ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

it's better to burn out than to fade away.

I don't remember many of my brithdays... in fact barely.... But I think I remember my 16th, 19th and 21st birthdays....

16th because my dad threw a really nice party for me with all my friends.

19th coz i just made myself remember the other day, with Kevin and KDU friends at Planet Hollywood (I think...)

21st coz I flew out to Florida to see Days Away and to celebrate it with them. Tim threw up, i almost got arrested, Keith bought me a drink (and then dinner and did i mention lunch too? shite, i owe him ALOT!).... it was abit of a mess but fun.

And these are this year's:

I celebrated it with my department... =) it was really fun =)

ANGELINE BOUGHT A CAKE FOR ME WITH: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS. YOSHITARO...... wth =______=

I saw the cake and I saw like "Mrs." there first and I thought they spelt it wrongly... then I saw YOSHITARO... WTH =________= I was looking at Asuka and Karin and they were smirking away. hahahaha WTH =_________=

hahaahah... SERIOUSLY! and i thought I was the one obsessed but it seems that hey! so is everyone else it seems! wat the heck! hahahahaha

Neways, it was really sweet of them =)



They all also bought me flowers and a bag =)))



Here's with Mrs. Tan *heart*



Here's with the whole department and all my students =)



The three youngest lecturer at college.... I'm the oldest of the three, followed by Angeline (on the right), and Phooi Wah (on the left)




Well what can I say?

When my father asks why I don't quit my job, why am i staying at MCKL shit pay shit job, When my brother looks at me with his disaproving face and chastise me with his disaproving voice... What can I say?

I can't say anything, but to show them these pictures... and SHOW them the REASON why I stayed... and I suppose.. why i am still continuing to stay... despite the shit pay and the shit jobs haha.

------------

Also, I want to say thank you to all who called or texted or wished me Happy Birthday: Daniel, YYY, Lillien, Rachel, Alex, Vivian, Ching Mun, Debby, Aida Yazrin, Aida Sam, Mom, Dad... and errr... lupa.. hahahah SORRY! hahahah and THANKS MAN EVERYONE =) thanks for remembering and for taking the time to wish =) *loves*

You smile painfully sometimes,
You must have been forcing yourself to be strong
And you got hurt too much.
I do not know the reason for your pain,
But I guess you actually want to cry, don’t you?
I cannot do anything because I am not a god,
If the pain dissolves in your tears,
I listen to you silently, I also wipe your tears,
The tears are not a trivial thing..

Do you remember the day you were born?
Utter a voice to live, stand up to live,
The tears you cried will give you the power to stand up again,
You are never a weakling.

This is such a worn-out example, but,
As the cloudy sky and the fine sky are the same sky,
So is your laughter and tears the same you,
I think so, whatever anyone else says.

You continue smiling to be strong,
It’s a lie you tell to kill the loneliness.
I cannot do anything, I cannot know your pain,
(But) Now I am here, this is only what I can do for you.

It’s good, you can cry now.

-thanks to Karin for the translation-


ランクヘッド／ひとりごと

君はたまにとても苦しそうに笑うね
きっとずいぶん無理をして強がって
人の分まで傷ついてきたんだね
君の傷の理由など僕には解らないけど
それでも本当は君は泣きたいんじゃないのかい？
僕は神様じゃないからなにもできないけど
もしも君の涙に痛みが溶けていくなら
静かに聴いてるから　涙も拭いてあげるから
涙を馬鹿になどしないから

覚えているかい　君が生まれたときの事を
生きるために声をあげ　生きるために立ち上がっただろう
だから今君が流した涙は
まだ君が立ち上がるための力になるんだ
決して弱虫なんかじゃないんだ

あまりに安っぽい例え話だけど
曇り空も晴れた空も同じ空であるように
笑い声も涙さえも
大事な君自身の君らしさに違いないのだと僕は思う
誰が何を言おうとも僕はそう思う

どれだけ強がって　自分にうそをついて
孤独を押し殺して　笑いつづけてきたんだ
僕は何にもできないけど　痛みさえ知り得ないけど
今はここにいるから　それしかできないから

今君が泣けてよかった


If Yoshitaro meant for this to be a soliloquy... does it mean he's saying it to himself?

I've been associating to this song lately... I always liked the chorus and how Yoshitaro sings... "Kumori sora mo hareta sora mo, onaji sora de aru youni..." that part... and what it means... "This is such a worn-out example, but, As the cloudy sky and the fine sky are the same sky, So is your laughter and tears the same you..." I think that's so wonderful, true and poignant... and there's so much strength to draw from those lines..

But i also love the way he sings the parts "boku wa nani mo dekinai kedo..."(I cannot do anything)...

The song seems to be like as if he's singing it or saying it to someone else, to tell them that even if he/she is falling apart and he can't do anything to stop their pain, at least all he can do is be there for that person... and he's trying to encourage that person that it doesn't matter if sometimes you are happy or sometimes you cry, because both are true emotions of the real and same you... Even though he can't do anything for that person, he's tries to be there for that person and encourages that person to have strength and faith in himself/herself.

HOWEVER, if the song name "hitorigoto" means soliliquy... then.... Is it a soliliquy because it's actually Yoshitaro saying all these stuff to himself? To encourage himself????

Or is it named hitorigoto coz, he wants to say all these to that other person, but knowing that his words will never reach the other person, like falling on deaf ears or a harden heart, it's as if it's all a soliliquy... because he can't say any of these to that person to help them because that person is so sad in his/her world, he/she can't seem to be helped???

