sigh.
i still like cutie, lah.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
1) it's shit i don't understand Japanese at all. I wanna read all these stuff about Asian Kung Fu Generation... WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND?!
2) Well, Ryota's nice. Taught me Japanese again today. I think that he's a friendly person. Very willing to help and to teach, which is good. He's abit silent when there's another person around though, even if that other person is Japanese (whom he doesn't know).
Anyway, despite me wanting to put in my answer to his question, "anata no tomodachi ga daisuki desu. Sono suki na otoko no hito no namae wa Eiji desu." (I (am in) love (with) your friend. That favourite guy's name is Eiji) I didn't. I put instead "Booihurendo wa imasen kara deeto mo arimasen yo" (I don't have a boyfriend so i also don't have a date) Which really cracked him up =P wuahahahhaha... Well at least he gets comic relief sitting with me for so long u know?!
3) Well i met someone i don't mind playing around with. And he's an expert in it too. So if i wanted just to mess around, apparently, i DO have a phone number to call. But i don't know. I'm an emotional wreck and i keep thinking that if i did mess around with him, it might help me not to get so dependent on others and also like get over my intimacy problem cause I know EXACTLY how the dude feels before i get into this you know... But on the flipside of the coin, i don't know if i'd like myself after if i did anything with him...... cause i DO like to think of myself as erm... pure? wuahahahahhaha (YEAH RIGHT ELAINE! FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FROM REALITY!)
4) can't i just ask Eiji out for dinner? food... anything... He's what i really want anyway, for now ;)... I mean... i don't want to be possesive anymore, i don't want to be desperate any more... maybe not even desperate..... cause it's not like i am fully wanting it (referring to #3)... I just think it can be fun and i'd like to experiment and hopefully get over a demon or two...... But u know... I'd rather have well........ Eiji... heh. *sigh*
whatever.
5) gonna overdose on Japanese soon. Mainichi takusan nihongo o benkyoo shimasu. And today i met Taku too... my OTHER japanese tutor WHILE i was with Ryota and he was saying that i didn't call him!!! urgh..... ok better call him tomorrow then and ask some questions... I DO NEED HELP but it's like i have so much problems with Japanese i don't even know where to start. it's like i want to learn so much more, there's so much more to learn and so much I WANT to know how to say. BUT YET, I know SO LITTLE, and EVEN THAT, the LITTLE i should know, I STILL DON'T GET IT!
*sigh*
ouh well....
one more day of Japanese, just one more day!
2) Well, Ryota's nice. Taught me Japanese again today. I think that he's a friendly person. Very willing to help and to teach, which is good. He's abit silent when there's another person around though, even if that other person is Japanese (whom he doesn't know).
Anyway, despite me wanting to put in my answer to his question, "anata no tomodachi ga daisuki desu. Sono suki na otoko no hito no namae wa Eiji desu." (I (am in) love (with) your friend. That favourite guy's name is Eiji) I didn't. I put instead "Booihurendo wa imasen kara deeto mo arimasen yo" (I don't have a boyfriend so i also don't have a date) Which really cracked him up =P wuahahahhaha... Well at least he gets comic relief sitting with me for so long u know?!
3) Well i met someone i don't mind playing around with. And he's an expert in it too. So if i wanted just to mess around, apparently, i DO have a phone number to call. But i don't know. I'm an emotional wreck and i keep thinking that if i did mess around with him, it might help me not to get so dependent on others and also like get over my intimacy problem cause I know EXACTLY how the dude feels before i get into this you know... But on the flipside of the coin, i don't know if i'd like myself after if i did anything with him...... cause i DO like to think of myself as erm... pure? wuahahahahhaha (YEAH RIGHT ELAINE! FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FROM REALITY!)
4) can't i just ask Eiji out for dinner? food... anything... He's what i really want anyway, for now ;)... I mean... i don't want to be possesive anymore, i don't want to be desperate any more... maybe not even desperate..... cause it's not like i am fully wanting it (referring to #3)... I just think it can be fun and i'd like to experiment and hopefully get over a demon or two...... But u know... I'd rather have well........ Eiji... heh. *sigh*
whatever.
