you don't belong
Straylight's today.
why do i always feel like i don't belong.
I want to talk to Fred... Fred's the only one I've never heard a squeak from at all.
I feel sad.
I wish I wish Jesus was a real human being like right here right now... i mean He's real of course... but i wish He was in a form of a person and He could go for shows with me, i wonder if He would to begin with, but I wish he was a person... a friend who would go for shows with me... and He's be there to talk to me for the whole 6 hours as I wait for the show to start... and He'd always make me feel happy.... He may rebuke me when I go wrong but i'll always know He won't ever hate me.... And He won't dissapoint me ever, He'd make me smile and when I start feeling bad about myself, or feel unworthy, or feel sad and dissapointed about some things or if i can't meet a band or if I don't feel like i'm good enough, He'd be sitting there next to me on that hard concrete floor in the cold and I would be telling Him all these how i feel and I'd look at him wanting to cry and He'd be looking at me and His eyes will be saying... "aww, elaine, I love you the way you are..." and when i look into His eyes I feel fine again because I know that all I ever need is Him... and He is enough for me... and He makes me feel nice... He makes me feel special... He always makes me feel like I don't need anyone else or anything else because I have him...
I wish Jesus was there with me at shows like physically sit down there with me because at least with him there right next to me I know I'm the most special girl in the world... and that's all I ever need.
I <3 You, Jesus =)
so i thought I wrote something about Taking Back Sunday.... actually about Adam...
that's Adam...
He sings for TBS and he writes some songs for TBS...
the thing is that... Adam's been getting some bad rep lately cause TBS nearly broke up last April cause of Adam... Adam was dating the sister of John who was his bestfriend/guitarist/songwriter of TBS... and Adam cheated on John's sister not once but twice... and the second time he cheated on her John had enough of it and said "if I can't trust you to be faithful to my sister, how can i trust you with the band" and subsequently left the band along with bassist Shaun.... da thing is that John is the backbone of TBS cause he writes most of the songs and so we fans for a while day really thought TBS was a gonner.... (read my past blogs during that period to see my laments! haha!)... but well, thankfully, they didn't break up... TBS got back and John formed his new band with Shaun and heh, his sister Michelle Nolan =D called Straylight Run (
www.straylightrun.com).
Anyways...
I got the wonderful opportunity to see TBS live two weeks ago when they played in 2 shows in LA... First show was at the Roxy and it was specially for fans on their mailing list. And second show was for the talk show Jimmy Kimmel...
So anyway...
I have always liked Adam cause he's really intense on stage. If you had read or bothered to read ;) my past emails when I first saw TBS live back in April, I had mentioned that if there was anyone who could match Nate's intensity on stage, it would be Adam...
But he just had a bad rep, that's all...
Anyway.... both these shows really made me like adam more and I say screw it to all those bad things circulating around about Adam.. I mean I don't care what he did in his personal life, but as a band, he is one of the more awesome people in bands I've met in my life.
First, I went for their Roxy show and well we were all waiting outside to be let in... And then to my shock, at like 7:30pm when the place was swirming with 500 of TBS biggest fans, I see ADAM popping out from the FRONT DOOR of the club! I was totally surprised! Cause headlining bands RARELY EVER come out to meet fans cause it's just too dangerous and tiring! And here Adam was actually coming out at this hour!! and not just that man... TBS wasn't just HEADLINING, it was a SPECIAL TBS SHOW FOR TBS FANS! i was just really shocked...
But I did go talk to Adam and I asked him what I had wanted to ask him "hey, you should write a book!" hahahaha which he really should cause I love his writing style!!! (to read my utmost favourite Adam's writing:
www.bandwagonmusic.com/adamssong.htm) And we talked abit and he was REALLY TALL and polite! haha! But anyways, I was again starstruck and well, dumb... so didn't say much :(
So anyway... that was that.... made me respect Adam alot....
AND THEN... there was the Jimmy Kimmel show.
The gates was only gonna open at like 9pm... but some of us kids got there early. THe first girl got there at 9am... then my friend at 1pm and then I got there at 2pm cause I wanted front row mosh pit and TBS is notorious for drawing early crowds... so I got there at 2pm... But anyway... by like 5pm there was quite a queue there already, at least 20-30 kids... and then around like 6pm... a white SUV pulled up the front gate and the windows were down and there they were TBS!!
and all us fans cheered like mad for them and they in turn cheered back!!
so the car went inside then the next thing u know, 5 minutes later ADAM walks out!!!!!
and he stood there at the side of the line just like 1 meter from me and he annouced "hey, I just wanna thank you guys for coming out so early just to support us. It really means alot to me seriously," and he bowed to us..
THAT WAS JUST AWESOME don't you think?!
and so yeah, kids then went up to him for pictures and autograph and me and my friend was there and we were really shy... then I had my journal with me... and I remember I had scribbled on one of the pages back in July "TAKING BACK SUNDAY IS PLAIN AWESOME" and I suddenly had the idea to write down "So tell me Adam, what do you think of TBS?" and ask him to write down his answer!
So I did just that!!
