It’s been quite awhile since we last went out for the first time again last year and even longer since we last hung out so much, not since THAT DAY, when I sent him THAT email that destroyed everything... which was basically 5 years ago.
He suggested going out of town on Saturday but it was snowing. Then, we didn’t get a hold of each other till Sunday morning, and since it was too late to get out of town, we decided to just go to Oedo Onsen in Odaiba.
So we met for lunch in Odaiba, went to the hot spring and then we went back to his place and I stayed over.
We talked a lot and we also talked about his family.
I think a lot has happened, and I also think some things are still the same.
That said...
We were watching on TV, a reality tv show kind of program about a former pro-wrestler who married a B-list celebrity blogger who has 7 kids and now he has 8 with a 9th coming along.
THE SHOW WAS TOOOO REAL.
But... watching the show, it made me think of Hoshino.
Coz the wrestler was now a bus driver and he works till really late. He comes home around 10pm or midnight and he would eat dinner then.
It made me feel bad for Hoshino too because... I think that’s what his life is too sometimes. And I’m sure he must be tired.
I had texted Hoshino that day to tell him I’m going to see him for ORPICA on the 24th but he hadn’t even replied during his lunch break.
I thought I could text him coz I was going to be with Aki, so I’m sufficiently distracted from being sad if he didn’t reply.
But I was NOT distracted and felt so sad when he didn’t reply by 5pm.
And then when he texted back at 9:20, it was a lackluster reply which I was disappointed by too.
But watching that TV show made me feel bad for him.
I felt, I should show him some support, I should acknowledge his tiredness, I should show him maybe I understand and care.
So I decided to text him and tell him Otsukare.
He responded quite cheerfully which I felt happy by too.
Sigh. I’m so simple.
So... that said, fortunately or unfortunately.... I still love hanging out with Aki coz he’s always up for going somewhere and doing things I like to do too (like going on trips), so I really appreciate him.
But that said, fortunately or actually more unfortunately, it seems like I do still have feelings for Hoshino, and I don’t think that’s good.
I hope I can talk to him on the 24th, and I hope that if nothing is to come out of this, I’ll be able to sever my feelings for him then.
by the way, there’s so much x-files shit not coz I’m obsessed, perse, I’m just really depressed and heartbroken and disappointed, so it’s just a coping mechanism to be preoccupied with people who don’t exist instead of letting my thoughts dwelve into places i rather it not go.
Before we delve into details, I must say, in understanding David and Gillian’s relationship and maybe also in growing up a little more, I think I’ve come to appreciate the up and downs and the frustrations of the Mulder-Scully-Relationship. And while I still think SEVEN SEASONS, was waaaaaaaay toooooooo long to drag out their relationship, I do think that their wrought journey through the 9 seasons + 2, is actually incredibly realistic.
I think, instead of having the characters hook up from the get go (I’m looking at you season 1&2), which I think would’ve been the route that most TV series would’ve done, I think it’s actually quite realistic, while frustrating, of relationships between people.
(I mean... ok if we’re to believe that inspite of all the love-hate-love between David and Gillian and they’ve never once even slept with each other after 25 years, hell, I guess the 7 seasons that took their characters to hook up is not too far fetched!)
But that said, I think I’ve come to appreciate mulder and scully’s journey with each other more.
That it’s not all just about love, it’s also about fear, it’s about learning to trust, it’s about frustrations with each other, it’s about doubting the other, it’s about hating each other guts, but in spite of all that, to still follow the other, to be completely dependent on the other, and to love the other.
Intended or not (probably not) the X Files had evolved to become a story not of the pursuit of the truth but a story of them, of Mulder and Scully.
I still blame that on David and Gillian’s chemistry haha.
That X-Files would probably have played out completely differently had mulder and Scully been played by different actors!
