woke up toady with movielife singing "long island's calling me".... so i thought i'd upload the nice nice songs for all u ppl to hear...... hopefully there are pl to begin with. The movielife is good though, r.i.p., the song is acoustic and really beautiful. they're from long island.
Anyways.... i was looking through my friendster list yeasterday, which is rare cause i don't really even go on friendster. But anyways, i saw Gajendri's pic and u know, essentially she still looks very much like how i remembered her and u know, made me miss her alot....
And I was writing her a message to tell her that and u know, it's when u compare to school life to life now, that's when you realize the most how much you've changed. and how much life has changed really, i guess. And i think i've changed alot.... especially this year.... or even last year.... i don't know how i've changed but the way i look at life and waht i believe in and what i used to believe in has changed alot....
I don't think i have matured but i think i did grow up a little.... DAMN i think after turning 21, it really did something to me!!! Cause really, like when i talk to some of my classmates, i don't usually guess their age by how they look but by more of how they speak. Those that still have something against their family (teenage angst), those that still crave freedom and bitch about it, those that talk about freedom and partying, etc.... You can immiediately date them to pre-20s..... And i guess that's the same thing with like mid-20s people being able to guess our age.... those that are worrying about first jobs, those that are in mid-major limbo, those that are still young and hopeful..... And then u can date the mid-20 people too... they're those that are in stable relationships, quietly speaking/contemplating about marriage, talking about the hardships or challenges of working life, etc.....
But yeah...
I think i have changed. My preference has DEFINITELY changed. What i want from life might not have altered fundamentally but in my views of it, and what i want from it has changed alot. How i see myself... i'm not sure about that part. how certain i am of myself, yeah that' has changed....
And life itself has changed you know. As much as my time in California is only temporal, it's true that i am no longer in MGSKL, you know... I am in Cal State Northridge, you know. And i have a sort of life that might not be the most lively and cool one, but it's a life nevertheless, and i have my stories to tell my grandkids tho they are already fading in memory already.... But these experiences has changed me in many ways............ And the things i love keep constantly changing and as much as you can call that as being "unfaithful" i think it's cool cause it exposes me to way more things. If i had kept on loving England, i would have never have experienced all that i have here in America, and i would not have well...... liked Japan either and that means NO ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION!!! and that can never be good!
And you know... if i have not fell in love with England and Europe back in highschool, i would never have left malaysia, and if i had not fell in love with America.... i would not have had these past two years which tho i regret i have NOT done some stuff, i do not regret AT ALL ALL that i did here.... and well now my liking Japan.... it's brought be back to Asia for my next phase of life that is coming by.... and maybe having fallen in love with Japan is a good thing to prime me for what's gonna come next you know.....
And in that way, i feel that, yeah i may be unfaithful to my loves, but it sure as hell make me be able, be wanting at least, be learning about something new, about another aspect, see another horizon of this very very and i do mean very big big world....
Well, I guess this is growing up.
woke up toady with movielife singing "long island's calling me".... so i thought i'd upload the nice nice songs for all u ppl to hear...... hopefully there are pl to begin with. The movielife is good though, r.i.p., the song is acoustic and really beautiful. they're from long island.
Anyways.... i was looking through my friendster list yeasterday, which is rare cause i don't really even go on friendster. But anyways, i saw Gajendri's pic and u know, essentially she still looks very much like how i remembered her and u know, made me miss her alot....
And I was writing her a message to tell her that and u know, it's when u compare to school life to life now, that's when you realize the most how much you've changed. and how much life has changed really, i guess. And i think i've changed alot.... especially this year.... or even last year.... i don't know how i've changed but the way i look at life and waht i believe in and what i used to believe in has changed alot....