5) gonna overdose on Japanese soon. Mainichi takusan nihongo o benkyoo shimasu. And today i met Taku too... my OTHER japanese tutor WHILE i was with Ryota and he was saying that i didn't call him!!! urgh..... ok better call him tomorrow then and ask some questions... I DO NEED HELP but it's like i have so much problems with Japanese i don't even know where to start. it's like i want to learn so much more, there's so much more to learn and so much I WANT to know how to say. BUT YET, I know SO LITTLE, and EVEN THAT, the LITTLE i should know, I STILL DON'T GET IT!
*sigh*
ouh well....
one more day of Japanese, just one more day!
Ryota's homework for me was to describe myself with the particles wa, ga, wo, ni... and sigh... i wish i could write, "anata no tomodachi ga daisuki desu. Sono suki na otoko no hito no namae wa Eiji desu. Eiji wa tottemo kawaii desu yo." ;)
Thursday, February 17, 2005
sigh...
Well... Ryo(u)ta was really nice today. He actually sat down for 4 1/2 hours teaching me Japanese. It was really fun. But i kinda wanted him to teach me how to construct sentences and just basically, let me like ask him questions in Japanese and have him ask me questions so that i can learn how to speak properly, you know.
But yeah, he's so nice to spend the whole evening teaching a dimwit like me how to understand his language. I think in the end he got more confused instead... hmm. And apparently, i am not pronouncing all my kyo,kyu,kya and including HIS NAME ryo correctly.... I don't get it i really can't hear the difference between ryO and ryou... and apparently the hiragana of his name would have have to be ryou(ta)... =\
muzukashi desu yo.
But anyway... he's from Osaka... Apparently Osaka ppl are more friendly and i guess it's true... no? Ouh.. he even taught me to say things in Osaka dialect ^^... and dang, it's different. I learnt how to say "do you want to go for lunch/dinner?" in formal and informal forms and also in the Kanto and Kansai dialects... OKIES! time to practice the question with Eiji ;)
hehehe.
Well... Ryo(u)ta was really nice today. He actually sat down for 4 1/2 hours teaching me Japanese. It was really fun. But i kinda wanted him to teach me how to construct sentences and just basically, let me like ask him questions in Japanese and have him ask me questions so that i can learn how to speak properly, you know.
But yeah, he's so nice to spend the whole evening teaching a dimwit like me how to understand his language. I think in the end he got more confused instead... hmm. And apparently, i am not pronouncing all my kyo,kyu,kya and including HIS NAME ryo correctly.... I don't get it i really can't hear the difference between ryO and ryou... and apparently the hiragana of his name would have have to be ryou(ta)... =\
muzukashi desu yo.
But anyway... he's from Osaka... Apparently Osaka ppl are more friendly and i guess it's true... no? Ouh.. he even taught me to say things in Osaka dialect ^^... and dang, it's different. I learnt how to say "do you want to go for lunch/dinner?" in formal and informal forms and also in the Kanto and Kansai dialects... OKIES! time to practice the question with Eiji ;)
hehehe.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Nan-ji ga suki desu ka? Eiji desu!!!
anyways SO THE DUDE. CUTIE.
i went to the library around 4pm today cause i had a paper to finish and to print out. The moment i walk in there, i see.... cutie BUT he was with A GIRL. my heart immiedietaly, faster than the speed of sound, SHATTERED into a million pieces. i was DAMNNNNNNN DEPRESSED (see previous blog post). then i left. cause i so sad, heartbroken shit liao. i was trying to see if they were holding hands at the table. i couldn't see. then she left but they didn't kiss goodbye. i couldn't see if he was holding her hands. but still DAMN HEARTBREAKING. can die that moment. sigh. anyways, so i left after i finish my work and i ate dinner alone. read my assignment alone, etc. sighhh. anyways, then 20 mins before my class thankfully for depresion always makes me do crazy things.
so i was like, shit who cares, might as well just go to the library now and give him that CD with that AKG song and say to him "hey, you're ryota's friend right? Anyways, this CD is for you.. The song reminds me of you..." and then i went lor to the library. so i went and i asked God "ok, if he's there, i'll do it, if not, Tomorrow".