So I first saw Chiteijin last July in Koriyama when I went to see Silaph for the Mirai Oto compilation relwsse. They were VERY VERY impressive back then, best of the lot (silaph doesn’t count), and I had wanted to get their CD but didn’t get to coz.... NO ONE was at their merch table... bleh.
Anyway, been wanting to check them out again.
They’re a very very intense band, their guitarist (in the middle) REAAAAALLLY shreds it on the guitar!!!, and their other guitarist and vocalists is slightly unhinged, and all around, I think they’re a quiet and misfit band- just the way I like my bands I guess =P , outcasts and intense.
Anyway, show was really good today! And I FINALLY got their CD.
Will definitely check them out again when they come to Tokyo next month.
So seems like every 3-5 years I keep coming back to this ship of all ship.
Yes. Mulder and Scully. Sort of. Ha!
They did a (FINAL OF ALL FINALS) Season 11 last year and it’s still there: Mulder and Scully.
But I guess I won’t delved into MSR this time, not yet, but rather David and Gillian.
Well...
One might say that the X-Files would’ve never been the X-Files had it not been Mulder and Scully and Mulder and Scully would not been Mulder and Scully if it wasn’t for David and Gillian. And I sincerely believe this. Had the characters been casted to a different pair, I think the X-Files wouldn’t have endeared and endured as long as it has. It definitely wouldn’t have gotten a reboot 25 years after the first ep.
Of course, I do think David and Gillian should just get it on and be together haha, I do ship them as much as Mulder and Scully, but... in my current cycle of being crazy about the X-Files again and this time, really digging deeper into the whole David-Gillian fiasco, I think I am definitely NOT a Gillovny- fans who TOTALLY believe they’re in a relationship.
In fact, dwelving more into it, I actually believe it’s the contrary.
Firstly, I DO think that their relationship has changed TREMENDOUSLY.
Look at that Kimmel clip! Does that look totally PLATONIC??? Not in the least!
Also, Gilovny fans are right, something probably did happen to them between 2013-2016, because if you watch a lot of the clips of them from this period, they are suspiciously and noticeably waaaaaaaaaaay closer than they had EVER been! In terms of being physically intimate, they’re definitely different. Even the BTS for TFX seasons 10 (2015) and Season 11 (2017), they’re really crazy close. It’s insane!
I don’t think it’s faked tho, for publicity, I think they’re just what they are when they’re with each other and that’s just what they’ve evolved to be at that point of their relationship.
Totally platonic friends kissing hello, on the lips, that is.
Anyway... I digress.
David it seems is dating a 25-year-old.
Gillian too is in a long-term relationship with a very accomplished producer.
And in that aspect, I totally diverge from Gilovny fans.
I DO think those fans are deluded.
I’m not sure what happened between Gillian and David or if it’s just age, but whatever it was, that was just what it was and it WAS.
I think Gillian and David are definitely past their point of hating each other and not being able to stand each other.
I think with time and age and distance and being reunited in work again, they probably found their common ground and they probably finally embraced the chemistry they’ve been cursed and blessed with- and I think that is why they had been so comfortable with each other.
That after all the bullshit fights, all the cant stand each other, all the spaces and silence between them, I think they probably understand their connection and how they have something special between them that is natural, that life and destiny had just dumped on them without their consent. And I think it’s finally acknowledging this connection, they’ve learned to embrace it and exploit it to their own enjoyment, and to the delight and chagrin of fans and haters.
I think... what I enjoy the most is really seeing them grow old together but seriously wtf, as much as they grow old, the connection of their souls is timeless.
It’s really just them and the world does not exist when they’re together. It’s true. When you watch the videos, sometimes it’s really like they forget that there’s a conference room full of people looking at them.
Thaaaaaaat said.
I think that’s all that there is to David and Gillian. That the relationship they have really is confined to that time, that moment, that space that they share when they’re together when their orbits happen to cross and the universe just fades and it’s just them and the timelessness of their eyes on each other and their whispers into each other’s ears. That their world, their relationship with each other, their chemistry for each other, and dare I say, their love for each other, really only exists when they’re with each other physically.
