into the void

K......... great failure....... 2 days 3 icons....





Also i have changed to a 50 Icon challenge on Livejournal... The themes are easier too... 40 artist choice, and 10 themed icons... i think that should be doable... but i do have only 4 months to complete them... Hmm..

Well... since i took d time wuahahahha to romanize Tsuki to Tenohira for cw, i might as well post it up also...

Kanji, romaji, translation (thanks Norika!)


Lunkhead - 月と手のひら

すっかり遅くなったな
月がもうあんなに高くなってる
君はもうそろそろ眠くなるはずなのにそれでも
星のシャワーと夜の風が
君の頬を桜色に染める
はしゃいだ声、弾んだ息
街灯が創る二つの影

手をつないでうちに帰ろう
四月とは言っても夜はまだ冷えるから
風邪引かないように
少し急いで

色々話したいことが
たくさんあるはずなのに
ひとつも言葉にはならないから
強く手をにぎる

高台から望む街は
窓の数だけ光る命
みんなきっと少しだけ
人より幸せになりたいだけ

手をつないでうちに帰ろう
四月とは言っても今日は特に冷えるから
風邪引かないように
手をつないでうちに帰ったら
温かいミルクを飲もう
夜はまだ長いからいい夢を見れるように
少し甘くして

いつか君のその手は
違う誰かを幸せにする
その未来へ君を送り届ける
手をつないで

-------

sukkari osokunattana
tsuki ga mou annani takakunatteru
kimi wa mou soro soro nemuku naru hazunanoni soredemo

hoshi no shawaa to yoru no kaze ga
kimi no hoho o sakurairo ni someru
hashai da koe, hazunda iki
gaitou ga tsukuru hutatsu no kage

te o tsunaide uchi ni kaerou
shigatsu to wa ittemo yoru wa mada hieru kara
kaze hikanai you ni
sukoshi isoi de

iroiro hanashitai koto ga
takusan aru hazunanoni
hitotsu mo kotoba niwa naranaikara
tsuyoku te o nigiru

takadai kara nozomu machi wa
mado no kazu dake hikaru inochi
minna kitto sukoshi dake
hitoyori shiawase ni naritai dake

te o tsunaide uchi ni kaerou
shigatsu to wa ittemo kyou wa tokuni hieru kara
kaze hikanai you ni
te o tsunaide unchini kaettara
atatakai miruku o nomou
yoru wa mada nagai kara ii yume o mireru you ni
sukoshi amakushite

istuka kimi no sono te wa
chigau dare ka o shiawase ni suru
sono mirai e kimi o okuritodokeru
te o tsunaide

-------

It’s already so late
The moon is so high up there
You should be feeling sleepy by now but

The shower of the stars and the night wind
makes your cheek the color of cherry blossom.
Your happy voice, your excited breath
Two shadows made by street lights

Let’s hold hands and go home
Even it’s April, it’s still cold at night
I don’t want you to catch a cold
Let’s hurry up a little.

There are so many things I want to talk about with you,
But none of them are coming out of my mouth
So I hold your hand stronger

The town we look down from the light house is
filled with as many bright lives as windows
Perhaps everyone wants to be a little bit happier than other people

Let’s hold hands and go home
Even it’s April, today is especially cold
I don’t want you to catch a cold
When we get home holding hands
Let’s drink a cup of warm milk
We can make it a bit sweet so you can have a nice dream in this still long night.

Someday, your hand will make someone else happy
To that future I will deliver you
Holding hands



I still think there's an essense to the song that's lost in translation... It's a very sweet song, and perhaps sweeter when you actually understand it in Japanese... like the words Yoshitarou used....

Especially the parts like "te wo tsunaide..." the way he played around with the phrase at the end....
Also the part "ii yume wo mireru you ni"... I think the sweetness of that part is also lost in translation to "have a nice dream"...
And the part "takadai kara nozomu machi wa, mado kazudake hikaru inochi, minna kitto sukoshi dake hitoyori shiawase ni naritai dake".... I don't quite understand this part in Japanese but I think the essense that Yoshitarou was trying to capture in those lines probably has a stronger feeling and meaning than it sounds in English...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo

FOR SOME REASON, I signed up for the 100 icon challenge and i chose ODAKA YOSHITAROU!!!! 小高芳太郎~

Bad tho... coz i dun think i have 100 pics of him... Actually much less 100 pics that can be made into icons!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~

Neways, I made some icons last nite...... Have to relearn everything wth... =_=

This is in the order I made them....





ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

1 for Mr. Capy!!!

wawawawawaaaaa!!

SO!

Online shopping is GREAT!!!!

Was VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY pleased with my purchases wuahahahaahah....

SOOOOO... My package from japan came yesterday wuahahahaah....





Heheeheheheh....

So i was damn pleased with it...

I got my beavers!!!!!!!!