I wrote down "so tell me Adam, what do you think of TBS?" and I went to Adam and told him to write his answer and he was like "what do I think of tbs?"... he took the pen and wrote "I think they are cute" then he stopped did some autograph and came back to me and added. "Really really cute". hehehehehe... then I told him to write his name and he was like "my name?" and I was like "yeah, so people know you said it, write like "adam says"," so he was like "oh okay!" and wrote "A says,"
hahahaha!
see...
heheheheeh.... so that's why now I like to refer to TBS's song Cute Without The "E" (Cut From The Team) as... Cute Without John (Cut From The Team)!! hahahahaha....
awww John... actually I love John too! he is a brilliant man who writes brilliant music... with BEAUTIFUL Michelle Nolan! (she looks REALLY good actually!) hahaha... so go check out that band k!
But yeah...
I think Adam's really nice to kids... seriously....
Back last year Adam would regularly post on the TBS yahoo msg board and after shows he would usually post out his thank you to fans for coming out to support them. that it means alot to him. and he thanks them for actually singing along the song...
He actually went up to Luis after a show and thanked Luis for singing along during the show! hahaha... that's awesome, you know, that's really awesome.
Like for most of their shows, he would really thank the fans... I still remember him saying back in April in one of the Palace shows he said "it's not about who's up here that matters. It's about who's down there looking up at the person up here that matters"-- and at the Roxy show he also thanked the fans again saying "thanks for coming out here to see us. It really means alot to me. I really appreciate it".
Although he repeats it again at the Jimmy Kimmel show or in the msg board or anywhere else, you still know that he's sincere.... cause I mean seriously, adam did NOT have to walk out to meet us and to thank us at all, but the fact is that he ACTUALLY did! and that rates really high in my book.
www.takingbacksunday.com |
www.straylightrun.com
okay... as a respect to reality this is actually Tim's REAL girlfriend or at least she is back in September last year.... so i wonder abt that status right now... but anyways, this is she.
her name's Audrey- she's from Dublin. duh, Ireland lah.. there's where's Ash from except Charlotte. Chaz's from London :) She's in a band called The Alice Band (
http://www.thealiceband.co.uk/#) So yeah, that's her... Tim wrote this song for his "girlfriend"- so if they're still together, I guess it's for Audrey.
Shining Light
Roman candles that burn in the night,
Yeah, you are a shining light
You lit a torch in the infinite,
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life
You have always been a thorn in their side,
But to me you�re a shining light
You arrive and the night is alive,
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life
We made a connection,
A full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen,
Over Royal David�s City
An epiphany, you burn so pretty
Yeah, you are a shining light
You are a force you are a constant source,
Yeah, you are a shining light
Incandescent in the darkest night,
Yeah, you are a shining light
My mortal blood I would sacrifice,
For you are a shining light
Sovereign bride of the infinite,
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life
We made a connection,
A full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen,
Over Royal David�s City
An epiphany, you burn so pretty
Yeah, you are a shining light
These are the days you often say,
There�s nothing that we cannot do
Beneath a canopy of stars,
I�d shed blood for you
The north star in the firmament,
You shine the most bright
I�ve seen you draped in an electric veil,
Shrouded in celestial light
We made a connection,
A full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen,
Over Royal David�s City
An epiphany, you burn so pretty,
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life,
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life
The song is Ash's first single off their current latest album Free All Angels... Tim won the honorary Songwriter Award, the Ivar Award, for this song :) he deserves it, Tim writes REALLY well.
oh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just found out EXACTLY where Ash is recording their new album..........
6 miles from where I live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alas........ i know i am no stalker... because though I know EXACTLY where they are... and heh, I even have the bus route (just two busses ;) ).... there is no compulsion to go there..... actually there's even a fear.... like i mean... what the hell.... I mean.. I know I was desperate to know where EXACTLY they were in LA, but now that I know, and to know even that they are THAT close to me.... it's not like it's anything you can do about it right??
okay... i have no life.... but I'm just in this Tim and Charlotte mood!
here's what they've said about each other!
-the lovely couple!!! Okay, i think it's about time to officiate it, Tim and Chaz!! PLEASE!
(pic taken from Warmer Than Fire vid- the single Ash vid i love the most cause it's an awesome song and it's about love, and the vid has mostly Tim there and CHARLOTTE, so it's almost as if he's singing the song about her! haha!)
Back in 97
What would she (Charlotte) be like to go out with?
Tim: "I don't think it would be very serious... Oh God, I don't fucking know."
Rick: "Not my type."
Tim: "I can see how she'd be attractive to a lot of people, but again, not my type. It'd be like sleeping with your sister."
Mark: "It's like I can say Tim's a good-looking guy, but, you know, he doesn't do anything for me."
What's his (Tim) most appealing quality?
All: "His arse."
Charlotte: "He's got a really lovely arse in his tight blue jeans."
Rick: "Oh it looks good. Being the drummer, all I get to see onstage is Tim's arse."
Is he (Tim) a hit with the opposite sex?
Rick: "Yeaaaah."
Charlotte: "Because of his..."
Rick: "Stature?"
Charlotte: "Apparently he has got a big one."
Back in 97
How does she (Charlotte) get on with them individually?