I don't think i have matured but i think i did grow up a little.... DAMN i think after turning 21, it really did something to me!!! Cause really, like when i talk to some of my classmates, i don't usually guess their age by how they look but by more of how they speak. Those that still have something against their family (teenage angst), those that still crave freedom and bitch about it, those that talk about freedom and partying, etc.... You can immiediately date them to pre-20s..... And i guess that's the same thing with like mid-20s people being able to guess our age.... those that are worrying about first jobs, those that are in mid-major limbo, those that are still young and hopeful..... And then u can date the mid-20 people too... they're those that are in stable relationships, quietly speaking/contemplating about marriage, talking about the hardships or challenges of working life, etc.....
But yeah...
I think i have changed. My preference has DEFINITELY changed. What i want from life might not have altered fundamentally but in my views of it, and what i want from it has changed alot. How i see myself... i'm not sure about that part. how certain i am of myself, yeah that' has changed....
And life itself has changed you know. As much as my time in California is only temporal, it's true that i am no longer in MGSKL, you know... I am in Cal State Northridge, you know. And i have a sort of life that might not be the most lively and cool one, but it's a life nevertheless, and i have my stories to tell my grandkids tho they are already fading in memory already.... But these experiences has changed me in many ways............ And the things i love keep constantly changing and as much as you can call that as being "unfaithful" i think it's cool cause it exposes me to way more things. If i had kept on loving England, i would have never have experienced all that i have here in America, and i would not have well...... liked Japan either and that means NO ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION!!! and that can never be good!
And you know... if i have not fell in love with England and Europe back in highschool, i would never have left malaysia, and if i had not fell in love with America.... i would not have had these past two years which tho i regret i have NOT done some stuff, i do not regret AT ALL ALL that i did here.... and well now my liking Japan.... it's brought be back to Asia for my next phase of life that is coming by.... and maybe having fallen in love with Japan is a good thing to prime me for what's gonna come next you know.....
And in that way, i feel that, yeah i may be unfaithful to my loves, but it sure as hell make me be able, be wanting at least, be learning about something new, about another aspect, see another horizon of this very very and i do mean very big big world....
I guess this is growing up.
does anyone even come here??? :(
anata no koto ga daisuki desu......... i like that phrase better that aishiteruze for "i love you" in japanese....... cause aparently anata no koto means "things about you"... so it's like "things about you i love"........ ain't that sweet??????? now THAT's love...... at least it's more defined.
i hate to say this but i really hate that stupid Center of Disabilities. Fucking bitch. what the fuck. dah lah write nice story for them that is promoting their program they come and fucking call back and bitch about various stuff. Stupid america has to be fucking politically correct about every fucking thing. I mean waht the fuck!
And what the fuck does that fucking guy Steve have? what the fuck is his problem? all he fucking did was accompany the other main guy i talked to to the newsroom and he comes and fucking call my fucking editor and told her that i wrote a quote that the guy didn't say. WHAT THE FUCK! I talked to the other guy on the phone before this FUCKER was even there what the fuck did he even have to do with the fucking story?! I mean fucker please get the fucking facts straight before you fucking call the editor up. I mean waht the fuck. if someone should have the problem with the quote it should be the fucking person i QUOTED, not the fucking bystander who don;t know fuck!
Fuck you really.
Center of Disability, you can take all your fucking problems and die alone and fuck off. I will not do another fucking story with you in it. I wanted to do one of my own stories on that center but u know what? Fuck you. So fucking picky you can just go fuck off and die. wait for fucking newspapers to hightlight what you do cause i sure as fucking hell won't fucking do it on my own. Fuckers.
well....
two things happened today.... (actually there's more but two i wanna talk abt)
1) Frank called me tonite....... just to say hi and see how i was doing........... ISN'T THAT SO NICE?????????????? *heart melts* so nice..... no otoko no hito every did that before..... hehe.... he was saying "just to tell you that i am still around...." awwwwwwwwwwe..... damn. why must he be 50 years old????
2) I FOUND OUT THAT PAUL IS HALF TAIWANESE AND HALF JAPANESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN MAKES HIM EVEN COOLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.......................