OK LA CAPYBARA!!!




FOR NIGEL!!!!!

DAmn cuteeeeeee... actually I like this one the best too... But i got this for him... hehe...






Dis 1 is mine... But i might give this one to cw...






BABY KAPIBARA!!!





Damn cute dis 1.... I was planning to give dis 1 to cw... if not I can give him the bigger 1... heheheeh



CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~


BESIDES THAT!!!!!!!!

I AM ALSO DAMN PLEASED WITH ALL MY LUNKHEAD PURCHASES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I managed to get BOTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Play at the Crossroads Cd1 AND Cd2 for only $50!!!!!! Limited Edition CDs wei!!!!!!!!!! AND ORIGINALS too!!! AND RARE!!!!!!

Dude!!! usually in other auctions, Per CD would go for AT LEAST 50 bucks!!! BUTTTTT for some reason, the one i got was for BOTH CD1 and CD2 and for some reason, the fans just stopped bidding at $40!!! I dunno why!!!!! It's actually ORIGINAL too!!!!!!!!










Besides that I also got LUNKHEAD MAGAZINE CLIPPINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN GOOD DEAL ALSO!! cause i ended up wid alot of clippings! I didn't think i got that many but apparently, I did!!!!

ANDDDDD

BEST DEAL OF ALL IS...


HALF NAKED YOSHITAROU PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!


DUDE!!! I had bid on a previous auction for these and the price was liek 40 bucks!!! But i got this one and other clipping for only 5 bucks!!!!!!

GREAT!!!


DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL PEOPLE DROOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

ARM THY HEART!!!!!!!

FAINT NOT!!!!!!!







WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*FAINTS*

dude......................... I NEED A BOYFRIEND!

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...................................

nothing happened dis week. so uneventful harhar.

Thursday nite pasar malam chow yang wid KL and CW....
1) bought my fav potato thingy
2) packed asam laksa and we went to me house to eat
3) Watched transformers again! Megan Fox is hot!

Friday stayed in bed all day wid KL watching Heroes... K.... somehow dat sounded inappropriate.....
0) pick KL...
1) watched epi 5 - 6
2) drove out buy McD, ate..
3) watched epi 7 - 8
4) ate.
5) watched epi 9 -10
6) ate
7) watched epi 11 - 13
8) ate
9) watched epi 14 - 16
10) sent KL home....... ate ramli hehehe


Saturday stayed in bed all day, sleeping... den at night went out wid CW...
------ Hmmm... actually it was quite a nice night... I was quite full so we drove around for abit... was just driving till i got hungry... So i wanted to drive to OUG, then cw said he wanted to go to Taman Desa to see Kevin's car, so we drove to Taman Desa. His car was not there... Then after that we drove to OUG... we got the idea of eating durians hahahahaha... so we hunted down some durians in Happy Garden then packed it. Wanted to eat it somewhere the go mamak... then I thought, ok, let's go to the 7-11 nearby Nigel's wheere we always go for ramli... So started driving there (crazy hor, from BU to Happy Garden to get durian then back to Taman Megah to eat d durian in front of 7-11 wth...)...
Then when we got to the 7-11, there were alot of cars parked there... so cw said go the the SS2's... so went there... packed also.. then he said to go to the Kelana Jaya station's... So we went there...
We parked la, then got a drink then sat in the car listening to TBS and eating durian... WTH RIGHT?????????????????????????????
den after that around 12:30 we started driving again la... drove around back down to Bukit Damansara.... talking (coz the music died by this time) and then went home...

Hmmm... it was quite nice la... nice moment u know, just sitting in the car outside sevens listening to music... YEAHHHHH i suppose it's nicer if we wnet up the jejantas to look at cars but............... TOO EMO WEI!!! wuahahahha (and dats something u wanna do wid SARAH, not Elaine Loh yo!! hehehehehe. CW: NOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooo!! AWAY FROM ME YOU EVIL FAT GIRL!)


Sunday today stayed in bed most of d day sleeping... and afternoon went out wid CW...
--- Went to d digital mall wid cw... FOR SOME REASON, i've not been to that area for the past 5 years, BUT, then suddenly within these few months i've been there more than half a dozen times! geez....
--- after we took cw's comp stuff home, dude took another mouliu drive around hahahahahahahha... drove from cw's hse to SS17... den wanted to try a shortcut... den after that, took another "short cut" back to cw's hse.... Dat's it... WTH!!! hahahaha



NEWAYS.... wow... i saw CW alot dis weekend! how lucky~~~ hawhawhaw... Haha but true oso ma... when he starts classes (tmr).. dats it wei... wun see him nemore.... =(

I dunno...

I guess d end is drawing near huh............ It's impossible to get everyone out together these days.... I only ever see Kheng Li and that's it or maybe CW..... I suppose... it's okay that things end somehow.... because that's part of how life goes... The thing that matters in all these is that you had fun and it was fun and most of all, you got to experience it to begin with...