"Well, Rick is probably the easiest to get on with," she begins, carefully, "because he doesn't get too riled by anything. Mark is... very hard. Sometimes he can be quite hard to communicate with. That's just a case of getting to know him, I think. After a year [laughs nervously], it hasn't really progressed a lot. Tim's just so... You can't find any fault with him really. But sometimes it's hard to talk to him too cos he's so immersed in all this stuff that's going on and he's got so much to deal with."
Even though it's a ridiculous question, it has to be asked: if she was absolutely forced - at gun-point, whatever - to have a sexual relationship with one of them, which would she choose?
"Oh God, I dunno," she gasps in mock horror. "God. Well, I won't say Mark cos I've had threatening letters about touching him. I won't say Tim cos I'll probably get threatening letters. Maybe poor old Rick. Yeah... [purring mock seductively] maybe Rick."
Rick McMurray
"Yeah, I suppose she's right," considers Rick, assured master of the dry quip, in response to Charlotte's earlier frank admission. "If I was forced to have a sexual relationship with anyone in the band, it would be me."
Early 98
WHO WAS THE WOMAN OF 1997?
Tim: Charlotte Hatherley
Rick: For being stupid enough to join our band.
(aww! u know... i found it really sweet that Tim actually did say Charlotte. don't ya think?! seriously)
Back in 98
Talking of the fair Ms. Hatherley, how's she been acquitting herself in the studio?
"Terrible. She hasn't made us breakfast in bed or darned our socks once," says Wheeler disgustedly.
Back in 99
Charlotte on modelling for Calvin Klein
"I haven't seen the finished pictures ye, just the polaroids. They were a bit anal about it, wouldn't even let me take photos of the set! It was alright, except the photograher kept calling me Dolores, that bint from the Cranberries, which was a bit fucking offensive! Tim looked really fucking hot - all fucked up in smudged eyeliner - and I just had cat-like make-up to the max. I felt like a bit of a Chiswick scruff amid all those cameras, though, so I'm sure they'll airbrush me to fuck!"
Back in 2001
TOTP: Who's got the most annoying habits?
Both: Charlotte.
Rick: Yeah, she just stinks really!
Tim: Oh, she doesn't stink, but she's just very forgetful and leaves things everywhere.
Rick: Untidy and stinky.
Back in 2002
What�s it like being in a band with Charlotte and are there any plans for a Charlotte solo album?
Sender: Richard P.
Tim: �Charlotte is talking about doing a record of her own stuff, so watch this space for that. It is great being in a band with her, of course. She is so down to earth � and although she says she isn�t, she really is one of the lads.�
Rick: �Charlotte has been working on some solo stuff recently but I dunno when it�s going to come out. We always seem to get people asking us is anyone in the band shagging Charlotte but it�s like: �Nah. We ain�t going there�.�
Tim, are you single?
Sender: Aisling Walsh
Tim: �No, I�m not, actually.�
(damn tim.. say Charlotte)
Back in 2002
Charlotte Hatherley, hanging out and hamming it up, is making David Bowie stage moves with her hands, singing the words to 'China Girl'. She's a big fan. Tomorrow she'll walk up to him backstage and introduce herself, and he, in turn, will be gracious and friendly. She'll return to her table physically shaking from the experience. She'll tell you that 'Absolute Beginners' got her through her "difficult" teenage years. She'll then do a lousy Bowie impression, and look confused when you can't work out who it is she's impersonating. She looks thrilled when she's told that she's just been 'checked out' by a fireman. She drops to the floor and kicks her right leg, like a rock star.
How come you don't do those moves onstage?
"Because I have a guitar to play."
She smiles as it's suggested that the guitar probably isn't actually even plugged in, that Charlotte Hatherley is really just eye candy.
"Yeah, and not very good-looking eye candy at that," says Tim Wheeler.
Tim gets a slap.
Looking up at the billboards hung outside the Virgin Megastore, she fixes on a picture of the baby adorning the cover of the new Papa Roach record.
"Aren't babies cute?" she asks.
Are you getting broody?
"Yes. Do you want to help me out?"
Charlotte Hatherley says things like this all the time, to everyone. She'll tell you that she's off to play with her "fanny fiddle" - "get it right if you're going to put that in the piece" - and that she's off to "have a quick shag" with Tim Wheeler (it would have to be, they're back within five minutes).
October 2002
There always seems to be a strong chemistry onstage between Tim and Charlotte. Is there anything we should know about?
Rosie Mockford, Gloucestershire
Charlotte Hatherley: [Coyly] All will be revealed.
Tim Wheeler: [Laughing] We've been trying to keep it secret for a while, but it seems to be leaking out.
Rick McMurray: If you want to know the real story, all the sexual tension in the band revolves around me.
CH: Yeah, if the truth be told, I'm really using Tim to get to Rick.
