into the void

okies........ found a pic of my bro with Karen but she didn't like it =PPP hahahahha..... but gave me a REALLY Cute one of them together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so cute that i even overcame my laziness and reposted this post the third time to upload the new pic!!! so cute hehehe ^^

your girl is lovely, Huble.... hmmm... i wonder how she can stand my brother ;)

My heart is starting to thaw
From the day I lost my voice, colors sprouted up
The drops that escape from my extended hands
Shine on this place, thinking of the future

So.... erm now that japanese class is over i suddenly feel like watching anime. what the hell. well i dunno how to feel.

With trivial words and casual gestures With my song I just want to ascertain myself of my feelings that are coming apart

I dunno what he's singing tho... which is kinda hard to let a song say what u mean when u don't understand what it's saying, and farther even from understanding what it really means.
I dunno... i feel abit empty now that it's all gone and there are not thrills left to bitch about. Patheticness is still a topic to ponder upon even though it's a shitty topic to have to concern youself wth. But still... and now, i am left with frays i guess. that i can't really grasps or understand how to feel. better to have nightmares, better to have broken dreams than to be dreamless perhaps?

i want to understand these songs more than just the music because the music speaks what i feel but i need the words to say what i can't articulate.

Ahhh if only i was a little more bold, with a little more guts. Perhaps perhaps, life might have been also just a little more different.

Haido-san welcome back.

Thought that it's about time i put up a haido pic. Wanted to do it cause i dun give the dude enough credit for being a brilliant singer/songwriter. So i put a pic of him (where he's still as cute of coz, that can't be helped) but him playing a guitar and singing cause u know, he REALLY IS MORE than just a pretty face. Was listening to Shallow Sleep English version just now, the guy is great lah, the song is so beautiful and his English is perfect, pronounciation pun...

So please, lets all dun forget, he's a great songwriter. =) cause heh, can quite easily be overwhelmed by his cuteness sometimes ^^

BUT NO, i actually liked Haido for his music first before his face... hehehe... was listening to shallow sleep on one of the websites and it really grabbed me immiediately..... so there u go, he doesn't need his face to be a great songwriter ^^

i guess i should post something huh? well i wanted to post some stuff just never got round to doing it.... first, congratulations to AKG, they finally made it up to top 25 most played on my playlist with their songs Compass (Rashinban) and Kaigan Dori, yeap! They should have been there a long time ago but da thing is that when i play AKG i usually loop all 50 songs, thus it takes quite a while before it gets a repeat.... and also like i got multiple of the same songs... like Kaigan Dori has two copies... so there's 29 plays on one, 18 on the other.... etc etc.... these reasons are also why alot of the TBS Tell All Your Friends songs are not on top 25 either... damn this song is so good "Jihei Tansaku"... and the only words i understand is "dare ga hero..." something something.... I guess he's asking who's the hero something something huh?

Anyway, Japanese class is officially over. Kinda bummed out of my tests abit, shite... Sigh, i hope i can still get an A in the class....... i mean, how can i say i like Nihon no koto if I can't even get the language right? *sigh* PLUS, if i don't get the language right, then i'd never be able to understand AKG in my life! =( *long sigh* ;)

And also, yesterday *heart flutters* my brother said my paper was well written *smiles*.... whaada complimentttt although of course, it must have been just a B to him or he was expecting something real shitty from me..... I sent him one of this journalism research paper I wrote for my international news media class last semester.... he wanted to use it wuahahahahha... erm i know it's kinda plagarism but anyways! He said it was good actually =D wooooo *ahhh contented*.... u know it's like your favourite writer telling u that u have a B grade story....... ahhhh good enuf for me...

And ALSO, saw cute guy yesterday.... But for the first time in my life, i chickened out and didn't dare to force the moment to it's crisis.... I didn't say "hi" as i told myself the whole weekend that i would if i saw him on monday *sigh*.... perhaps I've 'learnt'???? RIGHHHTT sighhhhhh why elaine why did u chicken out?