I finally told eri today that i liked Paul............ and asked Eri abt Paul and she was like "eh..... he's weird" hahahahahah........... But I was surprised at Eri, she was really nice... she was on MY side! hehehehe..... she told me to demand from Paul to know who the girl he likes for 4 years is..... she said that i have the rights to do that.......... damn u know waht, Eri is the real new age Japanese empowered women!!!! definitely! But she was sympathetic that Paul rejected me and all that and although she's Paul's friend more than i am her friend she was understood my part more...... that nice...... girls unite! girl power! eh!
And heh........ I think his bloodtype (damn so japanese thing to find out) is either B or AB.... they say more likely AB cause he got two different personalities. Mine's A and apparently, my match is suppose to be O, but it's weird match no? cause apparently A are the sensitive ones and O are the selamba ones............. DOESN'T THAT SPELL TROUBLE???????????? I mean cause A is damn sensitive and O is damn insensitive!!! But apparently no, to the japanese that's the right balance..... and if two people are too alike, they cannot go together cause then it be "too much"....... hmmmmmmmmmmmm damn. and when i asked them "does that mean the japanese agree more to the concept that the opposite attracts and the same repells?" and both replied (a guy and girl btw) "yeah............"
Apparently huh?
So for all u mismatch out there, the yin and the yang are on your side apparently!
Lost in Translation
Asian Kung Fu Generation,
Nihon-go wa sukoshi sukoshi wakarimasu kedo ????????? ????????? no uta wa totemo totemo totemo suki desu. (Japanese i little little understand but Asian Kung Fu Generation's song i really really like) My friend is translating this mail for me from English to Japanese so��
I really really really like your music and I think you are fucking brilliant (hahah masa I don�t think I should say that! hahahahaha) Actually I do think you are incredibly brilliant and talented. Your older songs, Kimi Tsunagi Five M and before that are really really really powerful and full of energy. Every time I listen to it, makes me wish so so so very much that I could go for your concert. Songs like Rashinban and Rocket No. 4 and Jihei Tansaku, Mirai no Kakera, Haruka Kanata really really makes me go �Wow!!!!� and wish I could be in a concert and rocking out with your songs! That was why I actually wanted to arrange a concert and a tour for you in America because I think you have the potential. I think your songs are really cool and very awesome enough for people over here to like it. I am waiting for them to show the rest of the anime Full Metal Alchemist on TV so that people can listen to your songs and be interested in the band further. I think if people gave you a chance and tried AKG out, they would love it. That�s what I feel.
Anyway� your latest album Sorufa and your newer songs are very very beautiful. These new songs make me feel very painful in my heart because I cannot understand Japanese to understand what you�re singing!!!! But the music is really beautiful though and it really makes me wish I could understand Japanese so that I can understand the full meaning of the songs. Songs like Mayonaka to Mahiru no Yume, Kaigan Dori, Mai Waarudo, Rasuto Shiin, really moves me a lot and really touches my heart and makes me go �ahhhhh!!!!!!!! I wish I could understand what he�s singing!!!!!! I wish I could sing along!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!! Why can�t I understand Japanese!!!????� Doesn�t it??? It�s so very beautiful��. Ahhh�..
Loop and Loop, Kimi no machi made, Kimi to iu Hana, are so catchy and addictive too! Sometimes I can really play your songs the whole night and not be bored! Kimi no Machi Made is really brilliant I tell you! Actually, all of the songs are! Ok ok� I think I am going overboard�. Sorry. (the song is playing now that�s why it makes me say it!)
Anyway, I really hope that I would be able to see you live one day. I think it would be awesome. I am sorry I don�t think I can get to arrange for the concert and tour for you over here although I will still continue trying. But I hope actually, and WANT TO go to Japan during my holidays next year in MARCH 26-28 to go for your concert!!! Wouldn�t that be awesome????? I will see, if I don�t have Visa problems, I will definitely go! Hehe� if I have the money too!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that your music is awesome and it really touches my heart and moves me to want to do something for you because I think that more people should hear something so wonderful. But anyways, keep up the great work, and I hope you�re having fun =)
Take care.