RM: That's because everyone loves my riser. My drum riser.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
FALL IN LOVE DUDE!!!!!!!!! FALL IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wuahahahahha! achievement for me that I actually embeded this here! wooo!!! anyways......... FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE! I TOLD YOU TIM WAS SINGING TO CHARLOTTE!! Now you can see it for yourself!!!
dammit!! FALL IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well i mean think of it... it was Tim who chose Charlotte to be in the band! Tim chose Chaz!!! oh come on now!! i mean... some attraction? some? at least a little? a little........? no? YES????? YES!!!!! please!!!!!!!! =\\
whoops.. nearly forgot to give credit- video copyrighted to Infectious Records- taken from Ash single Candy CD 2.
you know... after everything... i still love Ash... shit, no, i still want Tim and Charlotte to fall in love with each other!!! I mean... enough of that flirting!!! isn't being confined in the same small space with the same person for the past 5 years sufficient for romance??? i mean for goodness sake! they've see the world together!! they play shows together... they have that Only In Dreams guitar duel awwww!!! c'mon Tim!! c'mon Charlotte!! you'd make me so happy!!!!
sigh... perhaps... only in dreams indeed :((
-look!!!! THAT TIM!!! he's ALWAYS flirting with Charlotte!! Seriously! Charlotte is like always so in her own world, so cool! And Tim's always the one going over to her!! c'mon tim!!! seriously, like for the show I went for, like Tim walked over to Charlotte's side of the stage like NUMEROUS times and he'd go near her, play near her, nudge her and all that!!! TIME TO FALL IN LOVE NOW THANK YOU!!!!
-aww look!!! he's fixing her guitar for her!!! awwwwwwww come on, come on!!! COME ON!!!!
oh why please why Tim, Charlotte.... please.... sigh.... I've been wishing for YEARS for them to fall in love with each other.... but yet... my heart's desire... is yet not fulfilled =((( sigh.... i wish.... i wish..... they're just so cute together sometimes you know!! seriously! he's cute, she's cute- it's perfect!!!!!!!!!
-the Only In Dream Duel... unfortunately I didn't get to see this with my own eyes... but I saw this one video clip, shit, unfortunately there was no audio track to it, cause shit, it looks like Tim was singing to Charlotte, cause she was playing her guitar and he was facing HER and singing!!! AWWWWWWWWWWW PLEASE LET IT BE SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh well... =(((((
alas, alas... Jed... be quick to release that movie okay?????!! i wanna see Tim and Charlotte together, even if it's just in some show!! hahahahaha... you and i love them both together don't we! thank goodness you know the band personally! hahahahahha
shit... some hint to them now won't ya?!
MORAL DILEMMA!!!!!!!!!!
shucks lah!!! the girls christian camp I've been going for the past 11 years is on December 15th till 18th....
my term ends on the 13th... and if I leave CA right after school ends, I'd still be able to reach back home in time for camp!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I wanted to stay here longer till at least 17th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! coz... heh... i wonder what shows there are gonna be in December, and I heard that Finch or Blink might be on KROQ's Acoustic Christmas and that's like on December 17th!!!!!!!!!
soooooooooooo
should I stay or should i go back home??????????? =(((
oh i wanted to talk abit about TBS-
Like TBS is the only band that has been able to continuously sustain my attention for the past year- seriously. It's like for the past whole year, that's been the only band I've been listening to non stop- no matter who else I'm also listening to at that time, TBS has been the only band which keeps showing up on my playlist.
Like okay, lemme see.
July, August - Something Corporate, TBS, Days Away, Wakefield, Finch, The Starting Line
August, September, October - Taking Back Sunday, Juliana Theory, Thursday, The Starting Line, Something Corporate, Days Away, New Found Glory
October, November, December, January - Juliana Theory, Taking Back Sunday, Days Away, Finch, Good Charlotte, Allister
January, Febuary, March - Taking Back Sunday, Allister
March, April - The Ataris, No Use For A Name, Useless ID, Taking Back Sunday
April, May, June - Taking Back Sunday, Days Away
July, August - Brand New, Taking Back Sunday
August, September - Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Taking Back Sunday, The Movielife
It's just that I can't really remember a time that I actually stopped listening to TBS for a long period of time... maybe abit when I was listening to alot of Ataris and Useless ID and all that older pop punk period. But I don't think that lasted even a month...
It seems that I was addicted to There's No I In Team, Eleven, and You're So Last Summer back in September last year...
I can still remember... I was doing that Advertising portfolio that whole night... I guess it was back in August... and I remember I had mostly emo songs on the playlist on my radio the whole night (very depressing mix i must say!)- and I remember I fell in love with Something Corporate that night though I got kinda annoyed with Andrew's voice hahahah.... I'M SO SORRY Andrew!! But after 10 hours of SoCo, Andrew has such a high pitch voice!! amost whiney like Jordan's of NFG... BUT anyways... I remember that night also, made me pay attention to TBS and made me really like them too... cause i remember somewhere along the night I picked out the lines from one of their songs (You're So Last Summer) that went "the truth, is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologise for bleeding on your shirt!" and I thougt that was the COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLEST lines ever!!!
so yeah... that was when I REALLY "discovered" TBS.
then I know for sure that that during the October, November and December period before i left I had Great Romances on the playlist of my MD... it was the first song, I think...