We may never take another trip to KLIA with Ken and cw, we may never go to pasar malam together again with Nigel, cw, kl... We may never go watch transformers again or have A&W again wid ken, cw, nigel... We may never Wii again together like we did... (i bet we'd still dota tho! wuahahaha... actually even that...)... but it's fine... because u'll remember those moments, though slowly becoming vague with time... but as long as at that moment when you lived it, hey, part of this was mine... Like the stillness of the rain soaked night that blanketed the city last night... yeah, at least that there was that moment, and we lived it together as friends, and we were friends those moments, those nights, those times... I think that's what matters, that it happened, that we had it, that we shared it, in that moment, for that moment, for that night, in our lives...

I think, i guess, i want to believe that is what counts. that's what important. that's the point.

right?

Kan Chee Woh..... Well, his WAS the first on the list...

BOSS!

Odd they put him under Nigel instead of Y...

KHENG LI......... poor thing he said he was nervous hehehe

DA REST!

So convenient that their names came one after another hehehehee...

Seah Min Ken, Cheng Dar, Han Ming.... and I think Vince and all is in there till d end..

2) exits and entrances: exits

So Kevin left on Tuesday... Thank God there was a break on Tuesday, otherwise i'd not have been able to see him before he left.

So i went to see Kevin after i left tmpoint... around 12:30...... and spent some time with him till about 3...

Hmmm....

Last time out with Kevin...

We always seem to be eating...

Went over to his aunt's and he was packing stuff... Then when he was abit done with packing, I drove us out nearby to have lunch... just sat around talking abit about life and stuff... I suppose our conversations are still the same, but perhaps, i'm trying to impress him less or not impressing him at all with my lack of will to change my life and my utter lack of direction in it too...

Then we went back to his aunt's where he fried 2 eggs (three is abit of an overkill) and had more lunch (yes he really loves to eat)... Then we talked more and he wanted to sell his car off haha... Then we just sat about talking....

Then he went to pack and then he needed to get some stuff at an electrical store so I drove us out again.... Went to the electrical store and then we went to drive around to where his apartment is at (we couldn't go in coz he didn't have his keys) but it was a nice area... really green...

Then he took me to the SMART project where they drained the water from the tunnel...

It was kinda nice being there with him at that last moment, him bringing me tp the site to see the "really deep hole" and where the gates of the tunnel was and the lake and all that.... It was a really nice moment...

Then i drove him home and said goodbye...

I suppose, i'm quite sad about his leaving for the reason that it feels like the end of something. It's not just with Nigel and Ken leaving and all that or CW starting school or grad nite or whatever... I guess with Kevin there was just sense of the end of the time I came back to Malaysia last October...

Coz he was like the first friends I met up with when i got back you know... I think i met him the week i got back... And then now, he's gone, you know... It just feels like a chapter of my life too, that had just passed and closed...

I suppose... it has.

I don't know about Kevin..... I'm totally not what he looks for, but neither is he what I want if i wanted to be with someone... I think i'm way too childish and immature...

And i've noticed that Kevin wants those who are independent and who is strong and don't need to depend on the guy-- which of course, I'm not...

I think the only part to our conversation, or within that day, or hell, within the past months I've met him, the only time I actually showed him that part of me that was what I was... was when he told me "You should just focus your effort on getting a husband"... and I told him "NO. I won't. Because that's not what I want." He then said why not, and it's easier too... And i told him yeah, albiet it's easier but that's totally not what i want for my life.

I told him that I don't want a husband, that is not the life I want, not yet, even though it's easier but I am not gonna have my life be tied to someone else...

I said to him:

"As much as I don't know what I want to do with my life, I still want to do what I want to do with my life."

And in my heart of hearts... I think, I've defined very much of what I want with my life... As much as i don't know what I want to do with my life, I still want that option to know that I am able to control my own destiny, my own path, that i can choose for myself-- where i want to be, what i want to do, and which path i want to take-- THAT is something I will not surrender, not lose, not just yet.

luck of the draw

I went out with Kheng Li to McD after grad nite... well i took him home anyway...

But anyway, we were eating and we were talking...

And i said to him..

"Jolyn cares alot about you, you know..."

"U think i dunno meh?"

"But good oso ler, u care abt her oso.."

"I didn't say I dun..."

"I didn't say you didn't."

and he smiled...

You know, sitting there for that one moment and seeing Kheng Li smile with that shy smile, I was really jealous... Of what? I don't know... Not jealous perhaps of Jolyn or whatever, but just jealous that... You know, I wish, and all I really want is just something so small... so small to just know that there is one guy out there in this world who actually cares for me.

But i don't you know... and that is my pain, perhaps, and that is my jealousy...