I think once out of that context, once their orbits start moving apart again, once the cameras stop rolling, once the comic con is over, once they get into their respective cars, once they go their separate ways, David and Gillian are completely different from each other.
I really don’t think they share much in common.
I really don’t think they have the same values, the same believes, and I really think who they are as individuals are as different as Mulder and Scully are to each other.
But unlike Mulder and Scully, I don’t think their differences bind them together. I don’t think their differences are complimentary to each other.
They’re just very very different people who want very different things.
So, it’s very unfortunate, that two people whom life has thrown together and seemingly bound their fates together with a chemistry that cannot be broken by time, their differences, and distance. Inspite of that, it counts for nothing, David and Gillian are just not meant to be because the forces that repels them are just greater than the forces that binds them.
So that’s all I have to say about Gillian and David.
It’s unfortunate but, their relationship just shows that chemistry and even fate count for nothing in the end, if two individuals are just as different and incompatible as incompatible can be.
That said, too.. I will always always always love seeing them together, because for that fraction of a moment when they touch, when they look and SMILE at each other like they’ve been in love with each other for lifetimes, when they whisper in each other’s ears and giggle like the world and no one else existed but the other, for those moments when it’s David and Gillian together,... it really does make me.. I want, I want so desperately to believe.
I want to believe indeed.
Haha.
———
I’ll do Mulder & Scully next time.
Coz...... it’s a different ship!............. right...?
But.. I think the best advice that sensei gave me a while back, maybe it was my second or third lesson with him and he was being really strict, was that he told me that it’s my LISTENING that was bad. Because I was listening to my own playing instead of the metronome, and he said if I did that, I’d never be able to match the metronome’s tempo.
I’m still shite at drumming because after all these months, your sense of timing will never improve if you don’t have the sense to begin with! 16-beat kick will always be an arduous task for me for the lack of that sense.
But I do realize that listening is important.
And once you do hear it, you know when you’re wrong and you’ll also know when you’re right and when you’re right, it’s beautiful when the beat align perfectly with the temp to.
I'm not sure if it's sad, but there's a loss that lingers in my heart that wishes he was still alive, that wishes he wasn't dead.
I was walking to the studio yesterday and passed the florist by the corner and they had a really pretty flower there. Seeing the flowers made me think of Isshikisan and how I wish we was still alive to see flowers like this still.
And today I was at polly and Art-School's show at FEVER.
I managed to get a spot in the first row on stage right and it made me think of Isshikisan because FEVER was the last place he had ever played a guitar live, in Tsubaki's last anniversary show on the night of December 10th and the morning of December 11th. He chose to end with Hikari.
And I remember this spot was probably the exact spot that I stood that December when I saw Isshikisan packed up his guitar after the show. And I always wondered to myself how he felt that moment knowing this was probably the last time he'd ever pack it up. That morning, Uraino guy who was DJing was joking around A LOT and just making a huge party at 4am, and I remember while Isshikisan packed, he was looking at the Uraino guy who was at the drink bar, and Isshikisan was smiling.
They coaxed him (Isshikisan) to sing along this song but Isshikisan was a little reluctant at first but after more teasing, Isshikisan pulled out his phone and pulled up the lyrics and sang to the song passionately albeit jokingly. Haha.
So today, standing there, at that very same spot, with those very same blue lights that illuminates FEVER stage, I thought of Isshikisan that night, having fun, smiling, and being alive.
But now he's gone.
And he'll never return to that stage.
He won't ever play the guitar again.
And he'll never sing again.
Standing there tonight, I thought of Okamotosan's farewell message about her friend, her band mate, her husband Isshiki, "he's reunited with his parents and he can finally play his beloved guitar once again".
I want to think of that.
And his smile.
And his happiness.
Like that night on stage.