Ohhhhh how i wish i could ask Yoshitaro these questions :(

the answer would probably be: "it's just words dude. chill. doesn't mean anything. I just thought they were cool. that's all man..." wth =_= PROBABLY THOUGH!

But don't you think the lyrics are really wonderful? To tell you to embrace who you are whether the tears or the smiles. To let your guards down because sometimes, it's okay to cry... And from there, you'll find the voice to live again once you've embrace who you are and find the strength to let yourself be weak..

WAAA! Shit i am so sad I can't understand all his songs!!! SHITTTTT!!! (then again... do i wanna understand songs like Sakana no Uta? and Semi? :S ERRR~ -_-)

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
eh..

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
jigoku shoujo not bad wei

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
hahahaha

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
yeah it is

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
but abit boring the plot after awhile

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
they could have made it way better

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
and had so much potential

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
but not tapped

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
uwatched 1 or 2

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
watching first

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
gonna habis adi

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
i bet u oif tht existed nigel would be dead my now

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
OMGOSH

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
hahahahahahaha

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
that's going into the blog

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
hahaha

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
lol..

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
but then u oso go to hell..

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
yeah yeah

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
hahahahaha

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
so come to think of it not very worth it..

-cheewoh-sideways syndrom says:
lol..

DEPRESSED. waaa! please fall into place... says:
hahahahahahaha

Today was going through the list of 0601 and 0603 students for Phooi Wah to fill in the unis that the students went to... Also, it was also Vince's bday, so got to talk to him today...

Going through the list, I really miss having 0601 around... Was fun when they were around haha.. I think college is so different now from when their batch was around (SOOO MUCH MORE QUIET!! hahahahaah). But yeah... I don't think college is as fun anymore.... No one plays basketball, meng"hantu" in college haha, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr "blacken" the toilets, cause erm.. various hazzards in college, haha... yeah... It's different these days... *haih*

Andddd...... here's erm... also "another" reason why I "miss" 0601 ppl hahahaha:

WUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I GOT LUNKHEAD CONCERT TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU MAYUKO!!! THANK YOU GOD!! ^^

kinda pissed off with Rumiko Takahashi.

Why the hell she makes her villians like so damn strong???? I mean naraku is like this super power man that EVERYONE in the good side combine with all their kick ass weapons can't even do shit at all... WTH!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I THINK INUYASHA IS COMING TO AN END BUT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about a disgruntled employee haha:



Took this pic with Sunshine in Brickfields while we were coming back from KLCC after we took the pic BELOW:



I Love Lunkhead.

I made the poster so that I could take this pic... I put it into the picture book of Malaysia I am making for Ryou/Yoshitaro... It's suppose to be for Ryou but, Asuka told me I should give it to Yoshitaro instead... I don't know...




This picture is also for the picture book for Lunkhead. I like KLCC at night ALOT especially the view from the MR2... So i got my brother to go with me to take the pics on the MR2... We went and wuahahaha he has a one of those D80 camera so OBVIOUSLY the pics wud be good ne!

Neways, drove there and stopped by the roadside at MR2. It's at the turnoff into Ampang, there's a conveniently nice little space there to stop and park the car.. wuahahah.. maybe they made it for ppl to stop and watch the fireworks haha.

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT if you think I'm obsessed with Yoshitaro then.... look at what JAROD so-called "doodled" on MSN:



THAT ain't NOOOOO doodle man!!!! wth!!!!! and I thought I was the one obsessed!! wth!


Lastly....



MY SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wuahahahahahhahahahahahahaah...

She's sooooooooooo cute!!! heheehhe I love her!! hehehe.. I bought the shirt for her at that street market in New York City that Elaine Teh and I went to on my first trip to New York 2 years back.

The week in words:

だけどいつか忘れていくから／悲しいけれど生きていける」.


I never knew how much the position of one word could mean such big difference between such worlds...

"I just can't forget you."

"I can't just forget you."

it's unfortunate sometimes, but it was the latter.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday i thought of this and I really believe in this:

1) Best feeling ever:
When dreams come true.

2) Worst feeling ever:
When the band plays their last song and the song ends and they walk off stage, the lights come on and the mosh pit cools off and everyone disperses. THAT has to be the worst feeling ever: from euphoria to instant deflation.. Utterly terrible.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lastly:

I have decided to go to Japan in December. From 7th till 17th....

My sole purpose is to go there for Lunkhead's live on 8th and 9th December because I have to be part of that history. And because the mosh pit is calling me and I feel like drowning.

I don't think I have enough money, or at least, I hope I have just enough. I'm not too sure if this is the wisest choice, but I am going.

I'm going to write to Lunkhead... to ask if I could meet them.... But....

My explanations and reasons:
Letter to Lunkhead and wisdom aside, I am going because I am young and free of much responsibilities and I love Lunkhead.

Letter aside and whether they would even receive the letter or even reply, I want to go for their show because I love their music true. I want to be there in the mosh pit because I love their music and their music moves me. I want to be part of that crowd and I want to be part of that history.

Wisdom aside, I think... If I don't go now, when else? I have no husband, no boyfriend, no kids, no car installment payments, no house installment payments, no credit card debt, no loan debt, no life, no future either basically hmmmm... So what the hell.. I might as well do it now if not when else?