then i went. HE WAS THERE *shuuuuuuuuuuuuucks* then i sat down and thought. yes, first time brain comes in and i thought "ok, i ask him japanese instead" cause i awas scared and i look thru my book cause today had homework and alot i actually didn't know hwo to do, but i asked another friend laio but then i DID find ONE insignificant one and i was like "AHA! ok!"and so i went and i was like "hi, you're ryota's friend right?" and he looked at me with that blank stare and then said "mm" and i'm thinking to myself "ouh man, does he even understand me?" cause all those talk from ppl telling me maybe it's cause he and his friend kenot speak english well dats why they dun talk much. then i asked him again. then i think he nodded his head or something. then i told him i have japanese work i need help and ask if he could help me. then i showed him the book and then iopened the page apologize for intrupting him (he was studying english online, so rajin...) then he said it's ok.
and then i showed him the question i didn't know and then i showed him the dialogues for the question and at this point i'm wondering if he can speak in english or not!!! cause so quiet! But anyways, i was passing him the book and stuff and i got alot of paper stuck to between the book so i took the paper away and got to touch his hand.... WUAHAHHAHAHA... ;)
Anyways, and then he asked me "number 4?" (elaine then takes mental note of his voice) then i said "yes". then he read read read, then i put down my bag. then after awhile i think he asked me which question and i told him ( b ) and then he looked back at the dialogue and i'm like wondering why he can't answer the question immiediately why doesn't he understand??? JAPANESE!? anyways then i told him i'll answer "iie" (no) for the question. then he looked more
then i told him but i don't know why it's like that. then he asks "what's your answer?". then i say "i'll say no but i don't get why. I don't know what the question is asking?".
then i told him but i don't know why it's like that. then he asks "what's your answer?". then i say "i'll say no but i don't get why. I don't know what the question is asking?".
anyways... he read more then he read in japanese. ouh man shit man, i have a weak spot for cute japananese guys speaking in japanese. actually, i just love hearing japanaese speakers speak in japanese. it's so authentic. anyways then he says "the answer is no". and so i was like "ok, but why?" (i was trying to drag on my time with him more than trying to understand the answer but REALLY, later, i DID wanna know what the question meant cause i TOTALLY DID NOT get that translation at all!!). Anyway, he explained to me, then he said "sore ato... that means after that". ouh man so cute when he said sore ato. ouhhhhhh man, my heart melayang again.
Then he actually explained alot of stuff, like he was translating the dialogue for me, and i think that his english is really good. I don't see any problems with it, like there totally weren't any gramatical errors whatsoever.... cute... ^^
anyways, then after that finish liao. i said thank u. then i aksed "btw, waht's your name again?" he said something and i said "what?" and he was like "Eiji... E I J I". and i was like ok... and he asked me my name. or i gave him my name... damn i forgot. then he knows my name. wuahahaha... who cares!!
anyways then i said to him "i always see you around but i forgot your name" then i said thank u again, cause he looked like he was trying to usher me off, or he was trying to get back to his work... i dunno maybe it's my paranoia. then u know me lah, got alot of stuff wan. so i was taking my folder, my notebook, my textbook then i went to take my bag on the floor and it was bursting with stuff, then he was looking at me taking so much stuff and my bag and all that... then underneath my bag, my scarf was on the floor and he pointed it out to me. i was gonna take the scarf but he took it for me and gave it to me *heart melts to mush*
either he's a really nice boy or he really wanted to get rid of me quick.
but dang! he's nice boy right???????????
bring his own food to skool, studying online when others would be emailing and playing online games, taking my scarf for me cause i'm a scatterbrain
so that's my story
God please help me.
ahhh life is heartbreaking.
well i didn't see the cute guy today at Burger Kings. But i had to do a linguistics paper for tonite and so i went to the library's comp lab and there he was....
except that he was with a girl.
like sitting alone with her.
it's the first time i've seen him with a girl (perhaps he's not gay then huh)
but like, yeah.
she's left and i think he's still around here.... he didn't leave with her. does that mean anything?
ahhhh
why don't someone just rip my heart out and feed it to the dogs, i think it's much less painful that way.
well i didn't see the cute guy today at Burger Kings. But i had to do a linguistics paper for tonite and so i went to the library's comp lab and there he was....
except that he was with a girl.
like sitting alone with her.
it's the first time i've seen him with a girl (perhaps he's not gay then huh)
but like, yeah.
she's left and i think he's still around here.... he didn't leave with her. does that mean anything?
ahhhh
why don't someone just rip my heart out and feed it to the dogs, i think it's much less painful that way.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
i really took the camera to school today
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
omg
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
and really stalked the cutie out and secretly took pics
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
ouh man
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
wuahahahahah
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
it's not as if this wasn't foreseen
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
after all the shit i've done in my life
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
lol
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
it should have led up to something like this
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
it was an eventuality?