But I couldn't help but wish, I wish so hard, he was not dead. That he could still be here to be here with us tonight.
So he could smile.
So he could sing
So he could play his beloved guitar once again like he did that night when he was still alive.
I wish so hard that someone like him could still exist and be alive in the world today. I wish he were still living somewhere in this world healthy and happy with Okamotosan even though we can never see him again. I just wish so hard he hadn't died. I just wish so much he was still around somewhere. I just wish so hard he didn't meet the end that he did. It's not fair to him, to Okamotosan, to everyone who loved him, it's not fair to him that he had to die, that he can't live. He's not alive.
The world is indeed less of a wonderful guy like Isshiki.
And so I cried again tonight watching Polly as they played.
Because he's dead.
Because he will never be here with us again.
Because he can't and will never be here on this stage again.
So I've been checking out a lot of new Japanese bands on this app/website called Eggs.
It's such a stupid name and I've seen it around before but I ignored it coz of the stupid name.
But anyway, it's a great app coz basically it's an artist self-uploading Spotify-like app. It has daily and weekly ranking of most popular songs and artists. And you can just cloud stream the songs. (i wonder if the artists get paid!).
But anyway...
checking out the bands.......
I'm pretty disappointed. Every song and every band sounds like a replica of every other band and almost just variant copy of some famous/popular indie band.
I think Japanese indie has reached a point like what emo became in 2004, when every new band that kept popping out of the woodworks on absolutepunk.net back then just sounded like a boring unimaginative replica of every other fucking band that's already out there.
And Japanese music is like that.
Worse yet, my brother was right- Japanese music doesn't evolve.
So what this also means is that the 20-year-olds in bands today are playing songs that sound EXACTY the same as songs made by bands 6-7 years ago (when I first came to Japan), bands which have been very popular these days.
Also, the other maybe problematic thing which I have noticed in the Japanese indie music scene is that Japanese rock music has become so fucking insular- all the songs these days are SO FUCKING JAPANESE.
You see band that are my age (late 20s into late 30s), I think these bands were HEAVILY influenced by both Japanese music (Laruku/Yellow Monkeys/ Mr Children/Spitz/etc) AND ALSO western bands, grunge, Brit Rock, Heavy Metal: Nirvana, Oasis, Metallica, Radiohead, Blur and even more like Bowie, New Order, etc.
But most kids these days coming out of high school bands barely listen to these foreign band nor any foreign bands (and I blame this too for the lack of fucking really fucking innovative and influential rock bands from the west seeping into foreign music and culture).
So.... I feel most Japanese indie band these days are soooooooo fucking boring, repetitive and unimaginative.
I have to say though, that the only variety rising out of this mass of uninspired junk are actually FEMALE bands and vocalists.
I like that place coz it has an online booking system. So it's really convenient making reservations.
It's also quite small and have about 6 regular staff. Sometimes I talk to the main guy, Nakata-san. Another girl there, she's a friend of Polly's guitarist.
There's 3 main studio to reserve: A, B or C.
Recently I've come to like C the best coz it feels cosy and the sound system is louder. The drum set is good too.
B is also nice and cosy and the drum is great too. But the sound is a little soft.
A has good sound but it's a bit too bright and the drum sometimes has problems.
The other studio I sometimes go to is Studio Noah in Akasaka.
I mainly go there because it's close to work. So, I sometimes go during breaks.
The drum sets are really good and new at this studio.
But the drawback is that they only have studios available on the clock, not at half past. So timing is terrible.
The last one is Studio Noah, Shimokita (Studio Noah is the largest chain of studios).
I only started going there last week twice as a back-up coz Studio Bayd was full at the time I wanted to practice.
I got a reaaaallly huge studio the first time.
But anyway, the studio is quite okay but I didn't like the drum set especially the bass drum!!!!!!!
Of all 3 studios they had terrible bass drums!! It's like the medium-sized ones!! Even for the large studio, the bass drum was less than good! >_<