And then in the whole period of January, Febuary, March when I first got here I know for sure Great Romances was the song- oh yeah... AND THEN I saw them like in mid April during my spring break and they played You Know How I Do during the show and that made me dig up all their older songs... and I got addicted to You Know How I Do from then on and the rest of TBS till who knows when!!! April, May, June, July and then August I took a liking to Cute Without The E (Cut From the Team) again... and then I like ALOT Tiberwolves At New Jersey, then now I'm back to You Know How I Do again!!!!
But seriously... I can't really think of a time that I didn't like TBS or got bored of them for the past 1 year... maybe during that 2-3 weeks i suddenly had a longing for pop punk again... (TOO MUCH EMO!!!!!!!) but that's it!!!
TBS! rock on!
well one thing i know is that... like when I travel out or somewhere far... and my Ipod can only last me 10 hours, I'd usually use my MD also, cause the MD I can use batteries... and I know for sure that I can count on TBS to entertain me... Like the MD can only fit like 18 songs... so sometimes you know how you suddenly feel like listening to some other song and you don't have it? or you get sick and tired of the 18? But well... that's the good thing about TBS for me! I suffer relatively low burn out rate from TBS and I can usually still listen to it on and on and on- especially like the songs that are currenly on repeat in my head... like right now, I am still really addicted to You Know How I Do and Tiberwolves At New Jersey... I think I can loop those two songs for hours itself!
well... I hope this goes on for the next few months... got a very long journey back to Malaysia...
and yeah... I wanna bring TBS home with me...
i love you TBS...
I'm glad I got to tell Adam that i do think that TBS is awesome...
It's a shame I don't think that they'll notice
(it's a shame, I don't think that they'll notice)
It's a shame I doubt they even care
(it's a shame I doubt they even care)
becareful who you give your heart to-
oh yeah, I forgot... today's my 8th month in America.
i know it's been long, I'll write about updates later-
September 11th today- dad told me not to go out- ended up sleeping in bed the whole day- well, I have been going out continuously till late for the past 5 days anyway, I think my legs and bum deserves a well earned rest-
TBS kicks ass-
sigh... Fall semester starts again tomorrow- blah sad :(
eh eh... have I mention that i think that Nate is really cute in the adorable way and that I love him? well he is cute in the adorable way and I do love him- thought I share that thought with the world- except with Nate himself, except Hung, except Matt or even Eric- less Nate actually knows about it. That would be disasterous!
haha.
nah, I don't love him- just that my heart beats a little faster and I seem to lose my breath everytime I do think about Nate- no seriously, that REALLY happens everytime I do think about Nate- how unhealthy- but at least I'm getting some cardiovascular working up good there, especially cause i'm always thinking about Nate- so that means I'm constantly training my breathing and heart muscles =D! woo! it's health then! woo hoo! =D
-shop at Georgetown, Washington DC!-
we take a moment to think about Nate right now.............**takes a moment**............k... done... I <3 u, Nathan Scott Barcalow =D! I wanna be Nathan's! =D
Get up, get up
Come on, come on, lets go
There�s just a few things
I think that you should know
Those words at best
were worse than teenage poetry
Fragment ideas
and too many pronouns
Stop it, come on
You�re not making sense now
You can't make them want you
They're all just laughing
Literate and stylish (literate and stylish)
Kissable and quiet (kissable and quiet)
Well that's what girls dreams are made of
And that's all you need to know (and that�s all you need to know)
You have it or you don't (you have it or you)
You have it or you (don't)
You have it or you
You see how much time you're wastin?
You're coward of seperatin
Stop it, come on
you know I can�t help it
I got the mic
and you got the mosh pit
What will it take
to make you admit that you were wrong?
Was his demise so carefully constructed?
Well let's just say I got what I wanted
Cause in the end it�s always the same (you're still gone)
Lets go
This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue
And my eye through the scope
down the barrel of a gun (gun,gun)
Remind me not to ever act this way again
This is you trying hard to
make sure that you're seen
With a girl on your arm
and your heart on your sleeve
Remind me not to ever think of you again
Rest the weight (I know somethin that you don't know)
you've had your chance and folded
Don't hold your breath
because you'll only make things worse
Rest the weight (I know somethin that you don't know)
you've had your chance and folded
Don't hold your breath
because you'll only make things worse
(I know somethin that you don't know)
This is me with the words
(I know somethin that you don't know)
And you sure don�t
Hold your, hold your breath
(I know somethin that you don't know)
Because you'll only make things worse
Hold your breath
Because you'll only make things worse
Hold your breath
(I know somethin that you don't know)
because you'll only make things worse
---- wooo, taking back sunday!
k, this song is like constantly repeating in my head =\ that's one thing about TBS, it's tersangat amat addictive, makes me keep hearing adam in my head "literate and stylish, kissable and quiet, that what girls dreams are made of, and that's all you need to know, you have it or you don't, you have it or you" and then I also have John echoing somewhere in my head also "think of all the fun you had, the finest lines divides a night well spent from waste of time, and think of all the days you spend alone with just your TV set and I, I can barely smile"- ADDICTIVE!!! or like Cute Without the E is also really addictive, lemme see which part the most... yeh "(I stay jealous) I stay wrecked and jealous for this, For this simple reason I just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life" or Great Romances also gets to me alot-
But lately it's been Timberwolves at New Jersey, ADDICTIVE!!!!
woooo
**catches them kisses here in the city of angels**
ooh.. i've been DYING to share a blog wiv someone.. muacks to elaine for inviting me to share hers!! *non-stop blowing kisses in the direction of the City of Angels*
i love you, elaine.. :)
hehe.. that's my first post.. professing undying love for elaine.. *grin*
memorable indeed.