*sigh*

hope i see him again today. Moo ichi... something something... =D

anyways... please if u could, go check AKG songs out at: http://akfg.sayuri.us/dl/audio_c.htm

And i leave u with......... AKG!! yayayayayay!!!

Elaine Loh is currently in her senior year pursuing a degree in Journalism at California State University, Northridge. She is also doing a collateral field in English at the same school. She completed her secondary school education at Senior Methodist Girls School Kuala Lumpur and continued her studies in the GCE A-Levels at Taylors College where she took English Literature, Sociology, Economics and Mathematics. After completing her A-Levels at Taylors College, she enrolled in the American Degree Program at KDU College in hopes of continuing her studies in America. Her interest lies in writing fictional stories but ever since discovering Journalism, she now hopes to be able to represent the voices and perspectives of the people and places she come across in her life through her writing.


What bullshit... i wonder when the hell did i write such shit. geezzzzzzzzzz


and the answer is i don't know.

hi hi...

thanks for the call... my birthday is on nov 15.. didn't really do much had class from 9am till 10pm.

anyway. i hope you're doing well in iowa. I hope your're not too lonely and i hope you will indeed find a girlfriend soon. i understand how you feel. i don't know what i feel these days. i don't think i want a boyfriend but i think i really want someone to be there. i want someone that i can call up for lunch or for dinner, someone i can hang out with, go shopping with and have fun with you know. Play Halo or something together, just sit there and watch TV together so that i don;t need to be alone all the time. And then there's another part of me which longs for something more fundametal. somewhere inside me that longs for that image of this guy and me and the cold wind blwoing (u know the wind in northrdige). And he's tightening the scarf around my nect and he's telling me "take care of yourself ok. it's cold" and i am smiling as he's carefully bundling me up so that i don't catch a cold and i know that i mean something to him because of the care in his hands and the look in his careful eyes as he makes sure everything is alright. something so fundamental and so damaging inside me wants that... and i guess i just want too much in life you know... i don't know... why do we always seem to want waht we can't have? and i still want it even i know it's just a fantasy, even though i know something like that can never happen. something in my head my fanatasy can never translate into life...

and i want so much more from life. i want to do so much more. i want to know the people i know i can't. i want to meet the people i know that it's just a fantasy, yet i still want it so childishly. but i still want it and i just don't know how to surrender a fantasy unless my heart dies. and give up on it because i burnt out...

and i want so much more. i want so many lives i can't ever achieve, i want so much more so many thins i know i am jst dreaming and i've alwasys been a dreamer but for california none of my dreams have ever come to be and sometimes it saddens me and makes me angry and frustrated with life for that....

anyway, do you know anyone working with Sony Music Japan or Kioon Record Japan? I want to TRY IF i can arrange a US tour for their band Asian Kung Fu Generation with an american band... i don't think i can but still, i guess i am stupid and a dreamer that way, i believe in trying too much even tho everyone else in the world says it's imposible but somewhere in my fucked up head, i don't see it that way.

I wish i could go to Kyoto. I'd like to live there one day... for a year... or maybe two... i want to capture the colors and the beauty that is the essense of the timelessness of kyoto even if it's just for a fraction of time in eternity.

Elaine

Look man, he actually translated my whole "fan mail" (posted Nov 22) into hiragana... what a bitch to do something like that man!! i mean first he had to translate it!! MANNNN that's like biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig job... then to write it in Hiragana only!!!! can't even use kanji cause i cannot write kanji!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARIGATOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooo touched!! and he was willing to call Japan Kioon Records for me too!!! ahhhhhh sooooooooooooooooo nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh **sooooooo touched**

thank uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're an angel
Strangers think	You need a makeover
Friends think	You smell really bad
Quiz created with MemeGen!

You know... i realize i don't have a favourite song.... i mean they always differ... but at the mo i guess it's kaigan dori, i really want to make a video if it. I know Kaigan Dori kinda means Beach Road/path (like yellowcard's Ocean avenue wuahahaha wtffff!!! waht an insult to AKG's Kaigan Dori) but i think i want to make my video with scenes river.... i hope, REALLY REALLY REALLY hope Kurata-san would be able to lend me his camera........ yeh, i still have an inability not to call Kurata-san Kurata-san cause HE IS STILL MY TEACHING ASSISTANT. right? ouh damn my asian mentality.

