ひとりの夜もそばにいようぜ　君と僕の歌を歌う

POH.

I think the crappy part of my our personality in this family definitely came from my grandma hahaha..

So today, I went with my mom to take my grandma to the hospital to get her leg scanned and checked. She's been limping around for a few months. So anyway, we were stuck there quite long and we discovered me grandma had some torn ligament (yeah like those that you hear footballers get so very often).

AFTER the hospital thingy we went to have lunch and my grandma and I got talking about her death haha.. err yeah... haha. So we were talking about how she said she's leaving her money behind for her kids and the girls (grandkids) will get her gold jewelry.. and i was like "to hell with gold jewellry! I want MONEY!!!" then she said "but money have no memories and sentimental value to it," then i said "SO???? I WANT MONEY! Money is the most important!"

hmmmm...

Anyway, I'm not that heartless haha. I asked her if i could have her jade bracelet. Actually not the one she was wearing but the one she broke. Coz apparently, the one that broke was given to her by my great grandma. It was a pair and they had belonged to my great grandpa. After he died, those two jade bracelets were all my great grandma found. So, my grandma has one now and she gave the other one to my mom. So i told my grandma i want the broken one... nice right? like a family heirloom or something (though it's broken).

SO ANYWAYYYY

We then got to talking about the grave plot my grandma bought haha. She was annoucing so excitedly that she got herself a grave plot.
And I said "yeah i know, i saw it."
she was like "yeah yeah, it's in Nilai and..."
and i said "and it's beside a frigging HIGHWAY."
Then she was like "yes!! that's very nice!"

I was like "what the hell?? what do you mean nice? how is the highway nice?"

Then, she said, "cause it's very festive (she used the chinese word "yuet lau" 热闹)"

and i was like "WTF?????????????"

she laughed and i asked, "how the heck is the HIGHWAY yuet lau??"

And she said "there's alot of car sound."

*splat*

wtf?

Then she went on to explain how she got the plot becuase my dad told her that he will cremate her when she dies. My grandma refused to have her body cremated. So she said she went to get the plot so now even if my dad wanted to cremate her, he can't, coz there's already a grave plot for her. WTFFFFF.

But seriously, my grandma is like absolutely against us cremating her. I asked her, what if when we all grow up and mom and dad and all are dead and it's just left me and my bro, michelle, claudine and ken, THENNNN can we like dig up her bones and have it cremated. she was like -_- NO.

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

and i was like.

wtf??? but we're not gonna like go take care of the grave and all you know.

the my grandma did the funniest shit ever. she was like "if you cremate a body even the leg bones will shrivel up like this" and she showed with her two index finger as the leg bones curling up and she did this digusted kind of wince. fucking cute and fucking funny!

dude! it was priceless!

So i guess i can't cremate my grandma huh!!!!! geezzz for the rest of my life we'll have to go to her grave then after she dies huh! geezzz

haha.. poor grandma!

haha. She is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO against cremation hahahaha

CENSORSHIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP occured on my blog.

i had to delete a post.

*sigh*

Wasting time!!!!!

Still one of my favorite Blink-182 songs after all these years... So easily to remember why i loved Blink all those years ago!!!

GET WASTING TIME HERE

By albums:

Dude Ranch:
- Waggy
- Emo
- Lemmings
- Dammit
- Untitled
- Dick Lips
- Degenerate

Buddha:
- 21 Days ----------- BEST!
- Carousel ------- SOLID!

Cheshire Cat:
- WASTING TIME!
- Peggy Sue
- Cacophony
- Ben Wah Balls --- haaaa... yeappppp -_-

Enema of the State:
- All The Small Things
- Alien Exist
- Going Away to College
- Mutt
- Adam's Song

Take Off Your Pants and Jacket:
- Please Take Me Home
- Story of A Lonely Guy
- Shut Up

I still like old blink better. The sounds are more raw but damn solid. I must admit that the later albums were damn catchy and there were definitely more songs that you can just like casually listen... But very hard to choose like one song that's absolutely solid that moves you, you know... I think old blink has more of those kick ass songs.... That said, Enema of the State is my favourite Blink album..... but I think it was downhill from there hahahah...

And if i dare say hahaha, blink has "good" lyrics haha.. those were back in the old albums... Just check out Dammit or Carousel or Peggy Sue or Wasting Time... dude those are like definitions of kids growing up man... they really were.

yes. i do.

i love plastic tree too of course.

and TBS will always be on top.