But it's really sweet what jolyn has, you know, because Kheng Li does care about her... And it's really sweet you know... that whatever Kheng Li may be and whatever has unfolded and happened between them thus far.... after all has been said and done... the bottom line is this: he would still pick up his phone, constantly check it, AND replies her SMS while he is playing dota...

I think that act in itself speaks so much more about the truth of the matter than any words can.

nuff said.

(KL is gonna kill me for posting this haha! sorry!)

I love this picture... somehow to me... it captures everything... well, almost everything, of how i was there then... that I could do whatever i wanted... and i was the freest... and I was me... or at least, all that i wanted me to be...

i miss california because i was the most truthful there; when i wasn't trying to be someone else, something else, someone that others want me to be. there, i was only myself; what I wanted to be.

I was reading a book the other day. California: Dreams and Realities. Coincidently, it was actually complied by the professor in Uni who taught me Popular American Culture class.

The introduction had in it some questions that asked what image does California conjure in our mind when we think about it? What does California mean to us? What is California in our consciousness?

Unfortunately for me, as much as I do see the dichotomy between the dream California and the realities of California, SoCal will always be painted in a perpetual sunshine and blue skies in my mind, where anything could be possible-- because for me, for my experiences, as much as i did see the sot and stink of 7th and Metro, California to me still shines.

I don't think California is a place I can truly be objective about and to study this state unbiased-- as much as it is the archetypal of the American Dream, the good, the bad-- it is indeed, the Golden State to me, and everything that the American Dream idealistically is suppose to be.

曇り空も晴れた空も同じ空であるように
笑い声も涙さえも
大事な君自身の君らしさに違いないのだと僕は思う
誰が何を言おうとも僕はそう思う

As the cloudy sky and the fine sky are the same skies,
so is your laughter and your tears the real/same you.


I still really like this line... I find it really encouraging... Thank you, Yoshitarou =)

Am i allowed to post this? Anyway, i gave the IELTS class an in-class assignment today. Gave them 5 single words with which they must pick 1 and writ a paragraph based on/about that word. The 5 words I gave were: Extraordinary, inevitable, goodbye, dream, imagine (i should have given play and believe but maybe next time). Anyway, they were given about 15 minutes to write the paragraph, and I must say, there were some really brilliant ones. Here's an excerpt of some.


To dream is to live, to me everybody can dream, even animals. Dreaming holds alot of potential, it can be motivation, hope, comfort, happiness, a thing that is lost, a thing that will be found and most importantly, dreaming might hold one's future. To me dreaming is not just sights, sounds and pictures that one's mind conjures up when we're sleeping, they are much more than that. To dream is to have hope and to hope is to have faith and having faith can open doors to many unbelievable miracles. To many people in the 21st Century, micracles is something unstable and unpredictable, therefore most people chose not to believe in miracles. This goes to show how little people dream, and everything in the world starts with a dream. The Wright Borthers dreamt of flying and only then did they open doors to new possibilites. Therefore, I hope everyone would dare to dream big, wild and not be held back by today's cultures, peers, religions and education because a dream holds endless possibilities.


Brilliant la i tell u, brilliant.


It is through dreams we are driven. It is through dreams that the impossible becomes possible.

Taken as a whole, Alvin's essay was really nice, very convincing.


Each of us have dreams which serve to spur us on to greater heights or towards an achievement which we hope to attain. Our dreams help us to determine our actions and chart our future and destiny, be it in life or in eternity. A great dream is a spark which lights a flame fueled on by plans, ambitions and action which can set on fire not just a single individual but communities, nations and ultimately the world. The impact of a dream like Mother Theresa's can touch millions of lives worldwide but yet an ill natured ambition like Hitler's could cause destruction, heartache and death to an entire race for generations. Martin Luther King Jr's "I have a dream..." speech overturned social prejudices etched in the minds of countless millions and elevated the social standings of many, so much so that he died defending it.


Yeah ok, the best ones were all about dreams. But I must say, there are some who could write quite brilliantly. And I was very amazed because really, this was like a 15-minute on the spot thing!

Anyway, reading their paragraphs though, especially after I read Joseph's (his was the last one i marked and a brilliant one), I felt though.... Although I really loved the essays... but u know... i felt old and jaded...

Like I.. I loved the essays. They were brilliant because of the language and how the writer was able to use that language to inspire. Yet, as much as i loved it because of these inspiring strings of cliches strung brilliantly together, I couldn't help but feel like... you know, life is otherwise.

Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. That you may have dreams and the dreams may spur you and even fuel you to greater heights, but in the end, dreams aside, life and reality really has other plans... That you know, in the end, dreams are just that, dreams. Perhaps a pacifier to our complains giving us a false illusion to face the challenges today, thinking that somehow, just somehow, if we tried hard enough, imagined enough, we could get there, things could be different-- But sometimes you know, it won't... and you can't.