For all of you if you're even reading this and you're thinking that I'm really crazy or deluded or insane to actually go to Baltimore ot see Finch... lemme tell you that it's not because of Nate and it's not even because of Finch so much.... it's just that what I feel is that i get to be a part of history!! it's REALLY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cool because you and I know that I love Days Away and I love Finch. Days Away's song Waking Up and Knows My Name still reminds me about Malaysia and makes me feel REALLY REALLY nostalgic everytime I listen to them now because the songs were on my MD the last few months I was in Malaysia and I was always driving around and going places listening to those songs....
And like I remember going through the Days Away club and I saw a pic of Keith (Days Away's vocalist) and Nate sing together but the pic was like taken back in like March 2002 or something but it was before What It Is To Burn was released and I was like "dammit!!! and I missed everything!!!"
BUT NOW! I feel like I'm given a second chance, kinda like going back in time and given a chance to actually BE THERE! you know!!! THAT'S JUST AWESOME!!!!!!
So that's why I want to go for this show- and I pray tell, that my dad and God would forgive me-
am i losing you?
am i losing............
I'm waiting....
I'm waiting till it's over it's over now....
I do miss finch alot- i miss loving their music, I miss being totally overwhelmed by it, not cause it doesn't overwhelm me anymore but just that there's so much bullshit attached to Finch that I can't even play their songs any more and not have all these attachment bullshit come with it and that really sucks-
I really miss listening to their music as it is.. as it's suppose to be: overwhelming. And the raw intensity of their sounds just taking me up and making me lose my breath and exhale at the end of each song an overwhelming breath of "oh...wow..."- with that sense of awe and magnificent feeling bursting in your heart that just sweeps you off your world and your breath "take my breath away" and that is how listening to What It Is To Burn does to me when I do listen to them, when I allow myself to strip away the bullshit and just listen.
Gosh... when I did lose the meaning of it all? when did I forget what it's about? because... i really did....
I so want breath their music in again- to let in flood me as it did and as it should, to let it just take me over and overwhelm me, and take me up and turn me inside out with a sheer awe of their sounds- not think about all the rest of the bullshit, not think about anything else, no hopes, no memories, no dreams, no expectations, no bullshit- just plain, just pure just raw Finch, just RAW sounds that just punches through my heart and pulls me inside out that I actually feel helpless and drained after I hear their song. I want that once again... I want to experience, to RE-experience finch again, as it should have been, as it always should have been, about, their music, just their music, just their music, just their sound.
I guess... i miss you Finch, but by gosh, it means such a different meaning right now than what I always felt it did.... i really miss their sounds that had overwhelmed me like it did- i really miss that feeling that their music can do to me- all the time, sometimes almost everytime... still do, still do, at times like these, still do... so much... so much more...
sigh i feel so torn apart...
why can't we ever just act on impulses?
i mean seriously-
shit..
i cant seem to view myself as a sexually desirable being-
isn't that just BAD?
:(
sad.
too.
and like... sometimes why can't people just chill and tango with me-
i mean..
i mean you no harm
it doesn't have to mean anything at all
or hold any weight
sigh.
why can't the world just be a little more spontaneous?
i need to talk :(
oh yeah... internet died- have to go to the com lab :(
will be going to Washington DC/Baltimore- yes for more reasons than one =P dad said to me last night "elaine, if i find out you're going there just to see a concert I will never forgive you for spending that kind of money just for a concert"
what am i suppose to do? should I just sit here and wait for you listen to you screaming more Nate?
oh well, you beter be worth the defiance nate.
wait... i'm also going to see the Vietnam Wall actually- I have heard wondourous things about it (minus the tragedies) but i heard great things about the wall and plus, I've always had a place in my heart for the Vietnam Conflict- dunno why but I just can't help but think about the 18 year olds who were drafted, taken away from their families, stolen from their girlfriends and loved ones, and then killed in action so unwillingly- it's just such a tragedy to say the least-
so yeah, going there for the Wall too if not anything- and heh, i wanna see the White House! hehehehehe
I wanna dance to Movielife!! oh why did i never check them out earlier when they were touring CA!!! argh!!! =((
woooo...!!!
blah... i can't seem to purge this demon, i need to sleep, i need to breathe, I need to live-
what do i do..
shuck... shud not listen to emo- no no no...
how many emo kids does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None- they'll just sit in the dark and cry.
hahahahaha! that's such a great description of the emo sprirt! hahahaha =D
fake it sooner I'll make it-
together with you
have you ever felt so calm, so cool-
so invinsible beyond the world
and the tidal storm
overwhelms and consumes
you.
in the interim of the second moment and the third-
i think i remember you
the silences and the words
intervoices between moods and unspoken glances
don't you remember the night
i think i fell in love with you.
leave me all confuse
the sunrises again(st) these mountains
the neighborhoods
and the blowing breeze from the Pacific cool
we're under the same blue sky-
tell me what you see with your eyes,
as you lie there naked with her in your arms-
and you're staring into spaces
into the blueness of the same sky you and I see this early morning,
this dawn,
and your gazing eyes you look, you see, as she breathes so sofly, so calmly in your arms-
you remember the places
the bluring of faces
the intensity of the many thousand nights in the light- without her-
the life that was the one year that has speed by-
and now you're here-
she is in your arms-
her smell,
her breathing
the calm-
from the thousand crazy nights
Tell me what you see with your eyes
as she lies there naked in your arms tonight-
in this dawning blue light-
I miss you-
i want to see you in that light,
to see your eyes
in empty gazes
thinking of the hazy moments that was your life-
your experiences.