Finch is my secret lover. wuahahaha.

days away has a special spot in my heart.

lunkhead is my crush of course. i love em.



oh dude i am in love with that odaka fellaaaa!! i think he's so hot, nerdy and cute! aaaaaaaaaaaanddddd lovely~

sweetketastrophe: ELAINE
sweetketastrophe: I'M DYING RIGHT NOW
sweetketastrophe: BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE WHO COMMENTED ON YOUR BRILLIANT REVIEW OF THR BRANDNEW ALBUM
sweetketastrophe: SERIOUSLY
sweetketastrophe: YOU SHOULD BE A WRITER!! (Oh wait)
sweetketastrophe: BUT U NEEEED TO TELL ME WHAT THE COMMENT SAYS
sweetketastrophe: Okay really u never answer me u fucking whore
sweetketastrophe: WHORE
sweetketastrophe: YOU BITCH
sweetketastrophe: YOU DEMON BITCH
sweetketastrophe: When u find this on ur computer
sweetketastrophe: Ud better fuckin answer me!!
sweetketastrophe: I love the review
sweetketastrophe: Its perfectly accurate
sweetketastrophe: (Even though I'm still inlove with the new album)
sweetketastrophe: YOU WHORE
sweetketastrophe: I HATE U FOR NOT RESPONDING AND U ARE SOOOO VERY FUCKIN LUCKY I ANIT GOT UR NUMBER
sweetketastrophe: Demon bitch
sweetketastrophe: Ooooh
sweetketastrophe: NOW YOUR IDLE!!!
sweetketastrophe: U whore


Yes, that's the lovely relationship i have with some of my closest friends hmmmm... damn honest relationships =P

anyway... *phew*

at least i got the approval (and not scorn haha) of ONE brand new fan haha...

After i wrote my "review" i was thinking "DAMN! if michelle or Luis or especially MELISSA would stumble upon this blog and read that review I probably be burnt at stake!" hahahha

anyway, Yes michelle, I love the new album too, it's damn different!! EXTREMELY!!! i really wish i could hear those songs live but hell yeah, the review's really what i thought about the new album!

jesse jesse... ;)

Bytheway i am hooked on this acoustic version of Movielife's Hey... DAMN GOOD!!!

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
Willing and ready to prove the worst of everything you said about.
So obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
So good at setting bad examples.
Listen, chic, I’ve had all I can handle.

Think of all the fun you had.
The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.
Think of all the days you spent alone with just your t.v. set and......"i can barely smile"

i've accepted the sad fact that in my life, i will never inspire anyone to write a song as beautiful, sweet and sad as Tsuki to Tenohira....

it's stupid. but i'm abit nervous going out with Kevin today. why? argh. i dunno. it's not like any first impressions would count anymore. do i really seriously want him to like me? I think it's abit pointless and redundant to want that.

they say you can only be yourself. and elaine as herself is not known to impress or succeed in winning any boy's heart.

I think we're friends and he treats me as such. and i on the other hand, should likewise treat him.

i should at least try to impress right? i mean..........

oh. i don't know.

this won't mean a thing come tomorrow?

i am so jealous of everyone who has ever met Lunkhead or been to a Lunkhead show.... so lucky~.... :( ..... i wish i was as lucky :(

i wish i could meet them. shake their hands and say "hmm. konniciwa...".... coz dats probably all i can utter before fainting. (wait... i think that's ALL i know how to utter in japanese.....)

yes.

sigh.

so jealous.

so sad.

:(

BRAND NEW - THE DEVIL AND GOD ARE RAGING INSIDE ME

My, my, Surprise Suprise emo is dead (DUH)... So if Deja Entendu was the epic emo album then this is............ Jesse Lacey being introspective/analogical to the most extreme... emo janai ;)

DUDEEE this is a far break away from Brand New okayyyyy!!!

So... did they all just grow up? Grow Old? MELLOWED? or what.........?

So when i downloaded the demos 6-9 months ago, they were well, demos.. Some very solid songs in it to add to that (especially tracks 1-3 and 5). Well, the songs in the demos were bare, just the guitar and vocals, the usual stuff, no purcussions (except for song 2 actually which did not appear on the album btw)... But you know, the usual sound and style of what a demo is....

loooooo and BEHOLDDDDD.........

dude... the album was the same!!

really... The songs were quite bare, very stripped, and the vocals were very hollow too like a demo you know! It's almost like a Brand New quasi-acoustic album, seriously.

So the pattern of the album is this:

1) The song is either entirely mellow and slow or....

