where michelle's friend Heather was living. And the most surreal thing happened. So I go into this big big house, and didn't know anyone, and then i follow michelle and heather through the house to this bedroom and there was this guy giving a tattoo to a girl and 3 other girls were there... And i was like "wtf? where did this come from??" it's like walking into an episode of the OC hahahahaha or Laguna Beach or something, haha whatever!


Tattoo!!! Michelle took this pic on her sidekick..

Anyway... We stayed there real long and i was just sitting the room...

I know for a fact, I would never belong in this world because I don't. I can't carry a normal conversation, I don't know why... Maybe I don't know enough American pop culture, I don't know enough about American culture, or simply, maybe I just don't know....

But the thing was that though... Michelle came to sit with me and asked me if I was bored and I was like thinking "totally no man..." I mean... sureeeee i felt out of place (cause heck! i didn't even know whose house i was in!) but.... it was just great being able to just be there, you know...

Being so close to depature date, the end of this dream, here we were just hanging out with a bunch of people (and a bunch of people i didn't know to add to that!) but hell, you know, THIS was an experience in itself... these were the times that I had never imagined 5 years ago back in malaysia, that I would get to experience one day... what it feels like to just hang out with a bunch of people... American.... OC style ;) lol! But you get me?

And then Michelle went smoking with heather outside the house and DAMNNN the most surreal conversation happened... Heather has that depth to her that I can't explain... But they got to talking about Heather wanting to leave California for Washington state and Michelle not wanting her to go... and I swear it was like a conversation that popped out of some movie... It really did!!

"Why do you have to leave?"
"Because I can't make it out here"

Really!



Anyway... We met up with Michelle's best friend Kim and left Anaheim to get to Spaceland near Sunset for the Reuben's Accomplice show... We we travelling down the 10 i think... and we approached LA by night... And I love the LA skyline... Something about it always reminds me of a dream come true.... And I think it will always do that to me... But today... That night, that whole day travelling through the freeways across LA county (i never realized poor michelle has to pratically drive through the entire LA county to get to me)... that was wonderful you know... to feel like residents of this place and to still feel the magnitute of this dream...

the lights in LA were beautiful... they always are...

We were coming back from the show and Kim played Reuben's Accomplice's song Lost Sun (it's the song playing on the blog right now)... and it was just such a lovely sountrack to a very surreal day... driving under the night lights of the Los Angeles skyline through the streets and freeways... I just couldn't help but feel... how surreal, how beautiful, it was all like a dream...


Somewhere towards the end of the night, michelle and I were sitting in the lounge in spaceland, trying to get warm and feeling sleepy.... And.. I don't know maybe it's because I was going to leave so soon and all these are coming to and end soon and I knew that... It was just weird being there you know, just lounging there like I was part of this, like this life could last, like this life was what my life is... like this was normal... that was just the weirdest best feeling I had you know...

and it was sad... that at that moment i was thinking that "how weird" because I knew I was leaving soon and this will probably never happen again, and that tonight, this whole day out with Michelle, surreal it was... was probably the last I'd have to touching... the Ameircan Life.


Anyway, if Michelle is reading thsi right now she's probably laughing and thinking I'm weird to be thinking all these... But really, Michelle, the most normal and ordinary of lives that you have, being able to see and be part of that life even for a moment, for a day, for an hour, it is a living a dream for me... And thank you, you know, for all those times you have opened and shared this world with me, to allow me to experience this dream for real... and I'll always love you for that, and I'll always miss you for that.... you're what makes America so great, remember?



Michelle singing The Used... MILD Michelle!

OK... so i got this yesterday :)

New Found Glory - Coming Home



it's NFG at their finest, but even better! think about how blink182 and green day progressed and then you'll know what i'm talking about.
-Stefanie Reines

You know what, Stefanie? I don't think so! Blink 182 progressed??? you could have fooled me!

ANYWAYS...

This is a decent album but a far cry from what NFG used to sound like. There are still traces of the NFG-ish sounds, but the overall tones of those songs are watered down and mellowed and made radio friendly. What happened to all the melodic pop punk sounds of Nothing Gold Can Stay and the self titled album??? GONE! Well... there are some with traces of it, but still, very diluted versions of the usual NFG.

