1) GRAD NITE 07
Kan Chee Woh..... Well, his WAS the first on the list...
BOSS!
Odd they put him under Nigel instead of Y...
KHENG LI......... poor thing he said he was nervous hehehe
DA REST!
So convenient that their names came one after another hehehehee...
Seah Min Ken, Cheng Dar, Han Ming.... and I think Vince and all is in there till d end..
2) exits and entrances: exits
So Kevin left on Tuesday... Thank God there was a break on Tuesday, otherwise i'd not have been able to see him before he left.
So i went to see Kevin after i left tmpoint... around 12:30...... and spent some time with him till about 3...
Hmmm....
Last time out with Kevin...
We always seem to be eating...
Went over to his aunt's and he was packing stuff... Then when he was abit done with packing, I drove us out nearby to have lunch... just sat around talking abit about life and stuff... I suppose our conversations are still the same, but perhaps, i'm trying to impress him less or not impressing him at all with my lack of will to change my life and my utter lack of direction in it too...
Then we went back to his aunt's where he fried 2 eggs (three is abit of an overkill) and had more lunch (yes he really loves to eat)... Then we talked more and he wanted to sell his car off haha... Then we just sat about talking....
Then he went to pack and then he needed to get some stuff at an electrical store so I drove us out again.... Went to the electrical store and then we went to drive around to where his apartment is at (we couldn't go in coz he didn't have his keys) but it was a nice area... really green...
Then he took me to the SMART project where they drained the water from the tunnel...
It was kinda nice being there with him at that last moment, him bringing me tp the site to see the "really deep hole" and where the gates of the tunnel was and the lake and all that.... It was a really nice moment...
Then i drove him home and said goodbye...
I suppose, i'm quite sad about his leaving for the reason that it feels like the end of something. It's not just with Nigel and Ken leaving and all that or CW starting school or grad nite or whatever... I guess with Kevin there was just sense of the end of the time I came back to Malaysia last October...
Coz he was like the first friends I met up with when i got back you know... I think i met him the week i got back... And then now, he's gone, you know... It just feels like a chapter of my life too, that had just passed and closed...
I suppose... it has.
I don't know about Kevin..... I'm totally not what he looks for, but neither is he what I want if i wanted to be with someone... I think i'm way too childish and immature...
And i've noticed that Kevin wants those who are independent and who is strong and don't need to depend on the guy-- which of course, I'm not...
I think the only part to our conversation, or within that day, or hell, within the past months I've met him, the only time I actually showed him that part of me that was what I was... was when he told me "You should just focus your effort on getting a husband"... and I told him "NO. I won't. Because that's not what I want." He then said why not, and it's easier too... And i told him yeah, albiet it's easier but that's totally not what i want for my life.
I told him that I don't want a husband, that is not the life I want, not yet, even though it's easier but I am not gonna have my life be tied to someone else...
I said to him:
"As much as I don't know what I want to do with my life, I still want to do what I want to do with my life."
And in my heart of hearts... I think, I've defined very much of what I want with my life... As much as i don't know what I want to do with my life, I still want that option to know that I am able to control my own destiny, my own path, that i can choose for myself-- where i want to be, what i want to do, and which path i want to take-- THAT is something I will not surrender, not lose, not just yet.
luck of the draw
I went out with Kheng Li to McD after grad nite... well i took him home anyway...
But anyway, we were eating and we were talking...
And i said to him..
"Jolyn cares alot about you, you know..."
"U think i dunno meh?"
"But good oso ler, u care abt her oso.."
"I didn't say I dun..."
"I didn't say you didn't."
and he smiled...
You know, sitting there for that one moment and seeing Kheng Li smile with that shy smile, I was really jealous... Of what? I don't know... Not jealous perhaps of Jolyn or whatever, but just jealous that... You know, I wish, and all I really want is just something so small... so small to just know that there is one guy out there in this world who actually cares for me.
But i don't you know... and that is my pain, perhaps, and that is my jealousy...
But it's really sweet what jolyn has, you know, because Kheng Li does care about her... And it's really sweet you know... that whatever Kheng Li may be and whatever has unfolded and happened between them thus far.... after all has been said and done... the bottom line is this: he would still pick up his phone, constantly check it, AND replies her SMS while he is playing dota...
I think that act in itself speaks so much more about the truth of the matter than any words can.
nuff said.
(KL is gonna kill me for posting this haha! sorry!)
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