ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

Well. Phooi Wah left tonight.

I don't know what to say about her, you know? Except that I think she's probably the only friend whom I can share my dreams with, and who in turn believes in it too, no matter how ridiculous it is.

I realized today while I was driving back from KLIA after sending her off... and I remember the last time I went to KLIA was with her when we went there just for a ride coz I was depressed... And I realized that she's one of my only friends whom I probably have revealed 98% of my known self to her. That she's perhaps the only friend who truly knows the best of me and the worst of me, and yet still believes.

I was driving back and I realized that I will really miss having her around. That she won't be here to talk with anymore. Here to rebuke me or here to support my most ridiculous of ideas. That I will miss driving around with her, or eating with her in the car, or talking with her or just going to places with her.

That with her leaving, I guess, a period of my life has ended too.


I wonder if I'll ever find a friend like her again... Someone I can not only be childish with, and someone I can talk to about guys, someone I can be totally open with all my ideas and my beliefs about dreams, and faith and life.... Someone I can have the most challenging and philosophical of talks. Someone who understands the whole spectrum of me, and still find it in her heart to love me despite all these fucked up things inside.

She has been a great friend. Someone who tolerates my whims and selfish demands, and still gives more even when I never seem to give in. Someone who, despite my narrow way of thinking, still appreciates my thoughts. Someone whose spirituality has taught me so much about faith in God.... And it's not Bible verses she spews out, or your run-on-the mill pastorial copy-and-paste lecture notes... But the way that she leads me in my faith in God is through her action, through her life experience, through her utter conviction and beliefs and faith that are oh, so VERY real, and most of all, through how she lives her life in faith in God. It's not just Bible verses or pastorial notes that has never been experienced, all that she has taught me, has been from a truth she experienced in her life with God--


And I really hope... and I really hope... I'll be able to do what you said, Phooi Wah... It's sad but I always thought of myself as a dreamer, but, I have never believed in the strength of dreams.

And I really hope I'll have faith like yours to take this step forward as you asked me to...

I was really touched the night you scolded me online, and you said that you were being so mean because, you really believe I deserve to be happy.

Sometimes, I don't believe I deserve that because I've not done anything good that deserves such blessings. And sometimes I think that wishing for my own happiness, and pursuing my own happiness, is such a selfish act....

But, I really want to believe in what you said, and I really want to believe in what you wrote to me. And I'm really, really, really.... touched, that.... you believe in my dreams, even when I don't. That you believe in the strength and the purity in pursuing this dream, even though I don't.

I really, really, really hope I can do as you said, as I said I want to but you know I don't have the guts to do. I really really hope that............ I will be sending you a postcard from Japan soon... And.... we'll both of different zipcodes soon.


Thank you, and I'll miss you very much. Thank for your belief in me and thank you for seeing the beauty when I can't. Thank you for all the times you've lived through my demands, and thank you for giving me even more than the selfishness that I demand. Thank you for all the talks and all the philosophies. Thank you, for the greater sense of spirituality that you've showed me through your words, your acts, your faith, and your life. Thank you, that through it all, through all my selfishness, my demands, my insecurities, thank you that you still love me.


And I love you too. And I hope, we'll meet again, soon.