ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.

Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and......"I can barely smile"

Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your T.V. set and......"I can barely smile"

Let's go...
He's smoked out in the back of the van, says he's held up with holding on and on and on.
He's smoked out in the back of the van, says he's held up with holding on and on and on.


Dunno why this Taking Back Sunday song keeps playing in my head although of course it's Taking Back Sunday and Taking Back Sunday always keeps playing in your head-
But I guess I always think and relate to that line "the finest lines divides a night well spent from waste of time. And think of all the days you spent alone with just your TV sent and I... I can barely smile"
Because well... John (Nolan), that's like the definition of my life in America- boarders between nights spent from wasted time and seriously, the days and nights that I just spend alone wiht my TV set- the past two days for example- sigh... i just feel quite lonely sometimes and I do wish I had friends around sometimes- I do have friends- I just wish I had friends to hang out with sometimes, you know what i mean? It makes such great difference you know, it really does make such great difference- sigh...

"hey, hey" he said trying to get the attention of his friends-
they finally look at him, "What?"
"There's an empty wall," he said motioning with his eyes to the empty wall behind them, "let's lean"
she looks at him amused- he was talented- one which was capable of making her love him with that unhealthy amiration that she has for so many others- he was different- from the rest of his friends it seems, an air of creativity to him, something different in the way he dresses, an aura of 'i want to push the edge' about him, something deeper within him, a demon, a desire, layers and layers of psychoses, of thoughts, of art, of hopes, of dreams, of wishes, of wants, of desire, of vision- a leader, a creator, not a follower- I want something different, i want something more, i want something of quality, I want something that recreates boundaries, my boundaries- plus, he was also quite cute.
And he was drunk.
They move back toward the wall.
And they lean.


Shit, I do not wanna grow an unheatlhy admiration for John (not Nolan!)- sigh... elaine elaine, always (Fatally) attracted to people who are just simply different, deep, has more than meets the eye, that reaches beyond themselves, that pushes boundaries, that wants more, that thinks thinks and thinks, and does not just float through life for the sake of living but to pursue life for all it can offer, for all that they can offer- I love guys like those- gosh, someome save me-

sigh... i think i'll go write that story "A walk that never was" though heck, i don't think i have enough to go with- I don't know why but most of my writings have been so personal lately- so much less of a creation than a reaction to life- seriously- it's like it's no longer much about situations that i create out- but more of projects of what i want from life- I'm taking a whole different Point of View of the line I always say "i give my characters what I want in life"- these days it's mostly about situations in life i can never have, that I want happen to me but never will, and all i can do is save them and make them live and be alive through imagination, through my stories- and thus it's a walk that never was, it's a lunch that never was, it's a conversation that never was, it's a bus ride that never was...

I wanna write a book called Nathan- go figure what it's gonna be about! hahahaha =P