2) the song starts of mellow like every other song, then in the middle it breaks into the usual angry Jesse style with loud guitars, screaming and purcussions... brilliant i must say, especially in the opening song and first single Sowing Season. But then, c'mon Jesse, that trick grows old after the same mellow start off into a crescendo of sounds in the middle is repeated in three four other songs.


So.... what can I say about this album?

Funny thing is that my iTunes loads the new songs before the songs of The Holiday EP... And so after every song from the new album finishes it goes on to "Logan To Government Center" demo from the Holiday EP and my goshhhhhhhhh... the difference in the styles and sounds of Brand New from The Holiday EP to The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me is just astounding. As far apart as the earth is to heaven so is the difference between what Brand New was, and what Brand New has become today.


I'm really really curious as to how Jesse would translate these songs to the live versions and DAMN that's one thing I won't get to see anymore. HELL.

But really, I am very curious cause many of these songs are so mellow, you can't play a 45 minute - 1 hour set with just these songs... dudeee where's the energy for the pit gonna come from??? I don't think just Jesse's good looks are sufficient to do the trick!


GET SOWING SEASON HERE

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your cry for inspiration
Never reaches ears on distant stars
And every night, our lonely planet
Slides across the universe
and I won't pretend I understand

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your death by information
Won't disturb the peace on distant stars
And even when you lock the door
Slide behind the other shades
None of us are strangers anymore

Fall sleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
so close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningfull
I stand no chance at all

Please, sleep my darling, sleep
Your car crashed in slow motion
Won't upset the pace on distant stars
And one by one the years
Have all gone slower as the moments pass
So please hold on, please hold on

Fall sleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
so close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningfull
I stand no chance at all

Please, sleep my darling, sleep
Please, sleep my darling, sleep

Fall sleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
so close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningfull
I stand no chance at all

--- i think the lyrics are from a demo.. but it's pretty close.

=========

+44... what can i say........ WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY better than Angels and Airwaves...!!! haha. NOW we know who was the more talented of the two in Blink 182... Then again Tom, I did like you alot.... And i still do err.. as a person as Tom of Blink 182 of course coz hell man AVA sucked hahahha DAMN! i DID say that huh!...
But anyway Mark Hoppus, kudos! You did well :) I think this is a good album... And songs with songs like Little Death, hell yeah, you're good! Solid song. Brilliant if i dare say.
The album overall, quite Later Blink-ish, i must admit... the sounds are there... (does that mean Mark wrote more Blink songs than Tom?)... But, I suppose quite uniquely new and different... Not an album that Blink would have released, that is (Unlike how Jack Mannequin's album could have easily been Something Corporate's).

Awesome. Looking forward to more +44... But of course, a Blink reunion is much preferred above all else ;)

CLICK HERE FOR LITTLE DEATH

and nothing important did happen today.

i slept.

I am totally in love with that guy from Lunkhead. Odaka Yoshitarou. I think he's really amazing, talented, sweetheart (don't ask), dedicated, funny (not as funny as Akira, of course) and DAMN SEXYYYYY~~~~~~~~

yes. i am totally in love with him and even more in love with him whenever i listen to Tsuki to Tenohira. Damn.

yes. i am.

AND I AM NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT PREGNANT!!!!!!

I know I've not written since I've come back and i probably should have and i really did want to but i never really got around to doing it.

But perhaps the one thing that stands out the most, and perhaps the most significant change ever since coming back has been that: being around family.

Besides missing the food, missing the friends, missing the places, missing the life in America and missing America itself, really is the transition to suddenly have your life be obligated and answerable to so many people, particularly, my parents.

I am well aware that my dad might probably read this, but, I'm writing this with that knowledge and with the intention that he would read this.

I think that's the one thing that in the past three weeks drives me to tears and longing for America and my friends in America once again.... or drives me to pop a sleeping pill so i can immiediately fall asleep and deny reality.

It's having had a solitary life for the past 4 years, doing things the way I like it, going at the pace I want to, and basically, just being whatever i want to be, and then suddenly coming back, I find myself having to answer to my mom, or having to deal with both my mom demanding something from me and me having to depend on my brother to complete the work.

Suddenly I must give a full account of what I did with my day, how i used my hours, how i am going to use my hours, things i should be doing and when i should be doing them, what I did, why i did it, why i didn't do it, why haven't i gotten to doing it yet, etc, etc... and it is like a big headache each day.........

