ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

it's abit sad but....... it's abit sad to feel this but, it's sad that I feel that Michelle's the only real friend i have and funny thing is that she's 8000 miles away.

i feel like i've not treated her as I should but instead i have casted pearls before swines.

I feel very dumb and such a fool coz I always waste my effort on the things that don't matter when I could have gained so much more and be much better off if I had just been more selfish and not have given so much, coz what for? In the end it's just spit on and forgotten, and no one actually cares-- not enough anyway.

You should always withold love and affection and care where and when it's not asked for. Instead, give it to those who really cares back for you and who is WORTH the effort and the love...

Because I look back at all these and all i can say is that I was a fool, I am a fool... and it was all for naught.

Sometimes, there comes a time (usually at times like these) that you realize who your friends really are and who your friends aren't. It's a saddening realization but.... sometimes I wish it speaks more about the other person than it does about me, that at least... you're not the selfish one in the end.



I was just writing a text (sms) just now.... felt really really down and lonely and i felt i needed someone... i needed a friend, needed to know, at least, someone cared......... I scrolled through the list to find someone i could send it to whom i knew would care or had the time to care and, you know, I couldn't find anyone.. Not a single one....

Except...

Michelle.

You know, actually..... sadly to say..... she's actually called me more often in the past months than every other person on my list.


I don't know......



I remember... there was once... back in Northridge... I felt really down one day.... probably because of some guy haha... But i remember texting Michelle that day... Just a passing text you know, like you would just text to your friends "Feeling a little depressed. wish you were here."

And DUDE, that night, although she finished work at 10pm, had to work again the next morning, she still drove 1 1/2 hours, 90 miles, from Anaheim to Northridge just to eat at Denny's with me for an hour or so. What the hell man... but THAT was what she did. It's like driving from KL to seremban to have mamak with a friend. Dude... I will always remember that... and I will always love Michelle for that.....


And I guess that's why, it is after all that she has done for me, her love her care her phonecalls, her wishes, her love, you know.... That I know, that sitting here 8000miles away at 12 am feeling lonely as hell feeling like such a fool that I have wasted my affections on worthless things.... I still had ONE friend in her... even though she is so far away, even though we weren't from the same country or same culture or same skin color... At least.... I am still her friend she cares about. That means alot to me.


This is not to say i have no friends... but u know... It's really really realy very very comforting for me to know that I have Michelle at least...

Thanks dude... And I love you... And I miss you... and you know how much I wish I was back there and we could do stuff again.... It was a life really, a life i really wish could have last a lil longer...