"Not so much abt career, but more of what u want to achieve within the time
that u have in ur hands right now."
and isn't that the problem? That i really don't know, i really don't know. I have no songs left to be inspired by, to be spurred to the moment and live. Believe, Play. and yet. I feel like i can't. Like i can't when i should but i can't.
My first summer here, i remember telling myself to follow and take hed of the words my ataris and to live my summer in the inspiration of the lines "being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right"
and i did you know, i followed my heart, wasted days and nights on end, and alot of money to add to that, put myself in countless situations that in right and more matured mind, wouuld not have... but i followed my heart through and through because i knew exactly what i wanted to do... it was like "being wrong never felt so right"...
but that's not the point now, you know. That's not the problem, following my heart... The problem is that, right now, and for the past few months, my heart has been incredibly dyslexic. And the problem didn't lie in not being able to follow my heart, follow my dreams, chase the rainbows follow the skyline ride the sunset, the problem is that my heart is dyslexic, and i do not know what it feel, what it wants, what I want... there is a lack of inspiration, lack of direction, lack of longing, lack of knowing, lack of being certain of knowing EXACTLY where my heart wanted to be what my heart wanted to achieve....
we should all go on tour. maybe that would change us a little.
but it's just discomforting, to not have a place to call home... not even that, to not even have a permanent address that you can forward your mails to.
I of all people... i know i am capable of doing something insane, but i am also one who is inclined, who clings onto comfort zones, who is terrified of not knowing.
shitty thing is that my whole life, the one thing i hated the most was not knowing what i was going to do with my life, was not knowing what i was going to be in the next five years or ten for that matter, and now, now, i find myself in that very black hole that everyone talks about that comes and sucks you in after graduation.
so shitty so shitty...
and yet, i am not willing to go home.
because elaine, this is life right? To go. To go.
i've never been one to not know where's home... i like sitting at home and doing nothing...
but yet... i know that there's so much more to be gained by leaving...
get up and go.
wherever, you know, wherever.
isn't that the great american adventure?
Are you gonna live your life wondering
standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinking
how you've grown up or how you missed out?
Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.
Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.
Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.
Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?
I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I'mn my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
So come on SOMEBODY, sing me something that I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
dance if you want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't let you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan
I'm not saying right is wrong
It's up to us to make
The best of all things that come our way
And all the things that came have past
The answer's in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
Down life's endless corridor
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...
Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't let you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan
-we would only get what we will settle for-
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