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
EXACTLY!
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
but he's damn cute lah
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
;)
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
lol
Ok, so i hit an all time morale low. More of like desperation low. But not really. Seriously, i took it not cause i wanted to look at him... thank you very much i don't need that, i just need to go stalk him out at Burger Kings everyday... But the point is that, some of you have been asking for his pics.... So i REALLY, SERIOUSLY, I MEAN IT, I did it cause i wanted to show you what i saw... REALLY. If I wanted to see him, I'll just go to school you know... it's not like he's not there everyday from approximately 12pm till 1pm... DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW. WUAHAHAHA, i just do because i go there to eat all the time and he's around you know. And please, tell me, you'd notice a cute guy too right, if you went often enough!!! =P
So anyway, the other thing is that... i think this dude is really nice to just see from afar you know. I'm not saying that he'd probably turn out to be dissapointing in person, I still would really love to know him... but you know... I think if i can't have the chance to know him as a friend, then i'd rather not make any move and just look from afar you know... cause he does look cute from afar... his shy smile when he looks down, you know... like that... He brings food from home everyday, btw... hmm... and again, don't ask me how i know that. But you know, i like him cause he's cute... and he looks even cuter when he's all quiet, and when he smiles shyly, or when he's just looking down and doing his homework.... Like he has his instance where he can be like noisy with his friends... but usually he's just smiling, or doing his work... and i like that about him...
So anyway... here's the pic... =)
YEAPPPPPPPPPP... dis is how i see him everyday........ THAT SMALL. THAT FAR AWAY.
It's times like these that inspires me, when i see him from afar.... the sunlight (no sunlight today) through his hair and he's looking down with a soft smile on his face and the breeze blowing slightly........... damn.........
THERE CUTIE *blows lots of hugs and kisses* God bless Camera ZOOM abilities ;)
finale.... then the battery went DEAD. *sigh*
ahhhhhhhhh.... my anime heaven drop down to earth mythological boy.... Damn, those japanese sometimes can be so damn cute... damn.
bye cutie... "see" you tomorrow ;)
wuahahahahhahaha
eh, btw, i do "know" the dude ok. His name is Ash, he's from Japan (duh), he's studying at the English Language center on campus (he has a very nice smile). I know his friend Ryota, but Ryota is busy with his classes lately and that's why he's not hanging out with cutie. I think he kinda remembers me too, but there's DEFINITELY a need to refresh his memory on that ;)
i really took the camera to school today
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
omg
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
and really stalked the cutie out and secretly took pics
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
ouh man
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
wuahahahahah
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
it's not as if this wasn't foreseen
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
after all the shit i've done in my life
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
lol
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
it should have led up to something like this
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
it was an eventuality?
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
EXACTLY!
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
but he's damn cute lah
wuahahaha! i got his pic! wuahahahha... ok so it was a little underhand tactic how i got it says:
;)
KelvinC: Smokey the Bear says:
lol
Ok, so i hit an all time morale low. More of like desperation low. But not really. Seriously, i took it not cause i wanted to look at him... thank you very much i don't need that, i just need to go stalk him out at Burger Kings everyday... But the point is that, some of you have been asking for his pics.... So i REALLY, SERIOUSLY, I MEAN IT, I did it cause i wanted to show you what i saw... REALLY. If I wanted to see him, I'll just go to school you know... it's not like he's not there everyday from approximately 12pm till 1pm... DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW. WUAHAHAHA, i just do because i go there to eat all the time and he's around you know. And please, tell me, you'd notice a cute guy too right, if you went often enough!!! =P
So anyway, the other thing is that... i think this dude is really nice to just see from afar you know. I'm not saying that he'd probably turn out to be dissapointing in person, I still would really love to know him... but you know... I think if i can't have the chance to know him as a friend, then i'd rather not make any move and just look from afar you know... cause he does look cute from afar... his shy smile when he looks down, you know... like that... He brings food from home everyday, btw... hmm... and again, don't ask me how i know that. But you know, i like him cause he's cute... and he looks even cuter when he's all quiet, and when he smiles shyly, or when he's just looking down and doing his homework.... Like he has his instance where he can be like noisy with his friends... but usually he's just smiling, or doing his work... and i like that about him...