Most of the track sounds like watered down versions of the usual NFG pop-punk sounds towards their later Sticks and Stones album (not so much of the older stuff). Others are like spin offs of "I Don't Wanna Know" from the Catalyst album...

So what can I say???

THEY GOT MARRIED.... with CHILDREN..

nuff said. they grew up, and along with it have traded in the camaraderie in Ballad For The Lost Romantics for the comfort of matching bedsheets and the arms of a wife and kid...

I was hoping that Coming Home would be a going back to their roots of Nothing Gold Can Stay and New Found Glory, but it seems like they were going home to their wife and kids in their big house with white picket fences and a dog in the yard... Yeap... THAT is the evolution of NFG sounds in this album.

Here are the downloads: (tracks are not in order haha)

connected - http://www.sendspace.com/file/k9g6vs
boulders - http://www.sendspace.com/file/zmwihp
coming home - http://www.sendspace.com/file/jsxgpp
Hold my Hand - http://www.sendspace.com/file/eh5y87
it's not your fault - http://www.sendspace.com/file/fbmj5t
Taken Back By You - http://www.sendspace.com/file/msz3lz
Oxygen - http://www.sendspace.com/file/f645tq
on my mind - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yzguhe
make your move - http://www.sendspace.com/file/znmet2
too good to be - http://www.sendspace.com/file/wz1ksh
Love and pain - http://www.sendspace.com/file/itfknd
familiar landscape - http://www.sendspace.com/file/28sutc

I had not planned to upload all the songs... but Sendspace was damn fast! and i ended up uploading everything for my friend... so might as well.

My fav tracks: Boulders, Connected, Coming Home.

cross-posted: http://purakisuki.exblog.jp

I've decided to do a profile of my friends... the one who goes for alot of shows and stuff.... And today i am gonna start with SEI a.k.a. Arimura-chan!!!!!!

SEI IS THE ULTIMATE PLASTIC TREE FAN! (and hehe, i am sure that's reason enough for me to profile her first! hehehe)

I only know Sei from MSN. She added me a few weeks back on MSN. She got my contact through a nice Plastic Tree forum at www.batsu.org.

Sei is the webmistress of a wonderful Pura website: http://puratori.brinkster.net

The reason why i chose to profile Sei is because i REALLY REALLY REALLY admire her love for Plastic Tree and.......... RYUTARO haha... She has faithfully been a fan for over SEVEN LONGGGG YEARS! and even after 7 years, her enthusiasm, her love, her devotion and her craziness for Plastic Tree has not even subsided one bit! She seems like she is still as in love with Plastic Tree today as she was when she first heard them 7 years ago. I think that's very awesome because as a music fan, I have seen (and I myself too have been) people be totally obsessed over a band and love everything about a band and listen to the music religiously... But, not for 7 years, you know what i mean? But that same craziness that's in the voice of a "new" fan shines right through Sei when she talks about Plastic Tree and Ryutaro... and I think, THAT, is RARE and ONE OF A KIND! That's why I think she's an awesome, if not, the ultimate Plastic Tree fan that I know of :)




Name: say [ sei arimura haha]
Location: Thailand
DOB: 16/10/1984
Blood Type lol: a

Since when did you like Plastic Tree?
1999 range Single "Sink"

Why do you like plastic tree?
Pura's song so pretty and wonderful, Ryutaro's voice is charming and I fell in love

Do you remember which is the first plastic tree song you heard?
Sink

Top 5 favourite plastic tree songs?
1. Hello
2. Kuuchuu Buranko
3.Harusaki
4.sink
5.Last Waltz

How many Plastic Tree Live have you been to?
about 24 round

Why do you like going for their live?
Because their live's fun and enjoyable, feel warm

Best plastic tree memory?
First time i met Ryutaro, he said " Hello" and smiled to me. that's my good impression

Favourite Plastic Tree Member?
Ryutaro

Why do you like him most?
because he's strange, but friendly and have good idea, amiable haaa~ I fell in luv with him...what can i do

What does Plastic Tree mean to your in your life?
it make my life's bright, can think about someone. everyday I must see Ryutaro's face at my computer and listen their songs.




cross-posted in: http://purakisuki.exblog.jp