ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

君はたまにとても苦しそうに笑うね
きっとずいぶん無理をして強がって
人の分まで傷ついてきたんだね
君の傷の理由など僕には解らないけど
それでも本当は君は泣きたいんじゃないのかい？

僕は神様じゃないからなにもできないけど
もしも君の涙に痛みが溶けていくなら
静かに聴いてるから　涙も拭いてあげるから
涙を馬鹿になどしないから

どれだけ強がって　自分にうそをついて
孤独を押し殺して　笑いつづけてきたんだ
僕は何にもできないけど　痛みさえ知り得ないけど
今はここにいるから　それしかできないから

今君が泣けてよかった

ランクヘッド／ひとりごと


I got an email from Eileen today. "I miss you" it said. Funny, I dreamt about her just 2 days ago and I had wanted to call her to say that I miss her too.

you know... america seems so far away these days that it feels like it never even happened at all. it's like the reality of america exists only as this far gone memory fading, losing rapidly to the passing of time and this stupid country.

in the end...

there's no difference in life at all.

it's like... i've never been there...

everyday, the futher the memory of america fades, as this shitty life envelopes me in its choking embrace.... the more i feel that.... america never existed.


except.

except.

for you.

for all the friends. for all the people and friends I had met over there.

it's like... the only thing that reminds me, that makes me feel when i feel lost, that it did happen, is you... is your memory of me in your hearts.

you're the only thing that makes me know each day that...

I had that life once.

even if the memories are fading and america is slipping away...

at least, you're only thing that makes me know that that life did exist.


After Mayuko went back to Japan after her trip to Malaysia. She wrote something I felt was so weird but so VERY JAPANESE. She wrote, "I was looking through the picture albums. Makes me regret. I wish I had taken more pictures with you."

I didn't understand that. I thought it was just damn weird and so odd to say something like that. So japanese huh!!

But you know... I do regret. That I didn't take more pictures of places, of things... with friends. Didn't make more permanent memories. Memories that I can flip through and print out and remind me of things that was so beautiful.

Personally, I don't like looking at pictures. Especially of places and things gone and missed.... because it's painful...

but right now... right now, I do regret... that I never took more pictures, of things and with you.