You know... i realize the answers to this Quiz is right.

why do we always seem to want what we can't have? why do i always seem to long for something i can never achieve can never grasps?

and i see you and there you are. and you're saying hold my hand but i can't understand but what i do understand is the look in your eyes and the softness in your hands as you brush my hair back and wrap the warmth of the scarf around my neck tigther against the cold and you say to me "take care of yourself okay" and i know that i mean something to you as i smile in my heart inside.

and i want you there in the moment though i know i can never posess you in which life said no because there's just fantasy and there is always something called reality, something that is always there.

but i do want something. why fantasize when it's so painful knowing and always realizing that you are only a fool with wishful thinking? childish wantings? inmature desires? why why why can't i finally grow up?

Well... here's one of the dummy magazine design i had to make for my Graphics class this semester....

damn lah i really like Asian Kung Fu Generation....... shite....... shud stop listening to them then maybe i wun like so much.

ANYWAY

i am abit depressed. actually not depressed but sad u know... cause tomorrow is the last Japanese class....... and u know....... I really DID learn some stuff.... I mean i still can't understand conversational japanese but at least i can read kana and hiragana and know some words and know how to form basic formal sentences........

sigh i miss the class lah. and we have a really cool class too....

sigh.......

i hate the end of semesters........

really, it's like the end of something (as my brother phrases it).....

the end of the semester is really like the end of school.......

sighhhhhhh

i feel like sucked out.

sigh..

got japanese sketch tomorrow... hopefully i remember my lines.

AKG IS COOL.

go listen to their songs.... really. they're good.... maybe u wun think they are brilliant but i guarantee u that u will at least like their songs... serious.

ok..

sigh..

Well i decided to check AKG's lyrics out yesterday.... and well, lets just say i am in love!!! wuahahahah....

actually, well there are some of his lyrics that i don't quite catch on cause they're frigging weird ok, think about the lights of the tokyo tower, i imagine that with some of his lyrics... on the other hand, he has some really beautiful lines. He utilizes nature alot in his lyrics. I wonder if this is a japanese thing or what, but his lyrics reminds me of like old japanese poetry (like those in Tale of Genji or those Heian period stuff) where he uses the imagery of snow, cherry blossoms, flowers... very beautiful, trafic, depressive, yet serene.

But as much as i love the English translation to the songs, i regret i cannot understand japanese because i think i'd love his lyrics even more. Because what i love about AKG even now is that:
1) he writes the type of lyrics i love.... reiterations. He repeats the same lines, the same phrases over and over again in different parts of the song but each time, or at some climatic point in the song, he changes a word or two... and this also brings me to point
2) when he changes the phrases, it sound very beautiful or well, very flowing and rhyming in Japanese, because basically, one or two syllable of the word changes sound which completely changes the meaning of the word altogether. makes it VERY beautiful... simply brilliant! (this is like Ash, what i love about Ash was that Tim did the same thing too, and this dude does it like WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY alot!! but damnnnnnnnnnn man, BRILLIANTLY)
3) i like his imageries alot.... like alot of the stuff that i pulled out and pasted here, i pasted them cause he talked about about stuff like memories and dreams, which has always been themes that i love.... like how i loved Ash 1977 because of Tim's references to stars all the time..... so yeah....

One thing though, about it is that.......... hehehehehehe........... i guess it's BETTER that i didn't understand the songs right now because i love them for the music.... and u know, this dude is brilliant cause NOT ONLY did he WRITE the lyrics, he wrote the MUSIC also!!! DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! what the hell....... But yeah.... I love AKG's music without listening to the songs..... But for some of the songs like Kimi to iu Hana (a flower called "you"), the song sounds so happy but the lyrics is damn tragic... Same with Kimi no Machi Made, it sounds like such a fun song but it's damn tragic! Or well... at least the translation is damn tragic...... anyways..... here are sample of his lyrics okay....