So anyway... here's the pic... =)
YEAPPPPPPPPPP... dis is how i see him everyday........ THAT SMALL. THAT FAR AWAY.
It's times like these that inspires me, when i see him from afar.... the sunlight (no sunlight today) through his hair and he's looking down with a soft smile on his face and the breeze blowing slightly........... damn.........
THERE CUTIE *blows lots of hugs and kisses* God bless Camera ZOOM abilities ;)
finale.... then the battery went DEAD. *sigh*
ahhhhhhhhh.... my anime heaven drop down to earth mythological boy.... Damn, those japanese sometimes can be so damn cute... damn.
bye cutie... "see" you tomorrow ;)
wuahahahahhahaha
eh, btw, i do "know" the dude ok. His name is Ash, he's from Japan (duh), he's studying at the English Language center on campus (he has a very nice smile). I know his friend Ryota, but Ryota is busy with his classes lately and that's why he's not hanging out with cutie. I think he kinda remembers me too, but there's DEFINITELY a need to refresh his memory on that ;)
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Well... i can finally, LEGALLY, land in Japan....
I want to thank God for everything. I don't know why but i feel like, God's always been really nice to me though i don't deserve it.
Like i wanted to go to UK, dad brings me there, you know... Then America, when i wanted to come here. I got here in the end. I wanted to be in CALIFORNIA, and i did in the end. Then there's Japan and i know like load of friends who also want to go more badly than i do... And who'd have thought, you know, one year after this obsession started... I'll have the chance to see Japan too, you know... And i want to thank God for that... For always giving me the chance to live my dreams, for always making my dreams come true.
well.... Two visas of the two places i truly wanted to go... Japan and America. Thank You God. You're always so nice to me even when I don't deserve it. Arigatou gozaimashita, hontoni.
Friday, February 11, 2005
depression is not healthy.
i don't know if i should just stay in Tokyo and that's it or go somewhere else. You know how that is when you try to do too many things at once, you might end up not doing anything at all. And I don't want it to be that way. Sacrifices has to be made.
I'd really love to see:
Tokyo: Odaiba Ferris Wheel (wuahahahahah)
Hakane: Mt. Fuji
Kyoto: Kiyomizu-dera, Fushimi Shrine, erm.... maybe more but i guess we can't have everything ;)
Fukuoka: Asian Kung Fu Generation
But you know... life is not THAT long. What should i do?????
On the good side.... I got someone to help me with a storyboard for my "music video" so that's nice.
i don't know if i should just stay in Tokyo and that's it or go somewhere else. You know how that is when you try to do too many things at once, you might end up not doing anything at all. And I don't want it to be that way. Sacrifices has to be made.
I'd really love to see:
Tokyo: Odaiba Ferris Wheel (wuahahahahah)
Hakane: Mt. Fuji
Kyoto: Kiyomizu-dera, Fushimi Shrine, erm.... maybe more but i guess we can't have everything ;)
Fukuoka: Asian Kung Fu Generation
But you know... life is not THAT long. What should i do?????
On the good side.... I got someone to help me with a storyboard for my "music video" so that's nice.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Reasons why i love days away.......
taken from
http://www.myspace.com/daysaway
Influences
noise, rythmn, the changing of the seasons, new shoes, eggs benedict, women, family, naked babies at the beach, chronic, dreams-------
Sounds Like
waves crashing in outer space, raindrops hitting earlobes, the deafening ring of bombs blowing up nearby
Isn't that just so lovely and well phrased? awesome awesome baby.... seriously.... That's the days away that comes up with the brilliance that they do and no matter waht they do, even if they've been doing this for the past 10 years and more, i think it's a wonder that they never lost their vision and stuck to the music they believed in without burning out or selling out..... and that's amazing....
