Yeahhhh so today I went to Church. Yeahhhhh.... I'm staying in Shin-Okubo, and this place is known as Tokyo's Korea Town...... So there are actually lots of Churches here... So I went to a Church...
It turned out to be a Lutheran Church.
I saw the flier outside the church when i first got here and saw they had English service on Sundays. I missed last week service coz I overslept but ahahaha I made it today! I ALMOST wanted to oversleep again BUTTTTT... I thought I'd be cool to go to Church here in Japan, since I've NOT been doing ANY tourist stuff in Tokyo AT ALL since I got here, I thought it'd be nice to go to Church for the experience of it! lols...
They had a combined service today, Candlelight Service, to begin the celebration of the 100th Anniversary of their Church which is in 2012 (3 years ahead! wow!)
I like methodical churches! There's always a order of worship! ahahahah...
Anyway, so the whole service was in Japanese but I got English version of the order of worship. Actually, they have a priest there who is American (his accent sounded American), but today was a combined worship in Japanese. They also had the hymns in English for the English speaking congregants (is this even a word??).... But of course everyone else was singing in Japanese... And the Confirmation of Faith and Lord's Prayer was also in Japanese, but of course, those non-Japanese speakers said it in English.... softly hehehe...
And some parts, we had to sing in Japanese... But the song sheet had ROMAJI there! So, just read the romaji yo.... I tried to understand what was being sung.... But to little avail... lols.
Anyway, the sermon was also in JAPANESE.... But they actually had an English translation of the whole thing!!!
Well, I couldn't understand fully and specifically what the pastor was saying... But I think I understood enough to follow his sermon while reading the part in English....
His sermon today was about "God with Us". Through our suffering and through our questions of WHY.
I was really touched by two parts of his sermon that I felt God was talking to me...
One part was when he talked about when Jesus died, Jesus said "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?".....
Many years before, when I was at the Easter service in KL Wesley, these words really struck me at that time because I had thought about how indescribable the pain was to Jesus at that time... NOT THE PHYSICAL PAIN AT ALL.... But to imagine Christ being seperated from GOD. It's like for those hours, GOD Himself was torn away from Himself... And just imagine Jesus, who has been in commune with God from eternity to eternity, for those hours, GOD HAD TURNED AWAY!!!! IMAGINE THAT PAIN!!!!!!! I think, it cannot be imagined.
But today, I got a new meaning from that... When I was pondering on those words, what the pastor had said was about how Jesus himself had to suffer like we did, that HE felt that God was not even there... JESUS you know!....
And I felt those words touch me cause, I guess... although I know it was me who ran away from God, but I felt as if my prayers had fallen to deaf ears... That God wasnt there listening anymore..... But Jesus too, felt the same thing, EVEN EVEN EVEN EVEN MORE... I mean for a sinner like me to feel God is not there... and for JESUS to feel God was not there!
And... The second part was "God with Us"...
And the pastor talked about a girl he had met and prayed for.... Who had been sick her whole life.... and seemingly cursed and wrecteched.... What words could he use to comfort her?? It's like EASY to tell people reasons.... But when you are really going through pain and doubt... all you can think about is "WHHY????????" the eternal why.....!!!!
And the pastor said, while he gave the holy communion to her, a thought came to him... and it was that, at this very moment, while partaking in Jesus's body and His blood, God accepted her as she was, with all her questions and whys and no answers, but God took her in as she is...
The same way... I really feel.... REALLY REALLY wrecthed about the whole Snake ordeal and I CANNNOT CANNOT understand what God has me to learn from this... Why God, why didn't You just let me leave back in April and I would have NEVER have met him and I would have NEVER had got into this BIG PILE of mess and screwed up an ENTIRE YEAR, WASTED.
But as I am, SINNER as I am, not just with questions, but with hurt and YES, with BLAME (wrongly).... And even although EVERYTHING was my fault for persisting in a completely wrong relationship, and in the end blaming God for it.... I guess.... God still accepts me with all these imperfection in me.
God with Us.
Indeed.
True God to True God.
You know whether it's in Japanese, Arabic, Thai, Korean or Spanish... God doesn't only speak in English, God doesn't only speak in one language.
I'm glad God let me worship Him, True God to True God, even here in Japan... And allowed me to take part in Holy Communion with Him here with our Family in Japan... Even with all my doubt, even with all my hurt, even with all my blame.
I wonder if I'll be okay.
I want to know that I'll be okay as long as God is with me.
I really hope that can be true.
Oh... by the way... in their Holy Communion, they used real wine!! And also... the priests said in Japanese, "あんたのために、クリストの体。” which literally means... "The body of Christ, for you," and also, "あなたのため、クリストの血。" which literally means... "The blood of Christ, for you,"
Waaa~ I understood.... lols.