How much have you changed if you have ever changed at all.
Your eyes-
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and......"I can barely smile"
Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and......"I can barely smile"
Let's go...
He's smoked out in the back of the van, says he's held up with holding on and on and on.
He's smoked out in the back of the van, says he's held up with holding on and on and on.
Dunno why this Taking Back Sunday song keeps playing in my head although of course it's Taking Back Sunday and Taking Back Sunday always keeps playing in your head-
But I guess I always think and relate to that line "the finest lines divides a night well spent from waste of time. And think of all the days you spent alone with just your TV sent and I... I can barely smile"
Because well... John (Nolan), that's like the definition of my life in America- boarders between nights spent from wasted time and seriously, the days and nights that I just spend alone wiht my TV set- the past two days for example- sigh... i just feel quite lonely sometimes and I do wish I had friends around sometimes- I do have friends- I just wish I had friends to hang out with sometimes, you know what i mean? It makes such great difference you know, it really does make such great difference- sigh...
"hey, hey" he said trying to get the attention of his friends-
they finally look at him, "What?"
"There's an empty wall," he said motioning with his eyes to the empty wall behind them, "let's lean"
she looks at him amused- he was talented- one which was capable of making her love him with that unhealthy amiration that she has for so many others- he was different- from the rest of his friends it seems, an air of creativity to him, something different in the way he dresses, an aura of 'i want to push the edge' about him, something deeper within him, a demon, a desire, layers and layers of psychoses, of thoughts, of art, of hopes, of dreams, of wishes, of wants, of desire, of vision- a leader, a creator, not a follower- I want something different, i want something more, i want something of quality, I want something that recreates boundaries, my boundaries- plus, he was also quite cute.
And he was drunk.
They move back toward the wall.
And they lean.
Shit, I do not wanna grow an unheatlhy admiration for John (not Nolan!)- sigh... elaine elaine, always (Fatally) attracted to people who are just simply different, deep, has more than meets the eye, that reaches beyond themselves, that pushes boundaries, that wants more, that thinks thinks and thinks, and does not just float through life for the sake of living but to pursue life for all it can offer, for all that they can offer- I love guys like those- gosh, someome save me-
sigh... i think i'll go write that story "A walk that never was" though heck, i don't think i have enough to go with- I don't know why but most of my writings have been so personal lately- so much less of a creation than a reaction to life- seriously- it's like it's no longer much about situations that i create out- but more of projects of what i want from life- I'm taking a whole different Point of View of the line I always say "i give my characters what I want in life"- these days it's mostly about situations in life i can never have, that I want happen to me but never will, and all i can do is save them and make them live and be alive through imagination, through my stories- and thus it's a walk that never was, it's a lunch that never was, it's a conversation that never was, it's a bus ride that never was...
I wanna write a book called Nathan- go figure what it's gonna be about! hahahaha =P
like a bad star, i'm falling faster down to her- she's the only one who knows what it is to burn-
i should listen to Finch again..... i think i had the best time of my life at my very first Finch show in UK- I wish I knew more of their songs back then- I know they played Untitled and Post Scripts and Grey Matter but I didn't know those songs- First night was great cause they opened with What It Is To Burn, though I didn't really know the song back then, how sad, why did i NEVER check Finch out when WIITB was released until April did I only check them out, why did I wait?? sigh... But they opened with What It Is To Burn, and then they went into Ender and I was TOTALLY shocked- I was like "What?! I never thought they'd play this song!!" cause well... it's like 5-6 minutes long (16 mins on the album, what a waste of batteries =D). And then somewhere in the set they actually played Stay With Me- that was just plain awesome that they did- it was the first and it was the LAST ever time I ever heard them play Stay With Me. Very sad they chose to disown that song cause I must say, it's very un-Finch, and I don't think that's the sound OR the lyrics and image that Finch wants to potray- i mean what the heck! "cause every star that I see is brighter than the last, so stay with me"- GOSH NATE! SAPPY! But hell! I love it! I rememeber the very first time I checked out the lyrics for Stay With Me cause I couldn't figure out what Nate was singing in that last line- and when I read "cause every star that I see is brighter than the last" i was like "WHAT?! FINCH writing THIS???"- as much as I didn't know Finch's music at all at that time, but seriously, FINCH! I mean, i heard Awake like months before that and Awake sounded NOTHING like Stay With Me!!! Gosh... Well, Stay WIth Me is still Finch's sweetest song- yes and written by Nate for his beautiful girlfriend Ivy ;) But I like that song, I know it's very un-Finch, but it's just plain lovely- the lyrics are just absolutely sincere too- it's like I don't feel that "cause every star that I see is brighter than the last" is sappy at all if you read the rest of the lyrics- cause the lyrics DOES paint a story and potrait, and you can really see Nate there all nervous driving Ivy home or something- and when it comes to the last line of the song, it doesn't sound too far fetch that every star he sees is brighter than the last-
Anyways, enough about Finch- yeah right, elaine, when will you ever say enough about Finch-
I guess I just miss them-
oh cacat... posted something new and now it's gone...
anyway I am very VERY VERY VERY happy that Finch got nominated on Kerrang!
like all of my prayers are all coming true!!!