Knowing the answer, we seem to repeat ourselves
My heart beings to thaw, split finely
My reason for sadness is not filling in the crack
I'll scorch your heart with my impure hands

We seem to repeat the same mistaken answer
Feeling ill, my heart is gone
My depressed mentality is not filling in the crack
I'll break your dreams with my impure hands
(dat's the change i was talking about that i love)

The evening rain, the sound of the cicada, the illusions that are worth nothing
I'm just left behind, drifting
Drawing myself up haphazardly, I might as well pretend to be strong
A summer day, don't disappear afterimage, don't disappear

You lower your judgment, abandoning your impulses
An emotional argument, packed full of desires

In your one step forward, you lower your judgment
It's alright if you don't worry about your pace
Because you're going to tear things up

Ah, it's all boiled down to passions
Going round and round
But certainly when that's over
What will you use to satisfy yourself
Once, in the shadows of hope?

In our transparent desires
My heart that is dying out, looped
Moving forward somehow, unconcerned
A hesitant story
For how long will we lose things?
You know the real me, that I was hiding
Moving forward somehow, meaninglessly
A hesitant story

In short, everything was smashed up
In short, it was dancing in the wind
A drop shining in your eyes
Ah, thunder in the blue sky
If there is only pain, then it's divided between us, that's right
The color of the two of us
Until our white breath runs out
That road that we flew over
From atop a hill, I can see a flower called "you"
That has bloomed in the city, and will bloom again

Ahead in the twilight, is the moon lighted silver
We are projected as though in a mirror, carrying our helplessness and all
This song exists for me to fly to your town

You who are trembling and helpless
Will you one day become the wings of tomorrow that will save us?
(DAMN AWESOME!!!)

The shadows point at 2 o'clock
The wind blows through the gaps between the shining red trees
If only I could fly to your town
With only pain and sadness

You who are next to me, and un-serene
Will you one day become the wings of tomorrow that will save us?
I can't fly to beyond way over there, which is shining
But the time in which I'm flapping my wings won't disappear
(AWESOME AWESOME!!!)

The seasons pass, changing colors, feelings always do the same
You always run away as fast as you can

You who are trembling and helpless
Will you one day become the wings of tomorrow that will save us?
Even if I can't fly to a place that's like a dream
The time in which I'm flapping my wings won't disappear
(again, see how he changes the words........ awesomeeeeeeeee....)

The city is clearly colored in the approaching
Footsteps of winter, it dances

With trivial misunderstandings and a misunderstood heart
With my song I just want to hold back my feelings that are coming apart
(love that!)

Snatching away the passing time and breaking it
Even still, I'm tying together my memories

I mourn after cutting my sprouted feelings
I cry after realizing that I'm just mediocre
My rotted heart
A filthy lie

It's painful, the pain has already broken the illusion of our hopes and dreams
On the line between reality and ideals
(sounds like what i feel about all my trying to promote AKG in US!!!)

The light ahead in your muddy eyes does not disappear, on the street corner
It was in your heart, don't get rid of it
I wish for the unseen tomorrow ahead in you, unsounding
Surely, some day...

Your heart is ajar, I understand that
Don't reject how you were on that twisted day

Your heart has no light, but even so I'll wait for tomorrow
Don't let go of my hand
I wish for the unsounding space running through time
Surely, some day...
(DAMN, this whole song, i WISH someone would sing that to me!!! shite! so sweet!!)

You cried uneasily, I understand that
Even if the stick thorn won't come out

Those days you cried, shutting yourself away, I understand that
Don't reject how you were on that twisted day

What is left over of my melted heart
Won't recover as it is, my closed wounds are painful
On the cities street corners that I'm running through
Your siren echoes
Unveil it

Wail out, proof of life
Siren

The world belonging to you who has grown used to lies
I'll paint it white...
(one word... ok two: fking BRILLIANT!)

so anyways......... here's the dude..... he looks geekish and stuff =\ NOT exactly Haido neee hehehehehehehe..... but fcking brilliant!! shite... fcking brilliant! Like Tim Wheeler.... dang!!!!!!!!