I mean dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... i just like doing things like this okay? I function better that way!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i don't have clothes to be washed everyday. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i don't like my desk to be ultra spotless and clean. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i like a little pile next to my bed. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I like to spend all day on the internet. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i have not cleaned the room yet.

BUT it's NOT AS IF i won't clean that room for Michelle to sleep in. I know she's gonna be here. I know when she's gonna be here, and I WILL get it done before she gets here JUST NOT IMMIEDIATELY, you know!!

BUT ANYWAYS.

that said.

I don't mind going out with my parents. Unlike my brother, I don't hate being around my parents. Though sometimes, the ipod REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY comes in handy.

But the truth is that, I love my parents and I love them hell of alot. I love them so much that, i just feel so torn up whenever like........ i know if my mom or dad is hurt or unhappy (and by unhappy i do NOT mean angry, because helllllllllllllllllllll my mom is angry 70% of the day anyway!)

But say like today...

My mom for no apparent reason, or over something INSIGNIFICANT like a bike my dad is unwilling to throw away, she scolds my dad the hell out for it. And she scolds him in the manner that she is like fucking PISSED OFF for as if he had accused her the life we have (not having enough money, apparently) and FOR HELL i know my dad was in NOOOOOOOOOOO WAY even blaming her even one bit for the shit we're in. I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING idea why my dad is like that.

And i look at my dad and I really feel sorry for him, u know. Cause he has worked damn hard to support and provide for this family the best he could. and I know he did more than he could. He provided for us a hell alot more than he could have provided for us... and in that way, i always feel i have the most awesome dad in this world... and no i am not writing that coz i think my dad is reading this... But really u know... i really think he fought to win a battle that is wayyyyyyyyyyyy out of his capabilities to win... But i think he won it anyway...

and i really feel sorry for him.

Last saturday... I think it was saturday or sunday... So i was sitting knitting in the living room outside my room. I had turned on the air conditioning in my room so that what little of the cool air would flow out to the hall outside to me.... And i kept the air conditioning running for HOURS... Then in the evening like at 5pm, i walked into my parents room to use the bathroom haha... and there i find my DAD sleeping on the chair WITHOUT THE FRIGGING FAN ON. i mean wtf??????? i have noooooooooo idea if he has a REALLLLLLLLLLLY high tolerance towards heat and humidity or what but the first thought that struck me was like "wtffffff.... there i am wasting the damn air conditioning that's meant for the room NOT the living room and here my frigging poor dad was, stuffed in the heat probably trying to save on electricity." wtfffffff


THAT SAID,

my mom the iron maiden.

Soooooo

anyway, naturally i ran up and into my room when my mom started scolding my dad right. So i went to like my brother's room and i talked to him. Bitched to him about my mom who's crazy btw... because she REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY yells like MADDD over something TOTALLY insignificant. MANNN you have NO IDEA the way she screams until you hear her scream, YOU SWEAR the way she screams at the maid because the maid forgot to refill the kettle was as if the maid had killed the dog or something *God forbid!*

SERIOUSLY.


BUT ANYWAY.

but u know...

i feel sorry for my mom also.

Like... I tried to cheer my dad up by sending him an ecard.

But then i thought about my mom, and i feel really bad for saying bad things about her (albiet it might be true) because my mom is a lovely lady, and my mom is a GREAT mom. I would not trade my mom for any other mom in the world because I think she's the BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT mom anyone could have. whether or not she yells like mad.

and that's the truth.

and i love my mom that way. even if she yells alot. I can't stand it of course when she does yell and even till today, and even in america, i feel really scared when people start screaming, or i'd wake up thinking i heard my mom yell at me (even when i was in america).

But u know........ My mom is suchhhhhhh a fucking awesome mom that u know that fucking AWESOMENESS negates even her MOST TERRIBLE temper. In the end, I think she's more an awesome...... MOSTEST AWESOME MOM BEST MOM IN THE WORLD, than she is a scary lady.

that's my most honest opinion.

And so i went into my parents room and i found me moms sitting alone by her desk. and my dad was downstairs alone calling whomever that woman is that seems to cheer him up a little when he's down. and i felt really sorry for my mom. my mom's really cute u know, and i love her for that. i think my mom can be really cute. and i'll always love her for that despite everything. despite how she is and how she has been and urgh... despite all the future screaming i'm gonna get from her... I'll always love her... and i'll always love my dad too... as i feel so sad for him sitting downstairs alone curled up with the phone trying to find solace from someone else.

and i fucking hate that feeling.

because.

you can't choose a side

when u love them both

as much.