I just feel it's amazing they've been in this since they were 12 and still, they believe in the magic of music and they still stick to the magic of music and kept being indie even when there were a million opportunities to sign to bigger labels (than Fuelled by Ramen which they signed to finally).... Seriously, and at the end of it... they've not burned out you know... Didn't fizzle out in the strive to be themselves, to make the music they love... but instead they've grown so much... evolved, you know... and i think that's just brilliant... and that is exactly why I love Days Away so much... and even more since i came here and got to know more than just their music...
taken from
http://www.myspace.com/daysaway
Influences
noise, rythmn, the changing of the seasons, new shoes, eggs benedict, women, family, naked babies at the beach, chronic, dreams-------
Sounds Like
waves crashing in outer space, raindrops hitting earlobes, the deafening ring of bombs blowing up nearby
Isn't that just so lovely and well phrased? awesome awesome baby.... seriously.... That's the days away that comes up with the brilliance that they do and no matter waht they do, even if they've been doing this for the past 10 years and more, i think it's a wonder that they never lost their vision and stuck to the music they believed in without burning out or selling out..... and that's amazing....
I just feel it's amazing they've been in this since they were 12 and still, they believe in the magic of music and they still stick to the magic of music and kept being indie even when there were a million opportunities to sign to bigger labels (than Fuelled by Ramen which they signed to finally).... Seriously, and at the end of it... they've not burned out you know... Didn't fizzle out in the strive to be themselves, to make the music they love... but instead they've grown so much... evolved, you know... and i think that's just brilliant... and that is exactly why I love Days Away so much... and even more since i came here and got to know more than just their music...
Friday, February 04, 2005
you're a beauty that is deeper than eyes can merely see, the closest thing to heaven but the furthest thing from me.
There's a certain something that sunlight does to your eyes cast there undearneath the blowing breeze and morning shadowing your lovely face. Maybe it's all idealized, maybe, maybe it is. Perhaps it's the echo in my heart that make you sitting there cast in sunlight, so beautiful... maybe, yet maybe, i don't think wrong if i do idealize you... perhaps like some star somewhere out there that marvels us or that we want to reach but a galaxy apart seperates us... it's just simply impossible sometimes, you know.
There's a certain something that sunlight does to your eyes cast there undearneath the blowing breeze and morning shadowing your lovely face. Maybe it's all idealized, maybe, maybe it is. Perhaps it's the echo in my heart that make you sitting there cast in sunlight, so beautiful... maybe, yet maybe, i don't think wrong if i do idealize you... perhaps like some star somewhere out there that marvels us or that we want to reach but a galaxy apart seperates us... it's just simply impossible sometimes, you know.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
it's the third DAY of school and i feel as if it was the 10th week or something like that. Shitty Sundial....
So basically i am depressed, tired- not tired, i'm just worn out... my brains feel like it's half fried most of the time, and i am telling you, this is only the third day of school. Have been going to school at 7-8am everyday, staying till 10pm except for today. I got to school at 7:30am and start reporting till Japanese class at 9am then at 11am i go for another class, then at 12-2pm i go do reporting again, then at 2-3pm i have class, then after that i do reporting again till maybe 5:30pm i think then i rest till class at 7 - 10pm, then i go home and i am too tired to do anything else. Then comes tuesday, supposedly no school, u know till 2pm, RIGHT. ASS. Go do reporting by 9:45am cause i have sources and the newsroom hounding my ass. But first, and almost the only good thing that happened that day, Then, it's reporting all the way till class at 2-3pm... And the class is called The Bible. i love God's word but ouh man, the conceptualization the amount of wealth in the Bible is great if not infinite... and by the time i get out of class my brains are zapped... only to walk into the newsroom 1 min later and have my editor assignment two more stories, one due on Thursday.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO i go do my reporting from 3 till my class start at 6, then another class at 7 -10pm... LINGUISTICS ok LINGUISTICS.