Elaine
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 22:52:40 -0800 (PST)
From: Elaine L
Subject: KEVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: Kevin Hor
hi hi hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
*fighting with demons inside*
wassuppppppppppp??? thought i'd email you.... wish you could write back more often (ouh but i know it was me who have not written for awhile). it's nice hearing from you and see how you see stuff... cause i realized i'm abit of an airhead. i definitely need to read more.... and learn more... and shimasu alot more........ i like that japanese word, shimasu... denotes "do" but can be used so flexibly... but generally do wayyyyyy more... do i even have a point here.
You know i realized i wish i was a little normal. here i am chatting with my friends and writing an email with you but seriously, i am battling so many demons inside. It's like i attach too many meanings to too many things (the music i listen to, the conversations i have, etc) that nothing i say is really just face value, there's just so much of other stuff going on behind every word i write and everything i do that sitting here i writing i have 10,000 other thoughts fighting by trying to pull me down and make me feel like crap about life.... and that's what i am constantly depressed even when i don't want to. i guess this is the meaning of boredom.
ouh must be making u depressed.
ANYWAYS! asian kung fu generation rocks! if there's one thing i regret abt not listening my friends and watching naruto earlier is that if i did i'd have known abt AKG much much muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh earlier!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But yeah i am feeling like flying to Japan to see them for a concert. that's the meaning of life. going places that u can tell your grandkids about how stupid and impulsive you were when u were young but you're only young once and when this is gone that's it but i also went out on a date with a 48 year old man who is totally not like a 48 year old... i guess the whole family responsibility thing really changes people and GOD please give me a boyfriend like NOW so that i can have one relationship in my life so that i can get it over with and just be happy alone for the rest of my life and still not be pathetic cause i like being alone and i don't like the life ordinary.
that my friend, is a run-on sentence.
ok! write back i hope and tell me how you're doing... Are you gonna go back to KL in december? i'll be back there from 20th dec - 25th Jan i think.... if ur back there we could all go hang out again... yay... i guess... argh i need friend joh!
elaine
-mai waarudo-
AND NO, i am not on drugs right now. it's just a lil cold. due to the fan that is.
Biggest lie that you can tell yourself is that you're okay. which i don't think i am either that or this room is too cold and i mean that literally. this song it's sooo good it's called Mayonaka to Mahiru no Yume and don't ask me what it means cause i don't know.... i just know it means Mayonaka AND Mahiru's something..... whatever Mayonaka and Mahiru and Yume means....... wait.... lemme check....
woooooooooooo i got it.... in my retarded elementary Japanese translation... Mayonaka to Mahiru no Yume means.... midnight and midday's dream...... =D
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! according to Norika-chan i got it right!!! woooooooo...... soooo happy.... Japanese class worked!!!! my dad's USD1300 didn't go to waste apparently! wooooooooo....
anyways....... i dunno. i wish i understood the rest of the song. damn.
REASON WHY I WANNA UNDERSTAND JAPANESE:
so that i can understand these AKG songs....... cause they are soooooooo beautiful. or dang, they SOUND so beautiful.
Damn i still can't find a song for the video i want........... all all the songs sounds great but all the songs also contain some problems with visuals............ damn.
feeling a lil depressed and i don't really know why.... because i know that whatever i do, it won't work? i should have called yesterday. at least i was up for it then. now i am just depressed, self conscious and chicken shit.
want to make an AKG video but uninspired....... ODDLY ENOUGH.
where's Karen.... feel like talking to her........ it's nice talking to her cause somehow, there's always something to talk abt.
i don't get american television with their homemakeover shows........ i mean geez, there are as many of these shows as there are Reality TV shows..... geez.
anyways......... mada paul ga suki desu.......... i still like paul......... and i know i said something to you all about it being just physical attraction........ but u know..... i don't really know. it'd be nice if i could talk to him cause that does make me happy, you know.
anyway, happiness is hard to come by. so.
anyway, satoshi is feeling lonely in Indiana.... i shouldn't have said to him "i'm sure you'll find yourself a girlfriend".... i should have been more sympathetic. he really seems like he wants a girlfriend.... so tht they can ask each other what they did that day, worry about someone, be responsible and look after someone....... he said he wanted that... =\
well i need to go look for the asian kung fu generation song and i hope that kinda my friend would lend me his digital video camera........ no?
anyway, here's Haido........ with Tetsu... Tetsu's really cute here too.
but apparently, unlike Haido, Tetsu is showing his age......... I mean hellz, he IS 37 for goodness sake! I think 37 or SOMEWHERE AROUND THERE.