Even if it takes 1 year!!!!! It's STILL COMING TRUE!!!
I prayed that there will be albums available in malaysia and now geffen says there is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (GO BUY!!)
One year ago, everytime I looked at newstands, i really longed and hope that Finch would be tabbed on Guitar magazine and last month, they were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now! i wanted Finch to be nominated in some kind of awards and now they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am soooooooooooo happy for them!!!!!!!!!
I don't know- are we gonna lose Finch now?
Screw it- you can't lose what you never had! They're already playing sold out shows- so what! I want more- I want them to play bigger venues and more sold out shows. Who cares if the most pit in Palladium sucks, who cares of seatings of Universal Amphitheater sucks?? Who cares! I want them THERE! I guess... I just want them to be happy you know..
I don't know... such dichotomy of feelings....
i am worried
so should I go to Baltimore just for finch?
How much do I love them?
=I don't know... i mean I came all the way to CALIFORNIA just for Finch you know, why hold back now?
Don't you miss finch? don't you miss seeing them live elaine? why the hessiation?
cause erm... it's gonna costs me $400 to get and stay in Baltimore? Cause erm $400 is equalavent to RM1600 back home- just for one band elaine? Just for Finch? and well, okayler, Days Away too but you know for sure it's primarily for Finch- are they worth it? Must I convert? =\
I mean i wanted to go visit DC also because at least, it's gonna be more worth it, but now... I'm not gonna get to see anything but Towson, Maryland- go for the show, then go back- I mean, what the heck! Money don't grow on trees you know...
But I was looking at Finch's pic today- and I feel like going for the show- that I know i can skip Warped Tour and miss Taking Back Sunday, I can miss Brand New, I can miss Thursday, but I can't miss Finch..... but i did miss one of their SoCal date before, the show in San Diego after the Irvine KROQ Weenie Roast show- I mean, so why go all the way there now?
Something philosophical maybe- cause I want to show that I can. No... cause I just feel that this is a journey I must take on my own before I turn 21- though i must say, it would be awesome if I could visit the Vietnam memorial too. but Wey June and Evonne might be coming here to Calif. so I wanna see them that makes me can't go to DC and only to Baltimore...
SO WHAT?!
I know if there's one band who can make me go alllllllllllllllll that way, it's gonna be finch-
so well Finch- this is for you, k.... I've seen you east coast, west coast, UK, America, now I just need to see you back in Malaysia and then I can say that I've travelled the world with you-
a new band was born instead!!
John Nolan's new band!!! STRAYLIGHT RUN! wooooooooo!
www.straylightrun.com
so TBS didn't break up haha =P
gosh... Taking Back Sunday... you're awesome....... I wish this shit never happened to you. I can't decide if it's more tragic for you to die this way, so suddenly, or if you continued on for years and years and years to come and then fade into the oblivion that is the music business... gosh...
i wish I could take yesterday back... maybe not relive it but cherish it... and Adam, I would have screamed my heart out with you (as I did and even more) if only i knew that was gonna be my last... I love you TBS... no man, not in a groupie way, but in the sincerest way deep down in this devioded heart- devoided knowing you are gone, filled as you play on still on my radio.
so how are your dreams? whatever lover they may be
so go on, go and take on the world (building castles, building castles!)
expand your wings across the sky, take my words and say good-night and
never say good-bye
expand your wings and fly and look to the sky
expand your wings and fly
... goodnight Adam, goodnight John, goodnigt Ed, goodnight Shaun, goodnight Mark... but never say goodbye... expand your wings and fly...
Taking Back Sunday is one of the best bands I've ever come across in my life and i think that they're amazing even though they might be no more- even so I thank heavens that in my lifetime, my destiny had crossed with theirs for one short moment in time.
I'm tempted to say that I love taking back sunday but that's such a groupie thing to say and i feel that it's too "suck uppish". this feeling in me goes beyond the expression of love. more of like my heart has been touched, and crushed, by their awesome overwhelming music.
this is for you taking back sunday, though, "this", refers to nothing. for I can do nothing more than sit here and write this. but as Days Away's vocalist Keith had told me, "sometimes you feel something so much in you that you just gotta say it, you know what I mean?"
and I feel somthing so much in me for you, Taking Back Sunday. And even if their light dies, i know that it has blazed brightly even if it had just been for one short moment in time. The brightest star dies the soonest. and Taking Back Sunday had been one great bright star indeed.