Then when i get back i am too zapped to do anything so i bitch about the damn sundial and it feels like damn it's been forever since school started but nooooooooooooooooo it has only been 2 days. And i call Hiro up and tell him "i'm hungry" and asks if he has anything i could eat cause he was eating some instant noodle... he says no he doesn't and i hang up and call Alejandro and Sam to bitch to them about the Sundial and then someone knocks on my roomdoor: it's my housemate. She tells me Hiro left me lasagna in the kitchen because i called him to tell him i was hungry. *hugs* to Hiro.
Anyways, i guess i'm just really mentally worn out cause no matter what class i am in (except "beloved" Japanese of course), all i keep thinking about is Sundial. Wake up Sundial, sit in class Sundial, eating Sundial, sleeping Sundial, sitting here STILL Sundial, what i have to do, etc, the time i can be using to be reporting instead, how many stories i have left to report on, who i have to call, other alternatives if my source is a no-show dead end, how else can i get around this, damn the deadlines i am going to miss... and the worse part of all, i know i am gonna get that miss deadline tomorrow, as much as i have tried.... no one gives a damn about trying if you can't get that story in, basically, you didn't do it, that's all they care about and that's just shit because effort counts for nothing in the newsroom. apprently neither does "other classes" and "other homework" mean anything. I think it's just unfair, not unfair but it is just very selfish of them to think that you can devote all your time to the Sundial to the neglect of other classes. You know, the Sundial is not the only thing in my whole school life you know. I do need my other classes to graduate. But by the looks of it, it seems that Sundial is gonna screw up my graduation in the end. I just think it's really selfish.
So basically i am depressed, tired- not tired, i'm just worn out... my brains feel like it's half fried most of the time, and i am telling you, this is only the third day of school. Have been going to school at 7-8am everyday, staying till 10pm except for today. I got to school at 7:30am and start reporting till Japanese class at 9am then at 11am i go for another class, then at 12-2pm i go do reporting again, then at 2-3pm i have class, then after that i do reporting again till maybe 5:30pm i think then i rest till class at 7 - 10pm, then i go home and i am too tired to do anything else. Then comes tuesday, supposedly no school, u know till 2pm, RIGHT. ASS. Go do reporting by 9:45am cause i have sources and the newsroom hounding my ass. But first, and almost the only good thing that happened that day, Then, it's reporting all the way till class at 2-3pm... And the class is called The Bible. i love God's word but ouh man, the conceptualization the amount of wealth in the Bible is great if not infinite... and by the time i get out of class my brains are zapped... only to walk into the newsroom 1 min later and have my editor assignment two more stories, one due on Thursday.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO i go do my reporting from 3 till my class start at 6, then another class at 7 -10pm... LINGUISTICS ok LINGUISTICS.
Then when i get back i am too zapped to do anything so i bitch about the damn sundial and it feels like damn it's been forever since school started but nooooooooooooooooo it has only been 2 days. And i call Hiro up and tell him "i'm hungry" and asks if he has anything i could eat cause he was eating some instant noodle... he says no he doesn't and i hang up and call Alejandro and Sam to bitch to them about the Sundial and then someone knocks on my roomdoor: it's my housemate. She tells me Hiro left me lasagna in the kitchen because i called him to tell him i was hungry. *hugs* to Hiro.
Anyways, i guess i'm just really mentally worn out cause no matter what class i am in (except "beloved" Japanese of course), all i keep thinking about is Sundial. Wake up Sundial, sit in class Sundial, eating Sundial, sleeping Sundial, sitting here STILL Sundial, what i have to do, etc, the time i can be using to be reporting instead, how many stories i have left to report on, who i have to call, other alternatives if my source is a no-show dead end, how else can i get around this, damn the deadlines i am going to miss... and the worse part of all, i know i am gonna get that miss deadline tomorrow, as much as i have tried.... no one gives a damn about trying if you can't get that story in, basically, you didn't do it, that's all they care about and that's just shit because effort counts for nothing in the newsroom. apprently neither does "other classes" and "other homework" mean anything. I think it's just unfair, not unfair but it is just very selfish of them to think that you can devote all your time to the Sundial to the neglect of other classes. You know, the Sundial is not the only thing in my whole school life you know. I do need my other classes to graduate. But by the looks of it, it seems that Sundial is gonna screw up my graduation in the end. I just think it's really selfish.
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