I miss
satoshi
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
L'ARC IS BEING PLAYED ON FULL METAL ALCHEMIST ON ADULT SWIM!!!!!!!! Thye are playing the Opening songs finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ALSOOOOOOOOOOO
dat means................................................... ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION MIGHT BE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kyoo no deeto no repooto <--- bad japanese
Anyways.......... so tonight.
Things i discovered about Frank...
1) well... he is like twice or two and half times older than i am.... or so he says and since he was a math major from CALTECH (WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!), i trust his calculations.
2) He did his undergraduate studies at CALTECH, damnnnnnnnnnnnnn that really totally pushed him up my book by like 10 folds the moment he said CALTECH. He was a Math major. AND YES, because he's so "old" he WAS IN CALTECH THE TIME THAT RICHARD P. FEYNMAN WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's seen Richard Feynman around campus and used his textbooks and also who's that physicist? the one that coined the Big Bang theory, the guy who is handicapped wan? Well.... Frank said he used to serve lunch to that guy all the time.
3) Then the went to STANFORD for this Post Graduate studies................ danggggggggggg did Computer Science......
4) then he worked for Microsoft and helped write the programming for HYPHENS in the FIRST Microsoft PC and also worked on Word for the first Macs. 0_0
so yeah...... basically.
But what i think is very interesting about Frank is that.... well.... He's still very "young" in many ways........ If he's really just 5 years younger than my dad....... lemme say this is that, you know, my dad is a hundred folds more jaded than Frank is. It's like, if Frank is like 45-48 years old, he really DOES NOT act like that age group. Maybe it's cause he doesn't have a family, or like he's not a husband or a father you know... Because hearing him talk about life, he moves between Seattle and LA btw cause he has a house here and in Seattle, he's like my 35 year old aunt who's full of life, still thinking about doing different things, wanting to do different things... And the thing about Frank is that, he gets bored easily with things and with places. He can't stay in LA more than 3 weeks cause he gets bored. And we went to a club tonight after dinner and Santa Monica 3rd Street Promenade (sp), and he was the one who wanted to go a club.... And hearing him speak... it's like... he's a guy that wants to try new things, that is challenged to do something new, he just gets bored with old stuff. And seriously, that is totally sooooooo UNLIKE the mindset of other 45-48 year olds, you know.... and i guess that's what i appreciate about him.....
On the other hand.... my conclusion after tonight is that:
1) WE WILL ONLY JUST BE FRIENDS.
2) We will only hang out in THE VALLEY..... cause dude, did u see the traffic on the 405??? took us 1 1/2 hours to get to Santa Monica when it usually only takes 25 minutes.
3) I don't think he is romantically interested in me cause i think waht he did like about me and why he said to me "maybe we could go catch a concert together sometimes" is because he LOVESSSSSSSSSSS going for concerts... and THAT is another thing about him that i like because he is NOT afraid to do things that are maybe so called "meant" to be for the "younger" people.
So yeah........
I don't know.........
I don't know what to feel.
sometimes.... ima mada Paul ga suki desu.
I guess i'm just lonely.
so well... going out with the guy i met in the library tonite.... hope i'd have fun... gonna have "dinner" but dang, i ate alot today, like superbly alot alot... so not really hungry ne... i actually feel like shopping today more than going out you know.... I don't know... no?
ok i just skipped an AKFG song... i feel bad... it's not that i don't like that song.... heh, just that it's long song no?
so anyways, i am gonna go watch this TBS video before i leave cause TBS always makes me feel happy about life even if this won't mean a thing come tomorrow.
